July 14th 20XX

Kat wakes up before I do, she tries her best to not wake me but every day since we started sleeping together she does it. It’s not her fault though I think it has more to do with me. Anyways, I’m awake but not, just dwindling in the beautiful twilight of consciousness but at the same time I feel alone because she’s gone even though I know she’s right there and If I wanted to I could get up and wrap my arms around her small, amazing little body and hug her and join her in her early morning ritual, but I don’t, because I almost get as much satisfaction from hearing her and feeling the routine I’ve settled into.

Kat still doesn’t like me sleeping in so when she leaves to go make her breakfast in the kitchen she leaves the door open, and pulls the blinds up a tad, not enough to annoy me, but enough to let some little inklings of sunlight in to get me ready for the day, even though I’m exhausted and lazy from the other ritual we’ve fallen into each night. Both of these things fill me with a distinct warmth I’ve been missing for too long. Eventually, I stand up, stretch and let all of my new scars and scratches breathe. Farth has been kicking my ass the last month. I think he’s been able to sense my happiness and it’s been pissing him off, I don’t mind it though, I can see how much I’ve been pushing him in training even if it’s been a while. The pain seizes me for an instant, rushing through every single part of my body, from the ends of my toes to the top of my head it shoots through me like lightning as I hold my breath before exhaling.

I enter the kitchen and smell the familiar scent of Kat’s cooking and the familiar sight of her tight, perky ass bursting through the seams of a pair of shorts I bought her not too long ago. It’s only been a month together like this but I honestly can’t say I’ve ever been happier with someone else, especially with how everything else is going in my life. Which, everything is going good, really really good.

I’m in a programming summer course at my old community college, I’m getting very real muscle definition in my body (which Kat and I are absolutely loving), I haven’t felt suicidal or massively depressed since she got here, Kat listens to all my problems and makes me feel so safe and this probably isn’t all healthy. Whatever, I like the life I’m living and I like fucking my girl every night and not wanting to blow my brains out.

Therapy feels like it’s stagnating though. The worst part is that I know there are things I should tell her, things that killed me in the past, but those words don’t feel meant for Ms.Morgan . Whatever,

Breakfast! I’m hungry and the smell of Kat’s cooking envelops the house and in response, my stomach gives me a groan. I smell the bacon, eggs, and chocolate chip pancakes before I see them and as I put on a tank top with the Bromones logo on it Kat sets the table, and when the shirt is past my head and my lips are clear I give my Kat a deep kiss, firmly grip her ass and slip in a bit of tongue, fully knowing that I have bad morning breath. As she reels from the taste of my mouth while I smile slyly, she does the same in return before kissing and pinching me. I love love love love so much. Though I haven’t told her that yet.

I want the words to flow out of me, but it’s only been a month and some change, not long enough to make saying the L-word worth saying, even if we’re both young and-

“Happy birthday!” Kat calls out to me, setting out the pancakes, bacon, and eggs in front of me. I’m shocked for a second as I sit there, all I could do was stare up at her with this dumb, shocked expression. Kat leans over the table with her hands behind her, and a second later I realize that she’s holding something, and the moment my face switched from shock to knowing, a cute little chocolate cupcake appeared in front of me and as sudden as a knife strike it’s plunged into my face, cream and all. And the payback for my bad morning breath had been repaid in delicious full. Kat gave me a side eye though, going straight for the sweets instead of the breakfast she slaved over for all of 15 minutes. It’s rude to think but hey, eggs and bacon don’t take very long to cook and they get cold quickly too. I did say it was a good breakfast and a great way to start a birthday that could still go any number of ways. I was going to take Kat with me to training for the first time. After a month of me coming home on random days with random scars she had enough and I wanted something new, plus it’d show one thing I have over that old fart, a girl(and a very cute one that. Who I like so very very much).

