„Air! I feel that I can’t breathe! I feel that everything will collapse over me soon: the sky, the earth, and even the air around me is breathing like an enemy right now, punishing me for being so blind. So… blind,” such thoughts were spinning in DooSan’s head as if hundreds or maybe thousands of ants had rushed somewhere, and, while rushing, they had been caught inside of a huge hurricane right in the middle of the street.

But… that storm was only inside of DooSan’s head while, in his soul, the desert took the place of life, pushing hard his chest with its unbearable burden: that of the guilt, of the ignorance, of the hatred, and even because of his own folly of having believed in the unknown and of entering a battle that seemed lost right from the beginning. But… poor DooSan, he understood this too late, only at that moment when his footsteps were crawling on that dried and hard pavement of the footway, where so many other wandering footsteps were also seen, rushing everywhere, but only DooSan was rushing nowhere, having no purpose and no final target: neither in his head nor in his soul.

He suddenly stopped and raised his glance off the pavement and looked in front. But found everything so strange, so unknown and so unclear for him. Especially that crowd of people that were passing by seemed weird to him. However, even if all those people were in a hurry, they had some time to look at him and point at him with their fingers while whispering something about him. And even if DooSan found it strange, even if he couldn't understand almost anything of what happened, he was sure that those people weren’t pointing at him with their fingers to make a mock of him, but it was rather their weird way of showing that he wasn’t invisible, that the world was seeing his sadness, especially the solitude and the big despair reflected in his eyes.

And DooSan looked at all those people with a lost glance, with a mind full of questions without an answer due to his soul that felt nothing at that moment and which was also feeling everything at the same time. And… he could read, on the lips of those passers-by, their concern told in words. And he could also understand their support, that no matter how indifferent didn’t seem the world be, especially the strangers, that human feeling of being next to someone, when he needs you there, was still alive, even if deeply hidden in the soul, unwillingly kept a captive there. Then, DooSan thought that that crowd, also unwillingly, was by his side then, with the thought and with the heart, in sufferance… even if their feelings rested only for seconds - as long as it took them to pass by him and their glances crossed, at half away, with his, even if his eyes seemed to see nothing and nobody at that moment, blinded by the great storm from his heart.

„Are you alright?” DooSan heard the voice of a woman, a voice that he seemed to have heard coming out from the deep underground, and, looking to his left, he saw a young woman about 20 right next to him and holding his arm with both hands. DooSan didn’t understand what she was saying to him or why she held his arm because the bewilderment felt in his soul made him not realize that he was barely standing and that he was about to fall. That’s why the young woman rushed to grab his arm: not to allow him to fall.

„I’m fine,” faltered out DooSan eventually and withdrew his arm. But… even if he wanted not to seem rude doing this, when he withdrew his hand, he did it suddenly and made that woman wiggle and stare in amazement at him, for she did what she did only to show her support. „I’m sorry… I didn’t want to… I just…,” mumbled DooSan and went away without finishing his thought.

The young woman looked for a few moments behind him, not understanding if she did something wrong or if it was only a strange way of acting of a man as weird as his actions were and as that night was. And she also didn’t know what to do: to follow him or to leave him alone, to live as he knows better.

Eventually, she turned her back on him and went away, and DooSan saw her leaving when he turned his head and looked back for a few seconds. But that glance behind him bothered him and not because he had been left alone, but because his eyes were bothered by the blinding lights of the headlights and of the cars that were rushing somewhere while passing by and making an infernal noise around.

This made him feel dizzy and, eventually, DooSan sat down on that pavement, laying his head on his palms. „What’s going on? What’s wrong with me?” DooSan wondered in a whisper and, at a single stroke, he wiped the tears off his cheeks and from the corners of his eyes, even if no tear had appeared there. But he wiped them - those eyes: of forgotten dreams, of pain, and sadness. And he was trying to see the world with different eyes doing this, to see the truth hidden behind that curtain of lies, of strange events, of incomprehensible feelings born in his soul, a weird whirl that started to dizzily spin in his chest and in his head after a single sentence told him by Kan, but which hurt him so much: „And… I ask you right now, right in your face, you, mister all-knowing prosecutor: if SolHi was taken almost in pieces out of that warehouse, how could she kill your brother then?”

