“Hana, it’s twelve.” Hiro tapped me on my shoulder gently, “do you want to sleep somewhere else? Maybe at Yuri’s place? I can call her right now.”

After I cried, I fell asleep on him.

It was the most comfortable sleep I’ve had in years, but I guess that was about to end.

I don’t want it to end.

“I don’t want to wake Yuri up……...”

“Are you okay going back to your home?”

That’s not what I want.

I shake my head saying no.

“……… what about my home. We have that extra bedroom, remember?”

“………. sure.”

“Okay. Let’s go?” he helps me get up.

As we both stood on the desolate night street, everything got cold again. The warm heat from him was now gone.

He took my hand and tightly held on to it, giving me a little warmth, “Let’s walk.”

We walked beside each other back to the direction where we came from earlier.

I stayed quiet. The only thing that I wanted was his presence. I don’t want him to leave me too. I don’t know what to do if he also leaves.

We walk for a couple of minutes until we reached his house.

There were still lights inside his house, but the neighbors’ are already close.

As he opens his door, I hear footsteps approached the door. It was his mom.

“Hiro, where have—” she stopped mid-sentence as she saw me, “Hana-chan?”

“Mom, there’s been some— can Hana sleep here for tonight?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure, she can sleep in the guest room.” she turns toward me, “Hana-chan, it’s been so long. Don’t worry, you can sleep here if you want. I’ll prepare some pillows and a blanket for you.”

“Thank you, Cindy-san.”

Hiro’s mom was born in the U.S. The most noticeable part of her are her eyes, because her pupils can be seen. It’s similar to Hiro’s eyes.

She takes me up to the second floor while Hiro was called by his dad, because he got home very late. It’s already twelve in the morning.

Cindy-san lead me to the guess room and gave me blankets, pillows and her old nightgown.

The room that they let me use is as big as my room. It has a bed, table desk, chair and a closet where they store some of the extra blankets and pillows that they have. The room also has a window where I could see behind the house. I couldn’t see much because most of the houses in Hiro’s neighborhood are huge.

“Do you need anything else Hana-chan?”

“I’m good, thank you for letting me stay here.” I bowed to her.

“It’s not a problem at all, you can stay here as frequently as you like.”

“Thank you so much, Cindy-san.” I bowed again.

“I’m glad that you remember my name.” she smiled sweetly at me which made me think of my mom, “if you need anything, you can either come to me or Hiro-kun.”

“Will do.”

She closed the door and left downstairs.

I changed into the nightgown she lent me. I hanged all my clothes to the closet.

I haven’t been here for a while. Probably since last year. Me, Hiro, Yuri and Kaito went to this house during last year’s summer break. We went to the beach after, then we went to Yuri’s and Kaito’s for the rest of our summer break. That was the last time I’ve been here.

I sat on the bed contemplating on what just happened between me and my brother.

What should I do now? I’m going to go home tomorrow and change into my uniform.

Don’t go to school. Rest for the day tomorrow.

No, I need to go to school, the tournament starts tomorrow.

Brother nor dad won’t even be there to attend. Why even go?

……… you don’t know that.

Yes, I do.

Please, just let me sleep.

………..

I tucked myself on the bed and tried to sleep.

“Are you coming or not?” I kept thinking about what my brother asked.

Let me sleep.

“I won’t.” I kept thinking on what my answer was.

Let me sleep.

What if I said I’ll go with him? What would happen to dad? I don’t think I can ever look at my mom again, if ever we would meet again if I left dad. Was my choice correct?

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Hiro’s words soothed my emotions.

I slept.

I heard a knock from my door.

“Hana? Can I come in?” Hiro asked.

I look outside the window; the light of the sun could be seen everywhere. I look to my phone and checked the time: 7:57. School starts at 8:10.

I’m late for school. But as I tried to get up from bed, my whole body didn’t felt right. Everything was sluggish. I was planning on waking up earlier than usual so I can go back home and change into my uniform and probably do some chores around the house. I guess I can’t do that anymore.

