"There were not many occasions on which I cried. I wanted to cry when I learned I cannot become a trainer anymore, and yet I did not. I wanted to cry when I could not afford to eat anything but 2 packs of ramen per day... And still, I did not. I did not cry when my adoption got canceled when I was six years old. I want to cry now. It feels like a fish bone is stuck in my throat and I'm about to choke to death. I'm so frigid. I cannot even squeeze out tears to pity myself."

I once read a very depressing book in the bookshop I worked at. I don't even remember its title or its author, I'm not even sure that I remember everything correctly... Maybe my memories are now all messed up and all I remember are just bits ad pieces of everything I've ever read. But it does not matter.

A passage in that book read: "I want to be kind. Sometimes I want to cry because I'm scared of everything, yet I want to be kind. Sometimes I want to tear my chest open because I am sad. I still want to be kind. Sometimes I want to smash my head into pieces because I am confused. I still want to be kind. I want to be kind at least to myself."

Why can't I learn to be kind to myself?

- Miss Yoona! Why are you on the floor like this? Are you alright?

I felt someone holding my body, a hand supporting my back, another hand touching my forehead, wiping my sweat. I wanted to open my eyes, but the eyelids felt like iron curtains, impossible to lift by mere willpower. I wanted to say something but my lips wouldn't move. My headache was gone but I felt like I had lost control of my body.

"This is probably because of the painkillers... They are narcotic and I gulped two pills at once..."

- God, what is going on?! Let me put you on the bed first, I'll call for the doctor again.

"It's Dorian's voice, it's definitely him."

- Prince Dorian...

I made an effort to move my lips because his worried voice was more than I could bear.

- Miss Yoona?! Are you alright? I'm going to call the doctor again, so you just stay put --

- It's fine, I'm fine. I'm just very tired. I took some medicine. It made me sleepy.

- Alright...

Everything was silent again. He put me back on the bed and sat right next to me. I was not sure if I fell asleep, the dreams and reality got all mixed up together. I heard Dorian talking to me, but I could not understand a single word he was saying. I heard Raphael and Loyd, their voices sounded very concerned. I think Luther was also there, he was reading me a book. Although I was not entirely sure what part of that actually happened, I was glad there were people who cared enough about me to stay by my side like that. I woke up crying.

I spent the next two days in bed, not because I still was weak but because prince Dorian insisted on that. I did have occasional headaches but taking the pills helped a lot. When I finally managed to leave the room, Loyd was the first one to greet me.

- Miss Yoona! How are you doing today? The weather is better today, do you want to go for a walk? Prince Dorian said I should take you to the garden when you wake up.

- Did he really? I feel kinda stiff, I think a walk is a good idea.

Loyd smiled brightly at me, grabbed my hand very enthusiastically, and started marching ahead as if that walk was as exciting as a parade or a children's festival.

"I must admit, Loyd looks a lot better now. If I did not know anything, I could have never thought something horrible ever happened to him. Maybe it's easier for him because he is still so young... I hope he forgets those terrifying events and just lives on without much to worry about."

- Loyd, aren't you supposed to be training with others today? How is it going?

- Oh, sir Raphael instructed me to be next to you day and night because everyone was worried. I like to train with the knights, but this task is way more important! After all, I owe my life to miss Yoona!

He turned around and smiled at me again, I felt very awkward.

"Everyone was worried about me this much, I should brush over this and tell them it has to do with me being from another world or something. Dorian can't just drop everything on my account."

When we came to the garden, the prince was there playing with the dogs. Merlyn and Dotty were running around Dorian, trying to snitch a stick he was holding in his hand. The ground was still wet from all the rain but it did not stop either the prince or the dogs from enjoying themselves even if it meant their legs were covered in mud.

"Dorian is having fun. I rarely see him being so loose, being this carefree suits him well."

Perhaps the dogs sensed my smell, Merlyn turned his head in my direction and started running, he stopped right in front of me and put his dirty paws on my stomach, inviting me to pet him.

- Merlyn, get away from her this instant!

The prince yelled at the dog as if it wanted to tear me apart, I gestured to him that it was alright and scratched under the dog's chin. Dorian came closer and examined me with a worried look.

- How are you doing, miss Yoona? You gave us all quite a scare. The doctor said that you were definitely ill but he could not understand why.

"Yeah, because he cannot look inside my skull."

- Uhm... I'm like this because I am somewhere I'm not supposed to be.

Dorian looked at me all confused.

- What do you mean? Are you going to be ill because you came to this world?

I nodded my head and sighed almost dramatically. I did not want to lie but I knew my symptoms would only get worse over time so I had no other choice.

- I will get ill from time to time, but you don't have to worry about it. I have some medicine that I brought along, so I'll be alright. Seriously, this is not a big deal, I can continue with the training as well.

- I feel bad because it happened on my account...

He lowered his head and looked like a sad little puppy that was scolded for ripping somebody's homework. I was about to tell him it was alright again when he raised his head and asked with a very serious voice,

- Miss Yoona, what did Lilith say to you back then?

I thought about it for the first time since it happened - what exactly did she say to me? Our conversation made me faint but I could not remember a single word she said.

- To be honest, prince Dorian, I don't remember. She wasn't harassing me or anything, I just really can't remember.

Dorian started walking towards the nearest bench and gestured for me to follow him. We sat down, the dogs sat on both sides of us. He was quietly stroking Dotty's fur, then leaned on the back of the bench and sighed.

