《Stay with me》Chapter 5 - How to bring back happiness

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Omer got out of the car, took a tray with presents from Sukru's hands, but was in no hurry to ring the doorbell. He stopped to wait for his grandfather, who arrived in a second car, and also to allow curious neighbors to examine themselves from all sides.

And there was something to see. Today he dressed with particular care, then paid a visit to his hairdresser. The beard disappeared, turning into a long stubble and the hair took its usual, neat appearance. Omer, in his usual, impeccable form, appeared at the door of the Topal family. Leaning on a stick, the eldest of Iplikci, the grandfather of Hulusi, approached him."Well, son," he said to his grandson, "knock on the door."

Omer, ignoring the bell, knuckled on the wood paneling of the door. Voices were heard inside the house, then footsteps and the door opened. Grandmother Turkan went out onto the porch and stopped in confusion. She only goggled from one man to another.

"Good morning, grandmother Turkan," Omer bowed and, in front of the whole street, kissed her hand.

"Good morning, Madame Turkan," said Grandfather Hulusi. "We came with courtesy to pay respect to the relatives of our precious daughter-in-law Defne."

Grandfather spoke loudly so that the ears of a neighbor who stood nearby would hear every word. Grandma, not understanding what was happening, stepped aside and, pointing with her hand to the door, said:

- Welcome!

The men entered the house, and aunt Turkan, before following them, proudly threw up her head and looked down on the gossipers. They stood as if struck by thunder. How? Why? After all, this can not be! Iplikci themselves, also with gifts, came to the threshold of Turkan and the eldest called Defne a precious daughter-in-law! Here is the news so the news!

Mr. Hulusi and Omer were seated on an old sofa in a cozy and clean living room. Grandmother and dumbfounded Nihan sat on the sofa on the other side of the low table. Esra was making coffee in the kitchen.

Omer was silent. He ceded the right to his grandfather to start a conversation, and he spoke.

- Dear Madam Turkan, we know that we caused your family a lot of grief, but be merciful and listen to us. My son and daughter-in-law, and I did wrong. They imposed a lie on the children, from which they could not get out. They parted, suffered ... But they love each other and will be unhappy if their paths separate.

"Mr. Hulusy," the grandmother objected, "but Omer himself wanted to get a divorce. I understand that he left in a hurry. He was angry, offended ... But he filed for divorce two months later, which means he consciously decided so. And our girl, - tears glistened in the eyes of aunt Turkan, - she suffered so much.

"Madam Turkan," Omer spoke up. "Filing for divorce is my mistake." The biggest mistake. I am ashamed to admit the reasons that prompted me to do this, but believe me - I regret them. I love Defne. I love her very much. She is my wife and will remain so.

"But then, what do you want from me?" - asked Turkan.

Nihan, which was completely unlike her, sat silently. Esra, who brought a tray of coffee, set it on the table and sat next to her grandmother. Hugging her and pressing her head against her shoulder, she gazed steadily at Omer. He did not hide his eyes. He looked openly and all his feelings were reflected in his dark eyes.

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"Only one thing," Omer answered the question of grandmother. "I want you to let me apologize to you for all the grief that I have caused you."I repent and regret what I did when Defne told me the truth about that dishonest game that my aunt and uncle dragged her into. If I could turn back the clock, I would never leave Defne. I wouldn't leave ...

He paused in mid-sentence and sighed heavily. Aunt Turkan, looking at him, threw up her hands and folded them in front of her chest in a prayer gesture. She shook her head and said:

- Omer my son, am I not angry with you. They played your life and you cannot be blamed for the fact that you were angry and left. But Defne ... I can't allow this to happen again ..."

Mrs.Turkan," Omer leaned forward and looked straight into her eyes, "I swear." This does not happen again.

But grandmother only mournfully pursed her lips.

"You think so now." But what if Defne again makes you angry and offends you? And you leave her again and go away? What will happen to her? No, "she shook her head," let everything remain as it is. " You will divorce and everyone will live their lives.

Omer dropped his hands. He did not know what else to say and how to convince the person dear to Defne that he had changed and would never again be the same. That his wife is the meaning of his life. And no matter what she does in the future, no matter what mistake she makes, he will not leave her. Do not let go of her hand.