Since it’s my birthday Kat drove ME over to Farth’s place, it’s deep in the mountains hidden behind this weird ass magic garden puzzle that always takes me at least 10 tries. Kat cracked it on her first try and we made it to his abode. I'm better at giving directions than her. I swear, she’ll tell me to turn three seconds after we already passed the road, or we’ll get on I-5 instead of 2999 or get on 29999 instead of 2999, just strange stuff but I live in a strange world and she’s just learning to live with it. When we finally arrive on the property it’s empty, it usually is, Farth doesn’t like to leave his room most days and the other days he’s hiking for an inconsistent amount of time, he knows I’m coming today though so hopefully he’ll be there. As the car eeks out onto his driveway we park and Kat being a total sweetheart to me, the birthday boy, walks around to the passenger door and opens it and as I get out suddenly, he appears.

It’s Farth, the freckle faced, red headed giant he is, smiling over me, looking down with a curiosity I’ve only seen a few times before in him and when he’s done scanning me his emerald eyes lay upon Katherin.

“Whoose that?” Farth asks, his voice thick with his usual drunkenness and Irish accent. He’s not Irish because he’s drunk or drunk because he’s Irish but more cause it’s what he turned to after he and my dad had their scuffle all those years back. It’s also where genetically he hails from in spite of the fact that he was born somewhere in Asia, gosh meta-human genes are interesting.

“This is Katherine. She’s my-” I look over at her, we haven’t had this conversation yet and it almost feels too stereotypical that it shouldn’t even be happening but it is and before I can give my guess at the answer she says it for me.

“I’m his girlfriend, it’s nice to meet you Mr.Farth.”

“Why thank you, and you can call me Mr.Muireadhaigh-Mac Gearailt.” He stops for a bit and expects to see confusion on Kat’s face but there is none, which makes me visibly confused, and we just stand there for what is only a few seconds but feels far longer until in perfect Utah’n mormon english Kat says, “Well I’ll be sure to do so Mr.Muireadhaigh-Mac Gearailt, I hope I got the pronunciation right, I haven’t been to Ireland in a few years and don’t get the chance to speak Gale-lick as often as I’d hope.”

“I was only having a laugh dear Katherine, look Arthur, you’ve gotten yourself a keeper here, irish and short? Also pretty? That there’s a true blue dame if I’ve ever met one. Which reminds me, what the fook are ya doin’ here on your birthday? D’ya really wish to get your ass kicked by your dear old master Mr.Muireadhaigh-Mac Gearailt? Glutton for punishment I’d say you are. Look here Miss…” He stops for a second and spins his hands to show that he’s pausing to ask Kat a question.

“Byrne. My mother’s name is Byrne and my father’s name may as well burn too.” She answers, quick as a whip.

“Truly got yourself a keeper here dear old Arthur. Suficeittosay, d’ya really want to get your ass handed to you in front of your pretty lady? Who, I may add, is quite the keeper?” Farth says, not acknowledging Kat, his tone easy and full of humor.

“I didn’t bring her here so she could see me get my ass kicked Farth, I brought her here so she could meet you. And to watch me kick your ass.” I bark back at him.

“Why not have her meet your mum? Yor sistur, maybe if you decided to grow a pair or two she could even meet your dear ol’ dah. And we both know that any fight between the legendary Farth and his stoopid weak apprentice will only end in the inevitable, and glorious victory of the irish legen himself, Mr.Farth Muireadhaigh-Mac Gearailt!” It stung when he brought him up but I didn’t show my bristling annoyance, I only threw off my shirt and homoerotically bumped chests with him. Farth’s eyes widened as he saw the physical shape I was in, a far cry from when he saw me shirtless last, and as we jokingly postured with each other, a greedy smile spread across his face, as to finally acknowledge that me, his apprentice, was finally more than just a living whipping board. And wordlessly, with that same greedy, excited smile he walked away, leaving me puffing my chest out and Kat looking upon me with equal parts shame, and admiration.

