《that's life » s. hyde》[01] that 70s pilot
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Eric sat in the basement, wringing his hands nervously. Alongside him were his best friends, Hyde, Kelso, and Donna. Above him, the beat of music from his parents' era played loudly. The date was May 17, 1976, and the gang was currently trying to convince Eric to snag them some beer from the kitchen.
"Eric, it is time." Hyde said, leaning in.
Eric took in a breath. "Why don't you do it?"
"It's your house." Hyde said.
"Your house." Kelso repeated. Kelso was leaning over Hyde's shoulder, an intense look in his vacant eyes.
Hyde pointed upwards to the ceiling. "Listen to them up there. The party has reached critical mass. In ten minutes there will be no more beer opportunities."
"If my dad catches me coppin' beers, he'll kill me!" Eric protested.
Hyde slapped a hand onto Eric's knee. "I'm willing to take that risk."
"Don't worry about it," Kelso said, "just remain calm, keep moving-"
"And above all, don't get sucked into my dad's hair." Donna said.
Eric paused. "What's wrong with your dad's hair?"
"Just... don't look at it."
"And Eric," Hyde stood up dramatically, clutching Eric's head in his hands. "Cold. Definitely cold." With that, he patted his skinny friend on the shoulder and sent him to his inevitable doom.
Eric ran up the stairs, almost running into his mother, who was on the way out of the kitchen with hot pizza rolls. She cut through the crowd with ease, and Eric clung behind her, looking for some lone beer cans he could snag. Eventually, he found two in the living room. Right next to-
"Hi there Eric!"
"M- Mr. Pinciotti!" Eric said, staring at the top of Bob's head.
"So, Eric, how do you like Bob's new hair?" Said Bob's wife, Midge, as she came up and put an arm around Bob. "Isn't it groovy?"
This caused Eric's gaze to shift downward, toward Midge's low-cut, high-tied, sheer purple top. "It's... incredibly groovy, Mrs. Pinciotti."
As soon as Eric was able to free himself of that painful conversation, he grabbed a handful of beer cans from the bar and was quickly shut down stopped by his father. He stood there awkwardly as the parents talked about Toyotas and the gas crisis, but minutes later he managed to be running down the stairs, cheering "Beer! I got the- I got it!"
Hyde didn't even look up from behind his Playboy magazine. "Izzy beat you to it."
Eric looked up, confused. On the couch next to Kelso, in the previously empty spot, was Eric's twin sister Isabelle, her feet pulled up under her, flipping through a magazine and sipping her beer daintily.
"Damn it Izzy! How'd you get 'em? I didn't see you up there at all."
She shrugged. "I'm as stealthy as a panther."
"I've seen you trip over your own feet while standing still."
She smiled and looked up. "Garage fridge."
"Damn!"
Kelso started laughing. "Burn!" He yelled, putting an arm around Izzy. She didn't mind.
"Well anyway! I have news!" Eric said, opening a can of the warm beer he had brought down, not taking one of Izzy's cold ones out of pure sibling spite. "My dad is thinking of giving me the Vista Cruiser!"
"You're getting a car?!" Kelso said, a wide grin on his face.
"Ooh, have I told you how incredibly attractive you are, Eric?" Donna said with a lighthearted tone, leaning back in her seat.
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"No?" Eric said, raising an eyebrow. Izzy knew about Donna's feelings for her brother. She'd talk to Eric about it... but watching them both squirm was much funnier.
"You told me he was cute." Kelso said.
Donna looked down uncomfortably. "No- No I didn't..."
"Yeah, you did! I remember because you told me not to say anything in front of Eric." Kelso jerked his thumb in Eric's direction, completely aloof.
"Hey Izzy, aren't you upset you're not getting the car?" Donna asked, quickly trying to change the subject.
Izzy shrugged. "I don't have my license yet."
"Let's focus on what's important here, people." Hyde held up his beer can. "Eric and Izzy stole stuff! To the Forman twins!" He pushed his can into the air in a toast.
Donna joined in the toast quickly, but Kelso furrowed his eyebrows, confused. "But Izzy did it successfully. Eric just-"
Izzy pointed at him. "Eric also was a badass, just to a much lesser degree."
Eric playfully wiped a tear. "You know what? This is the proudest day of my life!"
"I'm gonna go see if Mom needs help with anything. Later losers." Isabelle said, walking upstairs.
