I leave Newport at around six in the evening after my parents get there with the excuse of being exhausted which isn't a total lie. I am very tired but I also can't wait to be with Josh. I drive back to Portland and stop by my apartment to grab some clothes for work. Cassie isn't home so I'm in and out in a flash.

The anticipation of seeing Josh sends tingles down my stomach. Now that we finally had sex, my body aches for him even more. All I can hope is that this yearning is temporary. I just want to satisfy this feeling for now.

His apartment is in the third floor. I knock when I get there at around nine.

"Hey," I say with a shy smile when he opens it. He's wearing shorts with a white T-shirt. He looks so comfortable. He also looks tired.

"Hey." He grins opening the door wider for me. He grabs my hand as I walk past him and I look at him. "Thank you for coming."

I smile. "Of course."

"Sorry, it's still pretty empty here." He chuckles locking the door behind him.

I set my bag on the only couch he has and shrug. "I don't mind at all." I look at the living room. "Ooh, you have a balcony." I walk across the living room and slide open the door.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"Some water, please," I say then step out in the balcony. It's dark outside. It faces a small park that is currently illuminated by the dim street lights. It's quiet and peaceful just the sound of a cricket hiding around somewhere.

Josh comes back a few minutes later and he hands me a water bottle. "Thank you," I say then take a sip and set it down next to me.

"Did you see your parents?" He asks me.

"Briefly." I laugh. "I might have been a bit too eager to come."

He grins at my words then puts his strong arms around me from behind. I smile because I love it when he holds me like this. I love feeling his body pressed against mine. I feel him press his lips against my shoulder and I wish there weren't any clothes in the way of feeling his lips on my skin. I was exhausted five minutes ago and I'm suddenly wide awake for Josh. It feels like my body is betraying me.

"How many women have you been with?" I ask him after a moment.

He chuckles. "What sort of question is that?"

I shrug. "Just want to know."

"I already told you there was just one."

I turn my head so I can look at him. "Even from before you left?"

"I'm sorry to disappoint you." He laughs. "I'm not the womanizer you think I am."

"That's so hard to believe." I tell him.

"Why's that?"

"Look in the mirror and you'll know."

It really is hard to believe that Josh has only ever been with one other woman. He's so kind and handsome and attractive. I'm sure most women take a second look at him when they pass him by the street.

"You forget I've spent the last eight years around men."

"Didn't you have free days?"

"We did but I didn't usually go out and mingle."

I turn around and he adjusts his arms around my waist. "What would you do?"

"Work out."

"You're sort of obsessed, aren't you?"

He grins. "It was my first obsession before you."

I shake my head with a smile. "Well, I'm flattered."

He looks down and runs his thumb across my lower lip before placing his finger under my chin and raising it up to kiss me. He uses his tongue which of course sends tingles down my spine. I love making out with him. He makes it so sexy.

"Tell me more," I say after we pull away. "About this woman."

He laughs. "Why are you so curious about this?"

"I don't know. I just want to know about the lucky woman that got to be with you first." I reach out and run my hand through his soft hair.

He shakes his head but he's smiling. "What do you want to know?"

"How did you meet her?"

"It was about four years ago in North Carolina which is where I was stationed." He shrugs. "We met at a bar-"

"I thought you didn't mingle." I interrupt.

He chuckles. "I said I didn't usually did it."

"Okay." I smile. "What happened then? Did you make a move?"

"I can't believe you're making me tell you this." He chuckles.

"She made a move." I guess. It's dark but I think he turns a little red which makes me laugh. He's so cute.

"I had zero experience with women," he says with a chuckle. "In fact, I still do."

I put my arms around him and kiss his neck. "You're really good for having no experience."

He tightens his arms around me. "That's just when I'm with you."

"Doubt that." I smile at him. "Did you-love her?"

He reaches out and puts a strand of hair behind my ear. "I think I did? It all happened too fast and ended sudden. We were both in between breaks. She had graduated college and I had just finished my first four years. I think we both needed what we experienced at the time." He shrugs.

I nod slowly, thinking about his story with this woman. I wonder how intense their relationship was. Was is like what Josh and I have? Or was it more-real?

"My turn," he says after a moment.

"Oh no," I groan, teasing him.

"Was there anybody else besides Brad?"

I look down at the sound of his name. It's weird to talk about Brad when I'm in Josh's arms. They're brothers. I've been with Brad and now I am with Josh. Thinking about it makes me feel like a whore. I know the situation would be different if they weren't related but they are and as much as I like ignoring that relationship, it's real.