Farth’s house is a mess, and that’s putting it lightly. My mom “gave” it to him when he first came to the new world, a gift to get him situated in a place as close to home as Ireland, and he immediately separated himself from any living remnant of his other culture and people. Or so Farth tells me, he’s the only one that gives me a sort of straight answer on anything pertaining to my family, and for as much as I hate it, information on my dad. Problem is he’ll only tell me when he’s sober, which given his rampant centuries long battle with alcohol addiction and depression, is not often, but meta-humans don’t often stay drunk for long (heightened metabolism amidst other things) and if there is anything Farth likes more than drinking and drowning his sorrows, it’s betting and beating the piss out of people. Mostly me, but sometimes I get a few good licks in.

The house is a mess, it’s a huge sprawling affair with the main three rooms where it’s obvious Farth spends most of his time being a combo between a pigsty, gym and pub. Every other room is generally pristine and untouched, and when we get to one of the many clean rooms we settle our stuff down and I start telling Kat about it. The room is white and all of the furniture is sort of low to the ground, including the bed which is king and very cozy. It’s all oak and if anything in the room has color it shifts between a green tea, pearl and milky white with these warm amber lamps controlling the light, which is low and fills the room with an aura of comfort and rest.

“When I was 16 and alone he’d let me stay a few nights in a room he wasn’t using but after awhile I stopped coming for anything other than training. To be honest I actually love his house, it feels more like a home than anywhere else I’ve lived and there’s no big but, other than those fuckin runes and how topsy turvy they send you. Getting home with groceries becomes a veritable coinflip that you have to win 50 times in a row. It has made it so that I only have the patience for coming every now again, and more recently, rarely. I hope Farth doesn’t mind me not coming as much as I used to, it’s been a bit, I used to come at least twice a week for years..” Kat listens intently, she’s rubbing my now covered shoulders and is sending gooseprickles up and down my whole body with her soft, caring touch.

“I don’t know who he pays to keep it clean, but I hope they don’t have to deal with the annoying ass runes he places, literally, cannot stress how much of an annoyance they are and how each time you go through the shifting paths and roads switch around,” I stop turn to her and in my best Farth impersonation say, “It’s not me, I got zero control over any of the bullshit they put you through,” and without skipping a beat I go back to my regular voice and continue telling her, “That’s what he says every single time, just as completely believable as the time before and the time before. It hurts me even though I know it shouldn’t, it feels like he’s keeping me at arms length for some reason, but each time I come by one of these rooms and make a mess of it, it’ll still be spotless the next day and he’ll still make dinner and he stills smiles so brightly while he tells me stories of the bad ol’ days, or some half-true epic of a journey he went on or a fucking second or two of truth that he probably shouldn’t be telling me. On top of that he’s honest when I need him to be.” Kat pulls me down to the bed and I curl up to her side like a puppy. I know I should be ashamed of it but being vulnerable physically with her feels sosososososo good, and while we lay there together she plays with my hair.

“It sounds like he really cares about you Arthur, he’s probably just has a hard time vocalizing and showing it directly-” “yeah bu-'' Kat interrupts me interrupting her with a finger to my lips and I apologize with the saddest puppy dog eyes before exchanging a look that tells her to keep talking. “-Older people have a hard time coming to terms with their issues, especially men when it comes to intimacy. Maybe he just has some hang ups about getting close to other men, or the fact that you are your dad’s son, you did tell me that Farth has an even bigger problem with your dad than you do.” I slide up the bed and on instinct Kat switches from holding me to resting her head on my left arm while my other arm absently scratches her head and rubs her neck and I swear to god my heart never gets more full than when I get to hold her like this.

“Everyone has a problem with my dad, even my mom, it’s why Farth even has this house Kat.”

“How does that make any sense?”

