《Elani》19. Paradise
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On this hot, tropical planet where the sun beamed with little interference from the atmosphere, Hale shivered. The suite balcony he stood on was bathed in sunlight. He crossed his arms around his torso to draw in warmth. The air itself was a vast supply of heat. However, it was as if his body were rejecting any warmth from the outside. And he didn’t bother wasting his energy trying to control it.
He was preoccupied with figuring out why he felt so cold in the first place. Was it because of guilt?
Hale sensed his heart frosting over and looked down to witness ice spiking from his hands. Intentionally, he slowed his breathing to prevent himself from behaving franticly. Calmness would be his most important ally in overcoming this situation he had placed himself in.
He was thankful he wasn’t fighting fire...
Gazing out at the beach, he noticed a certain lavender haired woman standing on the shoreline. From where he was, she looked tiny. He knew it was Pandora. The color of her hair gave her away to his eyes.
He sighed and closed his eyes to entrap his tears. He had no right to yell at her the way he did when she had been nothing but gentle and kind towards him. Even when he was at his worst, she had wanted to help him sort through his feelings.
Well, before he blew it by blaming her for his failures and loss.
He wasn’t wrong in that he would still have a ship if she hadn’t sneaked aboard. But he wouldn’t have met her. He wouldn’t know that he was Elani or that there were others like him with supernatural abilities. He would have gone on thinking he was a just a broken human being if it weren’t for her.
He saw Pandora as the only woman he had come across that truly wanted to love him. And she did. She showed him every day what real love was in how she treated him.
Hale rested his arms on the railing and set his forehead on them. By now, the ice had thawed inside his heart and from his hands because he realized what his anger had ruined for himself. He was devastated, wondering why the good he found always left him in a flash.
Being around Pandora, he experienced an absence of loneliness. But without her, that absence was filled past capacity being apart from her.
He looked up to watch her by the ocean. She stood still in the same place he saw her last. He wondered if she hated him and would understand if she did. But he also wouldn’t have been surprised if, after she cooled down, she came back to talk to him. Not because of him or that he deserved it. He didn’t. That’s just who she was.
If Hale let her be the one to talk first, his guilt would continue gnawing away what was left of his sanity.
He had made her feel as if he didn’t want her around, which was the opposite of the truth. She deserved an apology from him. And she needed to know that he truly wanted her.
Hale was prepared to accept the results of what might happen to his career if he opened up to her. But instead of worrying about his future, he found himself wondering what it could mean for them if he told her how he felt and if she accepted his apology.
Without wasting another moment, he rushed out of the suite. He signaled the elevator and rode down to the bottom floor. Shoving through other guests, he made his way out of the resort.
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And then he ran. He didn’t stop, until he reached the sandy shore.
Her lavender hair waved in the salty ocean wind. Her arms were held out straight, and he imagined her eyes were closed. She stood ankle deep into the warm waters.
Hale smiled, admiring her natural beauty. He could watch her for hours.
“Pandora,” he said to her. He stopped himself from saying anything more. He could hardly speak her name because of his nervousness.
She turned around but wouldn’t look at him directly. “Why are you here? I thought you wanted me to stay away.”
Hale approached her extremely cautiously. “What I said, earlier—”
“I won’t accept your excuses! You can’t yell at people and then expect them to want to be around you!” Pandora exclaimed.
Hale reached for her hands. “I’m not expecting anything from you.”
She tore her hands from his grasp. “Please, leave me alone.”
Hale hung his head. His anger had really hurt her. He questioned if his words could begin to repair the damage he had dealt her.
He reflected on the reason he had come here in the first place. Should he apologize or would she think it not genuine?
It didn’t matter to him. He needed to tell her.
“I haven’t come to excuse myself,” he said.
Her eyes flicked up to his.
“What I said... I was being an idiot. I was thinking too much about myself,” he continued. “And not enough about you.”
She squinted her eyes critically.
“Could you say something, please?” Hale begged with his words as he stared at her.