„It can’t be,” murmured DooSan still rubbing his eyes. „I couldn’t be wrong. It’s impossible to have hated someone unduly,” he kept murmuring, even if something deep inside him was telling him that it had been so, that maybe it was so or maybe… „SolHi!” he suddenly remembered about her and that she was missing. That’s why he rushed to stand up off that pavement, stopped a taxi, also in a rush, got inside it, and told to the driver to also rush somewhere.

***

„SolHi! Are you here? SolHi, do you hear me?” DooSan shouted, entering in a run in her apartment and taking his shoes off, on the go.

But SolHi wasn’t there, and he even didn’t find her in his apartment or in the coffee shop where she used to be when she was sad.

He even looked for her on the roof of the Prosecution where she loved to stay to embrace the loneliness - but there was empty and sad, as probably it was in SolHi’s soul at that moment.

„Shhit… Where did she go?! Where the hell could she go at this hour and especially in the condition she was?” DooSan mumbled, standing tea pot fashion right in the middle of the roof and watching all those blinding lights of the city that were so alive sparkling in the night.

Suddenly, he remembered the night when the two of them were walking home from the supermarket when SolHi had been fired after that small fight she had with the teenagers. Especially he remembered the fact that she stopped in front of that motel, mumbling an „it’s so quiet here!”

„Does she…? No, it’ll be too much!” DooSan mumbled eventually. But even if he wasn’t at all convinced that his thought was right, he decided to chance it and to look in that place too, for… other places where SolHi could have gone he didn’t know, and DooSan understood another cruel fact at that moment - that he knew almost nothing about the woman he said that he hated, when actually he had to know her better than any other person, for… the best weapon against the enemy is to know well all his strengths and weaknesses. DooSan instead knew so few about her, so few… and his footsteps rushed to leave the roof eventually.

***

A lot of empty bottles of soju were thrown everywhere on the floor. There were probably around ten bottles forgotten on that cold wooden floor, like feelings set adrift by the perturbed currents of SolHi’s soul, who was sitting at that moment also on that cold floor, supporting her back on a cold wall while drinking again and again from the soju bottle she just opened. Next to her, to her right, another few bottles still full and unopened could be seen, bottles brought there by her when she remembered about that motel which she named once as being a perfect place to hide.

Actually, she remembered about the motel when she was still sitting on that cold floor of the ambulance and the paramedic was checking her vital signals, trying to understand how she was. SolHi instead thought about something different at that moment, as if she hadn't remembered what just happened in that room when she had been attacked. And… this was true, for SolHi learned a trick in her life: to forget the evil and to move on, and her mind knew so well that „lie” that she was all the time using each time she was feeling that the world was collapsing over her as it happened in that motel room.

In fact, SolHi thought only that she was forgetting about that evil that hurt her… but she was just „inhuming” those feelings deep in her soul, without covering that hole with soil. That’s why her feelings were often rushing out of their „grave” just to kneel her down - again and again, and to make her collapse all the time, especially when she had those anxiety crises, those ghost-pains, that comedown.

„Damn it all!” SolHi hissed through her teeth, moving her fingers through her hair. Then, she pulled the blood pressure cuff off her arm and, without paying attention to the paramedic’s shouts to stop, that her condition doesn’t allow her to wander the streets at that moment, she simply went away.

And, in fact, SolHi didn’t care about her condition at that moment: all that she wanted was to go away and as further as possible from those places where she felt asphyxiated. And… she decided to „hide” again: by the world, by the problems, by herself, for… she finally could afford this - to hide. Something that she couldn’t afford ever before that moment, due to the fact that she was responsible for another soul. Now, with SinHa dead, SolHi was finally free to live her life as she wanted, or… to destroy it.

The second variant instead was more credible and SolHi was doing this willingly and unwillingly, for all the problems she had to face lately left her empty inside, powerless, and this made her lose the last sparkle of hope that was still alive in her soul. But… now, she had the right to end with everything or to begin anew, or maybe to make an end with all and everything, and she thought about this because she didn’t know either where to go or what else to do. That’s why she decided, that at least that night, to forget about everything and drown herself in alcohol.