“My dad in a lot of ways owes everything to Farth and my mom’s a fair lady so this house, Farth’s hidden gold in his basement, his basement and the capacity to exist unperturbed by the outside world is all thanks to my mom. She’s as rich as my dad, not as influential or powerful, but definitely more liked and I’d say a better person than him, which isn’t a high bar to pass. My mom just wants to keep the score even between Luke and Farth somehow. Plus Farth is an actually grounded Meta-human or ascended or whatever they’re calling themselves so for her I’d imagine it’s nice to have a decent friend. ”

“I haven’t even met your mom yet but I’ve met your Irish Sensei. You’re a weird fellow Arthur.”

“Well you’re a weird female Kat, and that’s what I appreciates about you.”

“Oh is that what you appreciate about me?”

“Definitely what I appreciates about you, that and all sorts of other things.” I close my eyes and in the darkness the next sensation I feel are her soft lips on mine. I can’t help but smile while we kiss and so close to each other I feel her smiling too and oh so suddenly I don’t want to get up and fight Farth, I wanna cuddle Kat and take a catnap or a katnap, since it’s Kat with a K and not cat with a c. So we sleep and kiss and drift away in each other's arms and under the covers.

What do I even say? What can I say about this birthday? About how much I have grown to enjoy my time with Kat or how calming and serene the sleep we shared was? Because it was calming and it was serene and even in the small dream I had my heart had never felt so full or content. What’s there to say about a happy relationship?

We smelled Farth’s cooking before we heard him knock at the door. Kat's short golden curls blocked what little of my vision I had left and all the thoughts and blood required to make sense of what was going on was preoccupied with another part of my body, though for once, I had woken before Kat. After a little while of tussling under the covers and a smaller while of getting ready we made our way into the kitchen, where to my absolute horror (and Kat’s pleasant surprise) my mom and sister sat. My sister had this snide little knowing smile and my mom’s usually expressive face was blank, which just made me feel judged, and then made me a tad bit angry because I didn’t want my mom judging Kat because Kat’s the cat’s pajamas and I won’t stand cat or Kat slander.

Through some quick thinking, I decide the best course of action to avoid an unnecessary interaction between my sister, mother, and not-not-girlfriend. I pick Kat up and hoist her up on my right shoulder before running through the spotless kitchen, entry room, and out the front door, internally screaming as I go, completely ignoring my laughing mother and the disappointed ramblings of my sister, and when I get out through the door the familiar lariat of Farth collides into my chest, sending me spinning through the air and as quickly as I possibly can, I recover, landing on my feet while Kat is still hoisted on my shoulder, her breathing erratic with a crazed laugh emanating from her mouth. I’m laughing too and feel strange while doing it because usually we have dinner before a fight but I guess tonight we’re going to give the ladies a show, so I set Kat down and she gives me this incredulous look and I can’t tell if it’s anger or some weird form of pride and before I can feel too guilty about what I’ve done in the last minute she gives me a peck on the cheek, a squeeze on my wrist and a warm look. I watch her as she walks away into a comfortable seat, turning my back to my teacher, and the coward he is, rushes forward while I’m busy appreciating my girlfriend.

I smack Farth for his troubles, sensing his approach before I even hear his footsteps, and as the back of my hand collapses into his boulder of a face I can feel his smile, this all occurs in half a second, and quickly after that, I’m in a fighting stance and Farth is shirtless standing like a JoJo’s bizarre adventure character, and we stare each other down.

Each footstep Farth takes thunders down, usually it’s a loud thud, but each foot is coming down like rain and for a split second I’m terrified like I’m looking into the eyes of a bear that’s going to fucking kill me and as quickly as I can I steel everything into my fist to try and get another lucky shot at him, but knowing that it won’t hit I prepare myself.

Farth’s kicks missiles into my ribs before I have a chance to react, I opened myself to it perfectly by having my foot back and ready to push me back and it takes everything I have to exhale and pump air back into my stomach. I can only hear his smile and feel his clobbering strikes as I try to guard against the hammers that are his hands and before I can even get an iota of a strategy thought up, he yakuza kicks me away, then… nothing, he doesn’t rush forward, he doesn’t capitalize on me off my feet, just nothing.

