Late night approaching…

For about an hour I waited at the bus stop, whether it's a bus or anything that could take me home, but there was nothing! They don't want to show up…

So quiet... As if there is a curfew in this such a place. As if the government would dare to enact that regulation…

Or… Would they?

Did I remember it wrong?

Damn you president! Because of you I am going home by foot tonight!

“It’s all your fault!” I yelled while I started moving.

One kilometer…

“I can do this.”

Cheering myself up once every few minutes, now I finally reach the side of my house. I walked closer to the entrance where it turned out that there were many people gathered in front of it... A scene that has only one meaning and it will always be a bad news.

I walked past through these people where they kept looking at me as if they felt sorry.

My mother was in the living room at that time. Holding the phone while she was talking to the person on the other end, she looked at me without even stopping her crying.

“Your sister… She’s...” Mother can’t even finish her own sentence.

I didn't say a word for that. Just walked up the stairs right into my room, where my dad was standing there in silence... He’s looking for the night sky through the window, then leaving after noticing my arrival. Closing my door from the outside without any interaction at all with his own son. “At least say something, you evil…” I whisper with no one around to listen.

That’s where I started crying… Alone… Like always.

~~~~~

Then I think to myself… How do I know if she's dead? Maybe she’s not, right?

Back there I was too afraid to ask... Though I'm sure she must be dead already.

I don't want to be hurt even more by expecting too much. I know how God enjoys my suffering, so she must be dead... So then what now?

I still remember the purpose of my life.

I remember the reason why I'm still surviving until now… It's because I really really don't want to make that one person feel sad over my own death. But now she’s...

Then should I… Also... Okay stop…

Don’t ever think about that… Again… Ever! After all this time, she has been crying to beg me not to end my own life. I'm not going to make all her efforts end in vain…

Ever...

This is when my skill to forget everything is used. You know, it’s practically so simple…

We just need to think about any other topics.

“Um… How about some walk?” I said it to myself.

I wipe these tears wry, climbing up the window, I find my way back to the ground. Leaving at 01:00 AM, singing some old songs while walking straight into nowhere. Muttering and kicking every little rock in sight, I finally arrived right in front of a bus stop.

I know where this is…

Walking slowly, I sat on that rusty bench. Breathing cold air… Keep mumbling a song.

This is the bus stop right in front of our elementary school… Here my sister and I usually will wait for papa to come and pick us up back in the past.

She will hold my hand while smiling. I always make fun of... Or even seriously insult her smile, but she will keep smiling. I used to hate her… So fucking much...

Because after she entered junior high school, father never again came to this bus stop. He always picks up my sister and tells me to go home by foot.

“Even if you are younger, but you are a boy! Don’t act like a girl and go walk to your own school.” Papa would say it every morning.

At least now that I'm an adult, my legs have become stronger than those around my age. So I never took it personally…

But then I remember how my mom and dad will always support whatever she really wants to do. Always proud of her and comparing me completely with what she was born with.

Like how I was born color blind, tone deaf, forgetful, and nosebleeds easily... Is not an excuse that my parents would accept for me to not be able to match my sister's abilities in literally everything.

Even dad often beats me while she is not around.

And what I hate the most is…

Sis will always feel sorry for me when I don’t really need it...

Ah...

I think I better keep walking before this memory widens and reaches what I don't really want to remember.

~~~~~

At 03:00 AM on the way home, I saw a group of thugs walking in a hurry until they disappeared at the intersection. Now they’re in the same direction as the path that I must walk. Which means, I need to take another way around if I don’t want to… I better not say that word.

The air is starting to feel even colder… This unwell feeling. I think I have a fever.

“Dammit…” I whispered before then I heard someone asking for help… But I don’t care.

I keep walking… Until I saw this man.

Lying in the pool of blood, both hands were cut apart and one eye gouged out. With a stomach that oozes something disgusting, he still voices out asking for help.

Wait…

I know this guy…

He’s the random guy. Who has saved me from a falling power pole and who has dared to raise a voice to the thugs at the internet cafe this afternoon. My archives got a lot of updates about him today... But it quickly ended without him being able to fill another sheet of memory in my own mind.

His one and only eye that remains is right now turning towards me… Crying…

But I keep walking without caring about anything… Or at least I have the effort not to step on his own pool of blood.

Then I talked to myself…

“If that power of yours fell into my hands from the start, you would never be in this position… Means God has chosen you wrong to have that power.”

I finally arrived in front of my bedroom window.

~~~~~

Now I suddenly feel so sleepy... But sure, walking that far in the middle of the night feels really tiring though.

“Where the hell is my blanket?” I whispered to no one.

Shifting my head right and left in the unlit room, I dropped myself on the bed. Ignoring hunger and thirst, fell asleep and realized that I just forgot to look up for a blanket.

Day after day, no one talks about her…

I know how much my parents love my sister and I just thought to myself that they just want to hide the pain from anyone, where I can only follow the same decision.

No one knows about it, not even Deo and Fanya.

“Tomorrow is the day, Daniel!”

“Yeah I know… You don’t have to remind me everyday, ma’am.”

“No! You wouldn’t know if I didn't remind you with this method. Admit it!”

“You underestimate me too much. Oh yeah… You should also call Deo and remind him about our departure.” I said it while getting up from the bed, my left hand holding the phone with Fanya on the line.

“Oh, that guy? Nah… Every normal person including him won't be able to forget an important schedule like tomorrow. Or if you really care that much, then you’re the one who should call him later.”

“Based on those kind words of yours, I definitely won't remember to remind him.”

“Hm… Make sense. But don’t worry, he will remember. See ya tomorrow!” then Fanya said the word “bye” three times and it bothered me a bit because the number is odd.

As she said on the phone, I force myself to prepare everything. Clothes and books, suitcases as well as a collection of black bracelets.

Why? Because I can't live without at least three black bracelets on my left hand. This is needed, okay?

That's the only magical illusion item that I always have to wear… So I’m not emo at all.

~~~~~