《He Never Loved Me (#Wattys2019)》Chapter 6
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When I had met him, I knew. I knew that in some way, shape, or form, he would hold incredible significance to my life. I knew he was going to be a constant, I knew he would change me for the better or for the worst.
And for the next few years, he had been my best friend. Yes, we had our disagreements, but we would always make our way back to each other. I always felt him in my heart, there was nothing he could do to make me that upset for long. I needed him.
Then, as I had suspected for months, our relationship began to rumble, it began to change. We became lovers more than friends, and I knew, the second I held him close to my body, that this was it for me. He was it. All I had ever wanted, and all I could ever need.
But I had issues, internal struggles with myself, external issues with my family and others around me and it weighed me down. I began to hold that against him, the struggles I had faced made it impossible for me to love him the way he wanted me to, the way he needed me to.
Still, for a year I held on, praying that maybe it was all in my head? That he would stay with me, but many fights began to get started, petty disagreements, and sometimes even abuse, but yet he had remained.
Now I live in this constant fear that I will never forget him. The way his sparkly eyes pierced mine or his goofy smile that made my heart beat a million times faster. I had fallen hopelessly in love with him. . .
It's been some time and I still can't forget him. And in the middle of the night when everything is quiet and everyone is asleep I still think of him. Even if I don't realize it he seems to find his way back into my memory to the point where it makes me sick to my stomach and I can't breath because I don't want to love him anymore.
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It sucks because I thought I was forgetting him. That I was finally happy. And then the memory of him comes back, and I sit in the corner of my room tears pouring down and my throat burns because I am screaming at the top of my lungs to forget him. And someday I hope that I will. . .
Little did I know that he had loved me blindly of course. He loved me without restrictions, and without caution. He had loved me wildly. In my head, I had doubts that he could do better. I didn't believe in him, but he had loved me so deeply, he could have, and did do; He would have done anything on Earth for me.
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