- You know, Lilith always seemed harmless... I know her since we were children, she likes to throw tantrums but otherwise, she would not intentionally hurt anyone. She is actually extremely educated for a noble lady. She graduated from the academy three years earlier and even enrolled in the military academy afterwards, which was unheard of before. Since the Duke is the owner of the academy, he let her study there, but she excelled even at military education. If you ever start her on anything military-related, you would never hear the end of it.

He paused and looked at me with a faint smile.

- It's like you and everything fitness-related.

I laughed awkwardly since I was not sure whether it was intended as a compliment or a sarcastic remark. But his words got me thinking... If she was so extremely smart and even had a military education, why did she act like a spoiled little girl around the Imperial family? Did that act have any hidden meaning behind it?

"What is she trying to hide?"

- Miss Yoona, are you alright?

I realized I zoned out once again.

- I'm sorry, I was just thinking... Is having a female knight not common here?

- It's not just not common, it's almost impossible for a woman to become a knight, especially for the noblewoman. Only men can become knights but they need to pass the knights' exam and show exceptional sword skills. And since the knights are often sent to the battlefield, women themselves rarely consider this job as their option.

"I remember now... Lilith was shocked that Dorian had a female knight, and that was what she was talking to me about on that day."

- So this is why Lilith was so surprised when you said I was your knight...

- Yeah, although you are not officially in the order, you are the first female knight serving under the Imperial family.

He smiled again, this time it was definitely a compliment. I looked down at Merlyn, drowning in my thoughts again.

"I am the first female knight... I did have some swordsmanship training but I could barely qualify as a knight with my level of skills. I wonder if Dorian expects anything else from me rather than just being his trainer?"

- Miss Yoona...

I looked at him rather swiftly which made him flinch a little. The prince ruffled his hair awkwardly, trying to cover his blushing face from me.

- There will be a royal banquet in several days... It's the Empress's birthday. Do you think you can attend it? I don't want to pressure you because of your health but... I would be happy if you could go.

- The royal banquet? But... Don't I have to wear a dress and everything? I don't even know how to dance!

I suddenly felt extremely embarrassed. I have never, not even once in my life worn a dress, and although I was very flexible, I have never thought of dancing before.

- Well, the Imperial guards do dress up for the occasion but if you don't feel comfortable, we can just order you a female version of the knight's uniform.

"Wow, he is really considerate... Should I still try dressing up?"

The thought of my imminent death came back to me like a forest fire, instantly burning everything inside my head. I thought I did not regret anything, but I still was happy to be here because I got a second chance to do things I wasn't able to do before. I made up my mind.

- You know... I think I will try it... Wearing a dress.

Dorian rounded his eyes for a moment, but then his expression became relaxed and somewhat satisfied. He nodded his head enthusiastically and put his hand on my shoulder.

- I will order the tailor to be here tomorrow morning, order whatever you like!

"Gosh, why is he so happy about this? It's not like I'll be escorting him or anything. But to be honest, the thought of me being dressed in a ball gown is rather entertaining even for me."

Dorian did not mess around. The very same tailor that brought me my first clothes here arrived at the palace even before I was awake. She brought s thick catalog filled with the sketches of dresses that she designed herself. I had to admit that everything she showed me looked fantastic to the point where I just stopped recognizing the dresses at all. After hours of measuring, sketching, talking and almost crying, the decision was finally made. My dress arrived the morning before the banquet.

Since Aurora was still away, another maid was assigned to me to help me get ready for the event. Her name was Judy, she was small and tanned, with dark curly hair styled carefully in a sleek bun tied with a white ribbon. She brought my dress along with shoes, some jewelry and ribbons, some kind of make-up, and what I figured out were samples of perfumes.

The preparations were real hell. I had to take a long bath with suffocating salts and powders, my hair was washed three times in a row, my legs and arms were shaved with a blade that maniacs used to kill people in old movies. I did not mind somebody taking such good care of me, but because I was not used to such attention, I felt a bit guilty and embarrassed.

The only thing that caused trouble for Judy was my hair. It was short, barely touching my shoulders, straight and rough, not much could be done about it. Back in Korea, I usually just tied it in a ponytail or curl it a bit with a curling iron if I had to look presentable, but here women with short hair were a rare sight to witness.

- Miss Yoona, would you like to wear your hair down? Unfortunately, there is not much that can be done...

- Is it possible to curl it a little?

Judy clapped her hands in excitement.

- Of course! Why have I not thought about that! I'll bring the tools.

The tools were just very hot cotton ribbons that she tied into my locks, I had to sit with dozens of ribbons in my hair looking like some sort of a crazy person.

"I heard about this curling method from someone, who would have thought they used it here as well."

- Alright, all done! You look great, miss Yoona, no one would ever think you are a knight. You have a very good complexion so I did not use any powder, just the mascara, lipstick and some blush you gave me yourself.

I looked in the mirror and almost gasped in surprise. I never thought of myself as unattractive, but I never considered myself beautiful either. That moment was the first time in my life I thought I was beautiful. My hair was smooth and wavy, with two loose locks tied behind my head with a golden clip; my makeup was subtle since we only used the makeup I had with me in my backpack, but it still made my eyes and lips pop. The dress was something else. It was a long dress made of a light pink fabric that was flowing effortlessly with every move I made. It had a white laced corset framing my strong body, making it curvier, balloon sleeves tied on my wrists with silk ribbons and golden embroidery at the bottom of the hem.

"Wow... I look like... like a princess."