I don’t exactly have any good clothes. Surprising? No. I’ve made it pretty clear I’m living in abstract poverty, what with my corner cutting, lack of phone, and . At the moment I’ve forgone finding myself work so I could focus on my heroics, but I have collected a total of 7.45 euros from passers-by giving me donations while they were under the impression that I was a street performer.

Guess I do put on a performance of sorts.

I thought about going in my best shirt, but then I recalled I was going to a party, not church, so I just went in a plain green shirt and jeans. Don’t worry I’m not an idiot. In case somebody recognized my pecks on the green fabric, I wore a darker shade than the one on my costume.

I scrubbed the grime from every corner of my body, not that I’m filthy, just conscious of it.

I would have done a few push ups, if I thought that would do anything for me. I had definitely lost muscle definition, what with not being able to work out, and especially with my body needing to reallocate energy for my injuries a few weeks back.

Speaking honestly? Second biggest fear is that I’ll die from muscle weakness. I’d happily die a righteous death, but if I’m bed ridden and lame… More likely however, is that I’ll be unable to die like that. I’ve had time to get used to my power and endurance, and I know now that it applies to my entire body, including my internal functions. There’s a chance that my heart is far more efficient than a normal person. I can work with a less blood, energy, and oxygen.

Don’t feel like reducing my biomass to the bare minimum to test any of that out though. If none of that made sense, just remember I’m failing biology.

I live in the moment, so my number one fear comes up later this post.

I know Shamrock should be the one going to this, what with him being the one who’s supposed to be looking out for Axel. The way I figured, Clover’s not going to throw a party, then do the dirty dancet for the whole time. So, while the party’s on Sam’ll be able to have a social life of some kind, and later Shamrock can get to work. Work being standing outside while my enemy and acquaintance… you know.

I didn’t leave my costume very far, just in a place only I’d know to check, or even be able to get to.

Real surprise, Clover lives in a house on the hill. Not that that means much in Ireland, whole country is hills, but her house was like one from the movies. It was on the outskirts of Tralee, built three stories high, and wiiiide. Most people I know would live in a house just about the size of the ground floor. I lived in one a little bigger than the living room and first hall. Suffice to say, the place stood out as far as architecture in Ireland goes.

Most places have a dishevelled hut look to them, the others are the same basic housing plan copy and pasted over themselves on a street. Hell, I’ve been to a few towns with thatch roofs. At least those places are affordable.

Looking at this place from the outside gave me shivers. Not only was the exterior alien to me, the interior, the party, I had no clue what to do when I went in. If I went in. This was a dumb idea. What was I thinking? I’d go in, embarrass myself by standing in a corner like a dork, while couples make out and drink and smoke, I’ll just sit there and smile? It’s a world completely alien to me, can I really cross this threshold?

“Holy shit. Adonis, this place is bigger than yours. Think you’re beat in family income at least.” I looked back with grated teeth. I didn’t think Mullet’d be invited, but then again everyone was, so it’d be weirder if he didn’t show up.

Their group consisted of around eight people, Mullet, his girlfriend, The girl from my art class, her boyfriend, Trixie O’neill, some guy she was hooking up with, and another couple.

I took in a sigh of air. I’d rather walk head first into the unknown than turn around and face them any longer. Obviously, I’d see them around, I wouldn’t be able to avoid that. But I sure as hell wasn’t ready to face them especially in such a large group of people.

I was thinking through a plan in my head, I go in bum about until they’ve split into couples. That way I’d be able to talk to them confidently and I’d be able to make conversation with them for like five minutes at time. I’d be able to squeeze out maybe 30 minutes of conversation in total switching between talking to Mullet and Izzy, and, TGFMAC and Adonis.

I’d be able to build up more confidence, thanks to time and a few pints.

I practically ran up that hill in an attempt to stop them from noticing me.

My resolve was strong. I’d be fine, and I’d be able to build a social life. Finally!

Music and blared through the door. I opened it and the noise tripled.