That’s why, before going to that motel, she saw, like a dream, the signboard with the name of a supermarket and she entered after staring at that signboard for a while as if she was struggling with doubt itself at that moment - to enter or not. SolHi instead wasn’t fighting with anything and with anybody at that moment - not even with herself, for her mind was completely closed for herself and for the world: part due to the drugs that they gave her, part to the desert felt inside. Eventually, when she saw a soju bottle in someone’s bag when that person left the supermarket and passed by her, SolHi finally entered.

A few minutes later, she came out, having a bag full of soju bottles. How did she pay for them… she had no idea, for she didn’t have either money or the mobile phone. A thing was true: the earrings weren't anymore hanging at her ears, a not that expensive pair of earrings actually, but enough costly for the shop assistant if he had accepted them in exchange for the drink.

Then, SolHi found the motel and asked for a room. Money instead… she didn’t have to give it to the receptionist: she just told him that she’ll pay him later. And neither the receptionist insisted, seeing her lost glance and he let her in, thinking that she’ll pay when she is sober or someone else will pay for her when that person comes because SolHi looked like a person after who someone will come.

And, right after the door slammed behind her, SolHi fell on the floor, for she felt her legs as if being of melted sugar. But… even if she hit her knee when she fell, she felt only pain in the shoulder that she disjoined not that long ago and in her right wrist. Watching it, she saw that wrist red and snarled: „damn, it always hurts!”

Actually, the problem wasn’t only with her right wrist and her shoulder: SolHi had bruises all over her body after the fight she had with Nam Yun Ho, but those bruises weren’t painful, at least not that much, or maybe SolHi simply didn’t pay attention to them.

„Dog! Always biting the hand of the master that feeds him,” she snarled again, opening another bottle, after forcing herself to sit normally, next to the wall. Then, she thirstily drank half of the bottle, and when she finally took it from her lips, she wiped them with the back of her palm. And… she laughed: loudly, hysterically as if she also had a schizophrenia crisis at that moment.

What „amused” her so much was to remember her foolishness of believing so much in herself, not thinking that others can also have brains and that they can be even much more cunning than she was. But she understood it that night, right after entering the club when the bodyguards forced her to turn off the earphones that she used to communicate with DooSan. Thus, she remained unprotected and forced to fight alone with everybody that could have tried to hurt her.

And… if that fight had been fair maybe she had defeated her opponent, for she was well trained and her mind was working pretty well when she was surrounded. But, at that moment, fate had decided to play a prank on her, a damn unpleasant one actually, for right after entering the club, when she tried to turn on the headphones again and to tell DooSan that she was in, the „fly” approached her right away and gave her a cocktail.

„Isn’t it too early to start to drink?” SolHi asked him, looking around to see at least one known face to greet and to „avoid” drinking. But… like a bad joke of fate, no known face was there: only unfriendly faces that were staring at her and SolHi had understood immediately that those were the „fly’s friends,” who were there for a reason. And… even if her inner voice yelled at her not to drink and just to run away, SolHi decided to be stubborn, as usual, and to try her luck to finish that operation by herself if she couldn’t count on the others. So, she approached the „fly” a lot, touching his shoulder and being nice to him: „not the other, but… I think it’ll be a better idea to try to know each other first. Before… doing other things.”

The guy cunningly smiled and again pushed the glass with the cocktail toward her: „Of course, I agree. But… I think that a bit of „warmth” can help us relax and more approach the other.”

SolHi made a wry face, listening to him talking like that, and… she had no other thing to do than to take that cocktail from him. But… before drinking, she hesitated for a few moments, for her heart told her not to even taste from that blue liqueur, enough alluring actually. But she had no choice when the „fly” drank his drink in one shot, forcing her to do the same. And… a few minutes after, she felt dizzy and fell to the ground.

