I woke up to two things: 1)Jacob’s British hands shaking me, and, 2)even worse, Jaden Smith.

“Gah,” I groaned, “my penis is shrinking into itself, turn off the music.”

Frankie must have heard me, because the music did in fact lower in volume.

“Better?” Her voice said.

Rubbing my eyes, I raised my head from the window sill. “Too late. I have a vagina now.”

“What’s it take to get in?” Jacob asked.

“Circumcision.” I said, stretching as I yawned.

Some things in my back popped, and I rested on the chair, sighing in euphoria. I tried to do the same with my neck, but it hurt like hell.

“Where the hell are we?” I asked, turning to Jacob.

He rested on the car door and looked at me with a grin. “You slept the whole ride, man. It’s like 11pm. We’re at your place. You seemed tired as hell, so Frankie suggested we drop you off.”

I looked behind him, and lo and behold, we were in my driveway.

“Ah,” I said, turning to her, “thanks.”

“Of course,” Frankie smiled, “you should have just told us if you were tired.”

I smiled back. “I blame your vape.”

Clambering out of the truck, I trudged towards my front door, wiping my eyes and yawning again. As I stepped unto the porch, I heard the car start up, and I turned to them and waved. They waved back, and even though I knew they were just looking out for me, I couldn’t help but feel like I was being kicked out. Couldn’t help but fear that I was being kicked out. Physically stopping myself from calling out to them, I bit my lip as they pulled out of the driveway. Sighing and ignoring the way my stomach turned into itself, I turned to Lucifer, who was floating beside me sound asleep, and grabbed his ankle, trudging into my house.

I climbed up the stairs, dragging a snoring ex-angel behind me, and headed straight to my room. Thankfully my parents were sound asleep by this point, because I was way past curfew.

I stumbled into my room, tossed Lucifer aside before plopping unto my bed with a sigh. Still sleepy, I pulled out my fucking phone.

Saying what happened next feels like spitting venom, but I’ll do it anyway. If you feel like judging me after hearing this, I want you to know you have every right to. God knows I did. I do.

I pulled up Reddit, and laughed sleepily at the dumb memes I scrolled through. I stopped at our school’s unofficial page (the one ran by the student body government had been spammed with “washingurassisgei” comments until it was eventually shut down), and tapped on it, perhaps out of sleepy boredom.

I sorted by new.

And then I stopped, because I was presented with a pair of titties.

Huh.

I looked to who posted it, the account name was u/Att_Eye_Am, and the title just said, “gaddam” with two fire emojis. I didn’t ask who the titties belonged to, and I don’t think I cared. Maybe my eyes were so focused on the girl’s nipples that I didn’t notice the birthmark on her neck. Or maybe I did, and just didn’t care.

And maybe I should blame what happened next on the sleepiness, or the buzz from the vape, or just the crippling, horny loneliness that comes with being the single one in a friend group.

Or maybe I’m just fucking disgusting.

Either way, not bothering to overthink it, my body responded the way it usually did. I saw boobs, and my dick saluted.

So I unzipped my pants, and made the world just a bit more filthy that night.

I can’t go any further because I don’t want to cr… because I’m ashamed. I can’t go any further because I’m disgusting, and I’m ashamed.

I commented “hot” with three fire emojis, and like a chef who doesn’t know he left the gas on, I turned off my phone and went to sleep. As I teetered on the edge of slumber, I might be wrong, but I think I heard Lucifer sigh behind me.

#

The next morning, I trudged through the snow like normal. Ignored Lucifer like normal. Entered the school building like normal.

I think Lucifer tried to give me hints as to the oil I’d smoked on, but I just took it as him bullying me for jacking off instead of actually having sex. Eventually, when I ignored him enough, he just sighed and disappeared.

The first thing I noticed as I walked through the doorway was how tight the air was. There was no discussion being held in the hallway that wasn’t purposeful. No “how was your night?” or “did you watch the game?”. Everyone that was talking seemed to be talking about something really important.

The next thing I noticed was that a good number of people seemed to be staring in the same direction. I followed their gaze to see Jacob and Liz huddled up around Frankie, who was leaning against her locker. She was crying. Like Alex, and like the other girls I was yet to meet, Franchesca Reyez was bawling her eyes out.

I immediately headed in their direction, pushing people aside.

“Hey guys, what’s going on?” I said. All of their heads snapped in my direction, but Jacob was already headed towards me.

The temperature of his steps caught me of guard, so I slowed. “Yo, you goo-”

And then his fist went back, and before I could ask why, it collided with my face.

I landed on the floor with a thud, the back of my head hitting the tiles.

“SexyTob.” He said.

“What?” I replied, completely disoriented.

“That’s your Reddit handle, right?”

“Uh… y- yeah, I think, wha-”

And then he descended upon me, and we became a storm of arms and legs. I tried slapping, punching, pushing, even biting, anything to stop the endless barrage of fists landing on my face like a marching band. Or a drum. Dun. Dun. Dun. Beating just slightly out of sync with my heart.

Eventually Jacob was pulled off of me, and I blinked until my vision focused to see Mr.Parker, the vice-principal holding him back. Jacob tried wresting away, but it was no use, Mr.Parker was 6-foot-5 of pure ex-military muscle. In his arms, Jacob looked like a caged wolf.