Esra, who was carefully watching Omer's face, turned to grandma Turkan and, looking seriously into her eyes, asked:

"Grandmother, will Defne be happy in this new life without Omer?"

There was silence in the room. Everyone was looking at the girl. Grandma with surprise, Nihan with admiration, Omer - with gratitude. And Mr. Hulusi smiled at her with a kind smile and turned to Turkan.

- Madam Turkyan, your granddaughter is right. Running away from possible insults, part because of fear of new pain, will Defne and Omer not lose the most important thing - their happiness.

Grandmother looked down and thought. She wanted happiness for Defne. Her dear girl deserves it like no other.

"Aunt Turkan," Nihan said, "Defne will never fall out of love with Omer." I know that for sure. If we protect her from him, we will make her very unhappy.

- Allah Allah! Everyone came over me, " grandmother wailed. - And if Defne herself does not want to return to Omer? What can I do then?

"Aunt Turkan," Nihan held out condemningly. - Is that you? When such nonsense stopped you, as someone's delusions?

The eyebrow of Mrs.Turkan slowly crawled up, her shoulders straightened, and a sly glow appeared in her squinted eyes. Nihan exhaled loudly and said:

"Well, that's better." And then got on: "What can I do? If she doesn't want to? "- She so plausibly imitated her grandmother's voice that Mr. Hulusi, Esra and Turkan herself laughed, and even Omer smiled a mean smile.

- We are developing a plan to return Defne to happiness. I'm a think tank!

Defne struggled with herself for a day. She tried not to look at the drawing accessories brought by Omer, but her eyes returned to them again and again. Fingertips tingled with the desire to take a pencil. Before the mental gaze, pictures appeared and the soul demanded to display them on paper. As a result, she could not stand it. She set an easel on her lap, attached a sheet of paper to it and plunged into her world. She drew shoes. Black as her pain. Passion lurked in the weave of scarlet straps, and the heel was so high, thin and impudent that at one glance at him his head was spinning. A sharp toe and elegant lines promised the woman that it was in these shoes that she would confidently rise to the top and stay there forever. Because it is worthy of her.

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Having finished the drawing, Defne laid aside the pencil and looked at her work carefully. And she admitted to herself that she likes it. For real. What Omer used to criticize her work for has disappeared.

"Because I became different," Defne admitted to herself. "I'm not afraid anymore." Nothing. It hurts me, but I'm not afraid.

"She got out of bed and went to the window. Putting the drawing on the windowsill, she opened the sash and turned her face to the hot August breeze. It ruffled her hair, blew over her face, made its way under a wide hospital shirt. It filled the lungs and gently touched the lowered eyelashes. The wind continues to blow, Defne thought longingly, but not for us anymore ...

Omer quietly entered the room and stopped, unable to take his eyes off the thin figure against the background of a brightly lit, open window. The sun's rays played with copper highlights on the hair, shone through the thin fabric of a loose shirt, kissed pale skin. Defne stood motionless. Her head was slightly tilted back, and thin hands held the window sashes. As in a dream, Omer went up to her and, lightly touching her hair, reached out to hug. But as soon as he touched her shoulder, she flinched and stepped aside. When she looked around, her eyes burned with cold, and a mask of equanimous indifference froze on her face.

- Omer, don't you have anything to do than coming here every day? she asked with undisguised irony in her voice. But inside she froze spellbound. Omer shaved his beard, cut his hair, and again resembled her Omer - impeccable, perfect ...

"A strange question," he retorted, trying his best not to show his disappointment. - My wife is in the hospital. Where else should I be?

"Where have you been all these months - in Мarseille. With Iz, Defne thought, and answered aloud:

- I'm already fine. You can breathe calmly and go where your heart calls you.

Omer came closer. Without taking his eyes off her face, he reached out and carefully tucked a red lock over her ear.

- And if I'm right now where my heart is.

For a moment a flame blazed in Defne's eyes and immediately went out. She walked around Omer and went to bed. She sat down on the edge and, looking tiredly out the open window, asked:

"No, Omer." You, unlike me, never lied before ... didn't say big words. Don't tell them now.

