I leave before Josh and Crystal come back.

I tell myself that it's not because I'm jealous or angry but I know I'm lying to myself. It's really not fair to Josh for me to get mad about this that's why I leave. I only say goodbye to Mom and Louisa since Dad and Clint are not back then I sneak out after saying bye to Savannah before Brad sees me. I can't deal with him right now too.

I get to my apartment around six in the evening. Cassie is in the living room, watching T.V. I feel like I haven't seen her in months. It's so weird how you can live with someone and not see them for days.

"Hey." I try to smile as I shut the front door behind me.

"Hey," she says. "How's it going?"

"Good. Had a long weekend."

"In Newport?"

I nod. "Yeah."

"You're making me want to go. You go all the time."

"You should. It's so beautiful, you'd love it." I smile at her. "How have you been?"

She shrugs. "Good...I broke up with my boyfriend."

"Sorry to hear that."

"I don't really feel sad about it. I know it sounds bad." She looks at me. "It's so weird how you think you're going to be with someone forever and then love just dies."

I nod. "I know."

She studies me. "You've been doing alright?"

"Yeah. You know, keeping myself busy."

She doesn't need to know how I've been keeping myself busy. Not that I would tell her. It's already shameful enough.

"Maybe we should hang out this week, you know now that we're both single."

"That'll be nice," I say then sigh. "I'm going to take a long shower and get some sleep. I'm so tired."

She nods. "Okay."

I walk to my room and close the door. I drop my bags on the floor then head straight into the shower. I think about last night with Josh and that makes me feel better. I think about how it felt every time he touched me. I think about his lips, his body, his smile, his eyes. I am so into him it's kind of embarrassing. He's just so damn sexy and so handsome but he's also caring and gentle at the same time. It's the perfect combination. Thinking about him makes me miss him. Now I wish I would have waited to see him again before coming back to Portland earlier this afternoon. I decide to call him and I hurry out of the shower to do so.

I change into my pajamas and brush my hair quickly then grab my phone. I realize that I missed a call from him 15 minutes ago. I smile then call him back and bring the phone to my ear.

"Hello?"

I smile at the sound of his voice. How is it possible to miss him so much already? I literally saw him this morning. "Hey, sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower."

"It's a good thing you called. I was about to leave."

I frown then look at the window. "Leave?"

"I'm in the parking lot. Can I come up?"

I bite my lip. "I wish you could but I'm not alone. My roommate is here. I'll be down in a bit, don't go."

He chuckles. "Alright."

I hang up the phone then reach for my white cardigan. I'm wearing my pajama shorts with a white blouse. I put on some sandals then peek my head out of my bedroom. Cassie is not in the living room anymore and I hurry out glad I don't have to make up some lie about going outside after I told her I was so very tired. I feel the anticipation of seeing Josh turn into butterflies in my stomach. I hurry out to the parking lot. It's dark and quiet, the streetlights are the only thing illuminating the cars. It takes me a moment to see Josh. He's leaning against his father's pickup truck. I smile when I see him and cross the lot.

He opens his arms and I walk right into them. Can I just stay right here for the rest of my life please? I would be the happiest human on earth if that were possible. I love Josh's arms especially when they're around me. I pull away to look at him and he leans in and touches my nose with his playfully making me laugh. He smiles putting his arms around my waist. "I thought you'd be angry at me."

"I was," I say, wanting to be honest. "Until I realized I have no reason to be angry at you for."

"This is getting too complicated."

"Yes, it is." I agree with a frown.

He looks down at my lips then looks up at me again. "Natalie-"

"I don't want to put a label on this." I interrupt him, knowing where he was going. "At least not yet."

"Why not?" He asks with a frown on his forehead.

"It's too soon, Josh. We don't even know what this is. We can't just come out and tell everyone we're together just for this to not-" I stop then sigh. "There are a lot of people that we will be hurting which is why we need to take our time until we're one hundred percent sure of what we want."

He reaches out and touches my cheek with the back of his hand. "I want you." He whispers.

I look at his lips so full and inviting. "And I want you." I whisper back, feeling a little shy about saying it to his face.

"Would you mind saying that again?" He asks, his brown eyes look amused.

