Melrose

Los Angeles, CA

Following behind the lady that was leading them to the locker rooms, Sadie and Cynthia decided to spend their free day at a spa to pamper themselves.

Sadie thanked the woman, watching as she left them to get settled in their robe. Cynthia plopping down on the bench, bringing her leg up to take off her shoes. The two were introduced by a mutual friend and hit it off right away. Just like Mike, Cynthia was also married, to her high school sweetheart. She was a cute petite woman standing no taller than 4'1 with long luscious brown hair going down her back. She was half Puerto Rican but more so identified with her mom side which was African American. Sadie always envied Cynthia's beauty, those emerald green eyes she happened to inherited from her grandmother—they were still no match to the pretty face she displayed.

"So Mike called me the other day" Cynthia said, switching legs to take off the other shoe.

"I already know what it was about" Sadie sighed, opening the locker to retrieve the robe.

"So why didn't you tell us" tilting her head slightly, "that your Jodie is the JodieP"

"Because—" she stopped in mid sentence, raising her arms above her head to take off her shirt. "It's irrelevant."

Cynthia stood from the bench, doing the same as Sadie—taking every layer of clothing off. She rolled her eyes as she unfastened the button to her American Eagle jeans. "It's irrelevant but Mike and I know y'all whole back story"

"Does she know?" she spoke again.

This was supposed to be a free day. No thoughts about work nor Jodie. She already thought about her constantly, she didn't need every conversation to be surrounded about her. "Does she know what?" Sadie asked,

"That-" Cynthia smacked her lips, as she did hand gestures for Sadie to put up on what she was trying to say.

"What are you doing" she frowned, putting the robe on her body while tying the strings tight around her waist.

"Does she know how you feel about her" Cynthia said frustrated

"She's engaged to be married within the next month Cynthia"

It didn't really mattered if she did know or not. It wasn't possibly going to change anything. How could she complete with a relationship like Beverly and Jodie's when they've just rekindled their friendship a few days ago.

"She still deserves to know and you deserve that closure. So you can finally" she added emphasis on the last word, "finally get over her and move on"

"Jodie deserves to be happy—"

"And you do too" Cynthia chimed in, "why do you feel like you don't deserve happiness? If anything you're the only person in my life right now that deserves it most"

What she was saying to Sadie was true. Everyone needed to encounter some sort of happiness, whether it comes from a pet, career, hobby or lover. She would never amount to the high levels of what it had to offer if she dwell over the past. It was a choice, and it was going to have to be Sadie's choice to put all her feelings aside and choose her self over everyone. That was the only way she could endure the happiness she longed for. "Relationships and love just isn't for me and I'm fine with that" Sadie stated, shrugging her shoulder.

Cynthia wore the face of hopelessness. During their friendship she has seen Sadie struggle with self-esteem. Most people on the outside looking in would think she had to have the best confidence due to her being a model but that wasn't the case. She was so willing to look and compliment everyone else beauty but not reciprocate that same energy to herself. It was tiring to not only Cynthia but Mike and Gregory—the only people who truly knew what Sadie was like behind the cameras.

Her freckles had to be the utter most feature she hated about herself. Her mother and sister didn't have them so she wondered for her reasoning for having it. Nothing about her naturally two-toned brown hair was appealing—which was her reasoning for dyeing it black. Sadie's eyes and lips were the only two features she somewhat liked—it wasn't so much the dark brown color of her eyes but how close-set they were. She felt like this made her distinctive from everyone. Her heavy upper lips meaning her top was a little larger than her bottom made her Cupid's bow more defined than usual. All the flaws that Sadie saw about herself, her friends admired. She was just as beautiful as any stranger walking down the street.

"So you're not worthy of either? Happiness or love" Cynthia questioned

"It's okay to be single Cynthia, stop making a big deal out of nothing"

"I'm not" she frowned, the two were now in their robes just standing in the locker room. Disregarding their reasoning for coming to the spa—to relax. "But can you just explain to me"

"Explain what!" Sadie said feeling herself getting snappy. Her tone didn't seem to bother Cynthia at all, which meant, she wasn't moving, she took a sit on the bench waiting for Sadie to talk.

"Why you are the way you are"

"I'm in capable of being loved" she yelled, not truly knowing her reason for getting upset. This touchy topic had her body flustering— she was agitated.

"Okay" Cynthia nodded, "but why are you ge-"

"What do you what me to say Cynthia? That I've been in one relationship my whole life. I've dated but none were willing to give me what I wanted. Dating is so stupid these days—if it's not about sex then my presence isn't wanted no longer than two days, a week at the most. Love is just a conscience thing—it's our heart sending signals to our brains, trying to convince us that what we are experiencing is the feeling of not wanting to live without this person. And people like me, fall victim to it."

"The love that existed when our grandparents where younger is no more. Why do you think you see more baby showers than weddings? This generation is incapable of love and I'm fine with that. I'm not going to mope around revolving my life around finding someone. Because when it's all said and done we're buried alone—I'm just getting a jumpstart."

"Now can we move on and get our massages. All this talking about feelings and shit got me stressing"

Cynthia couldn't help but just sit there and stare. Sadie just went on a rampage, pouring out all her emotions and how she felt about the idea of love. What could possibly change her mind? Nothing. It was already written in stone that the person she wanted to be with couldn't be hers in this reality, maybe in an altar one but not

"Okay" was all Cynthia could say. She stood up from the bench taking a few steps closer to Sadie. Within seconds she was pulling her into a bear hug. Sadie finally giving in and hugging her back, she didn't mean to snap on her the way she did—but she had to get her point across for her to drop it.

"I love you" Cynthia mumbled, her face buried into Sadie's neck.

"I love you too"

"And I'm sorry" she pulled back just a little to look into Sadie's eyes, "I'm not trying to make it seem bad for you to be single. It's just that—you're my best friend and I just want what's best for you."

"And I understand that" Sadie said, giving her a smile, "as long as I'm content with my situation, you shouldn't have any worries—"

"If your so eager for me to meet someone, I might just have to marry your uncle since he doesn't understand that I'm not interested" she laughed causing Cynthia to do the same, "I don't know how many times I have to tell that man I like what he like" she shook her head.

"Just promise me something" Cynthia mumbled, pulling away from the hug she stuck out her pinky, "Promise"

Sadie hesitated for a minute, she wandered into her eyes trying to see if she could search for what she was about to ask, "Promise" they intertwine pinky's before bringing both of their hands to their lips—kissing it.

"You have to tell her at least" Cynthia revealed, "and that doesn't necessarily mean tell her everything but just how you haven't forgot about her after all those years—how the innocent kiss y'all shared was meaningful to you. I'm telling you, it would feel so much better getting that off your chest"

"You promised" Cynthia didn't fail to mention, "No take backs"

"Fine" she sighed, "I'll tell her but—not right now. Not until I feel like me telling her won't make her disappear for another five years"

Cynthia nodded and the two hugged again. Sadie never broke one of their promises as long as they've known each other and she wasn't starting now. She just hoped, expressing her feelings to Jodie didn't backfire.

Here & Now

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