CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Better than a Wedding Dress

Trinity stormed into the apartment. She found me fiddling in front of the mirror and blazed triumphantly, “I should have told my parents I was getting married when I was nine! This has been the greatest stunt I have ever pulled! Now I’m important! Now I’m their little girl who needs to have everything she wants. Now they feel threatened about their ownership of me because someone else wants me.” She deflated onto the sofa and moaned theatrically, “I hate everybody!”

I put my mascara brush back in its tube. “Tell me all about it.”

“They hate my dress. They hate my flowers. They hate the church. They hate the hall afterward. They hate that there are no bridesmaids. They hate that there are no groomsmen. They hate his parents. They hate that I’m getting married so young. They hate that Brighton hasn’t been practicing corporate law in Calgary for the past five years. They hate that I didn’t tell them until a week before the ceremony—”

“You told them!” I exclaimed.

“Yes, and no one made me. I did it all by myself. It was one of those things. You know, like high school graduation. It looks lame and you don’t want to go, but even after all your rebelling, you still go. It sucks, but you still do it, because you worry that if you stay home you’ll wonder all your life what would have happened if you did... the thing.”

“So you did the thing?”

“Yup. Now, look at me. I’m ready to tear my hair out. My mom hates my hair. She never used to give me a hard time about the pink hair or the time half my hair was orange and the other half was green… and that was such an ugly look, parted right down the middle. Now she’s super happy to play the mother of the bride and dad is just as bad. He hunkered down and talked to Uncle Max like me turning into a respectable person was all part of the plan and that was why they sent me to boarding school. Because those educators really know how to raise kids. Beth, I could die. I hate them both so much! Why weren’t they there when I needed them instead of only showing up for the closing act and then making such a stink about everything?”

I got up to hug her, but she was already on the couch putting her feet where her head should be and her head where her feet should be. She liked hanging upside down like that. It was her happy place. I sat cross-legged next to her and patted her arm.

“Are there going to be a lot of changes?”

“No! I’m not letting them change anything. I told them when I called them that they could come as guests. This is my wedding and I’m having it my way, but they still want to know all the details and go on and on and on about how much better it could have been if only I’d told them sooner.”

“You’re going to be all right. The honeymoon is right after the wedding and you’ll get some peace when you go away with your new husband.”

Trinity snickered. “You’re just hyper because Rogan is taking you instead of Felix.”

“You told her?”

“She doesn’t care. She’s pretty caught up with her new man. She invited him to the wedding.”

“She’s taking a date?”

“That’s not what I said. I said she invited him to the wedding. She’s not going to have a date. She’s still too shy to show her parents who she likes, so she only invited him. She may not even hang out with him until her parents leave.”

I rolled my eyes. “People with parents are weird.”

She nodded, the blood coursing so hard in her head you could see it in her eyes. “Yes, they are.”

***

The wedding was to be at five o’clock in the afternoon with the reception following that evening. Trinity didn’t do her wedding day prep at our apartment. She spent the night before at Brighton’s sister’s house. She had already done every spa treatment her mother could think of. Aside from the final trip to the hair salon with her mother, Trinity was doing everything else with Brighton’s family. I felt kind of left out. She had asked me if I wanted to come and be part of all the hoopla, but I had been to Brighton’s sister’s house before. It gave me a headache. It was too busy. Just add all the extra relatives that would be around for the festivities, plus her parents, any staff they hired, and boom! I thought my head would split. I wasn’t even in the wedding party and I was already all weddinged out.

Besides, Trinity and I had already said our goodbyes. Meaning, she had already packed all her stuff in boxes and moved them out of the apartment. I helped her. The boxes were sitting in their new place in St. Paul waiting for Trinity and Brighton to get back from their honeymoon. However, she left her bed and a few other goodies for Felicity-Ann.

I had my own preparations to do. I had to look perfect for the wedding.

