Niall spots me standing next to Adam and his eyes widen. Fuck!, my inner voice yells. I feel extremely guilty for just standing next to Adam, when Niall is the one who lied. "I have work." He said. "I'm sorry." He said. It was all a lie.

Our whole relationship was a lie. He wouldn't do this, if it wasn't, would he? Why is he doing this? Why can't he tell me the reason? Why can't he just tell me the truth? My head spins around as our eyes meet. Something in me breaks and I gasp.

Everything was a joke to him. Did he mean anything serious? I don't understand. He's always been sweet to me, always and now that he's back from LA, he breaks my heart. He goes out with his mates and that girl instead of spending time with me.

We haven't seen each other in real life for 2 whole weeks and he chooses to spend his day and nights with his friends instead of me. Seriously, I have nothing against his friends and it's okay for me if he's spending some time with them, but what is with me?

The conversations on the phone got shorter and it seems like he doesn't want me anymore. But why is still so sweet? He wanted to study at his house, he wanted me to come to that restaurant and last night, when I was angry and hurt, he wanted me to come with him to his house. I gave in too fast. I should have been more stubborn.

I used to be so stubborn and now, it faded away. What happened? Oh yeah, Niall happened and I got weak. He makes me weak... but at the same time so happy and full of energy.

I shiver when I see that girl whispering something into Niall's ear. Our eyes are stilled locked to each other and I wonder how long we've been looking at each other now. A wave of pain runs over all my feelings until there's nothing felt than pain. It doesn't just hurt, it's painful. I feel like I have a knife in my heart and it gets hard for me to breath.

"Olivia?" Adam's starts to shake me and then I realize that I completely zoned out and got lost in Niall's eyes and in the pain.

"Breathe." He says and I do. I didn't even realize that I was holding my breath, that's how lost I got in the blueness of my boyfriend's eyes... or ex-boyfriend? I don't know and I don't want to know.

I still want to be his girlfriend. I still love him.

"Olivia." Adam steps in front of me and blocks my view. I come out of my trance and look up to Adam. I shake my head and look over his shoulder. Niall is coming over to us, followed by that girl. I still don't know her name. I shake my head, turn around and walk away from Adam, from Niall and that girl. I rush through the dancing people until I get to the toilets. It doesn't surprise me that there's a long line at the woman's toilet while at the men's toilet is no line at all. I'm tempted to go into the male's toilet, but Niall can get in there.

And then I see a door that leads out. I push open and hope that no alarm does off. Luckily everything remains quiet and I close the door behind me again. I don't care if I won't get in anymore. I need fresh air. I take a deep breath and think about signs that could have warmed me from tonight. But nothing.

Niall was always sweet to me. He was always a great boyfriend. Our phone calls may have shortened but they stayed wonderful. I loved and still love every conversation we had. Every pointless, completely unnecessary and random conversations that I will always keep in mind, I love. I should have gotten angry the first time, I saw pictures of Niall and that girl leaving a club near London. I should have demanded a reason. I shouldn't have just let it go and be okay. I hate myself for giving in, but that's what he does to me. One thing and he makes me forget the bad stuff.

"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid." I shut my eyes and slap my forehead over and over again.

"You're not stupid." my heart skips a beat and I nearly trip over my own feet when I turn around within a second. I sigh in relief when I see that it's just Adam. "Are you okay?" he asked my most hated question.

People always ask "Are you okay?" Even if it's obvious that I'm not okay. How could I be okay? My boyfriend just walked in with another girl by his side. Sharp pain goes through my head and another knife gets pushed into my heart. I wished I could be a Vampire. If my life was in The Vampire Diaries, I would have turned off my feelings the seconds Niall and that girl stepped in.

"Olivia!" Adam tears me out of my thoughts once again.

"Sorry." I shake my head and follow him back inside. "I need a drink or two." I tell him. He takes me hand and my first thought is to pull my hand away, but then I just let it. I don't know what I'm doing when I quicken my steps and go ahead of him. I lead him over to the bar and smile at the bar tender.

On purpose I bend over the bar a bit and bite my lip. The bar tender turns around quick and approaches us. I stand up straight again and let Adam put his arm around my waist. "how can I help you, beautiful?" He wants to know and winks at me, ignoring Adam right by my side.

"three shots." I smile even though I want to cry from the inside. His smile widens and he mixes three shots for me. "Thank you." I look down to the three small glasses in front of me and ask myself from where I should start. From right to left or from left to right? Then I hear the girls laughter from last night and shrug. I start from right and drink each shot after another.