She came to her senses when she was carried on someone’s shoulder along a corridor that was badly illuminated, and, even if the image in front of her eyes was blurred and somehow moved constantly because of her head that was wiggling in the rhythm of the footsteps of that „barrel” on whose shoulder she was, SolHi still could see that that corridor was of a secret floor actually, somewhere underground and, on both sides of it, many closed-door were seen. And, behind each door, sounds were heard: weird sounds, of a girl that was probably beaten at that moment. Then, behind the other doors, she heard peals of laughter - of many women and men that were having a kind of secret party and who were probably, since long ago, out of reality. Only at the end of the corridor was silent. At least this is what she thought at first and, namely in front of that door, the „barrel” stopped and waited.

And SolHi didn’t call that man „barrel” for nothing - he was really tall and sturdy, with a round belly that was seen plumping up through that white shirt he was wearing under the black jacket, on which white fluff was seen. But the guy seemed to have ignored them, or probably he hadn’t time to „take them off,” being too busy with other kinds of „jobs,” like the one he was doing at that moment, carrying SolHi on his shoulder.

However, even if he hadn’t time to see that fluff, SolHi had it: to analyze his jacket, for minutes in a row actually. But a sudden deaf shout was heard behind that door, and this made SolHi attentive. „What… what’s there?” she wondered and, closing her eyes, she shook her head a little bit, trying to organize her thoughts. But… she didn’t manage to do that, and that sound started to be heard even more intensely with each second. Then, as if her mind suddenly „awoke,” or maybe started to work normally again, she winced: „A gasp. One of a… sick pleasure!” she said in her mind and felt that she wanted to vomit. She even sagged and this made the „barrel” put her down, and that sudden move of being turned again up after laying for long over his shoulder, made her feel even dizzier than before and stagger to her feet, especially because of the high heels she was wearing.

But she had been forced to stop staggering when the „barrel” grabbed her arm and forced her to stay in place. Then, when SolHi stared at him, trying to see his face, he snarled: „don’t even think about this!” SolHi instead had no idea what he was talking about, for the only thing she had in her mind at that moment was to find a good bed on which to sleep to recover her senses. But she understood very soon that her thoughts will be only thoughts eventually when she heard other footsteps approaching, of more people and when she looked behind, from where they came, she saw a few men, dressed like her „barrel” coming straight toward them.

This made SolHi suddenly burst to laugh and enough loudly actually. Then, she practically yelled, pointing to them with her finger when they were only a few steps from them: „ooo, penguins! It seems that we got to the North Pole!”

And… when she bent her head back, laughing with all her heart, she lost her balance and bent to the right. But she didn’t fall, for that chubby brock grabbed again her arm. Even so, SolHi managed to hurt her knee and her wrist, hitting the floor, and this made her piteously „yelp.”

Namely, her yelp interrupted that „gasp” that was heard behind the door and, so soon, someone’s footsteps, noisily touching that floor, made from a block of cheap wood, probably, approached the door and this made her be attentive again and wait.

And, when the door opened, she first saw the feet of that man who was fighting with his belt after zipping his trousers and the edge of that belt was moving back and forth. But what really caught SolHi’s glance was the young lady that was lying on the floor, with her clothes broken, a sign that that man had a „great banquet” with her and enough rude actually, and this was seen in the red marks seen on her wrists, that had been squeezed hard to immobilize her or just because of a sick desire to make her submissive. And… SolHi also saw, on the woman’s face, dried blood, another hint that she had been beaten, probably brutally, by the same individual that had appeared in front of her and was staring at her.

And… even if SolHi wasn’t looking at him and she didn’t see his face yet, she felt his eyes stuck on her, and this made her shudder. And, it had been enough for her to hear: „well, baby, did I tell you that we’ll see each other in other kinds of… circumstances?” to shake again like hell, and her eyes filled with tears, but not because she recognized that voice as being of Nam Yun Ho’s, but because this reminded her about that fatal night, 7 years ago, and… so suddenly, actually… fragments of that night came to her mind and she saw herself lying on that floor, instead of that unknown woman. Thus, SolHi screamed and started to crawl back, trying to run away. But she couldn’t, because Nam Yun Ho suddenly grabbed her by the hair and pulled her toward him, convinced not to let her escape.