Inside completely broke my resolve.

It was a big house like I said, but the place was packed. This is a big party. Not only was my whole school there, tons of unrecognizable faces filled the halls.

I awkwardly smiled, there was nothing else I could do. That, and wander about, try to get some bearing on the situation. I stumbled into the kitchen which has around a dozen kegs stacked in a heap. Everyone here is in a couple. Guess that makes sense, it is a party on valentine’s day after all.

I thought it would be weird to start drinking infront of all those people, so I looped out of the kitchen. As I turned a corner, I nearly bumped into a woman in a bunny girl outfit, carrying a bowl of blunts around the house.

I don’t go to many parties, but there is no way that’s normal, right? I found myself in one of the living rooms, the main origin of the noise. There is a stage. Drums, guitar the whole thing. Bunny men and ladies playing on stage. There was definitely something unholy going into the planning of the party.

Looking back, the place seemed way more packed. More claustrophobic. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t breathing heavier. I wandered into some other room. Not sure what you’d call it, food was laid out on a folding table. I noticed empty bowls similar to the ones the bunnies carried. Pretty sure from the smell in the room, people weren’t too interested in the food.

I was a little dazed by the circumstances. I’m here, where the people are. So close to normality, so why do I feel off?

I shifted my gaze through the room, half looking for a familiar face, half looking for another door to try and move through.

That’s when something about one of the bunny girls caught my attention. It wasn’t her long blonde hair, nor her uncomfortable ear-to-ear smile. Hell, I wasn’t even thinking about her outfit at the time.

Through the flashing light and blaring lights, I thought back.

While she was walking through the room, she offered weed out to guests who didn’t have any. She eventually came round to me. She said something, I didn’t listen. Any semblance of a smile on my face was gone by this point.

I shook my head and she moved on.

The high heels made her even taller than before.

I just looked at her tattooed back as she walked off.

It makes me sad. A woman who tried to kill me, one with so much pride and anger, was brought to heel. Forced into a slutty suit, and a dumb wig. I don’t know much about Tayanita’s place in their organisation, but it was clear that me foiling her attempt had brought her to this station.

Something about that made a huge frog build in my throat. I probably would have just left, disappeared, because at that point there was no way I could keep doing this as Sam. Shamrock was at least funny, people’d talk to him.

He could at least apologise for doing that to her.

Then from behind I felt a tug at my ear, I winced, not in pain, but surprise.

“HIIII!” She shouted in my ear, though maybe I needed her to do that for me to hear her.

“Cl- Saoirse. Hi.”

Reprimanded were her words for Tayanita’s state. I’d call it humiliation.

“Hi?? What about happy birthday! I knew you couldn’t resist me!” While she gripped my ear, she threw her other arm around my neck and swung off of me. I had her figured for a light-weight. Holding her liquor wise, I can’t make an accurate judgment on how heavy she is..

“H-happy birthday.” I unhooked her, “I really don’t know what I’m doing here Saoirsh.” It’s easy to admit things when your drunk, nearly just as easy to admit them to a drunk person.

“Everybody here has a date. And what’s with the bu-” She cut me off, “You talk too mush! My dates not here yet. But I don’t think you have a chance with me, I mean, I’m hot shit mate… OH! You haven’t met Ae! I set her up with someone but I guess he’s not comin’…” She lifted her half-empty pint glass above people as she moved by them.

I followed suit. I had nothing better to do. She led me back out to the kitchen, which was now generating just as much noise as the room with the music.

People were gathered around the kegs chanting something, before parting, a range of booes and shouting were the end result. Someone must have bumped into Clover because she began cussing someone out. I peeked in past them to find Mullet panting for breath with vomit covering him, being cussed out by a vomit covered Izzy.

“You fuckin’ donkey! You can’t chug a full keg! Every single fookin time! This is a new fookin low too, in the first five minutes of the party!”, to which Mullet replied by turning to vomit on a nearby bin. Not in it.