The idea when I chose my dress (which was long before Rogan asked me) was to wear one that bore no resemblance to a bridesmaid’s dress. Therefore, my dress was a print. It was cream with a pink and brown floral print. The neckline dove lower than anything I'd ever worn before because I had always been self-conscious about my heart surgery scars, but in the last little while, they had faded completely. I looked at myself in the mirror, thought the dress took things entirely too far and safety pinned the folds to cover a bit more. I didn’t need to have a wardrobe malfunction. I wore no necklace and let my collarbone be the main attraction, which was incredibly unusual for me. I wore brown suede boots, a thick matching belt, and slid a brown leather bracelet on my left wrist.

I was ready and I wasn't. This was finally my big chance to win over the man I wanted. I tried to steady my nerves, but honestly, I felt like I was going to puke.

Rogan showed up at exactly the right time, down to the second, but he did not come upstairs. Instead, he called me from his car and asked me to come down. It wasn’t very gentleman-like, but parking in that part of the city was a nightmare, so I overlooked it. He did open the car door for me.

“You look lovely,” he remarked pleasantly.

He wore a coat and tie, but nothing too flashy. His coat was black, but his pants were tan. I noticed he wore gloves to drive the car and I wondered absently if he would take them off. I wouldn’t say a word if he left them on all day.

Inside the church, three-quarters of the seats had been given to the groom’s side. The bride’s side didn’t even fill up the first three rows. Rogan and I sat in the row behind Trinity's mother and Felicity-Ann’s family. I looked everywhere for the man Felicity-Ann had invited, but there was no one in Trinity's part of the church that I didn’t know by name.

The organ piped up and Trinity came down the aisle with no flower girl or ring bearer leading the way for her. There were no bridesmaids, but her father escorted her on the path to her soon-to-be husband. Actually, I got kind of choked up.

“Okay?” Rogan whispered tactfully.

“I’m fine,” I lied.

He knew I was lying. He slipped his arm around my shoulder and gave me a little squeeze.

***

At the reception, no place cards indicated where to sit. There was no band playing. I thought I saw a stereo off to one side playing soft music. The food was simple, rather like eating at a sub sandwich restaurant. The punch tasted like someone mixed a bottle of pop with a can of concentrated juice and stirred. Instead of having a big wedding cake and a little ceremony where the couple cuts the cake, there was a table of pre-cut pieces on little saucers and the guests could take one whenever they wanted.

Rogan and I sat at a table alone. I noticed he took off his gloves to eat, but I never did see if his left pinkie was still missing.

Felicity-Ann spoke to us after the toast to the bride. She was wearing a black dress with racer-back straps. She looked overdressed and strange in the gymnasium where the reception was being held. Her platform heels made her over six feet tall. She greeted Rogan and me so sweetly, I regretted agreeing to let her move in with me.

“It’s so great to see you,” she beamed at Rogan. “You look fabulous.” She had completely forgotten she thought he was a pig in the face of his magnetism.

“As do you,” he said, taking her hand and giving her a little twirl. “Won’t you join us?”

She immediately took a seat and rammed her chair so close to his it would have given anyone the impression that I was the third-wheel and not her. Then she launched into a conversation with him about his travels and why he hadn’t been around.

I tolerated it for about six minutes before I got up. I knew that would happen. She hadn’t done anything yet to make me cancel our arrangement to live together, but I couldn’t even be mature enough to watch them talk. I moved to leave.

“Where are you going?” Rogan asked, grabbing my hand with his right one.

“Only the bathroom,” I lied sweetly.

He nodded and let me go.

I wove between tables until I got to the atrium, where I got out my phone and considered calling a cab. I was about to open a search engine when Gibson came in the front doors.

Immediately, I said hi to him.

“Hi,” he said, looking flustered. “I can’t stop and talk right now. I have to tell Brighton what a bum I am for missing his wedding.”

I let him go. Then I plunked myself down on a sofa and tapped my phone against my temple.

Two seconds later Rogan found me. “You’re going the wrong way if you’re going to the bathroom.”

“Oh?” I said absently.

“What’s your problem?” He asked the most offensive question in the world without sounding the least bit rude.

