for ev, because tbh she's been my A1 since day 1 and her writing never fails to impress me ❤️

On Sunday morning when I awake, the world feels slightly more cruel than usual. As I slowly sit up and rub my eyes, it dawns on me just how tired I still am from Friday and Ford—mostly Ford. The day after he left I spent most of it in my bed, sobbing my eyes out over a boy that I knew than and that I know now is officially out of my hands. Him saying goodbye was not just for the night—it was forever. Ford is finally realizing how much better off he is without me, and even though I knew this all along it seems to just now be sinking in. It's like the knife was sitting in my chest, but all Ford had to do was shove it a little harder and now I'm slowly bleeding out.

My phone buzzes from my bedside table and I check it, only to see that's it's another missed call from Kendra. In the past two days she's left me thirty call and ten voicemails, each and every one of them unanswered and not yet listened to. I'm not in the state of mind to speak to Kendra yet, at least I think so, and I know that as soon as I do that it'll just be another mama-bear scolding that will only make me even more emotional than I already am. And right now, I just don't want that.

I put my phone on airplane mode and then tuck it underneath my pillow before throwing off my covers and sliding off of my bed. When I pass my mirror I notice that my hair is a complete and total mess, but instead of stopping and caring I just keep on walking. I head out of my room and down the staircase until I reach the kitchen where both of my parents are busy doing their own thing. My dad is cooking breakfast in his pajamas and my mom is in her pantsuit reading the newspaper while drinking a cup of dark coffee. When they see me, they both greet me in their separate ways.

"What's up with that?" Mom points to my hair.

"Hi, honey." Dad chirps happily.

"Hey guys." I sight tiredly, taking a seat across from my mom. "And as for this—" I point to my hair, "don't know, don't care."

"That's a load of bologna." Mom mumbles, not taking her eyes off of The New York Times. "You always care about how you look."

"What's the point anymore?" I wonder rhetorically. "I'm not trying to impress anyone, no ones trying to impress me. There's no point in combing my hair or showering—or really, even getting dressed."

"Now that's just bullshit." Mom sets her paper down and looks me up and down with eyes made of steel. "What the hell is wrong with you, Leah?"

Between my parents, my mother is definitely the tough one. She's the one who enforces discipline, works the longer hours and is brutally honest whenever possible. My father is sweet, caring, and has a knack for cooking that inspired him to open his very own restaurant—Oberlin's Finest. The name isn't very creative but the food is just to die for, and I've always loved the fact that he followed his dreams. Now though, as he sets down a steaming plate of sausage and pancakes I can't help but praise God for his wonderful cooking.

"Oh, calm down Gene." Dad swatted at mother, taking a seat beside me and reaching over to give mom her breakfast of egg whites, toast, and a strawberry banana smoothie. "She's just being a teenager."

"Yeah mom." I mumble into between bites of food. "Society expects me to claim adolescence as my excuse for depression—just go with it."

"That's it—no more Kendra for you."

"Leah, are you alright?" Dad queries, rubbing a hand on my back in a loving gesture. "You know you can tell us anything, right?"

"I'm fine, just tired." I sigh, shoveling forkfuls of pancake into my mouth until I've consumed three, and then moving on to the sausage. "High School is pretty exhausting."

"Well you were just fine last year." Dad reminds me. "Does it have anything to do with Ford?"

"I always knew he was trouble." Mom tosses egg whites into her mouth before washing them down with her smoothie. "The boy practically screamed stud muffin."

When Ford and I were still friends, our parents were pretty close with one another. They were close with everyone's parents--and by everyone I mean the entire squad--but because Ford and I spent so much alone time together they kind of had no choice but to spend time together. From vacations to adult parties they did it all, and didn't disclose a single detail to us kids in fear that they'd scar us for life. My mother, always cynical and picky hit it off with Ford's bubbly and effervescent mother. What one lacked the other one excelled in, and the same was true for our fathers who enjoyed expensive activities like golfing and boating. When Ford and I stopped talking so did they, knowing that seeing anyone closely related to him weakened me to my core. I expected them to have animosity toward me because of it but they instead chose to blame Ford--my mother being the main accuser.

I shove strands of tangled hair out of my face before gulping down all of my orange juice. "Ford has nothing to do with it." I absolutely lie. "I told you--I'm just tired."

"Tired or not, that tone isn't welcome in our house." Dad scolds me. "Right, Gene?"

"Damn straight." Mom agrees pointedly, finishing up her breakfast and heading towards the sink to put her dishes in for dad to wash and put into the dishwasher. "I'm off," She informs us, walking over to dad and planting a loving kiss on his lips before ruffling my already ruffled hair. "Stop sleeping so much Leah."

While standing up to put my dishes in the sink as well, I roll my eyes at my mothers departing figure. She works on Sunday's only because my dad doesn't, and she'd much rather get all of her work done on a day presumably meant for anything but. Then on the weekdays she's home, sometimes with dad most mostly to keep an eye on me. This started when Ford left and all that could be seen of me was my fleeting figure dashing to my room for a nap. Nonetheless, their worried speeches did nothing to stop my notions, no matter how much I wanted to listen to them and take their words to heart.

After thanking my father and kissing him lovingly on the cheek, I exit the kitchen and head back upstairs to my room. For a moment I lay there under my covers just thinking, thinking really long and hard about my past week and how terribly it seems to have gone. Not only have I literally ruined every chance to be with Ford, I've also managed to push away all of my friends, I wasn't able to keep the one secret that really shouldn't be shared, and now I can't even so much as manage a decent hairstyle. I may sound petty and a bit annoying but this sucks.

