Gus

"Gus did you hear back from her? Anything at all" silvi had been stressing me about the tour ever since I told her. And I don't know how to get it through to her that I'll know tomorrow.

"I'll know tomorr-"

Silvi stopped me right in the middle of my words. I know she's just worried I'll leave for tour and she won't be there to watch me.

"I know I'm just scared, I don't wanna be left here alone" silvis eyes began to water, she was obviously forcing herself to hold them back to prove something.

"Babygirl, I'm not gonna let you stay alone" I leaned and kissed her gentle lips that were struggling to speak their words. She wrapped her arms around me tightly in comfort. Squeezing her tightly I whispered into her ear "follow me"

Silvi laid under the covers next to me smiling. The room was silent, no Tv or music was playing. Nobody was in the house except for us two. So all I could hear was her so sweet breathing and whispers. I turned her face towards mine revealing her smile, her beautiful glowing smile. And i kissed her, passionately, and softly she kissed back.

If only she knew how fucked up I was about to get later on.

"Baby it's almost midnight you should get some sleep" I caressed her face and kissed her on the forehead goodnight. She smiled and made the tiniest little moan and went to sleep.

In all honesty i felt like the worst person to ever be alive in the entire world. But I cant live without numbing the pain of being alive. Silvi makes it all numb, but she doesn't numb me physically. I got ready and drove to szas house. It was a full house. Everyone cheered and drank when i walked inside but I already knew where i was headed to.

"Aye my man peep" Gazzy enthusiastically introduced me and dapped me up in front of the whole room. It was only 5 people not including me. Sza, pump, Diego, Nahm, and some new guy Lil Tecca or sumn. Prolly never even heard his music but im not going to start a fight over it.

"Lets chill on the good ol roof" i basically said not asked it. Gazzy agreed as we all went up the elevator to go to the roof. And of course the good old couches and pool table were still there from when gazzy first met sza. Ive heard the stories never was there. Those 2 go through some wild shit. Do some wild shit. I like that normal shit. That i love you no matter what now lets go look dumb together and kiss in public type love. Real stupid type. But im not them theyre not me.

I walked over to gazzy on the couches to handle the business i came for. He handed me a rolles up $100 and a tray with 4 lines. I did the lines and handed him the tray going to pull out my money. But gazzy told me it was free of charge because he dont need money like that. Im not gonna argue more shit to buy for silvi or something. I felt the drip of the coke in my nostril really getting to me. I did two in each nostril to enhance the fucked upness.

Then i spotted my worst enemy. The xanny bars. I went over to Diego and checked out the bars before speaking "I thought you were off this shit Diego?" I wanted to feel sympathy or empathy or whatever you be calling that bullshit but fuck it. Lets just have a pity party for each other because im doing them too.

"How much to do half?" I asked reaching into my cash stack in my pocket. Dieho shook his head and handed me half the bag which was 9. 9 whole bars. Powdery shit so real shit.

"Its all good peep, you dont gotta pay when youre with us"

I shrugged it off, i mean free drugs. I popped the bars like nothing saving 2 for later. After a while you get so used to popping xans its like a super power or some wicked shit.

I danced around and pretty much blacked out for who knows how long. All i know is when i woke up in the middle of a group of people...i fucked up.

"What...what happened?" I asked terrified of the answer. It couldnt be good...so bad.

"Just the normal shit pretty much. You got fucked up did more and more....and more. Broke down and cried..and passed out"

To me it sounded bad but im also not dead so thats a perk of it you could say. But then i checked the time on my phone. We had been partying until almost sun rise. It was am. I decidss to text silvi and tell her where i was at. I also assured her that id be back in time so she could hear my managers answer about the tour.

If only silvi could see it coming