I looked at him, but couldn't answer.

“Does she irritate you that much?”

I still couldn’t answer.

“If she irritates you that much, why are you letting her move in with you?”

I cleared my throat. “I guess I’m afraid to be alone, and I guess I’m out here because I don’t like watching her flirt with you.”

“So flirt with me yourself,” he dared, coming right up to me so that my knees touched his shins.

“And waste my time? You already said you only want to be friends.”

He sat down beside me. “Okay. I understand. Today, you need support and you don’t want to be exposed to another woman’s attempt to get my attention. I get it.”

I glared at him. “It might not be that,” I said even though there was a lot of truth to what he suggested.

“We can talk about what’s bothering you. Are you unhappy because your father will never walk you down the aisle?”

“No. It would make sense if that was what was bothering me, but it’s not. You know, Trinity has been very preoccupied with her new life and her new family. She’s been my family for the past seven years and now, she doesn’t need me—not even a little bit. She’s moving away and I’m left with no one but Felicity-Ann, who can’t refrain from hitting on my date.”

“She wasn’t hitting on me. She was just being friendly. After you left she said her boyfriend hadn’t gotten there yet and she was feeling anxious he wouldn't show up. She didn’t mean to tick you off.”

“Sure.”

“Believe me. I know her type a lot better than you do.”

“U-huh,” I said cynically. “It doesn’t matter. That doesn’t stop me from feeling stung that Trinity is leaving.”

“But you’ll have Felicity for company, and if I’m not there, she won’t always irritate you.”

“And that is going to be so great,” I said, getting crazier. “Even if you’re not around, do you know what she’s going to be like to live with? She’s so pretty, I’ll be consistently marginalized by her presence. There’s this guy who works with me. Don’t get the wrong idea. He’s nothing special, but he thinks she hung the moon. If I live with her, I’ll always be compared to her. I’m not even allowed to make myself as pretty as I can be,” I whaled quietly.

“Why aren’t you allowed to make yourself as pretty as you can be?” He looked genuinely confused.

I touched a spot on my hair. “I love that man too much to do even one thing he doesn’t like.”

“Whoever he is, he sounds like a jerk to me,” Rogan said heartlessly, and why he said that when he was the creep I was referencing, I couldn’t be sure.

“Take me home. I hate it here.”

***

Back on the road in front of the main doors to my apartment building, Rogan put his car in park. “Do you want me to come up?”

“No,” I said, gathering up my bag. “I should go in and get used to it.”

“Used to what?”

“Being alone.”

He grabbed my elbow. “I’m here. You don’t have to be alone.”

Gently, I removed his gloved hand. “No. Tonight, I don’t want comfort from anybody who isn’t willing to promise to stay in my life. Since there’s no one like that, I want to be alone. I’ll be in a better mood the next time we meet… probably. Though I don’t know why you want to hang out with me. I’m chronically miserable these days.”

“I can come in,” he insisted. “You don’t have to be alone tonight.”

“Yes, I do! I only have a couple more days before Felicity-Ann moves in and reminds me of everything I’m not. I’m sure it will be paradise until she gets tired of sharing a room and moves back in with her mommy and daddy.”

“Let me park the car and come in with you.”

“Would it be at all possible for you not to see this side of me? Couldn’t you wait and see me when I’m feeling a bit stronger?” I got out of the car and managed to say stiffly, “Thanks for taking me today.” Then in a fit of spitefulness, I continued to say, “And you don’t need to pay me back with the year. You only torture me.” I shut the car door and walked away.

Rogan ditched the car and ran after me. “What are you saying?”

“Go away! You wouldn’t even be here if I hadn’t barged into your world and made you make that crazy promise. I have changed my mind about demanding your attention,” I said fitfully.

“I’m not leaving.”

“If you don’t move your car, it’s going to get towed and you’ll get a huge parking ticket.”

“I don’t care,” he persisted.

“Don’t go out of your way for a girl you only made friends with a week ago. Go home,” I said, reverting to the girl who didn’t know he was also Christian.

