After Cris sang me her song, I stayed for a little while just watching a movie. I thought that if I had a distraction, then whatever I was feeling would just go away. But apparently she was more of a distraction to the movie. The entire time I kept looking at her instead of the tv. I saw the way her cute brown hair sat perfectly just below her shoulders. Her long, naturally curled eyelashes. Her beautiful light skin. Her big hazel eyes. Her soft looking lips—WHAT AM I SAYING!

Anyway, after the movie ended, I made the excuse that Turner wanted me home soon and raced over to his house. I still didn't know what the hell was going on with me. I ran up to the apartment and slammed the door behind me.

"John!" I yelled.

I saw him come out of his room. "Shawn where were you?"

"I was at Cristina's. She said she had another present for me, and I went to her house so she could give it to me."

He raised his eyebrows. "It wasn't what you think it is. She wrote me a song."

He let out a big breath. "Well that's a relief."

I looked down and started thinking about her singing again. She wrote that for me. She wrote that beautiful song for her best friend. I needed to get my feelings in order.

Apparently I wasn't being discreet about my thoughts because Turner gave me a concerned look. "Shawn you okay?"

I plopped myself down onto the couch. "No. Well, actually, I don't know." I ran my hands through my hair and John came and sat next to me.

"What happened?"

"John she's been my best friend since we were 5. I thought she was like a sister to me. Why am I feeling like this, it was just a song—"

"Hey Shawn, slow down." He put his hand on my back. "Shawn what are you talking about?"

"I don't know Turner. All I know is one minute i'm hearing her sing me this song about being best friends, and then the next, I look at her and it feels like my heart is melting, but in the best way possible."

"Oh." He takes his hand off my back and looks me in the eyes.

"It's like all the sudden somebody flipped a switch and I started feeling all the emotions all at once."

"What kind of emotions?"

"I don't know, I can't describe it. It's like, something in my chest. Something that felt so great that it overwhelmed me. Something that I knew was so good that it had to bad for me." I lay on my back and just stare at the ceiling.

"Wow." He stood up and walked over to the kitchen counter.

"What?" I looked over at him and he smiled. "John what?"

"Nothing. I just never expected Mr. Ladies Man Hunter to be so unbelievably whipped at 14."

"Yeah yeah whatev—" It took me a second to process what he said . "Wait, WHAT?! I don't like her! This can't like her!" I started pacing. "You think I like her?" I stopped and looked at him.

"Maybe." Shit. "But I think you should take into consideration what you're going through right now."

"What i'm going through? What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, you're going to a scary new school, your mom takes off with your house, your dad goes running off after her, you have a new home—"

"John i'm really not looking forward to the recap in a year of Shawn Hunter okay? What's your point?"

"My point, is that you've been going through a lot of changes recently, and I just think that so far the only constant thing you've had in your life the past year is Cory and Cristina, and with Cory starting to hang out with Topanga more...." He paused.

"Still not following John." I squinted my eyes.

"Hunter, everything around you has been going nuts lately, I think this is your way of coping through all of it."

"So my feelings for Cristina..."

"They are your way of clinging something that you know won't change."

"So these feelings aren't real?" I said smiling.

"Maybe, or maybe not. But I don't see what the big deal is Hunter. So what if you like her? At least you know she won't hurt you."

"But what if I hurt her, John?"

"Why would you hurt her?"

"Because i'm not what she deserves."

"Don't you think that's up to her to decide?"

"She did decide. She chose to be my best friend. All these years have gone by and neither of us have felt anything, up until today."

"Shawn you said it yourself. You've been friends since you were five. Neither of you knew these feelings could even exist up until recently."

"John stop confusing me. First you say it's just my head making stuff up and now you're saying these feelings are real, which one is it?"

"I'm saying that you should prepare yourself for either to be true."

"But I can't have feelings for her. I would screw it up like I always do, and then I would lose one of my best friends."

"Yeah that could happen." He walks closer and stands right in front of me. "Or, you two could explore a deeper relationship where you both could be really happy. Why won't you let yourself have that Shawn?"

"John, do you know how lucky I was to get a friend like her? For her to want to be friends with the trailer boy? I was extremely lucky. I don't wanna risk what we have for something that MIGHT happen. I'm perfectly happy with the relationship we have right now. Besides, guys like me don't get to settle down. Why do you think I can never keep a girlfriend? I do that because that way nobody gets attached and nobody gets hurt."

"What do you mean guys like you?"

"I'm broken John. I have been for a while now. And at this rate, I don't think I can be fixed. She shouldn't settle for broken."

"I don't think Cory and Cristina would've stuck by you for this long if they didn't think you were worth fixing. And for the record, I happen to think that any girl would be lucky to be in a committed relationship with Shawn Hunter." He pointed to my chest.

I looked up at him. "It doesn't matter. It's all in my head John. I'm clinging on to her because of my messed up life, just like you said. That's all it is. And It's gonna go away."