I turned back to Cover, who was now being laughed at by an Asian girl, perhaps a little older than us. I didn’t really care though. This is the point where what I said earlier has some relevance. My body is built better. It can take a whole lot of damage before it crumples. I’d need to get crumpled for this, to stay afloat in this party.

I only saw one way of doing that.

I pushed through the people leaving the keg pile, making my way to the other side of Mullet’s last meal. I found a tube that seemed like it’d work. I bit down on it while it was in my mouth. This couldn’t be to hard, right?

I tipped it forward a bit and began drinking. Izzy backed off further.

I just kept gulping it down.

Eventually Clover noticed, “Fuck, Sam, didn’ your ma never tells you not to drink from the bottle?”

I kept going. It got harder, but I’ve had someone try to drown me before, so this wasn’t much worse than that.

Eventually someone started shouting, chanting, others joined in almost immediately.

I could feel the keg get lighter not that it was particularly heavy for me in the first place. I lifted it a little off the ground to get the other half of it out.

I kept going, without actually knowing why. Why did I do much of anything?

Why do I want to be a super hero? What compels me to do this? To push myself to do dumb, stupid things for no gain? I make no changes. It seems pointless, so why bother getting hurt, picking fights? I could use my power to do something constructive. Instead, I go monster hunting. I read comics. I drink it in deeper.

My addiction. I get drunk off minor victories, unable to see how I actually affect people’s lives. The fact is I don’t, do I?

They start to shout louder as I lift it over my head. Clover’s joined in at this point. Maybe this is why I do it. Maybe I do like being watched. Maybe that’s why I came here. Maybe deep down I don’t care if I win, so long as somebody thinks I’m great. Am I just lonely? To the point where I’ll surround myself with monsters? Killers?

There was a final clamorous roar to match the fall of the metal can.

If I wanted to be looked at, acknowledged, then how come I felt empty?. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the drink, though who knows, right?

Mullet was losing his shit, laughing like a hyena, practically rolling in his own sick. I sniffled and looked around. I saw TGFMAC with a look of shock on her face. Guess she didn’t expect me to do something like that. Neither did I.

It was just something to do. Thought it might help pass the time. Now I’m praying that this horrible night ends even sooner.

I looked for Clover and her friend, who I assume was ‘Ae’. I Looked into the crowd trying to find them. Instead, I noticed a familiar graphic design on the back of a pink shirt.

At this point, I probably should have changed into my suit, but I decided it would be better not to lose them.

I was wary as I followed the shirt up the first flight of stairs, Even more so when they passed the third.

I really should have gotten my mask.

Past the third staircase was blocked by a baby gate, which I think was meant to stop people from going up there. I waited for a length of time I didn’t count, but it couldn’t be more than ten minutes. I was hesitant to go up there, risk getting Sam in trouble with Clover’s gang, over what might just be them messing around. But I had a powerful feeling in my gut.

Something churned.

I jumped the gate, pressed on. It was a lot quieter up there, despite the racket below. I crouched around the place, looking for a sign, listening out for a sound I didn’t particularly want to hear from either of them.

I snuck around until I could faintly hear shouting through a door.

I crouched down, checked behind me, and pressed my ear to the door. It took some time before I could hone in on their conversation, I noticed it’s difference to the flirtatious tone they’d had the day before.

Clover was shouting something I could faintly make out, I still haven’t pieced together all of what they were saying, this post is as much for me as it is for you.

“… supposed to bring … baggage … bastard!”

I could make out Axel’s voice now, “Sorry princess, … no way to know … algorithm picked up on activity … gonna need back up … just help me hold … night.

“What about your, 300 ton, flying … compensating … “

Axel butted in. I heard him clearly, his voice was serious.

“Cam’s been decommissioned. They took him out first.”

I could hear Clover better as she raised her voice. “Oh great. Your big … got took out, and now you want me to help you? I wanted to have sex with you Axe, not … your damn life.”