He stepped between me and the door. “Please let me come up. I just want to hang out.”

I stood there and thought about how immature I felt like being. It was pretty immature. “Kay,” I said, getting ready to be extremely mean. I turned around and marched down the street, away from my apartment building.

He followed me. “Where are you going?”

I stopped. “You’re acting out of character. Any normal guy would ditch me to save his car.”

“I can’t leave you alone.”

“Why? Cause you feel so sorry for me? I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. If you were going to come to my rescue, then you're too late.” I tried to walk away, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Trinity. She was the one who was there for me every single time Christian abandoned me. The forthcoming pity party was going to be ugly. I had to get rid of him before I made myself any more desperate. I walked faster.

“You need a friend right now. Why are you so against it being me?” he said, grabbing me by the arm.

“I’m upset!” I cried. “I probably would have felt differently about Trinity’s wedding if I was in a similar situation as her, but I don’t have a boyfriend. I’ve never been on a date. Could you do me a favor and stop being the guy who only wants to be my friend? I know you can’t love me the way I want. Go away.”

“Isn’t this a date?” he said suddenly.

“Maybe it is, but it doesn’t feel like much of a date when all the anticipation that it could turn into a romance was killed by your preemptive I-only-want-to-be-friends.”

“You’re putting me in a bad spot,” he grumbled.

“I’ll be fine tomorrow.”

His jaw was set. He didn’t believe me. “I have an idea. Let’s walk to a bookstore. I’ll buy you anything you want and we’ll have some Italian sodas. Sound good?”

I had done that exact thing with Christian at least a dozen times. “Thanks for the offer, but nothing like that can satisfy me today.”

“What about a movie? Wanna go see a movie?”

“Will you make out with me in the dark?”

His mouth twisted into a conceited smirk. “You wouldn’t like it.”

“I think I would, like that time I kissed you at the New Year’s Eve party. I think you liked it too.”

His face was unreadable, and I couldn’t tell if I was giving him new information or not. Had he really not known it was me? That seemed impossible.

“Beth, I…”

“I know,” I said, glaring at him. “You only want to be my friend, but I don’t know if I can stand to be your friend.”

Finally, he gave me an inch. “Can’t we make a deal?”

“What sort of deal?” I inclined my head closer to him and he led me over to lean against the brick wall of a laundromat out of the general flow of foot traffic.

He glanced up and down the street, before relaxing against the wall. He hid his left hand behind me and let his gloved hand carass the side of my cheek until he brought my ear to his mouth. “I’m not here because of the year I promised you. I’m worried about you. Brandon thinks Charles gave him to the Argonauts in exchange for you.”

“Me?” I hissed.

“Yes,” he said, looking in my eyes and still whispering. “Of course, they were lying. They had no intention of turning you over to him, but he’s getting impatient. He might ditch and come after you. If he turns up, he isn’t going to want a date. He thinks a lot more is owed to him.”

I gasped and thought about what that could mean.

Rogan leaned in and breathed hot air into my ear as he murmured, “I know you don’t want me for a friend and actually, I don’t want you for a friend either. We’re stuck. As I explained before, I can’t love, but now I can’t leave you alone. I need to protect you.” He slid his hand down my arm in a way that almost drew me to him. “Can we pretend to be friends?”

Heat was simmering between us now. Was he suffering like I was? I wished he would talk to me about what was wrong with him that stopped him from loving me the way I was certain both of us wanted. He wouldn’t say, and the idea of Charles getting ahold of me made my skin prickle.

Rogan saw my hesitation and whispered, “I know this isn’t fair and I’m sorry it has come to this.”

I looked up at him and saw his perfection, everything about him I loved and couldn’t get enough of. I didn’t know if I could be his friend. Dressing up in something pretty with the expectation of romance always ended badly for me. What was it that Brandon had said back in Scotland? Something about how I would never be beautiful to Christian until I had blood on my face?

“Okay. Let’s go back to my apartment,” I said, trying to sound light. “I’ve got to get out of this dress.”