The bedroom door had been locked tight, just like Christian knew it would be when she felt the bruise forming on her head. She had tried to hide it from her mother but the sudden choice of wearing hats indoors did not go unnoticed. She could’ve lied and said that she had fallen out of bed or maybe even banged her head on a door, but she knew very well from experience that lying to her mother would only make things more difficult. So, she had found herself back in her room, waiting for the next service to begin so that she could confess her many terrible sins.

But this time was different to Christian, something deep inside her had clicked. For years being stuck in this room felt like a punishment, a way for her to atone for all the wrong that she had done. But now for the first time in her life she saw it differently, this place wasn’t her bedroom it was a prison. She felt her cheeks go red and her mind go fuzzy.

Without even thinking Christian lifted her bedside lamp far above her head, ripping the cord out from the wall and sending brief sparks through the air. In one swift movement, the lamp was hurled into the side of the door, shattering into so many pieces no one would ever be able to count them. The realization of what she did hit her like a truck, the high of the rage inside her quickly subsided like air deflating out of a balloon. She sank down to the side of her bed and put her head in her arms, she felt like she could do nothing but cry

It was nighttime outside and now with the lamp being no more, there was nothing but darkness inside the room. Even the moon, which just yesterday had seemed so big and bright, was hidden behind the clouds. There was nothing but darkness, sadness, and tears that night.

But suddenly the door opened.

Chris looked up from where she sat on the ground, eyes red and puffy. Had her mother come to see what the noise was? The door was open, but no one stood behind it. “Mom?” She asked to the darkness. The darkness did not respond.

Slowly she got up and carefully made her way to the door, being sure to not step on a sharp piece of the broken lamp as she did so. She went through, but to her surprise, she wasn’t in her hallway anymore, she was in a room she had never seen before. Christian breathed deeply and took a step back into her room, but to her surprise, she found that the door was no longer there. She desperately felt along the wall, her fingers searching for some crack or cranny in the vain hope that she could find an entry back into her room.

She then noticed something even more strange. Touching her forehead, she was surprised to feel her hand become damp as if she had been sweating for a long time. Christian didn’t feel warm or even cold, but now that she thought about it, she didn’t feel like anything anymore. She felt numb, like the feeling you get when your foot falls asleep, but it was so normal for a second, that she didn’t notice it. Christion wanted to get out of here, and run back home, but there didn’t seem to be any clear exits.

Her eyes fell on the only other door she could see, which meant it was the only other place she could go. Slowly Christian walked to the door, her feet falling silently as if she were trying not to wake some sleeping beast that lurked within the shadows. She grabbed hold of the handle but was unable to feel it in her palms, it was like grabbing air and expecting it to turn. She crept the door open and peeked inside.

She saw a bed with two women sleeping in it, one had two large headphones on with a strange device sitting on her chest while the other… the other… that wasn’t right. It was like looking in a mirror, the woman laying on the bed had all the same features as Christian- the eyes, the nose, the mouth was all hers. She found herself getting closer to the strange woman, as she approached, she looked her up and down searching for any proof that what she was seeing wasn’t real. But the nearer she true the more Christian realized that the person was indeed herself. Christian reached out her hand and felt along the sleeping woman’s face, only to be mortified when they woke up.

Chris’s eyes shot open, she instinctually moved to defend herself but to her surprise she found herself frozen in place. It was like something was grabbing her and holding her still, making sure she didn’t run. Chris saw her younger self looking back at her and at the same time Christian saw what appeared to be an older her do the same. Both were frightened, confused, and unprepared for what was about to happen.

Suddenly Chris felt her body growing numb, as if it were slowly being dipped into a freezing lake. She no longer felt the soothing pressure of the mattress against her back or the protection of her cover- now the feeling was being replaced by something else.

Christian watched as the strange woman on the bed started to glow. It took her minute to realize what the glow was coming from. Christian screamed as she saw herself suddenly erupt into flame; a blue flame that burned slowly and took root all along her body. Chris felt her own flesh start to boil and sizzle, she screamed but only fire escaped her lungs. Her tears streamed down her face and instantly boiled under the heat of the flame. She knew that she was dead, there was no way she could survive this pain- but the end never seemed to come.

