《that's life » s. hyde》[48] what is and what never should be
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Izzy sat at the kitchen table, eating breakfast with Hyde and her family while Eric was on the phone with Donna.
"Okay. I love you too, snookums." Izzy made a face. "I'll see you after school. I love you! I love you more! No, I love you more!" He paused. "Okay, bye."
"Oh my god, barf." Izzy said, scrunching her nose.
Hyde nodded. "Yeah, Forman, you mind not getting all gooey and romantic while I'm trying to eat my breakfast?"
"Oh, like you two can talk. You're always canoodling whenever you get the chance!"
Izzy glared at Eric. "At least we don't use words like canoodle. Or snookums."
Red took a sip of coffee. "Hey. Language, Isabelle."
"What? All I said was- But- I- Eric said it first! Steven, back me up!"
Hyde snickered. "Sorry, snookums."
"So," Kitty said, coming over with food. "Everybody hungry?" There was a chorus of positive responses, and Kitty started dishing out scrambled eggs for herself first. "Ladies first."
When she kept putting more on her plate, Eric chuckled. "Or ladies only." He looked over at Izzy. "Yes, I intended for that to hurt you."
"Wh- Dad!"
"Eric, quit calling your sister a boy."
"Well, you know," Kitty said, wringing her hands nervously. "The food's not all for me. I'm eating for two now."
Everyone looked up at her, a mix of confusion and shock on their faces. "What?"
"I'm pregnant!"
There was a pause.
"Oh god, no!" Red said, then quickly realized his error. "I mean... great." He paused. "I mean, Kitty. Are you... are you sure you're pregnant? Maybe you're just putting on your winter weight!"
Izzy's eyes widened. "Oh, Dad. No."
"A woman knows!" Kitty said. "Not to mention, I'm late. And not for work." The boys looked confused. "For my menstrual cycle, hooray!"
Hyde stood up. "That is great news, Mrs. Forman!" He said excitedly, giving Kitty a hug and kissing her on the cheek. "Now. Stay away from those smokes. You smoke when you're pregnant and they come out all..." he looked at Eric. "Spindly."
"Shut up." Eric said as he Izzy quickly stood up as well. "Mom, congratulations, this is awesome!"
Izzy nodded and hugged her mother. "Please, just remember. I'll always be the talented and smart child."
They all looked over at Red to see him staring straight ahead in shock.
"Well, you're sure being quiet over there, Red." Kitty said cheerfully.
"I'm... soaking in the moment!"
"Okay, I- I know this is unexpected, but I just think it will bring us so much happiness, don't you?"
"Sure." He sighed. "You know how much I love babies."
Kitty clapped her hands together excitedly. "Oh, what a day! I am so happy! I just... I'm just gonna go throw up!" Once she was out of the room, the kids all sat back down to continue eating.
"I just don't understand how this could have happened." Red said quietly.
"Hm. Maybe it's about time we had the talk." Eric said. "You see, when a boy loves a girl-"
Hyde held up a finger. "He doesn't have to love her."
"That's true."
Izzy gasped and looked over at Hyde. "Steven!"
"Wh- Izzy Bee, it was a joke!"
"Say you love me right now."
"I don't get why-"
"Say it!"
"Fine, I love you!" Izzy giggled and rested her head on his shoulder. He looked down at her with a small smile. "You happy now?"
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"Yes."
Eric scowled at the two of them, then turned back to Red. "Anywho, the boy's sexual organs-"
"Hey! Shut it, dumbass!"
Eric chuckled. "Boy, that kid's gonna love it here."
-
Hyde, Kelso, and Fez were all playing basketball in the driveway that afternoon, while Izzy was sitting on the Cruiser and Eric was off to the side, telling Donna about the news.
"I can't believe they're having a baby!" Donna said.
"I can't believe they're still having sex." Eric responded. "I mean, my dad's back goes out if you look at him wrong."
Hyde caught the ball and looked over. "That's why she was probably on top," he said with a shit-eating grin.
Izzy scowled. "Steven, you're being gross today."
"How is Steven being gross just today? Isn't it, like, every day?" Kelso giggled. Hyde threw the basketball at Kelso's crotch, who let out a girly scream and fell to his knees. "Not fair!"
Eric sighed. "I guess that's why you wear protection. Every damn time."
"Except for the first time--free pass!" Kelso said. Izzy leaned over and hit him in the crotch, making him keel over again.
"Oh Kelso, that is just a myth." Fez said. "You're only safe if you do it underwater, right Hyde?"