“… I’ve done this before … pushed em back … stick with me … least till … or another gecko shows up. Hell, there’s time enough for a little…” His voice went flirtatious.

Clover groaned in frustration, “Stupid, stupid, (Fuck? Luck?)”

They were quiet for a while before someone, a girl, said, “Wouldn’t be a party if we didn’t get in trouble, huh Clowie?” That must have been her friend. Was she a Unit?

At this point I took my head from the door to look out for danger, so I might have missed something.

“Explain first, tell me what we’re getting into.”

I heard some sounds of rummaging, before Axel began describing his- our enemies.

“They call themselves The Circuit Board (Section? Seven?)-” A laugh came from Ae, “Yeah, I know, CBS, I laughed at first, but they’re dangerous. Well, dangrous as far as … thugs go. … only have to worry about six of them. Leader can’t hurt us.”

Clover chimed in, “Why? They a second worlder? Science type like you?”

He paused, maybe sighed, “Don’t run … This isn’t as bad as it seems. He won’t interfere with ‘mortals’ directly, that’s how they work, things like him don’t break their rules. Ever. Most of his plans ultimately end with me … something. House blows up, miss a date, losing out on a business venture.”

There was a stop. I thought they might have heard me, or worse, whatever group was hunting Axel.

“This place is just one big venture for me.”

Clover said something I couldn’t make out.

“Princess, your with Bastard, so you’ve definitely heard of the Opaque Gods, you follow one of them, the Glass God, right? I … the Liquid-crystal God. His designation was J-ON, but he’s … grown above that-“

At this point, Clover shouted, Chairs shuffled, and Ae laughed.

I couldn’t make anything out for about a minute. Both because they talked over each other far too much, and because I couldn’t stop looping what I’d heard in my mind.

A God? A real god? Perhaps it’s just a mythological situation, unimaginable power for a mortal, but not infinite. I hope, though I don’t want any form of confirmation.

It seemed to calm down a little in there, though I doubt Clover was actually put at ease.

“Number two?” Clover was fed up, guess maybe she hadn’t yet sobered, hopefully she’s able to get herself together soon. I doubt we’ll be able to make it through this with a couple of no-good meddling drunk kids, and a mangy mut too.

“Number two goes by ‘Brigs’. Basic human guy. No powers, no spider limbs, he’s a first worlder. Just a guy with a knack for explosives, who want’s to take me down. So you should probably get any of your goons to … any weird packages.”

They were quiet before Clover let out in a sarcastic groan, “Great. Done”

“Next is a robot. Not one of mine. Maybe. It started attacking me after June , and you know the sort of crap that comes out of there. It calls itself The Living Legs. Looks like a mannequin’s legs-“

Clover mumbled something and Ae cackled. Seemed routine for them.

Axel replied, “…like a ken doll, actually. Silly, but don’t underestimate it. The chassis is made out of a super durable alloy. Don’t know is if it’s sub-terrainium, or some sort of composite structure made from stellarite but you won’t be able to hurt him. Neither will that nerdy newb.”

I believed the statement, though he hasn’t nearly seen the worst I can do.

“In terms of physical power, it can just about smash a wall down, likes to brag about having ‘all the power of the lower body with none of the burden of the head.’ Whatever … You could say his other power is being able to interface with electronics. Though that’s never been much of a danger, he hardly uses it. Well, if he hooks up with a microwave, you might want to get checked at a hospital for …”

Clover interrupted, “What exactly is your plan? Because right now you’re mouthing off crap I don’t particularly care about. Do you really think I care about shit like the Liquid-crystal god’s favourite colour? Cause I don’t. Deal with the … or I’ll deal with it for you. I beat … it’s sort of my specialty.”

Whatever Clover was declaring seemed important, if not to the fight to come, then to the fights I will undoubtably have with her.

It was at this moment I realised; I know why I need to be a hero. I need to help a person. Not people, not a group, not an organisation, not even the world. I felt it burning up in me.

But what compels me to do that? I didn’t get to think on it.