“YOU PIECE OF SHIT!” He screamed, his accent so much thicker than it had ever been. “I SWEAR TO GOD YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD YOU SICK CUNT!”

“Wh-”

“ARE YOU WITH HIM?!”

“WITH WHO?”

“FUCK YOU! I BET YOU PLANNED IT WITH HIM!”

I was confused. I was confused. Blood dripped down my nose, seeping into my mouth and through my teeth. I spat.

“Wh-”

“That’s enough, you two!” Said the voice of Mrs. Greenwell. She turned to the crowd that had, unbeknownst to me, formed around us. “Alright, show’s over! Anyone who isn’t in class in 1 minute get’s detention!”

The crowd scurried away, I tried to find Frankie and Liz, to ask what the hell was happening, but they got lost in the frenzy.

Mrs.Greenwell helped me to my feet.

“The two of you,” she said through her teeth, “are in so much trouble.”

#

The wait in Admin wing was, needless to say, unbelievably awkward.

I sat there, a blood tissue in my nose, with Jacob beside me breathing hard, and clenching his knuckles so tight I worried they would break.

I sighed and turned to him.

“Hey, man, wh-”

“You made her cry.”

“You. You, and that trash Adam. You. Made. Her. Cry. You were supposed to be her friend, and you made her cry. Fucking die, Tobe.”

“What? Ada-”

“Shutup.”

“JUST TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!”

“FUCK OFF!”

I leaned my head back on the chair and pinched the bridge of my nose. What the hell did Adam d-

Att_Eye_Am, Ad-I-Am, Adam. Like the lenses of a kaleidoscope collecting into one, I slowly realized what had happened, and my stomach dropped into my rectum with the force of a free-falling dumbbell. Adam, and the “stuff” he did with Frankie. And the length he took to respond, and the birthmark, the fucking birthmark on her neck. And my stupid comment. My stupid three letter and three emoji comment that would set everything on fire. Instantly, I felt my stomach boil, and my heart began to drum again. All by myself, without Lucifer laughing at me, I felt my breath evade me.

I frantically turned to Jacob. “Bro, you gotta understand, I didn’t know-”

“Bullshit!” He said. “That cunt has sent so many fucking Reddit memes by now. We all know his handle!”

“Okay, but I didn’t-”

“And the scar, you didn’t notice the FUCKING SCAR ON HER NECK?!”

“Y-you mean her birthmark?”

His face twisted in disgust. “Birthma-? No! She got it from falling out of a tree when she was a kid, DO YOU EVEN LISTEN WHEN SHE TALKS?!”

“Well, I-”

“Of course not, too bust staring at my girlfriend’s arse, no?”

“Bro-”

“No bro of mine types “hot” when his friend’s nudes get leaked. You didn’t see the fucking comments ALL FUCKING SAYING IT WAS FRANKIE?!”

I gulped.

“PEOPLE WHO DON’T EVEN KNOW HER RECOGNIZED THE SCAR, AND YOU DIDN’T? YOU THINK I’M AN IDIOT?!”

“Dude… I was sleepy, and… and buzzed… and-”

“Fuck off, man. I can’t fucking believe you. I thought you were one of the coolest guys I’ve ever met. You know you and her are the closest friend’s I’ve ever had? Ever? Were you just pretending this whole time? HUH?!”

“Jac-”

“You didn’t do anything else did you?” His glare tightened so much it choked me.

“N-no.” I lied, feeling like it’d be better if I was dead. The nerve, I had. To be the abuser and dare to have the scars of the abused.

“Better.” He said, turning away.

“Listen, I-”

Then, the sound of scurrying feet made me look up to see Frankie and Liz at the entry way. Liz looked at me like I was a maggot in her burger, and Frankie’s face just crumpled into itself, bleeding accross the spectrum of sadness and anger. I always make them cry.

She stomped over to me, and before I could even open my mouth to apologize, or to explain, or even to say her name, her hand travels across her side and slams into my face. Fast and hard enough that I hear a ringing in my left ear. The receptionist stands up to admonish her, but Frankie just spits on me, and stomps out. Liz gives me another glare before following her.

The glob of saliva drags itself down my cheek, and my lips begin to quiver, I turn to Jacob, but he’s not even looking at me. His jaw is set. And like a water color painting left in the rain, the rose tint began to melt off. In the silence that followed the thunder of the slap, I realized the gravity of what I had done.

The principal opens his door and motions for Jacob to come in. Still not looking at me, he gets up and walks into the room. The door closes. And then I’m left there to survive through my panic attack in solitude. Not even Lucifer will accompany me.

Of course, in typical Tobe fashion, I began to cry.

You wanna know something I haven’t told anyone, not even her, till this day? Deep down, I think I knew it was Frankie the whole time, but I just didn’t see her as a real person in that moment. Just a pair of curves and skin. Like headless cattle at a supermarket.

Looking back at that Tobe, I wish I could spit on him too

Dear Bec, when the moon strikes midnight,

Clench your knees, make sure you don’t hide.

Don’t be fooled by the blood on the sand,

Always remember the knife’s in your hand.