~

Patton's p.o.v.

present...

All I can do is lie on my bed. I feel numb. What more is there to do when the only one who loved me doesn't want to be with me anymore?

The pain I feel is so overwhelming. There's nothing I can do but lie on my bed and cry a river. I look out my window to see Logan sitting at his desk writing in a notebook. The universe is toying with me, and I hate it! Even after him ripping out my heart, I can still feel it beat.

I can still feel the pain. I don't want to feel this. I want it all to go away!

I get up and go over to the window, shutting the curtains as I choke back a sob.

To know that he never loved me...

To know he was just using me...

I want to scream, to cry, to do something to get it out. It's unbearable!

But...I can't.

I'm Patton.

Always smiling, always happy Patton.

That's what people call me, but why can't I just be happy for real?

If this is happiness......

I don't want it.

___

Three months ago...

Sixth period lunch. My favorite period of the day. Because during lunch, I get to sit next to my new favorite people!

I sit down at my normal lunch table and open my lunch box. The lunch I packed for myself today was my favorite. I felt like I deserved a treat. As I begin to eat my lunch, Roman sits down across from me.

"Hey, Roman! Taking a break from the popular table to sit with me?"

"Yeah, it's much more quiet and calm over here. Plus, I like you better."

I smile. "Come on, ya don't mean that."

"But you know I do." Roman grew rather quiet for a moment.

"Something up, Ro?" I asked, concerned that my friend had gone so silent.

"Oh, yeah. I was just wondering if my..new friend could sit with us."

I nodded, smiling. "Of course! I'm inviting one of my new friends to sit with us too."

"Logan?" Remy asked, sitting down beside me.

"Maaybe." I said sheepishly, picking at my sandwich crust.

"Who's Logan?" Roman asked, confused.

"That would be me." Logan said, sitting down on the other side of me.

Roman looked at Logan up and down. I could tell he was analyzing him to see if he was a threat or something. Which, of course, is crazy. Logan wouldn't hurt a fly, let alone me!

"Hey. The name's Roman."

"Yes, I'm quite sure the entire school knows who you are."

"Ah, my reputation precedes me."

"Quite."

The table grew silent for a second.

"Damn, the tension is freaking crazy right now. Can we dile the angst down please, ladies?" Remy asked, sipping his Starbucks coffee.

"Speaking of angst.." Roman said smiling as a shadowy figure sat down across from Logan.

"Morning princey." He said, not looking up at anyone.

If my memory served me right, this was the same boy Roman protected a week or two ago. He's also the one Logan talks to sometimes during ninth period.

I smiled as Roman subtly squeezed his hand. Well, I guess since I noticed it wasn't really that subtle, but I'm not one to ruin a romantic moment.

"Virgil?" Logan said, looking at him.

Virgil looked up at Logan and smirked. "Oh, hey Logan."

"You two know each other?" Roman asked, turning to Virgil.

Virgil nodded. "Oh, yeah. This nerd is pretty cool. He's in my ninth period class. Helps me out a lot."

"Well if you like him, I see no reason why I shouldn't." Roman said, completing his assessment of Logan.

Once everyone introduced each other, the tension, thankfully, began to wear off. Remy and Roman were the loudest ones at the table, if that couldn't be more obvious. I smiled as they debated whether Disney or musicals were better.

"I'm just saying, Disney's going through a mid-life crisis," Remy said, sipping his iced coffee.

"That doesn't mean the classics aren't any less worth mentioning!" Roman said.

"Don't they just remake the classics as live actions to make up for the fact that their ideas are thinning." Logan asked, taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Well, I guess that may be true, but that doesn't mean they're not good! At least they're having a mid-life crisis with style!" Roman said, slamming his juicebox on the table.

"Wait, don't you love Disney and musicals?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah. Hon, you're literally wearing a Waitress t-shirt. And here you are trying to tell me Disney is better than musicals."

Roman sighed. "I don't hate musicals, I've just had more memories with Disney."

"Then why are you two even bickering abou--"

"Logan! Since you want to share your opinion, which do you prefer?" Remy said, looking at Logan as he adjusted his glasses.

