Dear Elly,

Ive been thinking a lot, like usual. You'd probably tell me I'm out of my mind, like usual. I've been planning this huge trip, and I can't wait for you to find it! JJ, Shawn, you, and I are gunna be happy, and y'all are gunna thank me.

Dear JJ,

I won another bet today. In yo face loser.

Dear Shawn,

I just met you a few days ago, but I'm inviting you to find me. You might not even see this, and I hope you don't, but if you do, I think I might have a crush on you. I mean, you play guitar! My mom wasn't lying when she said I sing. I'm actually kinda good... I think.

Dear Elly,

Today you told me that Shawn looked like shit. He always does. You told me that he needs me, that he doesn't know the story, so I have to tell him. I tried. It wouldn't come out. I saw the way he looks at Jessica the day I met him. It's the same way I look at him every day. I can't hurt him.

Dear JJ,

At lunch today, you asked where Shawn was. I told you what happened. You seemed sad that Shawn did that, but you made your opinion even though you're friends with me. You didn't defend me nor Shawn. That's what I love about you. If you don't know what fully happened, you don't take part.

Dear Shawn,

Fuck you. I don't even know why I love you. You run back to her, I run to you. It's a never ending cycle. I can't stand this. I still love you. I can't help that. I'm sorry.

Dear Elly,

I'm dying, and I don't know how to tell any of you. I'll start with you, Elly. I know you told Shawn. Thank you. I couldn't pull myself together to tell him my past. You're an angel. You will always be my angel. Thank you for being by my side these past few years. If you didn't find me in that bathroom in seventh grade, I probably would've died. I'm just glad I got to know you before I did. Thank you for giving me a reason to keep fighting, but God always finds his way. I won't forget you. I'll meet you in heaven, Angel. <3

Dear JJ,

I don't blame you if you kick, punch, or throw anything. I would, too. I wish I could give you more, but all I can give you is stupid bets. If you found the tattoo letter, then you already get five bucks from me. Got to make sure to put that In my will. But JJ, you are the light of my life. If it wasn't for your stupid bets and jokes, I don't think I would've gotten out of my depression. I cannot live without you JJ. I don't know how I'll survive up there without you. Please know that I'll always think of you till my last breath. You understood me like no one else. I could talk to you and you wouldn't judge. That's something special. Let that kite fly high and maybe I'll see it. <3

Dear Shawn,

I can't believe that I kissed you. Best part is, you kissed back! I'm so glad the nurse didn't check my heart rate records, other wise I think she would've thought I had a heart attack. I don't really know what to say. I mean, I didn't even know you for as long as I knew Elly and JJ. But, you changed my life as much as they did in a week. That's a gift. You are a gift that I just happened to find.

Shawn Mendes, you have the best smile in the world. I swear it's contagious. It's so silly, but it suits you. I know this is kinda all over the place, but I'm writing what I feel, and there's too much I think about when it's you.

You picked up when I called you. You started to apologize while I was dying. You ASKED ME OUT when I was dying. That was the best thing ever. I couldn't stop smiling after you left. God, my mom was so happy to see my smile again. It was all because of you. I should make her thank you.

I love you, Shawn. I have for a long time. When I crashed, the first thing I started to regret was not telling you. I started to think about all the things I didn't say to you, and I'm writing them down in a journal I can only pray that you find.

I could write it over and over again, and I would still mean it.

Because my plan has failed, I'm just asking for you to find this journal. I have someone picking it up and putting it in the spot I planned to meet you guys so we could leave together.

We were going to run away to Paris. I have family that wanted me to move, and I couldn't do it would you guys. I'm sorry if that seems selfish, but over there, their really rich. Your family could move with us! Even Aaliyah!

I have a confession. It originally just going to be you and I. But, then I realized you probably wouldn't travel around the world with a dying girl. That and, I don't think I could live without Elly and JJ.

Please don't put the blame on yourself. I wasn't driving at night because I wanted to die, I was going to the field. I technically didn't die because of the crash, it was because I got an infection, and because of the blood loss and other injuries, my body was too weak.

I had a dream a few nights ago. It was about us. That's why I asked you that question about the things we feel with our heart. Anyway, we sat at the Kissing Field, spending hours just sitting there. I wished it could've been reality. One thing I wish for you to do for me, is to move on. Find someone you feel more feelings toward then I ever gave you. I don't care if that's Jessica, or that girl from Toronto you left behind, but please don't make me be the reason that I never made you love again. There is more than plenty of girls better than me. Don't argue about that. You'll find someone.I promise I'll attend your wedding.

Even though Ive only known you for a few days, weeks even, I can't wait for the day I could spend months and years with you. You gave me an adventure that made my heart beat even more than Jared ever did.

I will always love you, Shawn Mendes.

Live an adventure, and I'll be in the backseat, tagging along the whole way.

Don't forget me <3