She scoffed. “You’re expecting a response to that? That’s all you have to say?”
His eye twitched, him feeling a resurgence of his anger. His words seemed to give rise to more tension between them.
He was one step away from retreat. But simultaneously, he fought to keep away from her and not crush her in a hug.
“I’m so sorry.” He froze for a moment, astonished he had the strength to say those words. He couldn’t stop there, though. “It was all me. And I’m sorry, Pandora.”
He moved close to her and grasped loosely the part of her arms above her elbows. “I’m trying to make you understand... how I feel about you truly.”
She placed her hands on his chest to prevent him from coming closer. “Hale, what are you doing?”
“Do you forgive me?” he whispered, inches away from her lips.
She tentatively ran her hands up his chest and hung her arms behind him and around his neck. She nodded, biting her lower lip.
Hale slid his arms around her hips, stopping at her waist. He drew her body against his and leaned down to kiss her neck, and having her so close for the first time unexpectedly stole his breath away.
She pulled herself higher on him and laid her head on his shoulder. “Hale?”
He paused only to answer her call. “You want me to stop?”
She held her head up and stared at him with longing eyes. “Not at all.” She turned to his lips as if she were waiting for him to—
He moved in, somehow closer, and kissed her. So smoothly. So effortlessly. So freely.
Restraint was like a distant dream. He pushed in for a tighter, deeper kiss. And the taste left on his tongue was addictively sweet. The rest of his body ached for her, jealous of his lips.
He wanted to stay here forever, where he only felt her. With her, his anxiety, guilt, and any negative emotion were drowned out by the sound of her heartbeat.
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As they continued, he became increasingly aware that he might not be able to stop himself, unless she wanted him to. She certainly wasn’t making any effort to stop. And he didn’t want to go further with her this suddenly. He had experienced the consequences of that in his past relationships.
He couldn’t lose her like he did the others.
Hale gently pulled away. And to avoid her thinking something was wrong, he lay his chin on her shoulder and hugged her.
He sighed. “We’re going to sunburn if we stay out here any longer.”
“Let’s go back to the room then,” she agreed.
Hale released her from his arms and held her hand as they left the beach.
* * * *
Pandora looked at her hand at her side, finding that her fingers were still interlocked with Hale’s. His hold was firm, protective, and warm. She dreaded the moment he would let go.
They stood in front of the door to their suite for nearly a minute now. Hale hadn’t yet unlocked it. He was silent and stared at the ground. The expression on his face revealed he was contemplating something, and she worried that he was having second thoughts.
He still held her hand with a strong grip, which relieved a few of her fears. She decided maybe he needed to talk about what he was thinking about. She could at least ask.
She stepped in front of him, her back against the door. “Are you okay, Hale?” She lifted the hand he wasn’t holding and stroked his cheek.
He reached for her hand and kissed the top of it gently. “Not really.”
His reply startled her, and she stopped breathing. “Oh.”
“It’s not you.” He put her face between his hands and lifted it so that she had to stare into his blue eyes, appearing to silently profess his love for her. “I am... afraid. I guess.”
“Of what?”
He kissed her forehead. “Screwing this up. Because I almost did already. And that was just a couple hours ago.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her slightly. “You apologized, and I forgave you, Hale. I forgive you.”
Her eyes watered from amazement as she watched tears begin to stream from his eyes, for the second time today. The outer corners of his lips curled upwards in a soft smile.
She wiped the tears that continued to drip down his face. “I don’t think you’re going to ruin anything.”
“I seem to have a knack for that,” he sighed.
“I won’t let you this time,” she teased. “I think you just need to take a deep breath and relax.”
He smiled fondly, overcoming his negative mood. “Or maybe I just need to kiss you again.”
Pandora smiled back.
He pressed her up against the door with his body and eased into her lips with his. This kiss was softer but more affectionate than the last. And it felt right to leave it as a single kiss, nothing more than a moment.
Afterwards, she noticed that the stress-built tension had disappeared from his shoulders. And he looked... happy.