"I've never watched Disney, nor listened to musicals. I've only heard of them from their reputations."

Roman choked on his juice and starting coughing. "WhAt?!" He said between coughs.

I began laughing hysterically at the chaos. I was just so happy they were-somewhat-getting along. I heard Virgil start to laugh with me. He held his stomach.

"Can't..breath.." He said between laughs.

"Oh come on! My life is-" Roman coughed a few times before continuing. "Is not a joke!" He finished, though he started laughing too.

Logan looked at Remy. "What are they laughing at?"

Remy shrugged and took another sip of his coffee. "I have noo idea."

I finally was able to catch my breath. Roman wiped the tears from his eyes from coughing and looked at me.

"Alright, Pat. Since you think this is so funny, which do you prefer?"

"Um...both!" I said, smiling. "They each have qualities and songs I admire, and if I like them both, I see no reason to have to choose."

"I agree with Patton. If you enjoy both, why hold one to a higher standard than the other?" Logan said.

Remy finished his coffee. "Fine, you win this round, Mr. Logic."

The rest of lunch was more civil after the debate. I was happy everyone was getting along. More over, I was happy I got to sit next to Logan. He even let me hold his hand for a little bit, which made my heart melt.

It was a good day.

-

one day ago...

I sat at the table alone today.

Roman was sitting with Remus and Deceit again, so I didn't get a change to talk to him. Virgil didn't come to school today for whatever reason.

I didn't look around to see where Logan was. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't really want to talk to anyone. But sure enough, I heard an all too familiar voice behind me.

"Patton.." Logan said.

I didn't respond.

"Patton, please may I talk to you in private?" I could almost hear pain in his voice, but he made it clear to me that he can't feel pain.

"I think you're the last person Patton wants to talk to right now, Logan." Remy said, sitting down across from me.

"I am fully aware, but I would like to explain myself-"

"Logan.." I said quietly. Both of them went silent. "Please..just go..."

"But Patton-"

"You heard the man. Get out of his sight." Remy said. I could tell he was trying to be patient for me and not start a war.

"But he can't even see me."

Remy laughed sarcastically. "Now's not the time to be a smart ass, Logan. Just go. You've done enough damage."

Logan went silent. I could almost hear him debating on whether or not to go. Eventually, I heard his footsteps walk away. I didn't look up from the table.

Remy took my hands from across the table and held them in his. "Patton, honey. Look at me."

I didn't want to, but I forced myself to meet his gaze. He took his sunglasses off and his golden-hazel eyes stared back at me, worriedly.

"I know it's been a tough couple of weeks for you, Patton. Don't you think you should take a break?"

I shook my head. "Just because I'm hurting doesn't give me an excuse."

"I know, but I've seen you in class. You aren't paying attention, you don't take notes. I'm really worried for you, hon." He looked on the table. "Also, where is your lunch?"

"I wasn't hungry today."

Remy got even more worried. "Patton, you're always in the mood for food. I really think you should go home. I'll vouch for you and say you were sick, but you need to get some rest."

"You're not my mom, Rem."

"Ouch. Ok, Patton. I'm gonna give you some space, but you can't let yourself go all because of one guy. Promise me you won't, ok?"

I nodded as Remy smiled and put his sunglasses on. "I'm holding you to that, sweetheart. Take care of yourself. Ciao." He patted my shoulder and walked away from the table just as the bell rang.

I got my stuff together and went straight to the bathroom. I locked myself in a stall and sat down. I didn't cry, didn't make a sound. I've done so much crying over the past two weeks, I felt like all my energy was just..drained.

I didn't feel myself. People haven't been talking to me since I'm not as happy. Which I knew was going to happen. Everyone only likes me when I act like they all want me to act. I'm just a tool for everyone else.

I'm sick of being used. Of being told what to do. I'm so exhausted. I lean my head on the stall and just close my eyes and try to go away to a world where I never had to be strong for my parents, my friends, and even just strangers.

A world where I have my mom back in my life, where my dad and everyone else in this town would let me be myself.

I really am just selfish.

-

Two months ago...

"Logan, where are we going?" I asked, smiling.