“Yeah, come in.” I sat on the bed.

Hiro entered the room; he’s all dressed up.

“You don’t have to come to school today, Hana. I can tell the teachers that you’re sick.”

I stand up and grabbed my stuff, “No, it’s okay. I’m already in perfect condition!” I made a power pose.

Ugh, I feel I little dizzy.

He didn’t buy it, “Hana, take a rest. You don’t look fine.”

“It’s okay! I’m good!”

He still isn’t convinced.

I knew I couldn’t fool him.

I got closer and smiled at him, “Thank you, Hiro, for last night. I really mean it. You really helped me, but I can’t keep relying on you like that. So let me go, okay?”

He sighs, “………. if you ever need me, I’m always here.”

I felt a big pump inside my chest.

“Okay.”

He backed away towards the door, “Well, we’re going to be late. I’ll go with you to your house so you can get your things.”

“But you’re going to be late.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m always late remember?”

“Hm.” I chortled.

After he gave me some privacy to change back into my clothes, we went back to my house. As we were going back, we would pass by some students in our school, but we didn’t see anyone familiar.

My body felt heavier with every step I take while I was walking. Of course, I had to pretend that I can walk perfectly.

As we arrived at my house, we both went inside.

There was a hole in the floor. My first thought is that this was caused by the conflict that happened between my brother and dad.

“Dad? Are you there?” I knocked on his room.

He quickly approached the door, like he was running. He quickly opens it, “Hana?! I’m very sorry!” he said with his croaked voice and pulled me into his arms.

“……… it’s okay. It’s—it’s okay.” I was bewildered. I was expecting something worse, but not this.

“I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” his croaked voice shudders with every word.

I didn’t know what he meant, but I just said, “I know you won’t.”

As he notices Hiro behind me, he quickly let’s go, “Ah! I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there. Hiroshi-kun.” he wipes his eyes, “forgive my manners.”

“No! That’s okay. In fact, I’m the one who’s sorry for taking Hana with me and letting her sleep in my house.”

As they were talking, I checked my dad’s room to see if I need to clean it after school. Oh, wait I have the tournament at ten o’clock, after my first class.

I open the lights and peeked inside.

……..

I saw drips of blood on the floor and a knife on p of his wardrobe with a smudge of blood on the sharp edge. There’re also tissues in the trash filled with blood. The smell of cigarettes and beer that I’m used to, wasn’t the only scent in this room. I could also smell a faint scent of iron. Similar to the scent when the metal part of my umbrella gets wet.

Who’s blood is that? My dad’s? Or brother? Why’s there blood? Why’s there a knife lying around in my dad’s room? Did dad injured himself? But why is it a knife? What happened last night? Was this the caused why brother left? Oh, no! There’re still smudge of blood of the floor. How do I clean the blood on the floor? I should google it later. Wait, did someone die? No, this blood is probably dad’s, it’s his room. Did he try to kill himself?

“Hana don’t look.” dad closed the door.

I couldn’t speak, something was holding me back from asking. It’s probably because I want to avoid this. I’ve had so much already. It’s wiser if I can stay away from issues such as this.

“I’m going to change! I need to get to school!” I chuckle.

“S–sure.”

I quickly get away from it and change into my school uniform.

I got a text message from Yuri.

where r u????–

– sorry (> w <) im on da way

sensei is looking for u –

– im comin

– im comin

also –

have u seen hiro? hes not here yet –

– im wth iro

– i mean hiro

ok –

have fun u two~ ;) –

wwww –

– sure

– be there in a sec

“I’m heading out.” I quickly left the house and grabbed Hiro with me.

“Bye.”

I locked the door and quickly left the place.

The nerves on my fingertips are acting up. I accidentally squeeze Hiro’s wrist as I was dragging him out of the house.

“Hana, are you ok?”

“I’m okay! Yuri just texted me and told me that Sakai-sensei is looking for us.”

“I’m not asking about that; I’m asking if you’re alright.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was just shocked about that.” I laughed.

“Hana, stop the act.” I stopped walking, “Take a rest, you’re in no condition to—”

I can’t!

