Streaking

The gang was all in the basement again, minus Eric. Donna was on the couch and Jackie was on top of the dryer, both reading magazines. Kelso was teaching Hyde and Fez how to make their arms float. Izzy was messing around with her camera, taking pictures of her friends doing pointless things.

Eric came jogging down the stairs with a few sodas in his hands. "Ugh, finally! Oh my god, I'm so dehydrated."

Eric held out a soda to Jackie. Oh here, Piggly-Wiggly Diet Cream Soda."

Jackie scoffed. "I told you my top three choices were Tab, Fresca or Diet Rite!"

Eric smiled sarcastically. "Again, you get Piggly-Wiggly Diet Cream Soda."

"Jackie, quit complaining. It's all we have." Izzy said, huffing. She went and sat at Hyde's feet like usual, and he ruffled her hair as she did.

"Then I'll just have water."

"You know, there's a hose in the backyard." Donna said, making Izzy and Eric laugh.

"I've noticed that the pop-selection has really gone downhill since your dad got laid off." Kelso said. His words made Izzy stiffen up. She was touchy about her family's financial situation. She knew, and she knew that everybody else knew, and she hated it.

"He's not laid off. He's just part time." Izzy said quietly.

"And shut up!" Eric said, speaking for both him and Izzy.

The gang all heard footsteps coming from upstairs. They looked over and saw that Kitty was running downstairs excitedly. "Kids, kids, kids! The President is coming!" Hyde looked at Izzy, amused and confused at what her mother was saying.

"What president?" Izzy asked.

"The President of the United States: Gerald R. Ford! The 36th- 8th- 40th... I don't know, he's the President!"

Eric looked puzzled. "Why would Ford come to Point Place?"

Jackie shrugged. "Because we are a whistle stop along his Wisconsin-campaign trail. My dad organized it!"

This stopped Kitty in her tracks. She looked at Jackie very seriously. "Dear, the next time you know a president is coming to town, please give me a little more notice. I need to vacuum! Eric, Izzy, you tidy up this basement. A pie, I gotta make a pie!" And then she ran back upstairs.

"Wow, the President is coming." Eric commented.

"And we have to clean our basement for him?" Izzy said, silently questioning her mom's sanity.

-

That night, at the dinner table, Red turned to Eric. "So, how's the car?"

Eric nodded. "Real good."

"By real good you mean you've rotated those tires like I asked you to?" Red asked.

"Dad, don't they rotate every time I drive?"

"You're being a smartmouth?"

"Yes, he is, and he's sorry." Izzy said after seeing Eric's smug grin.

Red just turned and looked at his food. "Tuna casserole again?"

"Well OK, how about we don't pay the car insurance and we'll all have steak." Kitty said, nervously laughing. "Well, just imagine. President Ford is coming here. Ah Red, we need to get rid of the oil stains in the driveway!"

"It's not like he's coming to our house and if he did, I'd kick him in the keister." Red said.

Izzy nodded and pointed her fork at her father. "I like the way you think."

"Oh stop it, you two! How can you say that? Red, you voted for Gerald Ford."

Red looked confused. "Kitty... No one voted for Gerald Ford."

"But he still is our President!" Kitty protested.

"Oh the boy's old enough to hear that kind of talk. Eric, say that your job was sent to a plant in Guatela-who-the-hell-cares. Now, are you gonna vote for the guy that let that happen?"

"Daddy, President Ford didn't take your job, he took Nixon's." Izzy stated simply, taking a bite.

"Very nice, sweetheart." Red said, not listening to what Izzy said. "Eric, we're waiting."

"Ah well...I believe that everyone's political opinion is valid and worth hearing." Eric said.

"Very well said, Eric." Kitty said, patting his shoulder.

Red frowned. "Yes that's perfect, Eric. Use that line when you run for Miss America."

-

The next day, the gang was all present at the school assembly in the auditorium. They stood, leaning against the back wall, waiting for this to be done and over with. They stood in a line, the order being Fez, Kelso, Eric, Hyde with an arm around Izzy, and Donna.

