you have to take "5'6" irish girl that majors in linguistics" off of your xmas list

i've already had to thwart three elves today

they can't take me alive

I AM TWO INCHES TALLER THAN NATIONAL AVERAGE

SHUT UP

i bet you're like five foot seven

you give off five foot seven energy, bartholomew

also...what kind of man-children are you associated with that are this tall ?

have some respect for your fellow short kings, florida man

no need to openly antagonize against them just because you're insecure

i'm calling bull again

plenty of guys do. plus, you've already lied about your twitter, so i'm not trusting you a whole lot

then you're either famous or a catfish, and i'm leaning towards the latter

i am actually really offended now wtf

i'm totally gullible enough to catfish, catfishing me would be a delight

plenty of people would kill for the opportunity to catfish me

NO YOU IDIOT THAT MEANS YOU GOT ME

AND YOU DID NOT GET ME

wait, that ratio is actually kind of sad :(

why arent you texting back with the same energy anymroe ?

tbh kinda don't miss it though bc at least you're not defending pears anymore

pears fucking suck

ah so he lives

nick ?

how is nick? i haven't texted him in a while

...hey mamas ??? >:o

PLEASE GOD NO

drew's ex gf used to say that unironically

she was the reason drew got a shag mullet and shaved their eyebrows off

it was a messy breakup

i miss faheema sometimes though

she was studying to be a chiropractor and would crack my back so loudly that our neighbors could hear it

ok i won't

cool cool

someone please crack my back. i can't do it.

883 replies 24 retweets 25.9k likes

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omw daddy dream ;)

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NOT LIKE THAT

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you know you want to

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I hate this tweet.

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what does this even mean

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I dont know

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my friend went to the chiropractor and i'm jealous

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imagine you feel a good crack and suddenly you're just fucking dead

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or you get paralyzed for the rest of your life lmao