- I am not lying! - He went up and sat down next to her. - Defne, listen to me.

She looked into his face and asked:

"Did you listen to me?"

He bowed his head guiltily. Defne is right. Thousand times right. He asks her to listen and understand, and then, after the wedding, he did not give her such a chance.

"But you are not like that," he answered constrainedly. "Your heart is bigger ... kinder." It has always been able to forgive ...

- Enough, Omer! - Defne interrupted him. A bitter determination rang in her voice. "I have nothing to forgive you for." You did as you thought fit. And I accept your choice. I thought and understood a lot - we are too different. I don't know how to live by the rules, and you cannot love me as I need. And that means - from this moment our roads will separate.

It was aching in his chest. Her words were killing. He did not want to hear them, did not want to perceive them. He did not want to let them into his consciousness and his life. He tried to explain:

"I thought a lot too, Defne." And I realized that I do not care. On the rules, on the principles ...

The door opened so suddenly that both winced. A nurse entered the room. Smiling kindly, she put a stainless steel tray on the nightstand and turned to the patient:

"Mrs. Defne, I need to give you an injection."

Defne looked expectantly at Omer.

"ОК, good," he got out of bed and raised his hands in a conciliatory gesture. - I turn away.

- Didn't it occur to you to go out the door? No? - Defne muttered sarcastically behind him.

Omer just shrugged. His attention was drawn to the drawing, which lay on the windowsill. He went up and took it in his hands. One glance was enough to understand that Defne's work was impeccable. There is not even a shadow of fear in it. In lines and strokes, naivety disappeared and strength and confidence appeared. Insolence. Liberty. He was hurt by the realization of what exactly gave rise to such courage. And it was bittersweet that old, trusting and innocent, Defne was no more.

"Very beautiful," he said.

Defne didn't seem to hear. She, leaning against the head of the bed, sat half-sitting on the bed and looked at the nurse, who was closing the tray with syringes. Smiling at the patient and wishing to recover, she left the room. Omer turned and quietly called his wife:

"Defne," she looked at him, "do you remember that contest for Olis?" Defne nodded. "With that picture, you would have beaten me."

She grinned wryly and looked away.

- Never mind. It doesn't matter anymore.

Omer could no longer endure her detachment. Putting the drawing on the windowsill, he sat down on the bed and squeezed her shoulders with his palms.

- Defne, what are you saying ?! Doesn't your talent matter? Then what does it have? - He looked into her face, but she did not raise her eyes. And was silent.

- The model you painted can be a hit of the season for Passionis.

Eyelashes shot up and Defne burned him with a look. But her voice sounded calm. Even detached:

- Take it. The drawing is yours.

In the chest became unbearably painful. He clasped her face in his hands and lifted it to him. Holding it and peering into her eyes, with a desperate desire to reach out to her, he said:

- But the issue is not about drawing. The main thing is you! Your happiness. Your success!

"And Passionis," Defne sounded in a barely perceptible irony.

She scared Omer. He did not understand the reasons for her attitude. Without taking his eyes off her, he answered warily:

- And Passionis. After all, you are part of it. One of the most important. Defne removed his hands from her face, turned away, and laughed shortly.

"I've never heard anything dumber." My presence in Passionis was too short for me to leave my mark there.

Omer felt himself starting to get angry. Her stubbornness, the fact that she did not want to hear him and understand, started and raised a wave of anger in his chest. And all the promises he made to himself went to hell.

"Do you think of me like that?" - he asked. - What did not leave a mark in my heart?

Her eyes, when she looked at him, were dark and impenetrable. Not a single muscle flinched on her pale face. With absolute certainty, she replied:

- Yes.

Her answer blew up the brain. Words scattered into letters spun whirlabout and did not want to form phrases. He wanted to say that she was mistaken. That his heart belongs only to her alone. That he cannot live without her. That he loves only her. But the voice did not obey. And Omer did the only thing that could express his feelings - he bent down and kissed her. He clung to her closed lips with a frantic desire to melt the icy armor into which Defne shackled her heart. But she did not answer. On his desperate attempts to open her lips, she pressed them tightly. She did not resist, but the slender body in his hands tensed and stiffened. When Omer released her lips, Defne wiped them with the back of her hand. Her hand trembled noticeably. Her voice, when she spoke, sounded stifled:

- What for? What do you want from me? What are you trying to achieve?

