《Toxic》A Lot of Planning
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-From Joker's POV-
The ride back to the house in the helicopter was quiet; I just sat and held her hand the whole time and thought to myself. Did she really think I didn't want to keep the baby? Or that I didn't want to be a dad or something?? I mean granted, we hadn't planned for a baby nor were we actively trying, but it wasn't like we were actively trying NOT to. I knew this was significant; part of the reason why Harley and I were never going to progress to anything this serious is one of the days she did dare to tell me that she wanted to get married and I have kids, I called here crazy and pushed her away. I didn't want that; she was too disposable for me. But with Y/n, I actually had to stop myself from smiling when she told me because I realized how upset she seemed. Something about me was actually happy but I'm not sure if it was for the right reasons.
I wasn't sure if it was because I was going to be a dad or because that meant she was always going to be connected to me somehow, whether she wanted to or not.
All I knew is that there was not a thing on this planet that child would not have; all the toys in the world, best education, a pony, whatever it was, they were going to have it. And not only that, but my security was going to go up ten times just for Y/n and the child. I didn't care about me, I could protect myself. But welcoming a child into this world- both parents are renowned criminals- was like painting a target on their head the minute they're born. Nonetheless, I would make sure that Y/n and the child were protected 24/7, whether they knew it or not.
Which led me to the next obstacle: occupational hazard.
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I was thinking about the possibility of retiring after doll came and visited me in Arkham, but now I knew what the outcome was going to have to be. I would never forgive myself if work got brought home and it put Y/n or the baby in danger or made Y/n push me away. Even as far as money went, I had conducted so many heists out of boredom in my time that I had literal millions waiting around in the safes at the mansion. Moreover, I made quite the hefty monthly income from money laundering with the club. And I made that money regardless if I actually showed up there or not. So money, I was not worried about.
I had a feeling Y/n would not want to raise the child in the mansion given the artillery rooms, torture rooms, in-home tattoo parlor, combat training rooms, etc. etc., so I started thinking about the ranch house she used to live in.
We got out of the chopper which was now landed in the grass field near the mansion and we went inside, still not having said a single word since Arkham.
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I was siting on the bed, scrolling through my phone with my legs folded while I waited for Y/n. She finally came out of the shower and had gotten dressed in a t-shirt and some sweats. She sat down on the other side of the bed and I put my phone down. "So. Where do we even begin?" she asks me, still drying her hair off. I sat up some more so she was now lounging across the pillows and I was sitting with my back against the headboard.
"Well, I can start us off with the fact that I've decided to stop all business. No more heists, hit jobs, elaborate plans, nothing. I'll keep a hold of the club for the steady income, but otherwise tonight was my last go about." I tell her. She raises her eyebrows and looks impressed.
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"Wow, I didn't think you'd give it up that fast." she says.
"I'm trying to show you that I am serious about us and about this child, Y/n." I explain to her. Her eyes just soften and widen.
"So Joker and his boss, Magenta, are officially retired, huh?" she teases. I just roll my eyes at her and she chuckles.
"Mhm, anyways. How do you feel about living in the ranch house?" I ask her. She doesn't take long to think about it before responding.
"I'm all for it. This place is great, it's just a little too..." she trails off, trying to find the right word.
"It's a little harsh. The uh, knife marks on the wall and artillery room seem to play a role in that." I say and she smiles and nods.
"Not exactly kid friendly." she fills in and I nod in agreement with her. We continue ironing out the basic details for the next two hours or so; I would never admit it out loud, but the more she talked about the baby the more excited I got. Deep down, I knew a part of her was always hesitant about me. About whether or not I was ever going to be serious enough for a child or marriage or any of it. I have no idea what this woman was doing to me; whether it was that I met my match of someone who could out play someone who was a master at playing mind games, but she was the only person I'd ever act like this around. I mean, hell, I literally let her tattoo one of the most suggestive ideas she could have possibly had on my hip. How the hell do you explain to someone else why there's a tattooed kiss mark with a woman's signature around it? You don't. And I never planned on it.
Another thing Y/n had discussed was doctors. You couldn't exactly waltz into Gotham General and give birth or get check-ups when you're a wanted criminal. I had connections to plenty of underground doctors and labs, as well as plenty of people from Gotham who worked in public departments that dealt with legal documents who owed me some big favors. So getting an underground birth certificate- and marriage documents, for that matter- were not going to be an issue.
"So, when do you want to get married?" she asks me. I shrug.
"I have no preference, doll face. You want a big wedding? Small? Foreign? Tropics? You tell me doll and I'll make it happen." I tell her. She smiles and rests her head on one of her hands- which is when I notice she's wore the ring the whole time since I gave it to her. Cute.
"Tropics?" she asks in a skeptic tone. I nod at her. "How??"
"You'd be surprised how many people owe me favors, doll." I say back proudly. She thinks for a minute and then looks back at me.
"Wanna go get married in the Bahamas?" she asks me and I smile widely.
"When?"
"Tomorrow." I'm almost taken aback by her answer, but I love her spontaneity so I start chuckling. I lean over and put my chin down on the pillow that's just below her, so I'm looking up at her.
"Consider it done." I wink at her before getting off the bed. "I'm going to set the arrangements. Don't miss me too much." I say sarcastically as I walk for the door.
"I already miss you!" she says back jokingly. I just smile to myself as I leave out the door to go prepare it all.
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