Black is a colour of absorption. Taking in every other colour and making them its own. Maybe that's why people wear black at funerals, because they think it will absorb their pain... if only.

I had never met Dianna Martin. But loving Riley Martin had given me a sense of the person she was. A completely selfless, loving woman who had enjoyed life. I was forever in her debt for the gift she had given me through her sons.

With the amount of funerals I had been to in my lifetime, you'd think I would be accustomed to the sadness, and yet the pain seemed to only get deeper with each descent.

My fingers clenched Riley's just as much as his did mine. I told myself it was in support of him. Yeah, right.

I could hear the pastor's words. Vague, and probably the same speech he gave at every funeral. "She was loved by many, and truly a light that will be missed." All true. But no words could ever describe the hole her absence had created in the world.

I couldn't bring myself to look at Mr. Martin, Isaiah, he had told me to call him. The absolute desolation on his face hurt to see. She had been his everything, and with her gone, he was empty.

When I looked across at Nate, I could see his desperate attempt to hold in the tears. To see the usually joking, light-hearted army official so pained was a reminder of how much sadness was in this room. Bliss's hand was beginning to turn red with how tight he was gripping it. I don't think she noticed.

After prayers and a few eulogys, the funeral came to an end, and those who wished too filed out to follow the hearse to the cemetery. Neither of the boys had given a speech. I don't think they could have gotten the words out, had they tried.

There were no words, nor any need for them, as the five of us, Nate, Bliss, Mr. Martin, Riley and I found our way to the car and began to follow the vehicle of foreboding to the Rosewood Cemetery where Mrs. Martin would be laid to rest.

Mr. Martin had already bought the plot beside her, ready for when he would meet her again. It was a sad thought.

After a few final words from the priest, family were asked to step forward and place the first handfuls of dirt upon her grave. I opened my hand to release Riley but he shook his head and clenched my fingers tighter.

"I need you." It was all I needed to hear to stay by his side. I would have done anything in that moment to ease his pain.

Mr Martin stepped up first, whispering words meant only for Diana before placing the dirt upon her coffin and taking a step back. Nate followed him, trailed by Bliss. They bowed their heads and released a handful of dirt each before stepping back to join Mr. Martin.

Then it was Riley's turn. We moved forward and Riley took a deep, disjointed breath in.

"I'm sorry, mum. I'm so sorry I wasn't there." He clenched his eyes and stopped for a moment. It hurt, knowing I was the reason he hadn't been with her before her death, and knowing he would forever feel guilty because of it. "I'll do as you asked, I promise. And I'll take care of Nate and Dad, we both know they're going to be lost without you. Who's going to do Nate's laundry now?" I smiled at that, and if you would believe it, so did Riley. "I love you mum. You know I do."

With that he reached for a handful of dirt, and stepped aside so I could do the same. I said a silent thank you to the woman who had sacrificed her son to me as I released the dirt, before stepping back to join the others.

Bliss and I moved aside as our hands were released for the first time when father and sons comforted each other in a huddle-like hug. It had been a long, arduous day for the three of them.

The ceremony was concluded with a crack of thunder and sudden downpour of rain, a sign that even the universe would miss being home to Diana Martin. It was a fitting conclusion to the pain and sadness of the day.

Riley reached for me the moment he released his father and brother. He didn't seem bothered by the rain, rather staring up into it.

"Do you think we're going to be okay?" He asked me, his neck still tilted up toward the weeping clouds.

I didn't know the answer. Not the truth. But I did know what he needed to hear right then.

"Of course you are. She's always with you..." After a moment I added, "and so am I."

He looked back toward me and released a breath of relief. Like my words had been exactly what he needed to hear.

"Come on, let's get out of this rain before you get a cold."

I nodded and followed as he pulled me to the car, following behind Nate and Bliss.

We were all gonna be okay.

-

It was an odd feeling to be watched in your every movement. Completely and utterly scrutinised, as if everyone was just waiting for the moment I would slip up. I felt like a criminal. Which was ironic considering I was one of the very few people here who didn't hold that title.

I had never visited a gaol before, never had any need too, so it was a shock to say the least, at just how in depth every detail of security was. It was comforting though, I suppose.

After providing my three authorised proof of identity cards and having both my bag and body scanned, I was eventually permitted into the visitation room of the prison.

It was a bland and empty room, with beige walls and nothing but a few tables and chairs spread throughout it. No colour and no life.

I was here before anyone else apparently, so I took a seat and waited.

The argument I had had with Riley the week I asked to come here came to mind. He had been so furious, and confused I guess, as to why I was determined to do this.

It hadn't been a quick decision. I'd pondered the pro's and cons for weeks before I even brought it up with him.

We were sitting at the dinner table, but I was playing with my food much more than eating it. Riley, ever the vigilant guard, questioned me on it.

"What's wrong, baby? You do know pasta is to eat, not just twirl around your fork." He joked, but the smile dropped when he saw the worry and certain that was painted across my face. He was out of his seat and kneeled in front of me in seconds. He took my hands in his and gazed up at me.

"Tell me what's wrong. I'll fix it. I promise"

With a deep breath, and determined to tell him before I lost my reserve, I blurted out the thing that had occupied my mind for much of the previous week. "I think I want to go visit Spence."

