for Ella, one of the sweetest, kindest little beans that I happen to know ❤️ stay strong bud ❤️❤️

"How'd you do on your exam?"

I yank my hair in a bun atop my head before turning around from my locker and facing Ford, who's got his entire body leaning on the locker beside mine and an adorably lopsided smile hanging on his face.

"Who cares?" I shrug. "It's none of your business anyway."

Ford holds up his hands in surrender. "Just trying to make friendly conversation. We did kiss after all."

"Once again." I sigh in annoyance. "Who cares?"

"I do." Ford straightens up, pressing his hand to his heart as I shove my books into my backpack. "You do."

Throwing my backpack on my shoulders and turning to face him, I run a hand over my tired face. "That's where you're wrong." I sigh. "I don't care."

I try not to pay too much attention to the pain that flashes across Ford's face. "That's not true, Leah." He persists, beginning to follow me down the hall. "That kiss meant as much to you as it did me."

It meant more. "Sorry to burst your bubble, but we aren't all as sensitive and emotionally attachable as you happen to be." Condescendingly, I pat his stone hard chest.

That's such a lie that I almost laugh. If anything, I'm more sensitive and emotionally attachable than Ford, than anyone that I know. I could barely handle myself when Ford broke up with me, I cried every time Ford looked at me in the hall, and even now I'm finding it difficult to keep my composure when Ford is looking like that—hot in that easy-breezy way that makes me weak at the knees—and when he's looking at me like that—like I hold the key to all his hopes and dreams and all he has to do is make me smile to get it.

Ford grabs my hand. "No matter how hard you pretend it didn't, I know that kiss affected you." He then pulls it towards his lips and plants a gentle kiss on my knuckles. "Just like that one."

I snatch my hand away, pretending like his lips didn't just start a war in my blood stream.

"What don't you get?" I hiss, clenching my fists down at my sides. "I. don't. care. Leave me alone."

"No." Ford stands tall and strong above me. "Not until you admit that kiss meant something. Why are you making this so hard on yourself?" A devious smile spreads across his face. "Hard, just like my—"

My small hands clutch my ears, eyes squinting at an attempt to completely block him out. "God Ford, can you be any more immature?!" I groan.

Ford shrugs. "I don't know."

"Listen," I sigh. "That kiss? It was a mistake. Just like us." I gesture to the two of us, my hand hitting my chest and then Ford's. "Just like you." I gesture to him. "And just like anything that you or I pretend we can be."

Just like I wanted them to, my words seem to have hit a nerve. Fords easy smile fades and leaves behind glassy eyes and a sunken face. "I should've known you'd act like this." He chuckles bitterly. "Just when I thought that maybe things could be okay between us, y—"

"Really?!"

I purse my lips together before slowly turning around to face my three best friends, all of which are donning shocked and hurt expressions—one of which is much more shocked and way more hurt than the rest. It's Brady who first spoke, and with smoke practically shooting out of ears I can already tell that he was on edge before he saw Ford and I together.

"We were just talking." I shakily begin, stepping away from Ford as if to justify myself. "Brady, I sw—"

"Fucking save it, Leah." He glares at me. "I'm not even mad at you anymore. There's nothing to be mad about when you no longer have emotions for someone."

His words sting, but I know that I deserve them. I deserve all of the stinging, burning words that Brady can offer right now. "Can we at least talk?" I practically beg/whine, stepping closer to him while trying to ignore whatever looks Landon and Kendra are giving me right now.

"Is it true?" Kendra suddenly hisses. "Did you cheat on Brady? With Ford?"

"Of course it's true." Landon laughs sardonically. "They're perfect for each other—both slutty, backstabbing, psychopaths."

"Don't talk about her like that." Ford steps forward, breaking his promise of pain and hurt and instead glaring boldly at the three of them. "You can say anything you want about me but keep Leah out of it."

"Why the hell should we?" Brady steps forward as well so that they're chest to chest, breath to breath in a battle of manhood. "We expected this from you but her—" Brady glances at me and for a second I see that warm, caring guy that I fell in love with. "She was one of us." And the wall is once again rebuilt.

"Why, Leah?" Kendra whispers, eyes a solid blue. "Why would you do this?"

"I—" My voice cracks, giving me away as tears begin to fall. "I don't know." I turn to Brady. "I'm sorry."

"Bullshit." He hisses. "If you were sorry, you wouldn't have stuck your tongue down his fucking throat."

I wanted to tell them that he kissed me first and that I had no control over my actions, that I was under a spell—and I surely would've if it weren't for the fact that I was tired. I was so tired of going back and forth between liking Ford and loving Ford and hate, hate, hating Ford that it had drained every ounce of energy inside of me. This was the second time that I was crying today, and probably the fifth or sixth time that I've cried this week. It wasn't fair. I should be happy, enjoying life, but I'm constantly taking my life and crumpling it up into a little ball.

Kendra shakes her head, her black curtain of hair falling in front of her face in luscious waves. If we were on better terms I would've complimented her, even asked her to come over and show me her technique. But we were too far gone for friendly hair how-to's. "I was so fucking blind." She mutters.

"We all were." Landon tightens his jaw. "That night at the bowling alley—did you two sleep together?"

"No."

"Yes."

Flabbergasted, I glance at Ford. "We did not sleep together."

"We slept in the same bed together." Ford reasons. "So technically we did."

"What about all of those time you were 'studying'?" Brady wonders, his voice so splintered that it causes my eyes to snap from Ford to him as they take in his seemingly broken and confused state, and all due to me. "Were you with him?"