"Settle down and we'll start the assembly." The principal droned. "Now, concerning the canned goods drive. Motor Oil is not a food." Izzy and Hyde started booing, and soon everyone joined in. "I'm sorry, it's not, and all your booing isn't gonna make it one. Now, as you all know, President Ford will be visiting our fair city. And I know there are some of you ne'er-do-wells out there that might be planning some sort of quote-unquote 'social statement' type protest."

Hyde rolled his eyes. "I can't believe this. Who cares if Ford is coming?"

"Mom." Izzy said plainly.

"Well, it's better than when the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile drove through." Eric said.

Donna chuckled. "They didn't even stop. They just threw out a bunch of hot dog whistles at us."

"Two girls in a phallic RV, driving around handing out things you blow." Hyde sighed contently. "What a great country!"

Izzy smacked him on his chest, laughing. "Shut up, you perv."

Their principal continued talking. "So let me tell you another thing, Mr. or Mrs. Punk. Protesting accomplishes nothing." A lightbulb seemingly went off over Hyde's head, making him raise his eyebrows. "Oh sure, you might see a chance to prove your manhood or show you're cool." Eric caught on, his face lighting up. "But this is our President. Our President, darn it! So no shenanigans, you hear me!" Kelso grinned, for once understanding what was going on. "If that's your kind of attitude, you might just as well go home right now." And with that, Fez left the room.

-

That evening, in the Forman's basement, everyone except for Jackie was hanging out, discussing the President's visit.

"Look guys," Hyde said, "we gotta do something that says we will not pay homage to a corrupt electoral system."

Fez perked up. "I know; a bloody coup!

Hyde stopped pacing. "That's good, but we're looking for something great. Something that would make our founding fathers proud, man. You know?

Izzy chuckled, sitting in Hyde's chair. "In that case, you guys should do something really stupid. Like streak."

Hyde perked up. "Bingo!" He cheered.

Izzy's jaw dropped. "I was joking, you dumbass!"

"I've always wanted to do that!" Kelso yelled. "Just run buck-naked through a sea of people. Be free and shake it around! All right, who's in?"

"Will people be chasing us with torches and pointy sticks?" Fez asked.

"No!" Kelso replied.

"Then I am in!"

"Great! Eric, are you in?" Kelso asked.

Eric thought for a moment, stuttering out his words. "Ok, streaking, I'm... Don't get me wrong, I'm completely pro-nudity. But I think my dad might kill me and I'm anti-being killed."

Hyde set a hand on Eric's shoulder. "Hey, if there wasn't some huge downside to doing something this stupid, it wouldn't be worth doing, ya know?"

"Good point." Donna said sarcastically.

"Donna, don't encourage them!" Izzy whined. "This is insane."

"Oh, oh, and I could write some really great slogan like 'I hate the fuzz' on my ass!" Hyde said, grinning.

Izzy ran her hands over her face. "This is not going to end well."

-

The day the President was coming, Eric and Izzy went into their kitchen to find their parents already talking.

"Hey Daddy, Mr. Pinciotti wanted us to give you this." Izzy said, handing Red a folded-up notecard.

"What is it?" Her father asked.

"That's your question for President Ford." Eric said.

Red looked confused. "But I'm working on my question for President Ford."

"Right, well this is the one the committee made up for you." Eric explained.

Red looked at the card. "'What has been your favorite parade'? This is asinine!"

"Macy's." Kitty said, smiling.

"Really? I like the Rose Parade." Izzy said.

"Hey dad, can I borrow your trench coat?" Eric asked.

"I can ask the President any damn thing I want." Bob said, mostly to himself. "It's my right. I'm not gonna be a puppet for Bob's committee."

"I'll take really good care of it, and I'll bring it back as soon as I possibly can." Eric continued.

"Honey, just take the coat and leave." Kitty whispered.

