After Shawn's party, Cory and I weren't really talking to him as much. He kept saying he couldn't get too close to us because he was super sick and Turner was still making him go to school. But, I kinda missed sitting with him at lunch. I thought that today after school, I would go over to Turner's and comfort him a bit.

I walked up the flights of stairs and knocked on the door. Turner opened it and looked surprised when he saw me. "Hey Cristina. You here for Shawn?"

"Well no offense Mr. Turner but I didn't come over for another lecture on The Grapes of Wrath."

He smiled. "Yeah, yeah, come in." I walked in and he closed the door behind me. "Shawn you have a visitor!"

I saw Shawn turn the corner and his eyes went wide when he saw me. "Cris! Umm. Hey, what are you doing here? I'm sick remember." He started coughing into his sleeve.

"So what? I miss hanging out with my best friend. So..." I pulled out some stuff from my backpack. "I brought over Ace Ventura: Pet Detective on tape, and a face mask for you to hide your germs." I handed him the mask and went over to the VCR and put the tape in.

"You didn't have to do that." He said as he walked closer to me.

"You're right I didn't, but i'm here so make it worth while and watch the stupid movie with me Hunter." I elbowed him and he smiled.

For feelings that are supposed to be all in my head, they sure as hell feel real. It's just like the day of my birthday, I kept trying to focus on the movie but I can't help but look at her. When she giggled at the funny parts and her little dimples popped out I couldn't help but smile super wide. She couldn't tell though considering she actually made me wear the face mask and didn't just bring it as a joke.

She started to notice I wasn't watching the movie because she paused it and looked at me. "Okay clearly you're thinking about something other than the movie, so talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about." I faked a smile.

"Hunter you don't think I know you well enough to know when something is wrong?" She rested her elbow on the backrest of the couch, put her head in her hand, and faced me.

I tried to think of something to say.

She spoke before I could say anything. "Hey I won't judge you, you know that. Whatever it is, you can tell me." She put her other hand on mine and rubbed it. I was trying so hard not to react but I could feel my heart race.

"I just..."

"What?" She softened her voice and looked me right in the eyes.

"I realized the other day, after you wrote me that song...that you're one of the greatest friends a person could have."

"I know." She flips her hair. "I try."

I chuckle a little bit, no wonder I like her. "I guess that just made me feel bad because, I got you as a best friend, and you got stuck with me." I lied, I didn't have the guts to tell her the truth. I needed to tell her something that she would believe instead of telling her anything about what i'm feeling. Plus why tell her I have feelings when they aren't real, right?

She sighed. "Hunter. I wrote you that song because you deserved that song. I don't regret writing it for you and I wouldn't wanna be best friends with anybody other than you and Cory."

"Really? You wouldn't trade being friends with the broken trailer trash boy for anything else?"

I tried to avoid eye contact with her before she answered, but she grabbed me by my face so I was forced to look at her. "Shawn what makes you think that I don't feel broken too?"

She let's go of my face and looks down. "You feel broken?" I asked.

"I used to. I hid it from you and Cory because I didn't want to make you guys carry my burdens, but I used to feel like shit a lot." When she said that I felt my heart drop. She doesn't deserve to feel like shit. "I mean, my parents didn't love each other, my dad moved on, my mom was resenting me because I started to like my stepmom, all while trying to shield my 2 year old sister from the pain, all by the age of 5, didn't exactly make me a happy-go-lucky little girl." She laid all the way back onto the couch and looked up to the ceiling.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"Because you guys made me laugh when I didn't think I was even capable of laughter. I was 5, I didn't know how to talk about any of that stuff. I just needed to learn to live with it. And you and Cory helped me do that. You taught me that through anything I could always count on you two bozos to make me smile." She punched my shoulder lightly. "Now matter how many songs I write, or how many leather jackets I give, I would never be able to repay for you guys for that."

"What about if I get you the chinchilla you wanted?" I joked.

"Then i'll name it Charlie, call it even, and ditch you weirdos."

"Hey!"

"Relax i'm kidding, at least about the ditching you part. I think Charlie the Chinchilla has a nice ring to it."

I laugh at her cute joke. But she got back to being serious for a moment. "But Shawn, in all seriousness I want you to know that I don't think you're broken. I actually think you're one of the most alive people I know. And that's why you're my best friend."

"And I wouldn't have it any other way either."

"Good! Now that we are done with all the cheesy emotional talk, let's finish watching the movie." She turned the movie back on and rested her head on my shoulder.

"Well Hunter I gotta get home now so i'll see you at school?" She took her tape and put it in her backpack.

"Yeah. See you tomorrow."

She walked out the door and Turner came out of his room. "So....how was the movie?"

"John, I couldn't focus on a stupid movie when she was sitting right there next to me. All I could focus on was her, everything about her. Her eyes, her hair, her smile..." I sat down, put my elbows onto the counter, and put my head in my hands. "John, I don't think these feelings are in my head."

"Why do you think that?" He walked over by the counter and stood right in front of me.

"Because...hearing her call me her 'best friend' doesn't feel the same."

"How does it make you feel?"

"It makes me feel like my heart just swallowed a jar of thumb tacks." I let my head fall on the table and make a banging noise. "John make it stop."

"Why won't you try and understand that this might be a good thing?"

"Because THUMB TACKS!!"

"Hunter it only feels bad right now because you won't tell her how you feel. Besides didn't you hear her earlier? She said that you make her feel happy and she cares about you Shawn. So you don't have to worry about getting hurt or not being good enough."

"John, she's my best friend."

"Yeah and?"

"And, she doesn't like me like that. Why should I say anything if all it will do is make things more awkward then they already are?"

"Because the foundation of any meaningful relationship is connection and conversation, not romance, and from what I can tell you two have a bond stronger than anybody I know."

I rub my hands over my face. "It's not fair to her that just because i'm feeling things, I get to ruin one of the best relationships she says she's ever had. You heard her John, I been there for her when she was going through the worst parts of her life. I supported her through everything. I don't want her to feel like she has to tip toe around my feelings, John."

I turn around and start to walk to my room, but before I leave I turn around to face him. "I'm keeping my mouth shut John."

"What if you regret it?"

"I know I will, but at least she won't."