„Yet, everything has been so real!” SolHi mumbled, continuing to drink. „So damn real and so… painful,” and she touched the top of her head, feeling it burning because when Nam Yun Ho grabbed her by the hair, he had been really rude and SolHi felt that pain so dizzily crossing throughout her body.

Then, SolHi started to cry and shake, with all of her body, while the fingers of her right hand were squeezing that bottle and covering her tearful eyes with the other palm. And her chest, full of negative emotions, pain, and despair, was slowly shaking, in that weird hug of her cry that was shaking her as if she had a fever.

Suddenly, she stopped crying, as if she received an order from someone invisible and she looked in front: the window was open, and that white curtain, pretty dark actually because of the dust and other kinds of misery stuck on it, and which probably hadn’t been ever washed, was moving back and forth, in a weird dance with the wind.

This made SolHi attentive and what caught her sight was the contrast between black and white on that thin material, but cheap enough, and she thought that that material was of her soul - dirty because of humans’evil and because of the unfair things that happened to her during her life. But the image seen in front of her eyes made her eventually shudder, for… at some point… when a strong gust of wind pushed the curtain to the side, SolHi saw the black eye of that open window: a blinded eye by the darkness of the night that was hiding outside and which was lurking at what was happening inside that room. And SolHi shuddered again, seeing the silhouette of a man outlined in front of that open and blind window.

And… she covered her mouth with her palm, even if she didn’t know why because that silhouette wasn't yet totally outlined. Yet, SolHi seemed to know that person: even if he was with her back to her and this frightened her a lot, for she saw that back before - 7 years ago when she came to her senses after losing consciousness after she had been brutally abused. And, when she opened her eyes then, she saw the back of her attacker. And the back she was seeing outlining in front of her, looked the same as of that man, and this made her shudder and want to scream, for this was driving her crazy. And even if she wanted to run, she couldn’t: her feet felt so weak and unamenable, as if they were made from sugar that was melting at that moment because of the tears that were shed on her cheeks like streams, even if she was crying without no words or sounds at that moment.

The nightmare that she lived 7 years ago returned to her at the moment her blurred eyes and her sick mind, because of the alcohol and of the forbidden substances that she unwillingly consumed, killed her will and, even if she wanted that to stop, the silhouette finished to outline and she saw what she was so afraid of and of whom she ran all that time, at the moment he looked at her and she saw his face - it was Han YuSan.

SolHi screamed: partly due to the fear, partly because of the amazement - it was for sure the reality she tried to bury inside her all that time. But… a second cry rushed to press her throat, and, not to be heard, SolHi covered her mouth with both palms. And, when she let that bottle fall on the floor, its content crept on that wooden floor under her.

Then, SolHi started to crawl to the side when that imaginary YuSan took a step toward her, with his hands stuck into his pockets, smiling at her. This was what scared her to death: to be touched again by him, for… she didn’t know why, but his touches, in that fatal night, burnt her skin and she felt that burning even at that moment, so alive, and this made her feel sick again. That’s why she crawled back, rubbing up her back off that wall - till she got at the corner that was separating the wall from the one that was leading toward the door.

„Noo,” SolHi shouted and closed her eyes, feeling that the support, that she felt with her back till that moment, was gone, a support in which she looked for comfort and help, even if for a short time only. But… she hadn’t time to stay and to think, with her eyes closed and with her head bent, because she heard again that strange sound which she also heard 7 years ago - of a metallic leg of a chair that was dragged on that cement floor and this made her ears buzz again: her mind stopped in place, her breath stopped too. But… that strange desire of vanishing came back to her chest and she moved again on that floor, crawling in a semi-circle, feeling only, hearing only those steps heading toward her while she was seeing, in her mind, his hand squeezing the back of that chair he was dragging on that cement floor, making that sound deeply enter her brain.

„That’s enough! Enough! I don’t want to hear this! Not anymore!” she suddenly shouted and, her hand squeezed, unwillingly, one of the bottles that were lying next to her and, suddenly standing up, still with her eyes closed, she started to hit left and right - the air.

But… that YuSan didn’t vanish: he stood there, laughing at her clumsiness and this was driving her crazy and she wanted to kill him… once again, even if she knew that he was dead, for… but… she wasn’t that sure anymore: neither that he was dead nor of what happened that night or that she has really been accused of his murder.