“I know! But I can’t! I can’t rest! I can’t take a break, I can’t avoid the issue, I can’t leave, I can’t leave my dad, I can’t leave the house, I can’t stop going to school because I need a good education for the future! I can’t stop worrying about every single thing in my life! So, don’t tell me that I need I break, cause I well damn sure know already that I need a fucking break!”

Compared to last night, the heat of the sun is hitting my skin and is making me sweat a little bit. It’s not summer yet, but it’s getting hot.

There were people around us, also walking on the street. Some have their dogs or cats, and some are old people.

I let go of his hand.

“Let’s go.” he firmly said and grabs my wrist.

“……… where?” I couldn’t look at him.

“We’re going to the arcade.”

“Eh? Don’t joke around, I have a tour—”

“I’m not. If you don’t want to rest, then we’re going to have fun.”

“But we have school.”

“I don’t care, the test is done anyways.”

“I have a game today.”

“Your coach can wait.”

“He doesn’t wait for anyone.”

“……. then, he’ll just have to rely on Isla for the game.”

“What?” I was bewildered.

“I’ve seen her play a couple of times; she won’t lose.”

That kinda irritated me. Does he think that Isla is a better player than me? I know she is better than me, but still it’s irritating if someone points it out on you.

“Oh? Is that so?”

“Ah!” he flinched, “sorry.”

I felt a DeJa’Vu.

“Tsk, anyways I have to go to school.” I started walking but I forgot that Hiro is holding me.

“No.”

“What are you, a kid?”

“Yes, aren’t you a kid also?”

“No, I’m already in high school.”

“You’re still a kid.”

“I’m not.”

“Only a kid is as stubborn as you.”

“Why’re are you even calling me a kid?”

“Because you’re stubborn, selfish, single-minded and immature person I’ve met in my entire life!”

He’s hitting my nerves.

“Sure, call me a kid if you want, but I need to get going!” I tried to remove his hand, but he’s too strong, “let go of me!”

As I was struggling to remove his hand, his other hand slapped me in the face so hard that it made me turn my head.

“Just shut up and come with me.”

I punched him in his face that made him let go of his hand, “What’s you’re problem?!”

He quickly got up and slapped me again; then he grabbed my collar and got close to my face; a few inches from his, “Why’re are you always so stubborn? You’ve always been avoiding my help! Always trying to look like you’re the strongest person! Always trying to look cheerful and fun, but the truth is, you’re tired! You’ve had enough! You want to admit that you want to give up! But I know you! I can’t help but notice! I can’t help it that I always see you struggling! But you’re always! Always rejecting my help!”

I pushed him away which made him let go of my wrist.

My blood is still boiling from anger. I could feel the rush of blood coming from my chest pumping all over my body.

“You don’t know a thing of what I’m going through! You’ve never had it rough with your family! Your mom is still alive and well! You have a big house! Money isn’t even a problem for you because you’re parents are rich! You have a good life! So, how do you even understand me?!”

Stop, Hana.

“You don’t understand me! No one does! It doesn’t matter how long we’ve known each other. You don’t know every detail of my life; of the things that I’ve been through!”

He didn’t talk back. He just stood in front of me. His eyes are wet but there wasn’t any tears on his face. He couldn’t look at me, while I was glaring at him. I saw hands tremble.

“I—I’m—” I tried to apologize but he left.

He didn’t run. He just walked away to the opposite direction.

Don’t leave.

No, please don’t leave me too. Hiro.

I chased after him.

“Hiro, I’m sorry.”

He flinched, “No, it was my fault. Sorry for hitting you.”

My hands tremble. I wanted to reach out and grab him, but I couldn’t.

Don’t leave me too.

No, that’s wrong. I was the one who pushed him away. It’s my fault.

It’s my fault.

It’s my fault.

It’s my fault.

It’s my fault.

It’s my fault.

It’s my fault.

It’s my fault.

It’s my fault.

As I look up, he wasn’t there anymore. Nor was there any people.

Just me

I walk