He didn't move. He didn't speak. And for a moment I wondered if he had even heard me until he stood, turned on his heel and stormed out of the room.

I waited a second until I heard the back door slam and what sounded like a fist against brick.

Crap.

I followed him out the door to see his hand torn and covered in blood. I was about to take a step toward him before he turned on me.

"You want to go play nice with the man who tried to have you killed?!" He yelled, shocking me into taking a step back. He hadn't yelled at me like this since the cabin.

"I just want to speak to him. Two minutes, that's all I'm asking!" I yelled back. But Riley was having none of it.

"He betrayed you, Sabine! Aided the man who put a gun to your head and a bullet through my leg. I let him into your life once and I refuse to do it again. You will not be seeing him again so long as I live. Do. You. Understand. Me?"

His chest heaved with anger. I had to breath slow to stop the tears I could feel forming in my eyes. I knew he wouldn't like it but I never thought he would be like this.

After a moment of standing across from each other, neither one of us interrupting the silence that had cut the air between us like a rift I shook my head and walked back inside. There was no way I could talk to him like this. It was useless. I headed for the kitchen, where we kept a drawer of medications and bandages. No matter how hard I tried, the tears fell as I rummaged through the first aid kit to find a disinfectant and bandages to wrap his hand.

It hurt to hear him yell at me like that. We rarely argued but when we did it was never pretty. And I always ended up in tears.

I braced myself on the counter as I willed my eyes to stop crying. Stop being such a baby, Sabine. He's a jerk, always has been. You were the stupid one who fell in love with him.

I was so involved in my self pep-talk I didn't know Riley had come back inside until I felt his arms encircle my waist.

As mad as I was, I leaned back into him. A natural reaction and involuntary need to be close to him. His breath tickled against my ear as he held me.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, turning me around to face him, "I didn't mean to get so mad. I just don't understand. How can you bare to look him in the eyes again, knowing what he did to you?"

It was a fair question and one I had asked myself many times before. I still didn't know the answer, to be honest, but I knew I needed this closure.

"I don't know, Riley. Maybe I still haven't fully accepted that he played a part in it all. Maybe I just need to know why. But either way, I do know that I really need this, to talk to him again."

He sighed and leant his forehead against mine. "Why do you live to worry me?"

I smiled, "because you're cute when you're protective."

He growled at that, but didn't put any distance between us. "I'm coming with you."

"Riley, you'll snap his neck the moment you see him." He didn't like to admit it, but he knew I was right. I had to do this alone.

"You have 15 minutes, or I follow you in and I can't promise what that will result in."

If 15 minutes was what I was going to get, I would take it.

"Deal," I said , before pulling him down to meet my kiss....

The loud buzz of a door opening pulled me from my daydream and I stood as I watched Spence, flanked by a prison guard, walk into the room.

His cheeks were sunken and his under eyes were dark. His eyes didn't hold their bright spark anymore. Gaol didn't agree with Spencer Chase.

He looked up and upon meeting my eyes, I could see the utter surprise he felt to see me.

"Sabine?" He asked, as if unsure if he believed his eyes or not.

I just nodded. Now that I was looking at him, I was lost for words. It had been months since that night but seeing his face brought it all back.

He leaped forward and opened his arms to hug me but I stumbled back and away from his touch. I wasn't sure what emotion his face presented but I was certain it was some twisted form of disappointed.

I wasn't his friend anymore. He needed to remember that.

"Would you like to sit down?" He asked, gesturing to where I had been sitting moments before. Again, I just nodded and took a seat, watching him do the same.

"So..." I could tell he was just as lost for words as I was. "How have you been?"

Small talk. I hated small talk. "Fine. I've been fine." I answered.

All the questions I had thought about asking him flicked through my head too fast to read them. I glanced to the clock in the corner. 13 minutes left.

"Good. That's good." He answered. "I really do hope you're doing okay, Sabbie. I know with everything that happened we aren't... okay... anymore, but I do hope you're doing well."

I nodded at him. 11 minutes.

"Why?" It was all I could think of at the time. But I knew it was the most important word I would utter to him. I needed to know why.

He took a deep breath in. And back out. And in again. "I guess I shouldn't be shocked that you want to know. I just.. I don't know if I can give you an answer. I was told too? It sounds so weak but it is the truth. My father had asked me to watch over a lot of people for him. I'd never had a problem doing it before. Watch them. Know them in and out. Report back. It was easy enough, and pleasing father was my number one priority back then. But you were different, weren't you Sabbie? I couldn't force myself to leave you alone. I had to get involved. And the more I got to know you the less drive I had to follow my father. Especially once I realised I loved you. It tore me up, knowing I was going to be the thing that caused your death. I told myself once you were gone I would go back to how I always had been. No remorse for those I had taken part in removing. But watching you sit there, tied up and crying, I just couldn't. I couldn't let you die. Even if you would choose him. I couldn't live with your blood on my hands."

I don't know what I expected to hear from him. I don't think anything he said could have made me forgive him. He had forced me to distrust everyone I met.

Finally I looked up from the table and into his eyes. He was still my Spence, and I knew I would always have a soft spot for him, but I couldn't forgive him.

"Thank you, Spence. For telling the truth. But my time is up. Goodbye."

Without another word, I stood and walked back out to the only man I knew I could trust.

😱