I'm not sure what time I got home or how I even got to my bed. Yet here I was in dry clothes. Was it all a dream?

"Good morning." My mom says scrambling the eggs.

"Good morning." I said rubbing my tired eyes.

"Did you have fun last night?"

"Fun?" I said.

"Gavin brought you home at around two in the morning." She looks up at me, disappointment spreading across her face. "You could have-"

"Mom." I cut her off. "Gavin-"

"Gavin told me all about it, he found you drowning in the pool because you were so out of it."

What?

"Out of it? Some girl pushed me into a pool because she was jealous I was talking to her so called boyfriend." I shout. "I wasn't drunk."

"What am I supposed to think!" She calls out. "You've never acted this way before."

"Exactly ever since that jerk was invited over!" I argue.

"You're sick Alex."

I roll my eyes at her. "You don't think I know that?"

"I think you do know, which is why I'm wondering why you've been so foolish."

I don't say anything and instead I walk upstairs without a word. Why was I being so stupid and why did Gavin tell my mother I was drunk?

I got to my room and dramatically close my curtains just incase Gavin decided to show his face and then I spent the rest of my time drawing inside my notebook. I focused on every line gliding my pencil around until it slips and makes a horrible line across the canvas. I drop my pencil and stare at my hand that is trembling and slam it against my desk.

I take my head in my hands holding back the tears that are threatening to escape. All I can remember are the words coming from the doctors.

"Make sure you tell us if there are any signs of trembling, red dots under the skin or complete vision loss."

"We'd have to stop the medication if you start getting any of those symptoms."

The medication was the only thing keeping me sane at this point. It was helping me live as regular of a life I could be and without it, I'd have to resort to more dangerous things like chemo. I open my door and walk downstairs before hearing my mother speak.

"I thought this would work out." She says through the phone. I hide behind a wall and listen. "No one plans on having a child with cancer."

My back slides down the wall and I sit on the cold floor.

"The bills won't stop coming and this damn study isn't making any progress."

I can feel tears dwelling in my eyes again. After all this time I wanted to believe things would get better and they just never do.

The rest of the week went by slow, I had more check ups, more blood drawn and more useless tests. Peyton and Ash still come over to watch movies and Zach's texted me countless of times and I never text back. Maybe it's because my hands are incapable of typing or because there's no point in doing so. I can't go back outside.

My blinds have been shut and my mother hasn't talked to me much.

"Ouch." I wince, I watch as a needle enters my hip bone and extracts bone marrow. I usually get this done every three months and it never gets any easier.

"All done." The nurse smiles at me.

"Any news doctor?" My mother asks.

My doctor shakes her head. "There's not any more information I can give you that you don't already know."

"There has to be something she's been seen almost every week." My mom argues.

"Mrs Eastwood, we're doing everything we can to help Alex." She sighs. "CML is a slow growing cancer so we must be patient."

"It's been four years!"

"Mom." I say. "I think she gets it."

"No." She shakes her head. "No one understands what it's like to have a daughter with cancer until it happens to them."

"Mrs Eastwood we understand the circumstances." Dr Miles nods in understanding. "We'll be expecting you next Sunday."

I can see the heat fumes leaving my mothers ears as she turns around. "Let's go."

I sat on the couch sipping on some warm hot chocolate while watching TVD through my glasses. My vision tended to get worse on my weaker days and today just happened to be one of those.

"Who's that." My mom says sitting beside me, I look down at my phone and see it's a text from Zach.

"It's nobody." I say reaching for my phone. I notice my mom notices the way my hand trembles when I grab it. Her hand rests against mine and she smiles. "It's this guy." I suddenly blurt out.

"A guy?" Her eyebrows quirk up.

"Yes and he's really nice but I just can't-"

"Why not?"

I look at her, confused. "There's no point in texting him if I can't even step foot outside."

"Well if it comes to that, I'll let you go."

"Really?" I said, she's lying maybe she's been drinking to much wine and can't remember I have cancer.

She nods. "One night won't hurt, I just want you to be happy." She pulls me close. "I won't let anything happen to you."

I stare across the room without any explanation for what just happened and so I call Peyton over. She was usually great with this kind of stuff.

"Mrs E is actually letting you out?" Peyton grins at me as she drops herself onto the couch beside me.

I nod my head. "I just need your help."

I hand her my phone and her smile drops a little. I wasn't worried about things getting worse I couldn't get worried or I'd get sicker and I could die. So much for not worrying Alex.

"Can you text Zach for me?" I ask

"Course, what do you want me to say?"

We reread the texts and from there we start texting Zach back. He responds with a casual hello and for weeks the time passes and Peyton is still helping me. I'd never texted anyone before so it was hard to tell through a text if someone actually enjoys your company or not.

Then one casual Friday afternoon did he ask, "would you like to go out sometime?"

Peyton had just gone home and I tried everything I could to type in yes. It was a struggle at first until it finally corrected tes to yes. My doctor said the trembling could just be a side effect from one of my meds so I shouldn't worry to much.

I smiled to myself as Zach replied once again. "I'll pick you up tomorrow at eight?"

You've probably already guessed I've never been on a date before. I was just now starting to experience all of the things so called teens do in high school.

It couldn't be too hard right?