"Three more!" I yell. "And three for my friend." I mean Adam who still has his arm around my waist and doesn't seem to mind that I'm getting drunk. The bar tender gives us six and watches me drink my three while Adam drinks just one.

"Thank you Dave!" I wink at the bar tender who's name probably isn't Dave, but he looks like a Dave to me. The alcohol really feels good in my veins. It doesn't taste as good as hoped but it helps a little bit.

"Is your name even Dave?" I ask the bar tender. His hazel brown hair and brown eyes, make him look like a Dave to me.

"If you want it to, gorgeous." He winks. "Gorgeous"... Niall always calls me, gorgeous. But I shouldn't think about Niall. The bar tender is flirting. That wink was definitely a flirt act.

"Great, Dave!" I raise my glass into the air and smile at him. Adam grabs his second one and I take his last one. "One to three! No wait! On one!" I burst out laughing and feel eyes piercing wholes in me. I turn around and see Niall. He has his arm around the girl's shoulder but his eyes are clued on me. The girls puts her finger his chin and wants to turn his head, she wants his attention. But Niall stays strong and keeps his eyes on me. I shrug and count down from three to one. Adam and I drink and then put down the glasses on the bar at the same time.

"wooooaaahhhh!"I exclaim and take Adam's hands. I lead him between the dancing people around us as I move my hips seductively. I want Niall to see me and switch positions with Adam. Niall and my eyes instantly meet and even though people walk between us, we don't break the connection. I move my hips and hold on to Adam's shoulder with one hand while the other one is up in the air. Niall - I mean Adam, has his hand on my waist and my mind spins around. Knowing that it drives Niall crazy, I bite my lip and run my fingers through my hair. I close my eyes and lick my lips. When I open my eyes again, Niall's face is red. Or I think that his face is red. I can't really see his colour in the darkness of the club. His eyebrows are furrowed and his free hand grips onto his bottle of beer. I laugh, proud of myself.

Why doesn't he come over to me? Why doesn't he stop me? Why does he stay next to that girl? Why doesn't he care that I dance with another guy? Why is it not important to him?

I shake my head. I'm not allowed to think about him. My smile is gone and my lips are a straight line. Are Niall and I still a couple?, I ask myself and get another knife into my heart. I shake my head yet again and concentrate on my dancing. Where are Maria and Ally?, my mind yells. Then I burst out laughing because of nothing.

"What's so funny?" Adam wants to know. He breaths heavily, which makes me laugh even more. I feel like falling and hold onto both his shoulder.

"Nothing." I laugh even more and I don't know if I laugh to hide my tears. I don't know if the tears that roll down my cheek are because I laugh so hard or because of Niall.

"You're drunk." Adam points out the obvious, rolls his eyes and chuckles. His chuckle is damn cute and I ask myself what would have happened if I would have been interested in him. Would I be in this situation? Would I feel less pain? Would I be happy?

"Not drunk enough." I laugh and take his hand. I lead him to the bar again and without saying anything, Dave gives us three shots.

"On one!" I exclaim, give Adam one, Dave one and take one myself. "Three, two, ONE!" I yell and the alcohol fills my lungs. A little bit of weight goes down from my heart and I hold three fingers up. Dave chuckles and gives us three more. I repeat this process until I already have four done and drink one last one.

"Come!" Adam takes my hand and leads me away from the bar and to the people. I look over to Niall but he's distracted by his phone. One arm is still around that girl but he doesn't pay attention to her. He stares at his phone and I wonder what it might be so interesting. He chuckles and the three knifes get pulled out of my heart and then pushed back. I gasp and start to cough. Niall's head lifts up and our eyes meet. It's extremely loud in here, but he heard me cough. Or he felt it? I don't know what it is, but he noticed it. My heart warms but freezes again when that girl whispers something into his ear.

"Fuck you!" I yell... or think. I don't know. I shake my hands and move to the music again.

Adam joins me and chuckles as he shakes his hand. Why is he shaking his head? Is he making fun of me?

"what?"

"Nothing, you're just funny." He puts his hand back on my waist. Even though I don't want to, I look over to Niall. His eyes burn holes into my skin and he bites his lip. I stick my tongue out and immediately regret my childish act. My cheeks start to burn and I look away from Niall before a fourth knife joins the three that are already in my heart.