I laugh quietly but look at him. "I...want...you..." I say slowly. My hand travels down his torso, below his waistline, until I find his manhood. It's hard under my hand which makes me smile.

Josh puts his hands on either side of my face and pulls me closer to him. He kisses me. "I'm tired of taking cold showers because of you." He whispers against my lips.

I let my hand drop and take a step away from him. "Okay. I won't touch you anymore then."

He shakes his head with a smile then reaches out for me again. "If only that would stop it. All I have to do is look at you," he says, his eyes roaming all over my face. "Or think about you."

"And how often do you think of me?" I ask with a smile.

"Oh, only 24/7."

I roll my eyes at him. "Sure."

"Oh, you don't believe me? How else would you explain me being here after seeing you just this morning?" His arms tighten around me. "I can't seem to get enough of you, Natalie. The more you give me, the more I want." His eyes twinkle in the dark when he says that.

I gulp, suddenly feeling hot. I am overtaken by desire. I can't even talk so I press my lips against his neck in response. I wish we weren't in a parking lot. I wish Cassie wasn't upstairs. I wish Josh didn't live with Brad so we had somewhere to go.

"That's it," Josh says as if reading my mind. "I'm getting my own place."

"Please do," I say against his lips.

His index finger trails down my neck, down my collarbone, down to my chest. He outlines my breast making my nipple get hard through the fabric. "You're really not helping." He whispers looking at it.

"I never wear a bra when I'm home," I say innocently.

He tightens his arms around me as he leans in and buries his face in my chest. I close my eyes when I feel his tongue on my collarbone. He kisses my breast, right on my nipple, through the fabric then pulls away. "You're making me forget we're in a parking lot." He tells me looking around but there's no one in sight. He looks at me and suddenly looks sad. "I should go." He touches my hair. "When can I see you?"

"I work all week but I have evenings off."

"I have Wednesday off maybe I'll see you then?" He kisses me. "We can find somewhere to be alone," He says against my lips.

I place my hand on his cheek and smile. "I'd like that," I say then kiss him again, using my tongue this time.

"Hmm." Josh murmurs, smiling.

I feel his hand slip from my waist to my behind. He squeezes my buttcheek as we make out. I don't know why that's the hottest thing ever. Everything is hot with Josh. Everything he does turns me on. Everything he does makes me want him even more. I'm beginning to think I'm never going to have enough of him.

After a moment, he sucks on my lower lip before pulling away. "God, you taste so good."

I smile. "I better go before we do something illegal."

He laughs. "Always walking away from me."

I kiss him one more time before pulling away. "Bye."

He puts his hands in his pockets as if he suddenly doesn't know what to do with his hands. "Good night."

I smile at him, fighting the urge to go back into his arms. I know that if I do, it's going to be harder to walk away. I pull the cardigan close to my chest as I cross my arms and begin to walk back to the apartment. I turn around one more time and Josh is grinning at me. I smile back at him before turning around and walking in the apartment. I lock the door and hurry down the hall to my room before Cassie comes out and sees my flushed face.

My phone vibrates as I'm getting under the covers. It's a text from Josh.

I smile at the screen like an idiot.

, I type then hit send.

I hit send.

His response comes minutes later.

My smile gets wider. He's so darn cute. I stare up at the ceiling wishing he was with me right now. I told him earlier that I didn't want to label us yet but maybe I was wrong. I want nothing else but to be with Josh freely. Without having to worry about Brad or anyone else seeing us. Is it too soon? I'm scared I'm just jumping the wagon here. It feels like I didn't really let myself breathe after ending an eight year relationship. What if all this is just temporary drive? What if it's all just desire? What if the moment Josh and I are finally together, it all becomes dull and I don't want it anymore?

I don't trust myself. I don't trust this feeling. I'm scared to screw things up. I'm scared of giving into this feeling and being with Josh because I'm scared this fire is going to turn off the moment we have sex. I don't want it too. I love kissing him. I love having him kiss me. I love the fooling around that we are doing right now. Maybe having sex will ruin everything. Maybe we shouldn't...

We're playing with fire. Maybe getting burned won't be the end of it. Maybe it'll destroy us.

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