《He Never Loved Me (#Wattys2019)》Chapter 7
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My expectations and whatever other struggles faced were always too much for him, and the pressure I put suffocated him. I guess somewhere along the line his eyes began to wander, he wanted something better, someone who wouldn't push him away, and I just couldn't handle the intensity of his love.
He found what he was looking for, long before he actually ended it with me, which hurt more than he could ever know. I couldn't believe that my best friend, the so called love of my life, could do that to me. But that's life sometimes.
Fast forward a few months from the day he had told me that someone else had more to offer, or at least, an easier pill for him to swallow. I told everyone that I was happy; He tells everyone that he is happy.
He came in and out of my life so frequently, breaking bits and pieces of me more and more every time. I told him that I was happy, he knew it was a lie. I had given him time to come back to me. I had given him weeks, to choose and I never thought he would choose you.
I had given him space and I offered him my loving arms to return to. It wasn't something he would consider, he had been to busy doing fun, easy things, with someone who didn't deserve the person he once used to be.
As I watched it happen, feeling pieces of myself, my soul, disintegrate and disappear. He grew colder, and I put a wall up around myself. Wanting to help him, but all I saw from him was lust. Now, he's upset because I refuse to be there for him like I used to be.
He refused to let me go So I can fully heal from the wounds he had inflicted upon me there was no way in hell that through his words and his actions that he was truly as heartbroken as he implied. I told him I was hurt due to the fact that he never cared. But the truth is, he is not who I once loved. That person is gone. That person took some of the deepest parts of me.
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I can feel myself missing him, but I know that's just the loneliness speaking. If I go back to him then I'm not allowing myself to feel true love and find someone who truly deserves me. What we had was nice and I wish it was real, but lets be honest, we both know it was only real for me. I'll always dream about you, but I refuse to let myself go back to you. I know what I deserve now and we both know you can't give it to me.
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