Hyde grinned. "That's right, buddy."
Kelso picked up the ball, only to drop it again right after. "Oops. Little help, Donna?"
She shrugged. "Sure." When she bent down to get it, all the guys started applauding her, making her stand back up quickly. "Catch this, tool!" She threw it at him, but this time Kelso was able to duck and watch as the ball went into the backyard.
"What was that for?"
"You keep dropping the ball!"
"Wh- So, I'm a butterfingers! Isn't that punishment enough? Now look, the ball's all the way over there in the backyard."
Izzy sighed. "I'll get it, you doofus." She turned and jogged towards the backyard, laughing as the boys applauded her as she went.
"Hey guys." Jackie said, walking up hand-in-hand with Nick.
"Hey, Jackie." Donna said, being the only one to speak up. Fez and Kelso were giggling at Eric--who was scowling at the two of them--and Hyde, who looked as though he had seen a ghost.
"Jackie?" He asked slowly, his eyes trained on Nick. "What the hell is he doing here?"
Nick took in a breath, then offered him a slight smile. "Hey, man."
Hyde's jaw clenched. "I asked a question."
"Oh." Jackie scratched her nose absentmindedly. "Um... Nick is... kind of my boyfriend now."
Eric raised his eyebrows. "Well, it's your lucky day. Izzy's just getting the ball from the backyard, so you'll have the chance to tell her all about your little relationship."
Hyde was taken aback. "Izzy doesn't know?"
"No. We, uh, we wanted to tell her soon, though. Jackie just didn't know how."
Everyone watched as Hyde took a step towards Nick. "Look man, she just got some really great news about her family. I don't want you fucking up her mood. So I suggest you get your ass out of her driveway before I do it for you."
Nick paused, then nodded. He leaned down and kissed Jackie, and everyone made overexaggerated grossed-out sounds. "Bye, Jackie."
"Bye, Nick." She said with a smile.
She watched as Nick walked away, and right when he turned the corner, Izzy came back.
"Wow, Jackie." Hyde said bitterly. "Check out your luck today."
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Izzy handed Hyde the ball. "What's going on? Ooh, Jackie, where've you been?"
Jackie's eyes widened. "Um... I went to the movies! Right, Donna?"
"Oh, I don't know," Donna said. "I came here straight after school. But I'm really interested in this movie, why don't you tell Izzy all about it?"
"Donna!" Jackie paused. "Fine. You know, it's that new movie... starring that big, red whore?"
"Oh, you mean the one where the big, red whore is sick of people keeping secrets?"
"No, no... The one where the big, red whore keeps sticking her big, red nose in places where it doesn't belong."
"Hey." Eric said. "Watch what you say about the big, red whore."
"Thank you, Eric." Fez turned to Jackie with pain in his eyes. "What did Sissy Spacek ever do to you?" He sniffed, then turned and walked away.
Kelso sighed. "Way to go, guys. You know how he feels about Sissy!" He turned and chased after Fez. "Fez, wait!"
Izzy laughed. "Well it sounds like a fun movie, I'd love to see it sometime. Steven, maybe we could go-" She stopped when she saw the expression on her boyfriend's face. "Hey, you okay?" When he didn't respond, she noticed the others were all watching her. She laughed nervously. "Okay, what's going on?"
Hyde's jaw clenched, eyes trained on Jackie. "Nothing." He turned to Izzy, his eyes softening. "Why don't you head downstairs and see what's on TV? I'll be down there in a minute."
She laughed nervously again. "Um... okay."
The rest of them watched as she walked into the kitchen, and their conversation didn't resume until the living room door had closed behind her.
Jackie sighed. "Donna! What is with you?!"
"I'm sick of covering for your creepy, unnatural relationship. And I shouldn't have to! I mean, come on. You and Izzy have been friends forever, you need to tell her!"
Eric nodded. "Yeah, this is way worse than when you borrowed her paintbrushes for school and gave them back all covered in glue."
Hyde stood there silently. Eric and Donna both looked at him, expecting him to start yelling, but he said nothing.
"You know what, Jackie? Forget it." Donna said. "You obviously don't care about Izzy, or any of the rest of us."
"Yeah, cause when this blows up, we're all screwed."
Eric and Donna walked into the kitchen, leaving Jackie and Hyde alone outside.
Jackie stood there, arms crossed, eyebrows raised, like she was daring Hyde to speak. He stood opposite her, looking down at her through his shades.