She ended up staying upstairs the rest of the night, cleaning up after all the drunk parents. When she went back into the basement, it was just Hyde sitting in his usual chair.
"Where is everyone?"
He looked up from the tv. "Eric went to walk Donna home. Jackie called up askin' for Kelso."
"Ah." Isabelle went and sat on the couch.
They sat there for a few moments in silence, before Hyde asked, "Penny for your thoughts, Izzy Bee?"
She shrugged. He could read her though, and she knew that. They've known each other from day one.
-
Back in elementary school, Eric came home one day with a friend covered in dirt and with a curly mop of hair on the top of his head. The two, along with Michael Kelso, were playing basketball with the tiny hoop Red had set up in the driveway.
Isabelle walked out of the house, her long blonde hair done in pretty braids with pretty pink ribbons. "Hi Eric!" She said cheerfully, hands clasped behind her back as she rocked back and forth on her feet.
"Oh! Izzy what are you doing out here?"
"Mom said you have to let me hang out with you guys. She said she and Daddy want some 'adult time.'"
The curly-haired boy laughed. Kelso ran over and gave Isabelle a noogie. She went along with it, laughing and playfully hitting him until he let her go. Her hair was messy now, and her ribbons were no longer in their pretty little bows.
"Michael! What was that for?!" She asked, laughing.
He shrugged. "Why not?"
"But why though?!"
"Why not?"
"Fine, you can play with us!" Eric exclaimed. "Hyde, this is Isabelle, but you can call her Izzy. She's my little sister."
"Twin sister!" Isabelle corrected.
"My little twin sister."
"I like your bows, Isabelle." He paused. "Don't like your name, though. Isabelle... Sounds like an evil princess."
Izzy scowled. "Maybe I am one."
"No way. I can tell you're not evil." He searched his brain for a better nickname as she pulled the messed-up bows out of her hair. He spotted a small bee that was painted onto the bottom of the dress she was wearing, no doubt painted by her. "Bee. I like your bows, Izzy Bee."
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-
"I like your bow." Hyde said with a slight smirk. Izzy reached up and touched the bow that was placed so meticulously at the back of her head, where her half-updo was.
"Yeah, pink's my favorite-" She looked over, to see him holding in laughter, realizing that he was joking. She started laughing too, and threw a pillow at him. "You dick!" She said through her laughter. "My mom spent a lot of time on my hair tonight!"
Hyde held up his hands in defense, still laughing. "Sorry, sorry." He paused, turning back to the television. After a moment, he gave her a sideways glance. "Hey, listen. We were talking tonight about a concert that's in a few days. Todd Rundgren. We can go now that Eric might get the Cruiser. You down?"
Izzy smiled. "Very much down."
-
The next day, the gang found themselves back in the basement. Kelso had his arm around Jackie on one half of the couch. On the other seat was Eric, Donna sitting on the floor between his knees and Izzy in the lawn chair next to him. They were all watching The Brady Bunch with the volume on mute, narrating it themselves instead.
"Wow, Marcia! A football in the face, that's gotta hurt." Eric said, pretending to be Greg.
Donna threw up her hands in mock surprise. "Ouuuch! My nose!"
"That's gonna be huge in the morning."
"Huger than my boobs?"
"Well, bigger than the left one." Izzy mumbled, making Donna snort with laughter.
"Why are we watching this without the sound?" Jackie whined. "I am totally confused."
Izzy handed Jackie the cord that was on the table. "Here, use the earphone."
"So..." Kelso started. "What's the deal with the Vista Cruiser?"
"The deal is, there's no deal yet." Eric said, cut off by Jackie shushing him. Donna shot Jackie a glare that made her jump, but Kelso did lower his voice in compliance.
"How are we gonna get to the concert?" He whispered.
"Shh! Shut up!" Donna warned, her eyes glancing over to Jackie briefly.
Jackie took out the earphone. "What concert?"
"Todd Rundgren." Kelso said nervously.
"When?"
"This weekend." No one was shocked at Kelso's immediate obedience. He was always like this around Jackie.
"Oh! Who's going?"
Kelso laughed awkwardly and sat up. "Uh... Eric and Donna and me, Hyde, Izzy, and the foreign kid Fez. Pretty much everybody." Jackie started nodding, egging Kelso on to continue talking.
He paused nervously. "And... and you."
This answer satisfied Jackie. She smiled, patting Kelso's knee. "Oh! Good, good, good. Thank you for telling me, Michael!" She said angrily.
