《Leave Bad Enough Alone》005. Crashing The Party

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The queue of opulent carriages stretched down the block, the setting sun painting them vivid shades of orange. At the head of the line, in front of the Medochre mansion, the carriage’s occupants would disembark, usually consisting of an elegantly-dressed lord and lady, but sometimes including older children. The camera bulbs would flash, then they would wave decorously toward the photographers and stroll down the gravel-covered driveway toward the waiting front doors.

Finally, a city taxi parked in front, and out walked the team members. Lorarona emerged first, wearing a satin dress that complemented her elfin figure well, a slit going all the way up one leg. Noninja exited next, wearing a black silk kimono, his hair pulled back into a topknot. Miles stumbled out of the taxi, his stout form awkwardly filling out a tuxedo. Last to emerge was Clancy, wearing a bespoke black suit and a dark tie with a jeweled pin.

All at once, the lights flashed; they squinted their eyes and raised their hands to fend off the onslaught. Finally, it stopped.

They walked toward the mansion. “What the heck was that?” complained Miles.

“I think those were cameras!” exulted Lorarona. “A somewhat rare technological item, but found commonly in the hands of artists, especially rich ones.”

“Do they really care what we look like?” pondered Clancy. “Seems like a waste.”

“They’re probably just there to stroke the egos of the guests,” surmised Lorarona. She turned around and furrowed her brow. “Noninja? Where are you going?”

He took a position behind the photographers, just as the next set of guests arrived. The lights flashed in their seemingly chaotic pattern, then came to a halt. Noninja smirked and rejoined the team.

“Those aren’t cameras,” he revealed. “It’s a bunch of mannequins; the cameras are wooden blocks. I imagine the flashes are just motion-triggered, repeating ‘light’ spells. Pricey, but nowhere near the cost of a real camera.”

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“Definitely just ego-stroking, then,” Lorarona laughed.

Noninja pointed toward the street. “And have you noticed anything else?”

Lorarona squinted. “What am I looking for? I just see the other mansion across the street.”

Noninja smirked. “Exactly. These mansions are built on the hillside that overlooks the city. But what sort of view does this one have?”

“Well, it–” she started, then her eyes lit up. “Oh…I see what you’re getting at.”

“What?” Miles asked.

“Rich people typically buy their homes for the view, as well as the privacy,” Lorarona explained. “But this one has no view.” She swept her hand down the road. “This is the cheaper side of the street.”

Miles’ eyes shot open. “Wow…so much phoniness, and we’re not even inside the gates yet. How much more can there be?”

“Only one way to find out!” proclaimed Noninja. “Onward, stalwart adventurers! Let us confront the posing head-on!”

The other three followed behind, with Clancy doing so nervously.

He jumped when Lorarona touched his shoulder. “You look nice tonight,” she purred.

“Oh…” he stammered. “I just have the one suit. I had to wear it for debate club, then for the scholarship people.”

Miles looked askance. “You were in debate club? Somehow I can’t see that.”

Clancy frowned. “My parents made me do it. They thought it’d help my social skills. But I just couldn’t stand to be behind that podium. I ended up writing arguments for the other debaters and they would deliver them. Our team did really well like that.”

Miles smirked. “And I guess it didn’t work out with the scholarship people, either?”

Clancy shuddered. “I could barely talk to them. Not sure how I was supposed to freelance my magic skills, either. It was all just so terrifying.” He turned to flash a thin-lipped smile. “I’m really lucky to have run into you guys. You don’t intimidate me at all.”

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Miles stopped and gaped as Clancy continued walking toward the mansion. Lorarona caught up with him. “Did he just insult me?” Miles growled.

“Let it go,” advised Lorarona. “Remember, he’s our project. We have to help him work on his social skills.”

They both slowly resumed their trek to the front door. “But…I’m nothing if I’m not intimidating! Who ever heard of an agreeable barbarian?”

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that,” Lorarona soothed. “I think he was trying to say he feels comfortable with us.”

Miles brightened. “Oh…that makes more sense! Thanks for straightening me out.”

Lorarona flashed a demure smile. “It seems Clancy isn’t the only one that needs to work on his social skills.”

A dark cloud flashed across Miles’ eyes as he ascended the stairs.

They were met by three surly-looking guards, who eyed them suspiciously. “Names?” the middle one barked.

They all gave their full names. He flipped quickly through several pages attached to a clipboard, then smirked. “Not on the list.”

“That doesn’t sound right,” Clancy offered. “We were invited here by Rikki Putzhammer.”

The guard glared at Clancy, who shrunk back. “He’s on the list; you’re not.”

The four stood there, gaping; the middle guard sighed and rolled his eyes. “This party is for the local artist community, to present a brand new vignette, written by the young lord of the house. You have to be part of the ‘in’ crowd. And I’ve never seen any of you in my life.”

Lorarona sidled up to the middle guard and put one dainty finger on his chest. “Look,” she purred. “I know you want to let us in as much as we want to get in. Can’t we work something out?”

The guard stole a glance at her chest. “Well, OK, but I’ll have to search you first,” he leered.

“No need for that,” Noninja interjected. “We’re not carrying any weapons. For instance,” he laughed, flashing something before the guard’s eyes, “this is your dagger, not mine.”

“Give that back!” the guard protested, making a grab for it. Noninja deftly dodged the meaty club, pulling back and balancing the tip of the dagger on his finger.

“I’ll see you hang for that!” the guard growled. He suddenly became aware of giggling noises coming from behind him. He whirled around to find the other two guards pointing at him and laughing. “Hey, stop that!”

“We’re willing to forget all about this,” Noninja slithered. “All you have to do is find our names in your list.”

The guard glared at him sullenly, then buried his face in his clipboard. He stopped after turning a few pages. “Oh, there you are. I must have missed it the first time.”

Lorarona fixed a crease on the guard’s jacket and then patted him there gently. “Thanks so much.” They all moved to go inside.

“Hey,” the guard muttered. “Give me back my dagger first!”

Noninja smiled. “It’s already back…like it never left.” He patted the guard’s belt. “Let’s forget all about this, shall we?” The guard simply stewed.

“Not me! I’m never forgetting about this!” Clancy belted, causing more giggles to erupt from the other two guards. The middle guard’s face turned beet red, then wordlessly, he whirled around to face the next guest. “Name?” he barked, followed quickly by the sound of a feminine gasp. “Oh, sorry, milady,” he apologized. “I didn’t mean to snap.”

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