They stood like that for a moment, before Jackie scoffed. "Whatever, I'm going downstairs."
He turned around. "Didn't think you'd be the type to settle for hand-me-downs."
When she stopped in her tracks, he walked past her into the kitchen. As he passed her, he said quietly, "Where's Laurie when you need her?"
-
Down in the basement, Izzy, Eric, and Kitty were looking in boxes for the baby stuff.
"Oh, Eric, look!" Kitty said. "Your little pink baby sweater!" She gasped. "And the matching bonnet!"
"Um... had they explained to you yet that I was a boy?"
Izzy laughed and took the sweater from Kitty, admiring it. "The sad thing is that I'd totally wear this sweater now."
Kitty looked up at her, eyes wide. "You would? Oh, I'll make you one!"
Eric chuckled. "Wow, Izzy. You're gonna look even more like a freshman now."
"Shut up! Just because I'm short-"
"You look like a freshman."
"Okay just because I wear ribbons in my hair-"
"Freshman!"
Kitty took the sweater back from Izzy to fold it up and put it away. "Oh, I am just so excited about this baby."
Eric smiled. "Well, yeah. You should be."
"And Daddy should be too! What's with him, anyway?"
Kitty shook her head. "Oh, no. That's just his way, he'll be fine. When I first told him we were having twins, he said 'Oh, crap,' and stormed out. But then he came back, happy as a clam! And then, of course, when you got older, he got mad again." She laughed. "On account of Eric not being so very good at sports." She paused, and smiled at the twins. "Don't worry about your father. He'll come around, he always does."
Kitty left the room, and Eric turned to Izzy. "It sucks that Dad isn't happy about this."
Izzy nodded and sat down on Hyde's bed. "I know." She paused, then let out a breath. "God, I can't believe we're gonna have a little sibling."
He chuckled. "Well I already have a little sibling, and she sucks."
"Hey!" She looked down at the box he was going through and gasped. "Oh my god, my banky-boo!" He laughed and tossed it to her, and she hugged it tightly.
Hyde came into his room, looking at Izzy confusedly. "Hey, Izzy Bee, whatcha got there?" He asked as Eric stood idly by, laughing.
Izzy's cheeks reddened. "Uh..."
"It's her banky-boo!" Eric laughed loudly, running out of the room.
"Eric!"
Hyde chuckled and sat down next to her, taking the little blanket from her and admiring it. "So, you wanna go down to the Hub and bully your old boss?"
Izzy smiled and looked up at him, taking his sunglasses off him and setting them beside her so she could see his eyes properly. "Jackie's coming over in a few minutes for ice cream. You know, I haven't had much girl time since getting home from California, I've been spending most of it with you."
"Damn, am I really that bad of company?"
"You know what I mean! I miss her. I barely know what's going on in her life, y'know?"
He scoffed. "You don't want to know what's going on in her life."
Izzy furrowed her brow. "Why?"
"Uh... nothing, no reason. You guys have fun, okay?"
She smiled and gave him a lingering kiss. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
-
"So you and Steven finally made love?" Jackie asked, sitting on Izzy's bed alongside Donna.
Izzy scrunched up her nose. "Ew. Made love sounds so gross. Just say do it, it sounds much classier."
Donna chuckled. "I'm just glad you did it before Fez. Otherwise we all know Kelso would never let you hear the end of it."
"Ugh, Michael. He's so immature." Jackie paused. "So, Izzy. How was it?"
Izzy paused, messing with the fabric of her dress awkwardly. Donna and Jackie shared a knowing look.
"Listen," Donna sighed. "Our first times kinda sucked, too. It's nothing to make a big deal about, y'know?"
Izzy bit her lip and looked up at her ceiling. "No, no... I'm just trying to describe it with one word." She paused, and Donna and Jackie looked confused. "I got it. Intoxicating."
Jackie raised her eyebrows. "Really? He's good?"
"Never woulda guessed." Donna chuckled.
Izzy shrugged. "I dunno. It just felt like... ugh, whatever I say is gonna sound like such girly crap! But..." She trailed off, a dreamy smile on her face. "Let's go make sundaes."
Jackie looked at Donna, a grin on her face. "She's blushing."
"I am not!"
"You so are!" Donna laughed.
Izzy huffed and stood up. "Fine, I'll make my sundae alone, then."
"No!"
-
Sitting at the kitchen table, Izzy was enjoying her ice cream with the girls, plus Kitty and Eric.