Her gesture hurt his heart. Thoughts were still spinning, but Omer managed to pull out a couple of phrases from them:

"I want you to ... give us a chance.

"What is he doing with her? Defne wanted to scream, hit him, speak out in his face everything that she thinks about him and his request. But she was silent. Just looked into his pleading eyes.

Once he flew to heal his wounds to Iz. He did not care about her, Defne, and her suffering. Let now returns to his first love, but leave her alone.

She survived and now knew that she could freeze her feelings and continue to live without him.

"Go away," she said firmly, and when he jerked toward her, she put forward her hand. - Do not touch me. It's over, Omer. Our story is over. Go away.

He looked at her. So thin. Almost incorporeal. On hollow cheeks, a thin neck, deep hollows of clavicles. She seemed fragile and helpless. But in her eyes, a fire burned with such indestructible power that it could melt the stone with his flame.

Omer shook his head.

-It's not over. We have experienced a lot. We'll survive this also.

- Don't you understand?! - cried Defne. Cold calm and indifference shattered into pieces. Her face twisted in pain. Her voice sounded abruptly and rang with despair.

- There is no us, no! And it never was! There was you, the magnificent, perfect Omer Iplikci and the stupid Defne, who disappeared into you without a trace. Do you know why I lied to you? Lied a whole year? Because I didn't want you to suffer. I didn't want you to push your family and friends away, lock yourself in your proud loneliness. I wanted you to be calm and happy. Do you think it was easy for me? Every day I was dying from fear and guilt, from the helplessness and problems that crushed me inside. My conscience tormented me. Kill powerlessness. I was desperately looking for money to close the debt to your family and every time I screwed. And you crucified me for that. Because the perfect Omer Iplikci never trades his conscience. And I traded! Traded, you know! Because I had no other choice. I needed to get my brother out of the mess, safe and sound, I had to keep my family afloat, and then, when you burst into my heart, to protect you from pain ... I fell in love with you! So in love ... With all my heart, every cell. You were the air that I breathe, the sunshine, the heat ... But you did not experience such feelings. Now I understand that. Each time you left, scoring me out of your life, cut me off, not sparing or doubting. And now you say we survive?

She looked with her piercing amber eyes. She looked into his soul. And the soul under her look writhed with shame. Each of her words with a hot iron lay on his heart and burned with hellish fire. How much his Defne had to endure it, and he ...

"Defne, I didn't know ..." he tried to justify himself, but the words were so miserable that he was sickened by their wretchedness.

- And if you knew? Would it be any different? Wouldn't you leave? Didn't leave me? Not cutting off ties with your family and Sinan?

Omer had no answer. More precisely, he has, but he wanted to howl from its terrible truth.

Without waiting for an explanation, Defne continued:

- We didn't succeed. And it will not work. We are too different. Our orbits rotate in different directions and never meet. "She sighed frantically. "I also have principles, Omer." Simple, but for me, they are of great importance. I will do anything to save my family. Anything! And I also need to be loved with unconditional love. Me, do you understand? Such аs I am an imperfect one. With all my mistakes and fears. And finally, I must be the only one for my beloved. I understood the latter already here. I have always humbled myself. With Ferial, Iz, Fikret. I found excuses for you. Blamed me. I thought I was not like that. Not good enough for you since you look at others and think about them.

- Defne, this is nonsense! - Her last words outraged Omer, and he finally got out of the stupor. - From the moment I fell in love with you, I have not thought about anyone else!

- Truth? - bitterness and resentment changed her voice beyond recognition. - If you didn't think, then why were you so sure that if it weren't for me you would have loved Fikret?

And again she struck with words into the solar plexus and knocked the air out of his chest. Again he did not know what to answer. And Defne was waiting. She wanted to hear what was wrong. That came up with a problem that does not exist. She didn't wait.

- Are you silent? She asked softly, but infinitely sadly. - Okay. Never mind. In any case, I will no longer put up with other women and agree to second roles. I will not allow to destroy myself. To nobody.

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