When I move my hands from my face I see his smug, excited self. He’s beyond thrilled at this and I’m struggling with my mortality. My eyes catch Kat a safe way away, and with a nod, she runs off where I need her most. I get from the ground, ready for a fight, and in response, and for the first time in the fight, Farth moves into a grappler's stance. This time I move forward, slowly though, grappling is the one thing Farth isn’t particularly good at, and I think it’s his way of telling me even at his worst he can still take me down and with only my mom and sister watching I don’t really care if he proves it. With my left hand extended we lock hands, holy fuck his hands are calloused, like holding onto thousand-year-old leather, and powerful too, but for the moment I’m matching him and underneath the excitement in his eyes, I can see a tinge of pain. I slip between his legs and faster than he can react I german suplex him, shoving the top of his neck into the sparring ground, sending up a plume of dust as we go, and before I give him a chance to get up I rocket my palm straight into his kidney, throwing as much force as I can with my hips to pay him for that FUCKING yakuza kick and as he’s sent off a storm of dust blocks my vision.

For a long while I just wait for the dust to settle, I know he’s not down, but I don’t know how he’ll approach me, or if he’ll even approach me, he makes a shitty habit of getting a fight really going, just to end it just to frustrate me. Honestly, I’d say we’ve only had four serious fights, with this one being the fourth, only one of them ever had a definitive ending, which was the first one and that was back when I was 15 and just got out of my parent's place. Farth started it to see how far he could push me, something about how much power I really had. I can’t say how many times I tried to call it quits during the fight, but that bastard just would not let me. “Keep going til the better end, don’t you dare fucking stop fighting you little shit or I will kill you”. Every single one of his hits, lunges, swipes, kicks, and slashes was marked to either seriously injure me or seriously kill me. We destroyed half of his property and he tells me that when he finally put me down, I didn’t wake for a whole month, might’ve been two but all I remember was his eyes glowing this deep emerald, and everything after that blacks out. All he’d tell me was that I proved to him just how pitiful I was, but he gave me compliments on getting him to use two of his three powers. Which was weird because I swore he used at least three. The last two fights weren’t ever as dangerous as the first one and as soon as I felt a rhythm start to form he’d just end up calling it quits, without warning too. The first time was a good five minutes in when I got this killer right hook and the second time was almost an hour or two in and he just stopped right as soon as his eyes started glowing again. At that point, we were able to actually cross swords and both in the first and last fight I came out on top when it came to those clashes. Though every time swords are involved it turns into a bloody and admittedly, incredibly violent affair.

Drawing me out of my memories Farth’s sword flies through the cloud of dust and watching it sail through the air, part of me almost reached for the hilt of the flying blade in some vain attempt at showing him that I could handle such a beautiful hunk of steel, but a more logical part of me dodged and as it gored a tree behind me, I was thankful that I didn’t let my stupidity get the best of me. Farth’s sword could barely be called a sword, it was more of a sharpened hunk of damascus steel, an uncountable number of years old, shapen and aged by the blood of enemies beyond count and stories without end. In a lot of ways, it’s a sword from an entirely different world, held by a man that is beyond the normality that I’ve ever lived in, it takes a lot of guts to wield it. I breathe in, careful not to breathe in any dust, I rush forward, my eyes shut and only focusing on the sounds hidden in the cloud and all I can hear is the hurried panting of Kat as she runs, alongside the excited breathing of my mom and sister watching this fight. I block and push out any fear and in the settling dust I know I’m at risk but I know there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. I pause in the dust, I don’t breathe, nor do I open my eyes, I open myself to attack and with each passing second the fear inside of me builds up, and as it does a million thoughts of what he might do, how he might break me, run through me with his sword;it’s all driving me crazy but I can’t bring myself to move because I know whatever happens when it does is going to be worth it.