I felt something press into my side.

I’d been here once to many times.

“State your business. Are you spy or assassin?” It took me awhile to churn the answer over in my head, but I soon realised that wasn’t the only thing churning.

Tayanita backed off from my puddle, maybe she thought if I were a paid killer, I might have acid vomit or some wild crap she doesn’t know about. I think she kept her gun trained on me, though I pretended not to notice.

“In need of a fucking toilet… at least I-”

I was going to say, ‘at least I did.’ But from my retching she could probably tell I wasn’t done yet.

She helped me to my feet “I’ll hold your hair back kid.” We turned to go back the stairs, but our path was blocked by some of the guy’s from Tayanita’s Squad.

I didn’t pay any attention to Tayanita’s expression, though her supposed friends laughed upon seeing her.

“Imagine my surprise! Major Tay, to bunny bae! Fuck, move that dirty cunt outta the way, so we can get to the ‘princess’.”

She stood for longer than I.

But she did step aside.

A balding man among them, who hadn’t laughed, advised her, “Come with us, Tay. This could be your chance to… to prove your better than her.”

I looked to her. She still smiled.

“I will be. But not yet. I have to get rid of this guy.”

Sorry?

Was she planning on getting rid of me, or getting rid of me?

She took me down to the toilet; she fulfilled her promise of holding back my hair. I don’t think I’d call it long, but it’s long enough that it might catch something in this position. Maybe I’ll finally get it cut after this. After I win. After I beat the Circuit Board guys.

“Thanks.” I didn’t have much I could say to Tayanita in this form.

“No problem. Now do me a favour? Get out of here. Get one of your friends to drive you home. By the look of your eyes, you’ve had enough to last you.” I looked up at her again. Her words weren’t sincere, she just wanted rid of me. I don’t blame her; I’d have preferred to still be receiving the debrief upstairs too.

Though I guess I asked for this.

“I really mean- I’m sorry, I’ve wasted your time. You’re busy. Go get back to work.”

She stretched a smile, I stopped her, “Your dad or whatever was saying somethin’ about your ‘real job’. I don’t know the facts, but I do know you hate wearing that. I don’t know if you like your old job or if it pays well, but I think you’re the type who values their pride above anything else.”

She stabbed me with her eyes, keeping that smile, now with added spite behind it. “What do you know about me, some guy who drinks only so he can vomit. All for a short lived high.”

I looked at her with puppy dog eyes as I got off my stained knees.

“All I know is…” I thought about what I actually knew about her “-I know that your name is not bunny babe.”

Now she just left me with the glare. “I am in no condition to return to them. I can’t- work like this.”

I nodded and checked my shirt. “‘Kay.”

It was clean of vomit so I took it off.

She was confused now. “You’ll have to make-do with your own pantyhose, but my shoes should be pretty clean seeing as I threw up on my knees.”

“No,” She replied, “You’re drunk out of your fucking skull, put your damn shirt on and go, shit head.”

“No,” I replied right back, “The drinks out of my skull, but your right, I am an idiot, I can’t convince you, so,” I raised my legs up and slipped off my trainers, “-I’ll just leave these here, and go.”

So I left her there.

I walked past Mullet on the way, he laughed, I didn’t.

I got my real suit from the spot I left it, and I jumped home in a few seconds.

This wasn’t long ago, the party is still on; I still got that fight ahead of me. I’ve spent maybe an hour typing this up

I’m not writing this in case I die.

I’m writing this to remind myself why I’m alive.

I need to keep fighting, not because I’m the only one who can or the only one with heart or something stupid.

But because I want to fight for this.

I want to know these people and break any delusions they’ve put themselves under. Everyone in this fight has gone off the rails somewhere, and I’m here to put them back on track. No matter how far they stray, no matter how many fires they light…

I’ll carry them out of the flames.

The arsonist and the burned.

Even if they’ve made their pyromania clear, I will be there for them.

I hope, by the end, I can grow something for myself in that hot ash.