Izzy stood up. "Well, I'm, uh... getting a soda."
Eric and Donna followed quickly and the three ran upstairs, leaving Kelso and Jackie to argue in the basement.
-
A few days later, Izzy and Eric were in the kitchen, being lectured by their parents. Eric was obviously high, but Izzy was sober and paying attention to what her father was saying.
She liked it when these things happened like this, she always saw it as an excuse to boss Eric around later. ("I swear Eric, Dad wants you to organize all my stuffed animals in color order!") He rarely bought into it, but she never stopped trying.
"Kids, your mother and I have been talking. Since I've been cut back to part time at the plant and the hospital is so close, I can take the Toyota to work and your mom can take the bus."
Red and Kitty started bickering, but it all boiled down to one thing. "Eric's getting the car?" Izzy asked in disbelief.
They didn't answer. Instead, they just started lecturing the twins on car safety and all the dangers of the open road. Eventually, Eric had to repeat Izzy's original question. "Am I getting the car?"
Red started to reluctantly hand him the keys, but held up a finger. "Both of you are. Izzy needs something when she gets her license, but until then it's all yours."
"Sweet!"
"Bitching!"
-
The day of the concert, Izzy and Jackie got ready together. Even though Jackie was a year younger than the group, Izzy still enjoyed spending time with her. As long as Kelso wasn't around. Jackie was spoiled, yes, but her heart was in the right place. She was always willing to help her friends, even though she didn't exactly express it in the right regard.
"No offense, Izzy, but your closet looks like a grandma's. All your clothes are covered in paint, too. You're so lucky you're my size so I can lend you clean clothes with taste. At this rate I'll just have to get you a whole new wardrobe."
"Thanks, Jackie." Izzy said, sitting on Jackie's bed as she rifled through her closet. Jackie was already dressed, but when Izzy showed up in paint-stained jeans and a sweater, it was a no-go.
Izzy had to be pulled into the makeup chair immediately as Jackie began "fixing her face." They fell into a comfortable silence, which was only broken when Jackie threw a pair of jeans and a red patterned top at her face. "Go put that on!"
So she did.
When she was done, Jackie put a red barrette in the her friend's blonde hair and handed her a pair of strappy sandals. "What are you doing?!" Jackie whined as she saw Izzy had buttoned up the button-up top.
"Oh, Jackie! You don't expect me to-"
"Yes I do! Come on! You have boobs, we're going to a concert, you've gotta show them!" She said, taking Izzy's top and tying it right under her chest. "Now unbutton the top more. More. More. Good."
"Really, Jackie? Guys are gonna be-"
"Guys are gonna be all over you, trust me! I did this when Michael and I went to a disco in Kenosha, and-"
Izzy snickered. "Michael went to a disco?"
"Besides the point! I wore this exact top, and later on I totally got action."
"Jackie! Ew!" Izzy said, awkwardly laughing loudly.
"Ugh, you sound like your mother. It works!" Izzy let out a scoff of disbelief. "Izzy. Trust me. Plus, some guy's gotta like your whole artsy vibe." And, with that, there was a honk coming from outside. "Ooh, they're here! Come on, come on!" Jackie said, dragging Izzy out of the house.
In the front seat was Donna and Eric, which made sense, and in the backseat was Hyde, the new kid Fez, and Kelso. Jackie immediately squealed and ran around to Kelso's door, which he opened right before she practically jumped onto his lap and greeted him with a kiss.
"Donna, can you scoot over so I can sit in the front with-"
"Come on, Izzy Bee." Hyde said, grabbing her hand and pulling her into the car to sit on his lap. This wasn't unusual. Whenever Eric and Donna wanted to sit in the front alone, Izzy got the memo. She usually ended up either squished between Kelso and Hyde, or sitting on one of their laps. Usually Hyde's.
He wrapped his arms around her waist, his jacket sleeves rubbing up against Izzy's bare skin. Thanks a bunch, Jackie, she thought to herself.
-
Unfortunately, it wasn't a long drive before everyone found themselves at a car garage. Eric, Kelso, and Hyde were leaning up against the hood, bickering about what went wrong with the car as the girls sat inside still.
"I'm telling you, we're out of gas!" Kelso argued.
"We're not out of gas." Eric huffed.
The mechanic walked over to the boys. "It's the battery. It's six years old and shot to hell."
With this, Jackie rolled her eyes and climbed out of the car, followed by Donna and Izzy. "I know, I'll just call my dad."