„Why?” SolHi asked after she stopped and stared at the „attacker” that kept staying there - smiling at her and sickly grinning. „Why me? What I did do to you that you finally destroyed my life? I only defended myself that night! What else do you want from me? Leave me alone! Allow me to live, for… I’m also a human! I also… want to live!”

For a short time only, the silence was heard around while YuSan looked frozen in front of her as if lurking on her. Then, he told her: „because I wanted this! Because I can do that! Because I had that power. And… if I can do that, why not do it?”

And YuSan laughed again, and his weird laughter made SolHi hardened inside and look at him with empty eyes. „You…,” SolHi eventually murmured. „Why do you look so fake to me? Who are you? Who you really are?” she asked, confused. He instead just shrugged and again smiled. And… at that moment, a second YuSan jerked over the first one, throwing him to the ground. But she couldn’t see what happened after that, for she winced … when the door deafeningly hit the wall, forcing her to look toward there.

But, as if she didn’t finish looking at those two YuSan that were fighting, SolHi looked again toward the window - there wasn’t anybody instead, and she looked again toward the door and she finally saw DooSan and the receptionist there.

However, even if she was looking at him, SolHi wasn’t seeing DooSan, and he understood that spotting her empty eyes. This made him swallow hard, understanding that she was completely in the power of the drugs, hallucinating. So, he decided to slowly approach her… more after he saw the open window and this made him feel cold beads of sweat running all over his skin.

„SolHi… I mean, detective Ian, It’s me! Do you recognize me? I’m DooSan.”

Not even hearing his voice, SolHi understood who was talking to her: what she was seeing at that moment was how she grabbed that bloody hammer that night and hit Han YuSan's head.

„Listen, SolHi… I’ll come closer, ok? I won’t move suddenly; I don’t want to scare you. I just…,” but he kept silent, hearing her talking so calmly to him.

„Prosecutor Han, how are you? Are you ok? Now… is it better now?” she mumbled and this made DooSan stare at the receptionist, who was looking at him the same or even more thunderstruck than he was. Then, DooSan decided to play the same game as she was playing - at least till he got next to her.

„Yeah, I’m fine. You know me well. You know me… right? I’m Han DooSan, the one who…”

„No. You aren’t the one I know,” she murmured, staring straight into DooSan’s eyes, and taking a step back.

Other streams of cold sweat crossed all over his body when SolHi took another step back and she was only two steps from the open window. That’s why he took one step in front, not realizing actually that he took that step, and, once again, he swallowed hard.

„I… all these years, I thought that… no, I didn’t think, I just guessed that… not knowing that it was your fault and not mine. Or… should I apologize for what I’ve done to you?”

„What the hell she’s mumbling?” DooSan wondered, in his head. „And… why do I have the feeling that she doesn’t talk to me even if she looks at me? If it’s so… who is she talking to then?” and he closed his eyes, for a few seconds only, trying to remember who SolHi could talk to. Then, he decided to chance it and, so suddenly, maybe even without thinking about it, he asked: „SolHi, who am I? Aaa? Who am I? I can’t remember this. I can’t.”

SolHi looked thunderstruck at him. „Who? What… don’t you know who you are? You are prosecutor Han… Han Yu… no, Han Do… no, Han Yu. Ahh, I can’t remember,” and she covered her face with both palms. „It doesn’t matter anymore. I just want to know why did you come now. Why? Why now? Did you come after me?”

„Yes,” DooSan rushed to answer. „You know that I’m always only one step behind you.”

„Why? Is it because you hate me so much and you want to see me dead? That’s why you came - to take revenge on me for what happened 7 years ago when I…”

This made DooSan completely confused: „What? SolHi, what are you talking about? I just…”

„Wonderful then! I’ll make you all happy… after getting rid of me… once and for all.”

A sudden move back… DooSan’s jump in front to grab her by arm… SolHi’s body touching the edge of the window and slowly bending over it… a white curtain… with a lot of smudges on it moving back and forth, covering that blind, black eye and… a deadly silence that took over the room…