Chapter 6

I See Humans But No Humanity

Day after day, after day. So many ignorant, arrogant, narcissistic, toxic, close-minded buffoons who go around thinking the world revolves around them. Narcissists and liars who refuse to take accountability of their actions. Men pressuring women to do things they can’t even speak up about to defend themselves, women who do the same but when women do it, it’s not a bad thing. Liars who act all obnoxious when they get all excited to get some pussy, acting like a nice guy at first and start projecting in the most offensive and aggressive way possible if they don’t get bitches, I bet they’ve never see a woman before in real life, because all they do is sit in their mom’s basement (how ironic) all day and expect they’d get pussy. And a lot of people, really. People are terrible. I’ve written most of what I know about humanity’s utter selfish stupidity within 200,000 pages in a separate book already, and this is not meant to be a figure of speech but literal.

Because I’ve seen more than enough about humanity’s arrogance and ignorance, thinking they are better than everyone, when they get their ego killed, they either flee or deny as much as they need to, refusing to give themselves the insight of their wrongdoings. Because they have this complexity thinking they are smarter and better than people, when the true smart people never brag and think they are dumber than everyone else because they crave for more knowledge, no matter how much intelligence they have. And these types are those who are open-minded to anything without having to be obnoxious. That is why the Philippines’s average IQ is 50.

“People who brag about their IQ are losers.” -Stephen Hawking

This makes my blood boil and makes me want to hate humans even more, making me feel like throwing away my humanity, and never let it stain my dark soul again. But somehow, I keep reminding myself that there are truly good people in this world, and they are the reason why I am still human deep inside and they are the reason why I help people, indiscriminately. I can’t say no to a person when they need help, no matter what, and I’d do it for charity’s sake. Because I know, deep inside I am still a good person that hasn’t fallen to the same path as the clan I am in, which now I remember the name, “The Darkened Path”.

***

My father is gone at the moment, my only caretaker as I spent hours online, trying to socialise. To find friends who could understand and be open-minded to anything. But I have found none, but the same assholes but different people with the exact same mindset to talk shit at me for absolutely no reason. I bet they’re too afraid to speak such morbid words to people in real life, they are lucky they are behind a screen and refuse to show their true identity before acting offensive and absolutely horrendous towards me.

Why is it only me? Why not other people? Why is it I, the one that attracts toxic people the most when clearly I am the one who needs open-minded people to talk to, and as I write, there are people who literally hacked and crashed most of my apps, sparing this one application where I usually type in the words from my mind, the thoughts from my mouth that murmurs silently without speech.

I was just doing my own thing, minding my own business, and they keep piling up and once I fight back, I am the one seen as the enemy because I go as far as they did. As everyone in society thinks I am in the wrong for standing up for myself.

Why can’t just people mind their own business? It has been like this for two decades now! I am almost 23 years old and I am at that one era of my life where I am anxious about my future. Being mentally unstable to the point I was locked up in that godforsaken asylum for seven years just to be locked up inside my house for a lifetime.

I spent my time ranting all about such nonsense. This is the time where I had enough and began a metamorphosis. I threw away all of my humanity and had become a misanthropist vampire. I shouted a mighty demonic roar, as my sanity drains all of my entire body as my nails grew into talons, my pale skin turned greyish blue, my ears grew long and pointy like elves’, my eyes turned completely red without an iris, my back grew gigantic bat wings with claws on each corner, my teeth were sharp as scissors but my fangs grew longer.

I was not taking it anymore but I tried to control myself, and luckily I did. I slowly reverted back to normal gradually, the same way as I drastically shifted into a monstrous, lovecraftian form. And then I began to writhe onto the floor in pain, not physically but mentally and emotionally. I bottled them all up inside me, unable to cry because I grew up taught that men are not allowed to cry. But I could take it no longer, and shrieked a sobbing weep, as my eyes formed tears beside them and the salty drops dripped down my cheeks, I cried. Vampire or human, even a devil may cry.

All the pain I’ve gone through, I’ve been badly discriminated against all because of my mental illness, every day of my life, but so many people not just online, but outside as well since I began to develop psychotic symptoms that I could not control. Now I see why they see me as a potential victim, because I am weak… but not anymore.