Adam licks his lips and moves closer to me. I step away, but keep on smiling. What am I doing here? I should talk to Niall, yell at him, demand a reason. I shouldn't use Adam and try to make Niall jealous when he's not even paying attention to me. I look over to him and yet again, he stares down to his phone. The girl next to him, who's name I still don't know, has her hands on his shoulder and looks with him into his phone. What are they watching?, I ask myself even though it's impossible for me to know.

Niall should have told me the reason yesterday night. I should be the girl next to him. I should be next to him and not that girl. I scream out loud... or think that I scream. I can't tell. Everything becomes blurry and I regret drinking so much, but at least it doesn't hurt as much to see them as it did the many drinks before.

Fuck Niall and that girl. Fuck him. Fuck her name. Fuck everything. Anger builds up and I start swearing in my head. Fuck you, Niall. Fuck you girl who's name I don't know. Fuck feelings. Fuck everything. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I hate this girl. I hate his club. I hate the shots are make my head dizzy. I hate everything. I hate myself for being like this. I hate Niall.

No wait!

I don't hate Niall. I love him. That's what hurts the most. I love him and he does this. Doesn't he love me too? Was everything a lie, a joke, a game?

Adam leans in and brings me back from my thoughts. I turn my head and his lips hit my cheek. He chuckles and I burst out laughing even though it's not funny at all. He shouldn't lean in for a kiss, I'm Niall's girlfriend... right? Am I still his girlfriend? Is he still my boyfriend? I should know the answer but I don't. I'm so confused.

The loud beats and noises and the people yelling around me don't help to clear my thoughts either. I need to get out here. But I don't want to be alone. Who knows what I will do once I'm alone outside. I'm clumsy. I could trip and fall and get hurt. But no one would care. Niall would maybe care but he's too distracted. Adam would maybe care.

Adam.

He smirks, as he always does and I start to stare at his lips. I shouldn't stare at his lips.

God my head is full of what-would- and what-if questions and things that I should do or shouldn't do. I shake my head... I don't know why. I just do. I breath out and run my fingers through my hair. I feel Niall's eyes on me again as Adam slowly leans in again.

I don't know what I'm doing, I just do. I put my hands around his neck and stand on my tiptoes.

I imagine that it's Niall. It should be Niall. But it's Adam. Niall is not here. Niall is over there, next to that girl. Niall is distracted with other things. Things that are more important to him than me.

Niall's not here. But Adam is here.

Adam with his cute smirk and pretty lips. Adam with his black asian hair and his cute small eyes. Adam is here, in front of me, leans in for a kiss.

And Niall isn't.

Adam is here with his buff doorman arms and his perfectly styled hair and Niall isn't. Oh how much I wish that Niall would be here. But he isn't and Adam is. It's like time has stopped around me as my thoughts repeat themselves over and over again.

Adam is here, Niall isn't.

Niall isn't here, Adam is.

I wish and want Niall though. I want his perfectly styled hair. I want to run my fingers through Niall's hair, play with the short ends of the back of his head. I want to stare at Niall's lips that light up a fire in me when we kisses me. I want Niall to kiss me. I want his touch on my skin. I want his blue eyes to look into mine. But I can't have it now.

I look at Niall and that girl. They chuckle together and my heartbreaks again. "What is so funny?!" I yell at them... or think it. Probably thought it. No one looks at me, no one notices my anger building up. Why are they laughing? Niall should laugh with me. I should be the one who makes him laugh. He should be the one who makes me laugh, but he isn't. Then they laugh again and that's it for me.

I know that it won't end well after what I'm going to do next but there's not turning back. I close my eyes and lean in but Adam is gone.

I open my eyes again and see him on the floor, fighting against Niall. Niall punches Adam right in his arm and then they flip around and Adam is on top. He punches Niall in his chin and my heart breaks again this night. Everyone around us moves away and watches.

"Why does no one help?!" I yell... or think. Fuck! I shouldn't have drunk so much!, my inner voice yells at me as I stand there frozen. I watch how Niall gets on top again and wants to punch Adam again but he misses.

"Stooop!" a woman's voice yells. I look up from the fighting guys and stare at the girl. Her face is pale and she yells at them to stop over andover again while I'm just speechless.

"Stoop Niall!" She yells. Just to hear her saying his name, makes me want to punch her too. "Niall stoop!" She yells and I form fists with my hands.

Dave, if that's even the bar tender's real name, comes and pulls Niall ways from Adam. Another man comes and helps Adam up. Dave holds Niall, the other man holds Adam.

I stand right between them and look from Niall to Adam. Both have their eyes on me and I know that I have to decide now.

Adam or Niall?