"No," I say slowly looking up at him. "Brad and I did break up a few years ago and didn't see each other for a year. I did date a guy but it was never anything serious."

He hesitates and it makes me nervous. We're on a thin thread now with this conversation. It's a touchy subject and it can go bad very easily. Josh sighs and it's like he's letting whatever conflict he had in his head go. When he looks at me, it's less serious and I relax my shoulders. "Did you ever think of me?"

"It was really hard not to after you kissed me that night in your room," I say quietly as if it were a secret which it kind of is. "I always wondered why you did it."

"You know why now," he says softly, his hand moving against my back.

"I know this is going to sound terrible," I say slowly looking down at his chest because I can't look at him in the eye when saying this. "But I really wish you would have told me how you felt back then."

I really do. I know it's terrible because I love Brad and I value the time that we spent together. It's a big thing to spend seven years together with a person nowadays. The time I spent with Brad is a really big part of my life and I feel that it always will be. But I can't help but think about what would have happened if I would have known about Josh's feelings for me. Maybe we would have fallen in love and God knows where we would be today. Things wouldn't be so complicated between Josh and I. Things would be very different.

Josh places his palm against my cheek and I look up at him. He looks a little sad in the shadows. "It's my biggest regret."

I reflect his sad smile then press my lips against his. Josh kisses me softly then he kisses my forehead. "Natalie, I-"

I press my fingers on his lips and smile. "Don't say anything else, please." I drop my hand. "We're at a crossroads, Josh. We continue this conversation and the train keeps moving. I don't want it to. At least not right now. I just want to enjoy you and our time together."

"You say it like it has an end."

"Let's not find out, okay?"

He kisses me in response and then he hugs me tightly for a long time. I love this moment with him. I just love being in his arms. There is nothing like it.

"Do you work tomorrow?" I ask him after a moment.

"I do," He says pulling away to look at me. "I have the night shift most of the week."

I frown. "So I won't see you all week?"

"It's already a bad week." He agrees.

"We should probably get some sleep."

"Come on," he says grabbing my hand and leading me back inside. He shuts the door and turns the lights off before we head down the hall to his bedroom. He doesn't have much in it. Just a bed and a TV mounted on the wall. "Clothing is optional in this room," Josh says with a grin.

I smile. "That's good cause I sleep naked."

"Do you really?" He asks turning a bit red.

I laugh. "No but I do sleep in my underwear."

I change into a spaghetti strap blouse and take off my pants then brush my teeth and lay on the bed. I browse Instagram while Josh is in the bathroom.

"I really like you on my bed."

I look at Josh as he walks out of the bathroom and roll my eyes at him. He smiles then shuts the light off before laying down next to me and pulling the cover over us. He puts his arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him. I set the phone down and turn to look at him. It's dark but I can see the outline of his face. I place my hand on his cheek and smile at him. "You're very handsome, have I told you that before?"

"You haven't actually," He says and I can see the amusement in his eyes.

"Well you are."

He pulls me closer and begins to kiss me. "I could kiss you all day," he says against my lips.

"So could I."

"We should test that hypothesis."

I laugh. "I would call that a perfect day."

He chuckles as he kisses me. After a moment, he goes down my chin then he kisses my neck. He pulls one of my straps down my shoulder, exposing my breast. I feel his mouth on my nipple and I moan softly. I know they're just boobs but oh what a turn on it is whenever Josh kisses them.

He moves on over me and I take his shirt off wondering why he has it on in the first place. He doesn't take his lips off of mine as he reaches down to pull down his boxer briefs and then I feel his hands on my hips. His hand goes inside my underwear and I pull my head back in pleasure.

"Bring your lips back here." he orders in a low voice.

I moan but lower my head and he finds my lips in the dark. I grip his muscular arms when I feel him go inside of me. I know we've done it a couple of times now but it still feels like the first time. Every thrust brings an immense amount of pleasure into my body. He does it slowly tonight which makes it feel even better. I love the control he has over his body. He knows exactly what to do.

Afterwards, he kisses me for a long time before collapsing next to me. We don't say anything as we wrap our arms around each other. I kiss him on his neck before burying my face in his chest. He runs his hand down my back soothingly.

The room becomes more quiet as our breaths become even. I feel Josh kiss my forehead and whisper, "Goodnight, baby" before I fall asleep.

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