It was a queer feeling.

Alberu couldn't be sure if his mind was playing a trick on him but his memories were so vivid. He'd expected the Cale from his dreams and the real man to look similar, the one his dreams had created had been summoned from factual knowledge of his appearance after all, but this identical?

He had to seriously question whether he was awake or not. But he knew he couldn't be dreaming because he could remember the dreams. And the scowling cursing man in front of him certainly didn't hold any affection for him.

Alberu smiled brightly, hiding his unease behind it, and held out a hand for Cale Henituse. "Are you alright? That was quite a fall."

Cale smacked his hand away and to Alberu he looked a bit like a scared barking puppy. "Didn't you fucking hear me?! I said fuck off!"

Memories cropped up unbidden and Alberu couldn't help but remember the dream.

Cale's hand mindlessly traced lines on his chest as he stared off into nothing. "...I think I curse more when I'm scared."

Alberu chuckled. "What brings this on?"

Cale shrugged. "Something that happened today... Normally I have a very specific persona in mind when I act out. It's all got a purpose to it. But when I'm really freaked out, I just fall back on cursing and telling people to fuck off. And when they don't, I start trying to piss them off. It's kind of frustrating. It's not outside the realm of my persona so it's fine but it's just... I don't like losing control like that."

Alberu nodded in understanding, kissing his head softly. He'd ask about what happened later. For now he just wanted to comfort Cale's frustrations.

They're not the same person. Alberu had to remind himself over and over. Whatever similarities he was seeing were merely confirmation bias playing havoc in his head due to his unease over the physical similarities?

"Are you fucking deaf?" Cale snapped, standing up of his own strength and glaring darkly at Alberu. His expression morphed into a cruel sneer. "Or is it that you can't understand because you're fucking dumb." His barking laugh might have looked more intimidating if he wasn't still soaked in wine but Alberu wasn't about to comment. "What a bleak future our kingdom has if you're the crown prince. Now leave me the fuck alone!"

Cale swayed drunkenly and Alberu saw the glass shard he was about to step on.

Despite his shock, unease, and growing suspicions, Alberu moved without thinking. He took hold of Cale's shoulders to support him, kicking away the glass shard he'd almost stepped on and wow... his eyes looked just the same.

Except this Cale's eyes were widening in surprise. Color bounding to his pale cheeks and his lips parting in unspoken curses that got lost on their way out.

Alberu found he was equally speechless.

At this distance there was no doubting it. He knew every curve to Cale's face. His body was so familiar in his arms that it was terrifying.

And those persistent emotions from the dream spilled out into reality. For just a moment, it felt like he was looking at the man loved. No, it didn't feel like that. He loved him. He loved Cale Henituse and he wanted to tell him right then and there.

Luckily he found his sanity and his words, looking away from Cale's face with an awkward cough. "...are you alright?"

"I'm fucking fine!" Cale snapped, pushing him away with surprising strength and stumbling backwards.

Alberu's perfect white clothes were stained with wine now and Cale's sticky handprints were visible on his chest where he was pushed away.

It made for quite a sight.

Cale scoffed. "Looks like you'll need to get changed, your highness." He said scathingly but the way his eyes darted around gave away just how freaked he was. "Enjoy your fucking party or whatever."

He turned around to saunter away but his steps looked just a bit too hurried to look entirely natural.

Alberu stared after him with a racing heart and his own panic slowly building inside.

This was okay. He'd already considered the possibility that his dreams were brought upon by a skilled illusionist. If that were the case, then of course they'd make the illusion similar to reality.

...but for what purpose?

And illusionists could only show you an alternate set of facts, they couldn't change your emotions.

Had he sincerely fallen in love with an illusion? And if the illusion was accurate, had he fallen for Cale Henituse?

Alberu looked down at his hands where he could still feel Cale's warmth and the familiar curves of his body.

...what about Cale's reaction?

Alberu had seen the way he looked at him. Cale's panic. Cale's hurried retreat.

It was perfectly reasonable. He'd just fallen from a tree. Anyone would be alarmed and behave strangely after receiving such a shock.

...but what if...

Alberu's eyes moved up to follow where Cale had retreated.

He wouldn't give chase. It didn't make any sense to. He had no intention of asking him anything or admitting to anything. And even if Cale really was his Cale, so what? There was no future in that relationship. It was best left to dreams and even those ought to stop.

The painful ache in his heart as he stared out into the empty gardens that once had Cale would also fade. It had to fade.

He couldn't live his life feeling like his heart had been wrenched away like this.

–

"You're a fucking idiot!"

A pillow hit Alberu's head with enough force to make him stumble. Cale was glaring at him ferociously from the bed and was already armed with another pillow.

"When I saw fuck off, I mean fuck off!" He shouted, face red with anger and frustration and...

Alberu sat down on the bed beside him, disarming him of the pillow and gently pulling him into a hug. "You're really scared, aren't you?"

Cale snorted, shaking hands wrapping around his waist in a secure grip. "You fucking think?! That was freaky."

Alberu couldn't quite remember why it had been so alarming for them to meet each other in the gardens but he remembered it had scared him quite a bit too. He kissed the top of Cale's head and hugged him gently. "...I'm scared too."

Cale scoffed. "You didn't fucking look it. You gave me that fucking political smile of yours and acted like there was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. You fucking dick–do you know how that felt?!"

Alberu could imagine. It probably felt as painful as it had for Alberu to see Cale so guarded against him. He hated how that felt.

"...promise me you won't do that again." Cale murmured against his chest and Alberu looked down at him curiously. "Don't fucking treat me like a stranger. It freaks me out. Just... don't do that?"

"...then what should I do?" Alberu still couldn't grasp the situation in the gardens but he did remember that their behavior towards one another was unavoidable.

"Kiss me, I don't know!" Cale glared up at him and Alberu could really see how shaken he was. It was strangely comforting, knowing he wasn't the only one completely shook by the experience. "Or at least don't smile at me like that. I don't want..."

Alberu leaned down and kissed him softly. "I know. Me too."

Cale deflated a bit. "...I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said."

Cale's words in the garden hadn't actually succeeded in hurting or annoying him, he'd heard way worse from his political adversaries on the regular, but it still soothed his heart to hear Cale's apology.

"I'm sorry, too. I won't treat you like a stranger." He kissed Cale's forehead. "I don't know if I can kiss you publicly though."

"...I know." Cale looked up at him and Alberu's heart pinched painfully.

It wasn't like he hadn't ever felt the same before.

The 'thrill' of secrecy died down when all you wanted was to live peacefully with the one you loved. He didn't want to hide how he felt about Cale or how Cale felt about him. He didn't want to dance to the political strings that demanded a certain type of relationship with the right type of people for political profit or even to live his days in solitude.

He just wanted to be able to kiss Cale whenever or wherever they were. To openly declare his feelings and be able to wake up next to this amazing man every morning for the rest of his life.

"...I'm sorry." Alberu apologized, closing his eyes as he rested his forehead against Cale's.

"...it's okay." It wasn't but Cale understood. Loved him anyway. Chose to stay with him regardless.

Alberu awoke that morning with the barely suppressed desire to cry. The same disorientation from every morning without Cale making the emotions from the dream blend with reality and leaving him raw in the aftermath.

He really needed to avoid Cale Henituse.