He unlocked the door with the keycard, and it slid open. Grinning, he reached for her left hand and interlocked their fingers. He stepped inside and led her to the sofa.
She sat down and tapped the spot next to her, indicating where she wanted him to be.
He stood right in front of her, staring down at her. “I thought I might go pick something up for us to eat. I’m pretty hungry. You?”
“I should probably eat,” she replied, slightly disappointed. She appreciated his thoughtfulness. But he couldn’t hold her if he were gone.
He kissed the top of her head. “I won’t be long, Pandora.”
Hale slipped his backpack on his shoulder. The door opened on its own, signaled by his presence. He gave her a small wave and smile and left the suite.
She slouched on the sofa and held up her head with her hand, elbow on the armrest. She wanted to relive everything they shared on the beach, but inside here, where there would be nothing to interrupt them.
It was too bad she had to wait for him. Hadn’t she done that enough?
* * * *
Hale held a circular wooden platter with several smaller bowls containing an assortment of food native to Vaanu. When he was at the resort restaurant, he decided to purchase a little of everything, being unsure of Pandora’s likes and dislikes.
Hale now stood in front of Pandora, who was sleeping on the sofa. He set the platter on the side table and then kneeled by her. Her chest rose and fell gracefully in time with her silent breathing. He moved the lavender hair that covered part of her face and tucked it behind her ear. He ran his knuckles over her arm, feeling the smoothness of her skin.
“Pandora,” he murmured in her ear. “I’m back.”
She shifted slightly and then opened her eyes, revealing her striking violet irises. Her eyes caught and reflected the sunset light streaming from the window.
“Hi,” she whispered, half-asleep.
“Are you hungry? I brought food,” he said.
She pushed herself up and rubbed her eyes. “Thank you.”
There was a small amount of space now between Pandora and the arm of the sofa. Hale squeezed into that spot and slid his arm around her back. To his surprise, she leaned back and snuggled up to his chest. He hugged her tighter with his arm.
“Sorry, I fell asleep. I’m just a little tired,” she said.
“What? Don’t be sorry. I’m tired too. We’ve barely had any sleep the past few days.”
She tilted her face up to him. “You haven’t acted tired.”
He smirked. “Sleeping would just waste time I could be spending with you.”
She laughed. “Really? You seem to have changed the way you feel about me all of the sudden. I don’t know why you changed your mind, but I’m glad.”
“I’ve always wanted you, Pandora,” he admitted. “Half the time I pushed you away was because I couldn’t get over the fact that we weren’t... involved.”
“You could have said something.”
He reached for her hand. “I didn’t think you could possibly feel the same about me. And I honestly don’t understand why you’re letting me get so close to you.”
She turned her body towards him and sat on her legs. “It’s what I want too, Hale.”
He brought his free hand to her face. “Just make sure, because I can’t promise this will end well.”
She leaned in. “No one can know that. Don’t you agree? You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.”
Pandora didn’t give him a chance to respond, entrapping him with a kiss. Hale fell victim to the affection instantly and drew her in.
She paused only to move over into his lap, which allowed all of her to get closer to him. Every inch of his lower half that she touched burned with her warmth. He had never felt the depth of that sensation with anyone else. He was in awe of how gratifying just kissing her was.
And he realized how meaningless his past relationships had been. He wasn’t sure they even qualified as relationships. They would be better described as mutual manipulation for physical pleasure only. Occasionally, for financial reasons, which meant it was even more worthless to him.
Hale hardly remembered to breathe, expending his energy to meet her needs instead of his. He was thankful when she pulled away. Not because he didn’t want her, but because he wanted to keep things here. They were in a good place, a safe place.
She rested her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around him. He lay his head on the top of hers and stroked the curve of her back.
“Want to eat something before you fall back asleep?” Hale asked.
Pandora sat up and moved off him onto the sofa. She turned towards the table with the tray of food. “Yes. Thank you. It looks perfect.”
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