A few tears slide down my cheeks--whether from frustration, despair, or a combination of the two I'm not sure--and I don't so much as wipe them with my finger. I let them and the rest fall down and settle somewhere beneath my chin. Eventually I'm sobbing softly, pressing my face into my pillow and trying not to make too much noise so as not to startle my father. Soon, though, the tears make my eye lids irritated and sore until the only option is to close them. It's then that I slowly fall into another slumber--momentarily at peace with myself.

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"GET THE FUCK UP!"

I jump, letting out a scream before my eyes land on Kendra crouched at the foot of my bed. Her eyes are electric, glancing from my face to my tangled hair and then back to my face with enticing energy.

I rub my face, picking out the crust from my eyes and letting out a tired sigh. From the sun setting outside of my window i can infer that it must be mid evening, and the fact that I wasn't permitted to sleep for 24 hours irks me to say the least. Kendra should know this, and since she's the cause of my irritancy I can't help but have a few inquiries.

"Can I help you?" I snap, locking eyes with her as she slides off of my bed.

"Yes, actually." Kendra replies before gripping the edges of my comforter and completely ripping the entire thing off of me. "You can help me by informing for as to the reason why you haven't been answering my thirty calls."

"Maybe because I'm a human who lives on sleep consumption." I reply snarkily, attempting to pull my comforter back onto my body. "That ever occur to you?"

Kendra yanks it back, tossing it on the floor behind her so that i can't reach it without getting up and grabbing for myself. I groan, hopping off of my bed and heading towards my dresser.

"What the hell is the matter with you, Leah?!" Kendra exclaims, looking at me in the mirror. "I mean, since last night you've like completely dropped off the face of the earth or something. Landon and I have been calling you for hours, Brady came by here earlier and your parents said that you're 'busy' and now that I'm here you're acting like a complete and total bitch."

"I'm just ... " I want to fight with her, I really do, but it's not worth it. I've already lost Ford for good, and I don't intend on losing Kendra next. "I'm just so tired." I exhale pathetically, finally looking at my horrendous reflection. My hair is somehow worse than this morning, my eyelids are a light shade of purple, and my lips are utterly chapped. It's like my appearance has completely lost hope in it's self, just like heart and brain seemed to.

"Why? You barely even do anything."

"I know," I turn around and face Kendra, who's looking at me as if I've gone crazy. "But I feel like I haven't slept in days."

"It's him isn't it?" Kendra infers, her lips tightening into a straight line as she most likely answers her own question. With a sigh she sits on my bed and runs a hand through her wavy brown hair, before looking up at me sternly. "I want you to tell me everything that happened between the two of you the other night."

I sit on my bed beside her and do just that, starting from the moment that the three of them left us to this morning when Kendra woke me. I don't leave out a single detail, no matter how embarrassing, because I know that if I do than it will just kill me later. Kendra is and always has been my best friend so lying to her will only do more harm and I'm just no where near in the mood for something like that. Kendra listens intently, only piping up once in a while when I pause to halt the tears threatening to spill. When I'm done, she wraps me into a hug and pats my hair as I allow a few tears to spill onto her shoulder.

"I've been thinking about this for a while now," Kendra begins as I pull back, sniffling and wiping my eyes. "But I think you need to start fresh. With everything."

"'Start fresh'?" I repeat. "Can you be a little more specific?"

"I don't know, like maybe a new hairstyle, a new wardrobe—something like that you know?" Kendra's eyes begin to light up with all of the exciting ideas that are most likely running through her brain. "You've always wanted to dye your hair, remember? And Pacsun's having a really great sale right now."

"I doubt anyone's gonna want to touch this." I point to my tangled mess of brown locks. "And I have no money because I've been doing zero chores and haven't showed up to work in a month."

"Stop making excuses." Kendra stands up from my bed and begins to dig through my closet, tossing me a pair of skinny jeans and an old tee shirt.

"I'm not making excuses I'm just letting you know that this might not be too good of an idea." I reply, a small smile spreading across my lips when I notice Kendra roll her eyes sardonically.

"Okay well, here's another thing." Kendra plops onto my bed once again. "Doing this might make you a million times hotter and that in turn might just make Ford glance your way a little more often. 'Sound exciting?'"

Now it's my turn to roll my eyes, because we both know that nothing in the work will make that boy notice me. Nonetheless I have always wanted to do something different with my hair, especially since it's such a typical and boring color. Everyone has long brown hair, and although it's kept me safe for a while I think that now it needs to change. In order for me to feel the slightest bit better on the inside I need to feel good on the outside and a makeup is sounding pretty good right now. So with a sigh and a smile I nod at Kendra.

"'Inviting.'"

Smiling Kendra, plays along with the High Sxhool Musical quote.

"'Let's do it then!'"

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a u t h o r s n o t e:

AHHHH IM SCREAMING WE FINALLY HIT 200 ❤️❤️❤️❤️ this is exactly where we got on my previous account but that cannot even compare bc I've made so many more friends on here and just found a greater love for writing in general which is thanks to you guys who read and care for my story. so thank you so much for getting me (us) here and I hope you all stick around for a while longer (-:

I hope you all have a lovely spring break and an even better Easter, and for now I must go.

until next time,

amira ❤️