My eyes were closed and Logan had his hand over them as well just in case.

"You'll see in a moment." He told me.

"You're not kidnapping me, are you?" I asked jokingly.

"Of course not. I would never do such a thing to you."

I couldn't stop smiling. He did promise to take me somewhere, but he didn't give me any hints as to where. He asked me earlier if I was free after school and, of course, I said yes. Just in case this was the surprise he was telling me about, I fixed my hair and wore my pastel blue shirt with overalls.

"Now be cautious, because there is a hill we have to walk up."

"Ok!" I said.

Sure enough, we climbed up a hill, Logan cautioning me if there were any logs or rocks in the way. Finally, we stopped once the ground was level.

"Alright, Patton. You can open your eyes in three..." He moved his hands away as I kept my eyes shut. "Two...one...alright, you can open your eyes now."

I opened my eyes and covered my mouth in awe from what was in front of me. A checkered blanket was laid down neatly on the ground and on it was a picnic basket. The blanket was around a bunch of white flowers and under a large tree.

It was beautiful.

Logan looked at me, waiting for me to say something. I smiled and threw my arms around him. "I love it!"

A small smile danced on his lips. "I thought you might like something simple. I wanted to apologize for that incident in the kitchen."

"You're still worried about that? That was like a month ago. And besides," I said. "I should be the one to apologize. I was the one who ran away."

"Well, whoever's fault it was, I figured this would possibly make up for it. Did I do alright?"

"It's perfect."

We both sat down on the blanket and I eagerly opened the picnic basket. Inside were two italian hoagies, grape juice, apple slices, and chocolate chip cookies.

"I know it isn't fancy, but we're underaged so we can't drink wine and this was all I could put together given my short amount of time to prepare today and-"

"Logan," I interrupted him. "Don't worry, everything is amazing. You did everything I could've ever asked for."

My answer seemed to calm him as he nodded, taking out a hoagie and handing it to me. We began eating in silence, which didn't bother me too much. I looked out at the beautiful view our little spot provided.

Eventually when I finished my hoagie, I turned to eat some apple slices and caught Logan watching me. Our eyes met.

"What? Is there something on my face?"

"Patton, I'm afraid I have to confess something."

Oh no.

"Hm?"

"It must be quite obvious, but I don't want to continue this relationship with you if it's just going to be platonic."

"What are you saying? That you don't want to be my friend anymore??" I said, starting to panic.

Of course! It all made sense now. He's just trying to let me off easy by taking me here because he doesn't want me to hate him and I should've realized and-

"Patton, calm down. I don't want to be your friend anymore because.."

...

"Well, because I want an intimate relationship with you, Patton."

"W..What are you saying?" I asked. I knew exactly what he was saying, but I was so shocked I needed him to say it again.

Logan took my hand and looked me in the eyes. "Patton Tyler, will you be my boyfriend?"

My eyes teared up as I smiled. "Logan Smith, of course I'll be your boyfriend!"

Logan suddenly sighed a breath of relief. "Well that settles that dilemma. I was terrified."

I giggled and pulled him into a kiss. He immediately pulled me closer and let his hands rest on my waist as I ran my hands through his hair.

It was magical. He was magical.

I never wanted this day to end.

We eventually pulled away and Logan's normally pale face was so incredibly flustered, and his glasses were tilted. I giggled and fixed his glasses, kissing him quickly again.

"W-we should probably eat the rest of the food before it goes to waste." Logan said, adjusting his tie.

"Okie!" I said.

If I'm completely honest, we both ate the rest of the food rather quickly. The sun began to set by the time we were done, and the wind was picking up. I shivered, rubbing my hands on my arms trying to warm up.

Logan eventually took his jacket off and forced me to put it on.

"Won't you be cold, though?" I asked worriedly.

"I'm used to the cold. Besides, it's the gentlemanly thing to do."

My face hurt from smiling, but I couldn't stop. Logan was so adorable it made my heart melt.

We talked about random things for the rest of the night. Our future, passions, favorite bands.

"I thought you didn't listen to music." I said, as I laid down next to Logan, snuggling close to him for extra warmth.