The wall has shattered a Leah sized hole in his heart, and I take my chance. "Of course not." I murmur, walking towards him until he's only a few inches in front of me. "Brady, what happened was a mistake. I never meant to hurt you."

Instinctively, I reach out to touch him, as if my fingers against his pale skin will mend the scars I've created in his heart. But just as quickly as it fell, the wall is back up and Brady is stepping away from me. Back towards Landon and Kendra, back away from me and everything that we had, back into that dark and dismal place that I had assumed would never be for people like Brady. "As if I'd believe you." He dead pans. "We're though. It doesn't matter anyways." He then turns on his heel and literally exits my life.

Kendra and Landon follow, and before I know it I'm alone with Ford in the middle of the hallway. I should be at home studying, talking to my parents and eating Chinese food. But instead I'm crying into Ford's shoulder as he holds me close, all while wishing that I could simply press replay on this dismal track.

↣↣↣↣↣↣

When I awake to the sound of shuffling and angry grunts, to say I'm frightened is an understatement.

Scrambling out of bed, I nearly fall on my butt when reaching for my tuner, it being the sharpest object in my room. I know how heavy of sleepers my parents are which sadly means that I might be alone against this intruder. Never the less I'm ready with my feet stuck to the ground and my tuner clutched tightly in my hand.

When my door opens and in stumbled Brady Hire, though, all acts of violence leave my body.

"Hey hot stuff." Brady slurs, his body reacting sloppily to the movements that his brain requests as he stumbles towards me and almost knocks me down. "Lookin' good, babe."

"Brady?" I whimper, trying to push his lean body off of me but failing miserably as he weighs much more than I do. "Are you drunk?"

"Depends on who's askin'." He laughs loudly, and before I know it he's thrown me on the bed and is on top of me, his large hands pinning my wrists above my head. "You smell so good Leah-bear." Brady practically drools, his nose attaching itself to my neck and taking a deep sniff. "Like lemons and berries. I always liked that."

"Brady, get off!" I beg, wrestling under his grasp.

"Not until you kiss me." He laughs once again, and then his lips are sloppily attacking mine, saliva spilling from his mouth onto mine, teeth chewing viciously on my bottom lip until it bleeds, and his tongue nearly choking me. I let out a frightened squeal as every alarm possible goes off into my head, telling me that this is wrong and that I'm not safe right now. "Mm, I like that." Brady beams, pulling back from his sorry excuse of a kiss.

"Brady, please." I breath, my voice like an earthquake when I felt his hand that wasn't clutching my wrists together begin to push my shirt up. "Brady, STOP!"

"Tell me you love me." Brady laughs, forgetting about my exposed stomach and instead painfully clutching my cheeks. "Tell me." He insists, his laugh getting louder as I cry out in pain. "Tell me, Leah." He nearly shouts, and I swear I see tears gathering at his eyelids. "Tell me." His voice is soft then, and before I know it he's released his grasp on my wrists and has buried his head in chest.

I'm panting, my heart thudding violently in my chest, but yet I still find it in me to hug his head to me and cradle the sad and broken boy that I used to love. That I ruined. And for what? Another sadder, more broken boy? What was I thinking on that night, that stupid, stupid night when change seemed more like possibility and a kiss from Ford felt like the galaxies colliding? Oh, I know. I thought that for once I could silence that evil voice inside of my head that scolded me for every kiss I shared with Brady—he's not Ford—and for every cherished "I love you"—he's not FORD—and every stupid promise of forever—HESNOTFORD.

"You never loved me Leah," Brady sobs, hands clutching onto my body as if he's in fear of me disappearing. "You never fucking loved me while I lost sleep over you. I lost breath over you. I lost logic, reason, consciousness over you."

"I know." I whisper, my lips and hands shaking as I run my fingers through his baby curls. "I know."

"And it fucking sucks because it feels like you've been putting all of your heart and all of your effort towards someone who can barely look at you without thinking of someone else." He continues. "I'm all alone. I'm an army of one, prepared to fall for you at any moment. And I'm completely okay with that."

"Brady," I croak. "You're drunk. You need to go home, get some sleep. This will all feel better tomorrow."

Brady tears away from me then, stumbling off of my bed and towards the door. He grips onto the door handle, looking anywhere but me, before coughing vigorously. "I fucking love you, Leah Michelle Oberlin. Always have, always fucking will."

Like a breathless wind, Brady was gone. I was sobbing so hard into my pillows that I could barely breath, could barely think. I promised myself that I would never fall into this place again, this place of pain and loneliness that I had assumed only the most sinful deserved. I hated myself for what I had done, for breaking a heart just as badly as mine had once been. I shouldn't have pushed him away, I shouldn't have been so brutally honest. I should've held him close and told him that I loved him all along, despite what I knew was true, I should've kissed his cheek and his face and his lips until my lips went numb and we eventually feel asleep. But no, I had to make a point by ruining his life.

And when I got the call from Mrs. Hire at four o'clock in the morning, sobbing so heavily that I could make out was "Brady ... Emergency Room ... Car crash." I knew that I had officially succeeded.

I had completely, and utterly broken a heart.

↣↣↣↣↣↣

holy shit.

i'm really really scared for the comments you guys will leave, but throw them at me anyways.

also, if you haven't already I have two new stories that Ive been frequently posting and that you should definitely check out: "Cemeteries Of London" + "Windblown"

have a gr8910 day guys!

❤️