A storm wind assaults me in the calm cloud and as I open my eyes I see the beastly visage of Farth hunched over flying through the air, holding his blade with a devilish smile, and before I track anything I hear her voice and a second later the sword and shield Farth gave me is in front of me and forcing my body to move faster than it’s ever moved before I grasp the buckler and blade and slash into my teacher as hard as my muscles can move and as steel clashes into fable the reverberation courses through me, filling me with a strange energy and with it I bring my blade down and Farth responds by guarding his entire body behind the steel and in a crazed state I bring my blade down again and again and not soon after blood is flying through the air with each strike as I break through to Farth. When the slightest bit of exhaustion caught me somehow Farth sensed it and crashed the flat side of the blade into me, sending me soaring through the air and.

I wake up in bed with Kat, I’m bandaged up and there are tears in her eyes, before I even know what’s wrong I apologize and she just kisses and lays on me, sending a spasm of pain through me, she’s apologizing and I’m telling her it’s okay even if I’m hurting so fucking much and have no idea what happened.

“Well he slapped you with that giant sword and it looked like you landed fine but the next second he was just on you like a man possessed and I swore you were gonna get cut and half….and you just didn’t? I guess you guarded it but that just pissed him off more and his eyes started shining and then….your eyes started shining back and then he just punched you really hard and knocked you out.”

“So I lost?”

“I wouldn’t say that. You were kicking his ass with your sword that’s for sure, your sister and mom told me you also suplexed him, so there’s that.” she snuggled up to me as she finished.

“How long has it been?” I ask, my voice coming out hoarsely.

“Maybe 30 minutes. Dinner’s ready actually, so if you’re up to it we can eat,” as she speaks she brings a bottle of water to my mouth and I drink it down greedily as I nod my head in agreement to dinner. “Oh by the by, your eyes are shining. They look beautiful.” she kissed my cheek as she finished speaking while my heart was aflutter both in the warmth I received from her, as well as fear of what may come of my eyes.

The dinner was light and full of laughter, embarrassing stories and occasionally reminders and remembrances of better times for some and worse times for me. I tried my best to not let any of it bother me but when I’d catch Kat glancing at me in between Mom’s and Farth’s tall tales she could see how hard it was. Through the whole night my body tinged, spasmed and shrieked at me, each bite of the delicious food Farth had cooked was tainted with the backlash of our battle. It was made worse by the annoying reality that my sister didn’t feel like using her power to heal me, but fortunately, my mom did. “Your eyes Arthur, they look just like mine, it brings me a strange happiness. For that, and for it is your birthday, I will gift you half as much pain as you normally would feel, for your life is one of struggling and as your mother, I will bear some of that burden. It saddens me that your father could not be here to witness the strength you have, it’s a true testament to the man you’re becoming.”

Farth drunk barked, “I’m fookin glad he ain’t here that right cunt he is, fookin piece of work he is, y’know he ki-”but before he could finish his sentence my mom shot him a glare and he stopped for a second, food, beer and his cursed words hanging amid the dim dinner. Sobering up instantly he continued; “He’s made a lot of mistakes, a few I cannot forgive him for, and I cannot speak for him, but I can attest to the pride I have in you Arthur, you’ve done well with yer work, and your training and that BODY! I can’t very well believe if I’m telling true, I’m proud and happy for the progress you’ve made and as well as your capacity to find such a stunner of a woman in yoor sweet Kattherrin.” Farth rolled his r’s when he said Kat’s name. I smiled politely and appreciated the small bits of warmth I could manage from the two of them, all while Kat held onto my right arm under the table. All that they were saying was nice, but in the low light, physically hurting, Katherine’s touch made everything so much better.

I fell asleep in the car on the drive home. Halfway through it I woke up and had an epiphany, which I shared with Kat.

“I don’t know if I want to keep doing therapy.” I say in a calm sleepy tone. Kat doesn’t respond at first, I can’t tell whether it’s because she’s tired or if she just doesn’t have a response.