"No, Eric, a man has to stand up and be heard. I will not sit quietly by, while everything is taken away from me. They took my job, my stability... Now they wanna take away my right to free speech."

Izzy's breath hitched. She knew her father to be an angry guy. A very angry guy. But she never knew him to be the kind of person to feel small. It scared her. Hurt her, even.

"You still have the Toyota, it gets great mileage." Kitty said meekly.

"Where's the America I knew as a boy? Where? You tell me, dear God. Where?"

There were a few moments of silence. Eric leaned over to his sister and whispered, "Can we please leave?" And without another word, the two rushed out of the room.

-

Later that day, the gang was all standing around in the Forman's driveway. The guys were all wearing trench coats, and Izzy couldn't believe they were actually going through with this.

Actually, that's a lie. She'd be shocked they didn't at least make fools of themselves trying.

"Ok, when the President starts his speech, I'll blow my Oscar Mayer whistle and we go!" Hyde said.

"Hey, did you write 'I hate the fuzz' on your ass?" Eric asked.

"Yeah. Izzy, here's your lipstick back." Hyde said, handing Izzy her favorite tube of red lipstick.

Izzy made a face and waved him off. "Keep it," she said, which made Hyde laugh and pull her to his side by her waist. She squealed, playfully hitting him to let her go.

"You've got the masks?" Eric asked, making Izzy and Hyde realize who they were around. Izzy stopped hitting Hyde, but he didn't let go.

"Yeah," Hyde said. "I've got three Snoopys and one Nixon."

At all the same time, Kelso, Hyde, and Fez touched their finger to their nose and said, "Not it!" Leaving Eric standing there.

"Damn. Fez, how did you know how to do that?"

Fez grinned. "My country invented 'not it.'"

"So can we go already? I'm itching to let loose the hound here!" Kelso said.

Hyde put his fist in the center. "It's go-time." He said, followed by all the other guys putting in their fists. Izzy felt left out, standing with Hyde but not participating, so she put in one finger, touching Hyde's fist jokingly. This made him laugh and bury his head into her neck, which made her squeal.

Kitty walked out of the house, and immediately Hyde let go of Izzy. "Oh well now, look at you guys! What is it with you young people and Columbo?"

Eric stood there awkwardly, then just said, "Bye." And everyone turned around to leave, leaving Donna to go back home to be embarrassed by her Dad.

-

When they got to the school, Izzy wandered off to go find Jackie. She found her in the bathroom, fixing her makeup.

"Knew I'd find you in here."

"Beauty isn't a crime, Izzy. You should put on that red lipstick you've got, it would go great with that top."

Izzy grimaced. "N'thanks."

Izzy waited for Jackie to be done, and they left the bathroom, walking down the hall, when they heard a smug, "Hey." They looked over, and leaning on the lockers were two guys, probably either seniors or maybe even college students. "How're you girls doin?" The one with darker hair asked.

Jackie smiled sweetly, but had pure venom in her voice when she said, "I have a boyfriend."

"What about you, Blondie?" The other one asked, looking at Izzy.

"Me? Nope, no... no boyfriend."

"That's not true. Get away from her." Izzy and Jackie looked over to see Hyde walking up and in front of Izzy.

"Steven, what are you doing?" Izzy hissed at him.

"Funny, she said she doesn't have one." One of the guys said.

"The other bitch does, but that won't stop me from-" The other guy didn't even get his full sentence out before Kelso came up and shoved him.

The guy walked back up to Kelso. "Hey man, you wanna go?"

"Let's go"! Kelso started to take off his coat to fight, but the other guys pulled him back. "You are so lucky I'm naked, pal!"

As the gang walked into the auditorium, Izzy and Hyde hung back. "What the hell was that for?" Izzy asked, her voice calm but her eyes clearly angry.

Hyde avoided her gaze and stared at a spot on the wall behind her. "Those guys are trouble, Izzy Bee."

"You don't know them!"

"I don't have to." Hyde looked at Izzy. "You're better than them." Without another word, Hyde walked into the auditorium, leaving Izzy standing there, feeling like an idiot.