"And here I am, ecstatic, and Red comes home babbling about his precious Corvette." Kitty said upsettingly. "I'll tell you something. I may be the one who's pregnant, but I did not get that way by myself. He's the one who wouldn't go to sleep!"
"You know, Mrs. Forman, there are other ways of dealing with that." Jackie pointed out. "Have you tried telling him you just like him as a friend?"
Donna scowled, taking an angry bite of ice cream. "You're carrying Red's baby! He should be kissing your ass! God! Why are men such jerks? Huh?" She turned to Eric. "Tell me!"
Eric stared at the girls, who were all looking at him expectantly. He held up an empty bowl and spoon. "I just... came in here for the ice cream. So... I'm just gonna make mine and go."
Izzy rolled her eyes and handed him the chocolate sauce. "See? Men can't do a simple thing without the help of a girl. You know, Steven doesn't even know what a ficka is?"
Donna furrowed her brow. "Do you... mean FICA?"
Izzy held up a finger. "Not the point I'm trying to make, Donna!"
"Men plant their seed and think their work is done," Kitty said. "But women have a being growing inside of us the size of a wine jug! It's gotta come out somehow! Ooh, ooh, it's kind of like that nature show? Where the snake eats the antelope in one bite, and you're thinking 'Impossible!' but then it... it unhinges its jaw and in it goes! Well, giving birth is just like that, only the other direction."
Izzy sighed. "Man, screw that. Dad should be holding your hand and telling you it's okay, because you can't do that alone!"
"And no woman should have to!" Eric took an angry bite of his ice cream. "Bastard."
-
The next day, Jackie and Nick were out on a dinner date; he intended to drop her off at the Formans' when the night was over, so she could make the movie night with the gang. When that time came, they checked to make sure Izzy wasn't in the kitchen before Nick walked her up.
"I had a really great time tonight." She said, walking up to the driveway with him.
He nodded. "Me, too." He stopped her and she turned to face him. "So..." Taking both her hands in his, he gave her a small smile. "Did you tell Izzy yet?"
"Oh. Well, um... I was gonna tell her yesterday, but Donna was there, too, and I-"
"So? Donna knows already."
"I know, I know, I just... I need more time. Everyone knows now, it's just Izzy we have to worry about."
He sighed. "Yeah. You're right, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be pushy-"
"Hey! I like pushy, okay? This whole thing, it's... it's like setting your hair! If you don't wait long enough, then it's totally flat and bleh. You know, like Donna's. But, if you wait just the right amount of time, then it's perfect! Like mine!"
He chuckled. "I hate getting roped into these secret relationship things. Girls are just so fickle-"
"Okay, Mr. I-own-four-cars!" Jackie laughed.
He chuckled. "Man, Hyde looked mad when he found out."
Jackie paused. She hadn't told Nick that Izzy and Hyde started dating shortly after the two of them broke up. Honestly, she wasn't planning on ever telling him, since she never planned on getting serious with Nick in the first place.
"I don't blame him, though." Nick continued. "They're close friends. I'd be protective, too." He smiled and pulled her in for a kiss.
As he did, Eric and Donna came into the kitchen, with Izzy following closely behind them.
"So that's what an adultress is!" Izzy giggled. "I always thought it was a tiny adult."
Donna shook her head. "Man, you and Kelso are more alike than we think sometimes."
Eric laughed in agreement, then spotted what was happening outside the window. His face paled, and he turned around to see Izzy looking through the fridge. "Hey, uh... Izzy, why don't you say we take this party back into the living room, huh?"
Donna quickly saw what was going on behind Eric, and her eyes widened. "Uh, yeah, that's a good idea!"
Izzy laughed, standing up. "Wait, I thought you wanted me to make chocolate chip-" She laughed loudly. "Oh shit, why is Nick here?!" She looked over at Eric, still giggling, who just looked back at her sadly.
She looked back outside. "Why is Jackie talking to him?" She asked, her voice was more serious, but it still had the tone that told the others Izzy hadn't put two and two together quite yet. Like Eric always said, she's insanely smart, but the biggest dumbass in the family. A stupid genius, if you will.
Her smile dropped when she saw their lips connect. "Why... why is Jackie kissing him?" She looked over at Donna, who couldn't meet her eyes.
The realization hit Izzy like an oncoming truck. Tears welled in her eyes and she raised a shaking hand to her mouth. "He's the guy." She said weakly. "Oh, my god." She turned and rushed into the living room. Eric and Donna shared a worried look, then quickly followed.
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