italics — rues narration

i ended up not going to the party that night for reasons beyond my control, but athena was out back talking to fez when jules arrived.

"what the fuck, athena?" fez's voice made athena look up from the couch, seeing him make his way over to it and sit next to her. "what? what what what what?" she asked continuously, worrying about what she could have possibly done. "come on now, bruh. your sister owes me a hundred and twenty bucks." he informed her, making her eyes go wide.

"no shit, she didn't pay?" he shook his head as he pulled the blunt he had on his ear off. "she never does." athena frowned, "i got it. give me until like next week," she apologized, but fez shook his head. "shit, you know i ain't trippin'. well, to be honest with you, her whole drug shit got me feeling kind of uneasy."

athena nodded, "i know." fez sparked his blunt, "it's just that... i like her. and i missed her, bruh. like, that shit at the beginning of summer had me scared as fuck." he admitted. "yeah, you and everybody else." she joked. "i'm serious, athena. i've seen a lot of people die. none like her. nah, i don't know what type of fucked up shit she got going on inside her head. i don't know how to help, but i could tell you one thing: this drug shit, it's not the answer." he took a hit, and then passed it to athena.

"fez, you have to stop blaming yourself for her od. she was calling me non stop at rehab talking about how she felt bad that you were beating yourself up over it. nobody can stop rue from doing what she does, we all know that by now." she explained, inhaling the smoke and handing it back to fez.

before summer started, i hit a really rough patch. like, worse than i had ever been in before. i was taking a ton of pills a day just to drown out the voices in my head, and one day i over did it.

gia found me on my bedroom floor laying in a puddle of my own vomit. my mom cried by my hospital bed that night. athena stayed home with gia and cleared out my entire room for pill bottles and weed bags. i didn't even stay clean in rehab, which is a little ironic. it did kinda set me back into reality, though. which is good in a way, but not entirely.

i know a lot of you probably hate me right now, and i get it. if i could be a different person, i promise you, i would. not because i want it, but because they do. and therein lies the catch.

"you know, i remember some shit that happened when she was eleven years old; it was a couple months after our dad got diagnosed, and we got the results back from the prognosis. it was really good. it was like, 80/20. and we decided to celebrate, so we like ordered a bunch of chinese food." the girl paused.

"we were laying between our parents and gia in bed, and all of a sudden rue couldn't breathe. it was like there was no more air left in the world. and she was gasping, and panicking. and we called the ambulance and they thought it was like, an allergic reaction or some shit."

"and then when we got to the hospital, they gave her liquid valium to calm her down. and she told me that when it hit her, she thought, this is it. this is the feeling i have been searching for my entire life, for as long as i could remember. because suddenly, the world went quiet and she felt safe in her own head. two years later, he was gone. her panic attacks stayed. and she found a way to live, so. will it eventually kill her? maybe. fuck, maybe not. i don't know." athena shrugged.

"but you wanna know what i do know? if you don't want all the heat on you, you should stop being her drug dealer."

despite this being a really shitty thing to say, she was right. fez never said no to me when i asked for drugs, he never made me pay for them either. i thought of it like a friend discount, but i know it was just cause he liked athena. i didn't really care, whatever. free drugs. but i took it for advantage sometimes. and in turn, fez blamed himself whenever i got too fucked up.

"you a fucking trip, bruh. i'm too high to be having this conversation right now." fez shook his head as he hit his blunt again, but athena chuckled. "hey, we're talking about my sister here. i... i know her better than anyone. like, ever." fez nodded, "i know," by now, the blunt had finished and he threw the bud on the ground.

"i need a drink," he admitted, standing up and holding his hand out for athena. she frowned, "piggy back?" fez gave her a look, but turned around and bent down a little. she smiled as she stood up and hopped on his back, his hands going under her thighs to support her.

he walked all the way inside with athena on his back, and as they made their way to the kitchen it was clear that there was something going down. fez walked into the crowd, facing towards the kitchen.

now, there's a couple versions of what happened that night. it all depends on who you ask, and to be honest, i'm not always the most reliable narrator. but nate was fucking on one. and in turn, maddy was fucking on one. so inevitably, things took a turn for the worst.

"put the fucking knife down, okay. it was a joke. it was a—"

athena watched as jules pointed a knife at nate, which made the crowd back up. nate put his hands up in defense, "you wanna fucking hurt me?" she asked, lunging towards nate. "no, no, no..." he pleaded, jules backing him against the counter. "you have no fucking idea. see?" she brought the knife up to her arm and sliced it, making the crowd back up even more and begin to yell. athena gasped, "fez!" nate shrieked in fear, "you're psycho!"

"i'm fucking invincible!" she shouted, bringing her arm up to nates bare chest and smearing her blood on it. "you're a fucking freak! what the fuck?" he ran out of the kitchen, jules grinned in accomplishment. "by the way, i'm jules. i just moved here." she waved and smiled, before walking out of the kitchen too and out of the front door.

i mean.... right?

fez shook his head, "that's the girl i was telling rue about." he walked with her into the kitchen for a drink after the party resumed to normal after jules and nate left, placing her down on the counter so he could make his drink. "what if she like, kills her?" fez chuckled, "nate is fucking crazy. probably pushed her buttons too much. she was cool," he closed up the alcohol bottle he opened, taking a sip of his drink as he moved to stand between athena's legs.

he brought his drink up to her, "you want some?" he offered. she nodded, taking the cup from his hands.

fez admired the girl as she took a sip from his cup, bringing it down from her lips and making a face that made fez laugh. she placed his cup back in his hands, noticing that he was staring at her in awe. she furrowed her brows, "stop staring at me."

"i'm not." he broke his stare, looking away as he took another sip of his drink. "you were!" he shook his head, "nah." she began to laugh, "you totally were staring at me,"