When Izzy joined the group, they were already in the middle of a conversation, until Hyde said, "Oh man, I just thought of something!"

"What?" Eric asked

"What are we gonna do with our trench coats? We have to rip them off, we can't come back here and get them."

"Damn!" The boys said in unison.

"Oh God this is all my fault." Hyde said. "You know what, I'll hold the coats and you guys streak."

Kelso looked concerned. "I just thought of something too. We're naked... and there's a lot of dogs here. Maybe we should just sit down."

"I'm in." Hyde said.

"Me too." Eric agreed, followed by Fez.

Izzy breathed a sigh of relief as they all took their seats. "Oh thank god."

"Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States of America: Gerald R. Ford!" Mr. Burkhart introduced. Everyone watched as the president approached the podium, and fell over several times on his way there.

A little later in the assembly, Mr. Burkhart came back up. "Now it's time for our Q&A portion of our program. First up, I'd like to introduce Red Forman." Red stood up and Izzy reached over Kelso to take Eric's hand in hers, silently cheering for their father. "Red is a father of three wonderful children, and how he's managed to keep them clothed and fed when being cut back to half time at the plant is beyond me. But he doesn't blame the President for his misfortune. No Sir, he only blames himself. I give you, Red Forman!"

Red took a breath. "Um... Mr. President... I, uh..." Izzy let go of Eric's hand. They could tell their father was choking. "I uh..."

"Come on, Red!" Mr. Burkhart whispered.

"Your dad is bombing!" Kelso said, his face red with a mixture of second-hand embarrassment and contained laughter.

In a flash, Eric put on the Nixon mask and stood up, throwing his coat on Donna's face. Immediately, Hyde covered Izzy's eyes, who then grabbed Hyde's wrists to reassure he wouldn't move them.

"Wee wee! Pee pee! Wee wee! Pee pee!" Eric yelled, flashing peace signs, before running out the other door, followed by the secret service agents.

There was a moment of silence before Hyde moved his hands. Red looked up, his confidence regained. "Hey, Gerry, here's my question: How the hell could you pardon Nixon?"

The audience erupted into cheers and Mr. Burkhart stood off to the side, a disgusted look on his face.

-

That night, Hyde offered to walk Izzy home. Jackie and Kelso were going home with her dad, Donna was going with her parents, Kitty and Red were already home, and Eric had to deal with some police.

So Izzy said yes.

It was a quiet walk. Hyde didn't have an arm around her, she wasn't smiling and laughing like she usually was.

"What happened earlier?" Izzy broke the silence, kicking dirt up with her shoes.

"You know what happened." Hyde said plainly, shoving his hands into his trench coat pockets.

"Why'd you tell that guy you're my boyfriend?"

Hyde sighed. "He was gonna take advantage of you."

"You don't know that, Steven."

"Guys know what guys are thinking. And the way he was looking at you... Don't ever get a guy who looks at you that way."

"What way?" Izzy asked with a hollow laugh.

"Like you're prey. You're worth more than that. I mean, look at you!" His voice regained some of the humor that was usually present. "If anything, you're a damn predator! Eric's the prey of the family!" Izzy laughed. Hyde sighed. "C'mere." He said, opening an arm up. She got closer and he put his arm around her shoulder.

They walked into the night together, taking a few laps around Izzy's block before they finally stopped in front of her back door, neither of them wanting to say goodbye.

"Night, Izzy Bee."

She smiled. "Why do you even call me that?" He shrugged. "Oh, before I forget. I'm working on a new piece right now in my room, and I need to clear up some space to hang it up once it's done... If you know anyone that wants some crappy paintings, let me know?"

Hyde tucked a strand of hair out of her face and behind her ear. "I'll take a look tomorrow."

"I didn't mean you."

"Sure you didn't."

He couldn't help but notice how her eyes twinkled in the moonlight, and how a smile didn't leave her lips, even as she waved goodbye from her bedroom window.