four months have gone by since i last seen ry and ashtray, but i had to remain focus on getting things done.

i walked down the streets of my old neighborhood with rue catching her up on things now that she's no longer grounded.

"i think it's a little messed up, fezco. she's pregnant and you only call her once a week? for fucks sake she's taking care of your little brother and child."

i took a sip of my drink and continued looking ahead noticing nate's truck turn the corner.

"it's not like that though. i can't have him go look for either of them. i'm protecting them." i argued. "no, you're making excuses. you can at least call her more." she fought back.

nate's truck pulled up to the both of us.

"where's my baby, ryder?" nate smirked as chris sat in the passenger side looking annoyed. "yo, don't fucking play with me man. i let you live last time don't try that shit again."

i was ready to pop off and throw this bottle at his head.

"no, in all seriousness i heard you killed her and your little brother ran away from you." his laugh was giving me a headache.

"let's just go fez, this asshole isn't worth your time." i heard rue's voice, but i ignored her. "you think i killed her? no, but i am going to kill you." i told him.

before i could do anything rue snatched the bottle from my hand and nate sped off. i could hear his music being turned up when he arrived at the stop sign.

"what the fuck rue!" i shouted. "you're drunk. you need sleep you have a big day coming up in the morning just chill out."

it was true. i was planning on capturing one of my father's son, and at least find out about why after all these years.

she took me back to her place for me to shower and sleep. i went back and forth from her place and a hotel. i didn't want to intrude on things she had going on, but i also didn't like being alone.

before she cut the light off i went to go send ryder a text not realizing she had already text me.

she brought a smile to my face. after this i'm never going to be putting her through anything ever again.

"fez?" rue whispered turning around to face me. "wassup kid?" i looked at her still feeling drunk, but just not as buzzed as before.

her lips crashed against mine and i felt stuck.

she was like my sister but i couldn't resist from my loneliness that i've caused to myself. i kissed her back passionately feeling more and more guilt, but even more lust.

one thing led to another.

it also led to me wanting to kill myself after i realized i fucked up.

the next morning i seen her still unclothed laying on the side of the bed i slept on. she was still knocked out and i was still feeling sick.

i grabbed my clothes and keys leaving her behind.

i drove back to where me and ryder had settled down since it was so early in the morning traffic was light and i got there about two hours quicker than normal.

my clip was loaded and i was ready to get this shit over with. before i put my phone in the middle compartment of my car my phone lit up.

i couldn't live with myself knowing that i cheated on her after all of this i'm making her go through. it reminded me of my dad.

i grabbed my gun and stormed inside.

the smell of coffee hit my nose and my eyes were now fixated on the cashiers. "son of a bitch." i thought.

he looked at me and ran for the back door but i caught him before he got into his red car. i pulled him by the green apron choking him.

i place the gun on his head, "get the fuck in my car and don't try any dumb shit either." i zip tied his hands together pushing him into the trunk.

i found his phone and everything else that could of possibly had a gps in it and left it on top of his car.

i slammed the trunk as he was pleading for his life.

the ride was only about thirty minutes before i took him to the hideout. i tied him up to the chair, pulled out my gun and pistol whipped him.

he yelped begging me to stop.

"why is he back?" i asked sternly knowing he wouldn't tell me anything off the first time of me asking. "suck my dic-" i hit him again.

he grinned really big, "just go ask him yourself right, brother? you'd like that huh? you're just too pussy to do this to him."

my phone hadn't stopped buzzing since i got in here.

i read the last message ryder sent and i felt like time actually stopped.

blood was spit out at me from this idiot in front of me. "that's ryder? what'd she say? tell her i said hello again and how upset i'm gonna be now that i can't go to her graduation, but by the looks of it, you won't be either." he spat.

i hit him once with my glock and it was lights out for him.

so many thoughts were contemplating in my head.

"FUCK!" i shouted to the top of my lungs.

this is where i just wanted to end myself instead of everyone else around me. i looked at my gun in my hand that was covered in blood.

this wasn't me.

i wasn't me.