“Well Arthur, I think it’s good to have someone to talk to about your problems.”

“Yeah well, I talk with you about my problems.”

“And I appreciate that but it’s like, I appreciate it and enjoy the time we spend together but maybe it’s good to have that other person you can go to when you’re struggling.”

“Well I haven’t been struggling as much as I used to. I’ve been feeling really good recently.”

I’m in therapy, I think it was yesterday, the twelfth. I cut down my sessions with the Doctor from once every week to every other week.

“How’ve you been feeling? How’s life?” Dr.Morgan asks me.

“I’m good, I’ve been doing this programming internship at the community college and even got a job offer from Lazlow Winklar, he runs a front end webdev company.”

“That’s great to hear! It’s good you’re pursuing something related to your major.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think I’d get an opportunity like this. Things have been good.” For a few minutes we just sat across from each other, the doc occasionally scribbling something onto her notepad, I swear I said things but I can’t remember what I said. I can remember what I told her in the third session, but I can’t remember what I told her two days ago. Right now, I’m staring out of the window towards a sultry summer evening, the AC is on and I’m weighing what Katherine told me and wondering what I should do.

We get home not soon after, to the single small little house on a small near empty road hanging on a thread on a cliff that nobody pays much attention to, but where I live. I drag myself from the car to the front door and from the front door to the bedroom, shedding my bloodied clothing as I go, a thin layer of salty sweat instantly forming as I shamble into the room.

But before I collapse onto our bed Kat says“No no no no. You need a shower hun, c’mon, I’ll help you.” The shower is steamy, warm, soothing and sexless. I spend most of it propped against the tile while Kat has at me with a white loofah that ends up pink by the end of the shower. We dry each other off, I give her a quick peck on the forehead and crash as quickly as I can onto our bed. I can’t help but think of therapy though.

“Do you think I should stop therapy?”

“Okay Arthur, I really really like you, I adore you, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, so I will say this with as much kindness as I possibly can. I’ve been here with you a month and a half, and I’ve seen a lot of your rougher moments. You feel good because we’re together and things are good between us, and it makes it easy to forget when you’re really really struggling, please don’t stop going to therapy.”

I’m crying in therapy, maybe it was the one before last, maybe even farther away from the happiness that I’ve been living since she came into my life.

“There’s nothing I can do, they’re just, they’re just gonna fire me and I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m not prideful enough to not ask my sister for help, but part of me really doesn’t want to, maybe it’s not fair to her after being distant for so long but what was I supposed to do? I can’t help the fact that my family fucked me up so royally.”

“Arthur you always mention how your family mistreated you, it’s always in this strange abstract way, now I understand it may be hard for you to talk about it, but I definitely see where a lot of your issues stem from and by not acknowledging and processing what they did to you, but maybe you’re spinning in your wheels a little too much.”

“I just don’t really know where to start, there’s so much.”

“What’s your issue with your sister?”

I didn’t give the Doc the answer that day, but when I got home and Kat asked me how therapy went and if I was okay I couldn’t stop myself from really breaking down and telling her.

“She’d just watch while they beat me. While they practiced their little powers on me, while I was ostracized and pushed away from the family. She just watched and sometimes she helped but so many times she could have, and she just….didn’t? A blank stare would cover her face, not a smile, not a frown, just…nothing and I’d scowl and beg and do everything I could to just get her to help me but she wouldn’t, no matter how much I asked.” That’s what I told Katherine. I didn’t tell the doctor anything.

Laying on my bed, the A/C running and Katherine quietly sleeping next to me I realized I had a problem and I knew exactly how to fix it, no matter how much it would hurt me, which it would, it would hurt harder than anything my brothers ever did to me, or any of the bullshit my exes put me through, or the emotional pain I got from my family, it would hurt more than all of it combined solely because it didn’t need to be a problem, but I know the only way to fix it is for it to end.