"I thought I didn't either until Virgil told me about Pink Floyd. They're an old band, but I quite enjoy their music."

Eventually the sun went down and the stars came out. I sat up quickly.

"Patton, what are you-"

I stood up and ran out from under the tree to get a better look at the stars. Logan called after me and got up as well, chasing after me.

I stood in the middle of the field and looked up, amazed at the star covered sky. You'd never get this clear of a view from inside of town. Logan eventually stopped by my side, catching his breath. He looked up as well.

"You ran all the way out here just to see the stars?"

"Yeah! I've never seen them so clearly before."

"Really? I used to get skies that were clearer than this. I've even gone to see the northern lights with my mother and my..my sister." Logan hesitated, as his expression changed.

I looked at him, worry clear as day on my face. He saw my worry and immediately dismissed it.

"Don't worry, Patton. It's nothing to concern yourself over."

"Alright.."

We grew silent for a moment, until I spoke again.

"Hey Logan..?"

"Yes, Patton?"

"Someday, when we're older, will you take me to see the northern lights?"

Logan just looked at me for a few moments. For a second, I thought I did something wrong. I was about to apologize, but he began to smile.

"Of course, Patton."

I smiled and hugged him. He eventually hugged me back and we just stood there, hugging under the stars. Eventually Logan moved his face towards mine and kissed me again. He tasted like the juice we drank earlier.

I wrapped my arms around his neck as we continued kissing. I finally pulled away to catch my breath. Logan kissed my cheek. I giggled and blushed. I couldn't get over how cute Logan was being.

Sadly, Logan checked his watch. "It's almost 10:30, I should get you home before your father begins to worry."

"Aww, do you have to?"

"I'm afraid so, Patton. I do apologize."

"Fine," I pouted. "You're no fun."

"I'm sure you don't mean that."

I tried hard not to smile, but it was no use. "Yeah..I don't."

I kissed Logan one more time before I ran back up the hill. We packed up our things, and began the walk back to Logan's truck. The drive home was peaceful. Logan let me talk about some of the short stories I was writing.

"One's about a girl who's in a coma and she falls in love with the man in her dreams. And near the end of the story she wakes up and is devastated because she finds out her love isn't real."

Logan, not taking his eyes off the road, replied. "Isn't that a bit sad? It doesn't seem like something you'd write about."

"Wait, wait, I'm not finished explaining!" I scolded him.

Logan chuckled. "Alright, I apologize. Continue."

"Anyways, so she's really sad because she just wants to see her love again. So she tries to go back into a coma. But the nurses stop her and she moves into a different room and stuff."

"Wow.."

"Yeah. So she's moved into a different room with another patient, but they didn't see each other because of the curtain that separated them."

"And so eventually, she starts talking to the other patient. And though they never responds, she keeps talking anyway. And then eventually the other patient moves the curtain and it's the same guy from her dream!"

Logan nodded slowly.

"And then they fall in love all over again once they get out of the hospital and that's really all I have."

Logan was quiet for a moment. "Patton that's...that's beautiful."

"Really? I don't think it's that great, actually. I thought about it once when I was lying in bed one night."

"You truly do have a gift." Logan said. I felt the heat rush to my face as I smiled.

"You don't mean that."

"I'm quite sure I do." He said.

Logan pulled into my driveway and put the truck into park. "Would you like me to walk you to the door?"

"Nah, I don't want my dad to freak out."

"Alright. Goodnight, Patton."

I kissed him one last time before I unbuckled. "I love you, Lo."

"As I do you, Patton."

I smiled as I got out of the car and made my way inside.

-

one month ago...

"Logan's just been really distant with me lately, and I don't know why." I confessed to Virgil, who was over at my house to help with a project due tomorrow.

"I mean, Logan's always been kinda distant, but I guess I see your point. He's been acting off."

"Do you think it was something I did? Oh god, I probably hurt his feelings when I called him a nerd yesterday. I was only joking and-"

"Patton, calm down. You sound like me. I'm sure Logan is just being his usual self and you're just getting paranoid."

"I really don't think that's right, but I'll take it for now." I said.