my mommy says i'm not supposed to talk to strangers on the internet

why do you keep replying, huh ???

checkmate atheists

wait no

stop leaving me on read

i didn't mean it

bartholomewwwww :((((

did you turn on read receipts just for this

cause you didn't have them yesterday

you know what, i respect that

but i want a text back

so i'm gonna spam

let's start with the alphabet

a

b

c

d

WAIT OMG YOU REPLIED

why didn't you just put me on do not disturb lmao

yeah i walked right into that one

:/

i guess i'll take this time to write a nice ranting paragraph about my day

i am this close to dropping out of college. ucf is the absolute worst and i hate it more than words can describe. today in my russian lit class there was this girl, i don't know her name but she looks like a walking renaissance painting and i love that for her, but her voice sounds like a cat choking on a squeaky toy. anyway we were discussing ivan turgenev and she thought that he wrote and quiet flows the don even though it was published 45 years after his death and was written by mikhail sholokhov. so i raised my hand and brought the discussion back to turgenev's fathers and sons book, since it was HIS book and was relevant to the conversation and she turned and glared at me. like bitch if you're gonna get pissy with me, at least be in the right. her boyfriend was waiting for her outside, and he was cute but in like an 1800s small coal mine town where you have to marry someone that's not related to you kinda way, and she goes up to him and starts whispering in his ear while looking right at me and he starts glaring at me too. miss girl i know you are not trying to make a big deal out of this. we aren't in high school anymore, jesus christ. i finally finish classes and walk back to my apartment, ready to vent to drew, but guess who i see making out in the elevator? renaissance girl and coal miner boy. i can't believe my luck. of course they live in the same building as me. of course they do. now i have to creep around my own building and figure out where they live so i can avoid them. the landlord's kind of a perv so drew thinks if i wear something tight and go talk to him, he might tell me where they are. i don't really want to do that but i might have to if i see her tongue shoved down his throat again. it wasn't a pretty sight.

all girls do

we have to be specific

cute is a very broad term

is he cute like a puppy or like a stringbean skater boy? or is he cute like those quiet funny guys or a shirtless firefighter?

exes plural ???

you mean to tell me that you, bartholomew jenkins, have not only dated a woman before, but have dated more than one ???

i don't believe it

and jenkins is my russian lit professor

he's a dilf

what more can i say

that's not how it works

nuh uh

did you really just say yuh uh instead of uh huh

get out

it's a gift

took me years to sharpen that skill

you're a gamer, right?

well my harassment stats go up a point every time i make someone upset

does that make me go +1 again ?

YOU HAVE A CAT ???

i would die for patches

there's only like four different types of cats, i can imagine

as long as she isn't hairless, i love her

my grandma had a hairless sphynx cat named ramsey and he hated feet. you couldn't be barefoot in her house unless you wanted him to try to bite your toes off. he ruined the whole breed for me.

you really want to check off the last box on the rice purity test, huh