"We weren't allowed take the car out of town." Izzy said, walking over to stand next to Hyde.
"I'm not calling your dad." Jackie said.
"Jackie, parents talk to each other," Hyde changed his tone to a mocking one and added, "about how we, like, screw up!" With that, he absentmindedly slung an arm across Izzy's shoulders. She grabbed his wrist and moved his arm to bring his soda to her mouth, where she stole a sip. He scoffed and shook his head, smiling, making Izzy scrunch up her nose at him.
Jackie rolled her eyes. "Why would they talk about that, anyway?"
"They can't help it," Eric laughed. "Look, say there's a party, see..." He went on to explain an incredibly outlandish but definitely-has-happened-before scenario of all their parents at a party, discussing the kids' mistakes.
Jackie scoffed. "Guys! We are in the middle of nowhere. And I have to go to the ladies room." She went and got her purse from the car, before stopping. "Donna? Izzy!"
Jackie started walking off, Donna awkwardly following. Izzy did too, reluctantly leaving behind the boys who continued to dance and hum the Hustle.
-
The mechanic came and gave the boys the spiel about the battery, before he offered a trade: one battery for two concert tickets.
Kelso stuck his hands in his pockets. "So who's out?"
Hyde put on his sarcastic, mocking tone again and said, "Well, there's always Jackie!"
Kelso grinned. "Of course Jackie! I mean, Jackie's gone! But who else?"
"Oh, I don't know... Jackie's date?" Eric said.
Kelso's eyes widened. "Come on! You know I'm breaking up with her! You guys are chopping me out!"
"I had to listen to her for a good hour!" Eric protested.
"A really long hour!" Fez added.
"What about your sister, Eric? I mean, she's never even heard of Todd Rundgren before!"
"Izzy stays." Hyde said immediately.
"Yeah!" Eric agreed. "And what are you talking about? When the Something, Anything album came out, I had to deal with her singing I Saw The Light in the shower every day for weeks!"
"She stays." Hyde repeated.
Kelso groaned and handed Eric his tickets. "God hates me!"
"How can you say God hates you? At least you have a woman's love." Fez said. "Be happy! Whore."
-
What felt like a flash later, everyone was at the concert. Hyde has his arm around Izzy's waist, and the two of them were dancing dorkily and making each other laugh. Donna, Eric, and Fez were holding lighters and waving them to the music. Next to Fez, the mechanic had his arms around his--assumed--boyfriend.
"Hey, guys! Benny is dating a man!" Fez exclaimed.
Donna shrugged. "I'm okay with it."
"We are so cool to be okay with it!" Eric said.
Izzy rolled her eyes. "Not cool, just common courtesy!"
-
At the end of the night, one by one, Eric dropped off all of his friends at their houses. Jackie first, for obvious reasons, and Kelso walked her to her door. Then Fez. Then Hyde.
"Hey, Steven, I'll walk you up." Izzy said, getting out of the car. The walk to his door was silent. She took note of that. "Edna's not home?"
"Nah, she's in Kawaunee with some guy for the weekend."
Izzy nodded, her hands shoved deep in her pockets. They were quiet for a moment, but not awkward. It never was with him.
"Thanks for inviting me tonight. I had a lot of fun."
"Me too, 'm glad you came."
Izzy smiled and pulled him in for a hug. She wrapped his arms around his neck and turned her cheek, so her head was resting on his chest. He was taken aback. He wasn't a hugging person, but he knew she was. Of course she was, her mother's Kitty Forman. So, he put his arms around her waist and pulled her in a little more.
When they parted, their faces were still close. "Goodnight, Steven." Izzy said quietly.
"Night, Izzy Bee."
Izzy let go and turned back towards the car, where everyone immediately turned around, trying to act like they weren't just watching that whole interaction. Izzy slid into the backseat next to Michael, and the car was silent as they started to drive to Michael's house.
Eventually, Donna realized no one was going to talk, so she turned on the radio to hear some Allman Brothers song playing loudly. Izzy leaned her head against the cool glass window, watching the streetlights pass by them.
Kelso lightly punched her shoulder, making her look over. "Seriously?" He asked, his voice muffled by the music, so Eric and Donna couldn't hear.
"What?" Izzy asked.
"What do you mean 'what?' You and Hyde!"
Izzy rolled her eyes. "Don't be a dumbass, Kelso."
Kelso just grinned stupidly as Izzy rested her head back on the window, now smiling stupidly as well.
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