Our intrepid hero, after several detours and a full frontal retreat when encountering a dangerous enemy, finally arrived at the biggest city in the country. Which due to naming conventions and regulations had to be called 'Beginner's village'. An unfortunate name, chosen by short-sighted individuals who underestimate humanity's ability to expand. Both in waist size as in quantity.

This meant the town was filled with people with an inferiority complex, trying their best to show they were anything but beginners. Mostly when it came to sexual matters. The streets were filled with the moans of morning breakfast. Which always had to contain at least one sausage to serve as a sexual innuendo. Our hero, who hadn't paid his narrator's overtime, looked around in search for something while a nearby beggar eyed him expectantly.

“Euhm, thank you exposition-man. All of that sounded disturbing. Also, I think the beggar is dead...”

“Oh, I assure you, old chap, I'm anything but dead. No, I was merely using these public streets for defecation. As is expected of one's position in life. Must always oblige the local customs you see.”

The hero cocked his head to the side, which was a dangerous thing to do in an oversexualized city.

“So many things that are wrong here, but first off... can you stop crapping in front of me and second, do you by any chance know a tiger with a top hat? Because you sound remarkable similar.”

The beggar considered the heroes words briefly but shook his head as he searched through his backpack for this year's edition of the almanac.

“Sad to say, young man, but that'll be a negative response to both. Everybody has a part to play in this travesty we call life. Yours is to be the hero who seeks out great evil in this world while mine is to fill these streets with human produce. Both equally important. Also, why would a tiger wear a top hat?”

“I... I really don't know. I thought that was normal in this world.”

“Hardly. Do you have any idea how much a top hat costs? It takes at least three days filled with excretions before I could afford one. So how would a tiger achieve the same? Think, young man. Honestly.”

“Couldn't he just shit on the streets too?”

The beggar was stunned and gasped with an open mouth while closing his nose with his fingers.

“You think this job is facile in any manner? Where did you get your education, young man? For they have taught you poorly. No, it takes years before one acquires the different techniques. There is the frontal excretion, the side excretion, the running man, the being beaten while defecating man,... In short, it is a harsh but rewarding profession which only the most satiated of men can successfully acquire. But I can see that I will get no respect from the likes of you. I must leave to a place that more appreciates my talents.”

The beggar stood up and discontinued his flow with a few torn out pages of the almanac. He raised his robes to not stain them and walked away. A couple of children ahead of him fainted due to the old man's lack of underwear and the smell that wafted forward with the wind.

Perhaps the hero will now learn to not look down on people's chosen profession. There is no place in this world for bigotry. Except against the elves of course.

“Wait, what?”

…

…

…

The beggar did however give the hero an idea. Perhaps acquiring a job of his own might help his quest?

“Your flagrant racism aside, what kind of jobs can I get?”

A blue box appeared above the hero's head:

POSSIBLE JOBQUESTS:

MAGE: REQUIRES 15 INTELLECT

WARRIOR: REQUIRES 15 STRENGTH

THIEF: REQUIRES 15 DEXTERITY

ARCHER: REQUIRES 15 AGILITY

“Wait, why isn't there one for luck?”

Noises of a frantic search in paperwork could be heard from above. Half an hour passed before someone swore as he hit his head. Shortly thereafter another line was added letter by letter to the blue box in a different font.

BEGINNER RANK 2: REQUIRES 30 LUCK

“Why is that one so different from the rest? … Actually, you know what? Just forget it. I'm used to your shitty sense of humour by now. Give me beginner rank 2.”

Music swelled from the background. Sombre piano notes were mixed with harp music and low drums. People around began to cry as they thought of their deceased loved ones.

“... Am I hearing funeral music now?”

The illustrious song that is currently playing indicates that someone has advanced in rank as a beginner's class. It is considered by nine out of ten critics as the most depressing music on earth. Suited for the most depressing job class on earth.

“Ah... great... thanks... so much. Seriously. Now what does this job do?”

Beginner rank 2 has not been implemented yet. Estimated time of arrival is somewhere in the next 5-6 months. It seems nobody thought about the possibility of some individual putting all his stats into luck.

The hero sighed with a contorted face as he accidentally slipped in the beggar's produce. His body fell backward and kicked out the supporting leg of a nearby witch. She too fell forward and hit the brown man-made luxury with her face. Right in the middle of a square that was lined off with yellow tape.

The hero's eyes bulged as he tried to apologise profusely, but the witch looked at him filled with anger. At least that's what everybody assumed as her face was still caked with one of the many reasons that the average inhabitant of a city would bring up when asked why he or she moved to the countryside. Not understanding that the countryside was practically made out of similar elements but from a bovine origin.

“Pew pew pfffff The hell you doing ya lil cunt? Who gonna pay for mah dress?”

Suddenly out of nowhere a house landed on her. The only thing that stuck out were her red, now brown, shoes.

A blue box appeared over the hero's head as a loud ding sound echoed through the air.

YOU HAVE LEVELLED UP! YOU ARE NOW LEVEL 3! CONGRATULATIONS.

GAINED ACHIEVEMENT 'Everything but the kitchen sink.'

“Wait, wait, wait... I didn't kill her. This has nothing to do with me.”

Played initiated combat through the use of martial arts. Driving his opponent further into an open construction zone where his opponent met an early end.

“An open what?”

In the air a wizard floated on his broom. Staff in hand he put both hands to his mouth to raise the volume of his voice.

“Sorry bout that, first day on the job. Kinda pressed for time here with all the new cottages we gotta build. Can you clean that up? Thaaaanks!”

The wizard ran, nay, floated off in a hurry and left the hero on his own.