She thought the pain would never end.

...

“Chris! Chris! What’s wrong?”

Chris woke up in a dead sweat. Her skin was covered head to toe in sweat and she only noticed that she was on the floor when the pain finally registered in her arms that she had fallen. “Where am I?” She said, but it came out coarse- like she had lost her voice.

“Babe, oh my god, are you okay?” Jess was clearly panicking as she tossed off her pair of headphones and crawled over the bed to be at Chris’s side. “I’ve never heard you scream so loudly- I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone scream that loudly before. Did something bite you?”

“No, nothing but me. I… I just had a nightmare… I’m fine.” Chris slowly picked herself up from the floor and dusted herself off, she didn’t want to show it to Jess but her arm was searing in pain from the fall. Without thinking Chris reached into the pocket of a pair of pants she had untidily thrown to the floor and retrieved her pack of Marlboro’s.

“Chris? I thought you quit those.” Jess remarked as Chris pulled the ugly pink lighter from the other pocket.

“I did too,” Chris replied walking out of the room. “Habits, you know.”

Chris went about her daily routine like she always did, she got dressed, brushed her teeth, and made the coffee like normal. This time though she didn’t have to tiptoe, her girlfriend was already wide awake and giving her a very concerned stare. Chris tried to ignore it; she didn’t want to think about what had happened to her. She didn’t want to think about her mom, she didn’t want to think about her childhood, and she didn’t want to think about the nightmare, but the world seemed determined to make sure she didn’t get her to wish.

“Jess, I know I’m worrying you.” Chris began with a sigh. “But I’m fine… I promise. I guess meeting my mom did a wonder on my sub-mind, or whatever you call it.”

“Subconscious.” Jess corrected. “But are you sure? Chris, I’ve never heard a scream like that in my life- it was like someone was ripping out your heart! I thought someone had broken in and was stabbing you. I’ve had really bad nightmares before but yours must take the prize, what did you see?”

“Just nightmare stuff, you know. It was just a messed-up thing my brain decided to show me as a prank, that’s all.” Chris walked over to Jess and held her tightly in her arms. “I promise you, I’m fine. I’m so sorry I scared you.”

Jess held Chris tighter. “You should be sorrier that you woke me up, I felt like that was the first good sleep I had in years.” Chris laughed and turned to leave but stopped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. “But promise me if anything else comes up, you’ll tell me?”

“I promise,” Chris swore. “I’ll see you tonight.”

Chris sat alone at the bus stop with a cigarette in her hand, after her dream she had assumed she’d never want to see a flame again, but the sweet comfort of tobacco had proved otherwise. A thought was lingering in her head, one that she simply refused to acknowledge. It was like an itch waiting to be scratched, each moment the temptation to give in grew larger, but she held her ground.

To her annoyance, the bus was later than usual, by the time she saw it coming down the street the cigarette was all but gone. Chris stood up and waited for her transport to stop, but to her surprise, the bus kept moving past her. “Hey!” She shouted, waving her arms like she was bringing in a plane. “Wait!”

The bus slid to a stop a few paces past the stop, Chris walked up to the door in need of an explanation. The bus driver was a short little man whose face was covered in raggedy red hair. He looked like Raggedy Andy had gone on a three-night bender, perhaps that would explain his driving. “Sorry, Ma’am.” He said apologetically. “I guess I didn’t see you there.”

“Didn’t see me there?” Chris echoed. For a second, she was prepared to let the guy have it, but her determination was cut short by observing the genuine expression of embarrassment on the driver’s face. It’s a lot harder to be harsh to someone when they look like a puppy who accidentally made an accident on the floor. “It’s okay… It happens.” Chris said with a giant sigh as she handed the man the money.

She found her way over to her favorite spot, a window seat near the back of the bus. She liked it because it was decently away from everyone entering and exiting, but also the seat with the emergency exit window if something went down. She made herself comfortable as the bus drove away and she started her game of counting the buildings she passed.

At this moment, staring out of the window, she finally gave in to the urge. What if I am going to hell? The thought was amusing to her, the irony was that she had thought that many times before in a very different context. She remembered when she had first left home, she was all alone in a big world that she was totally unprepared for. During the cold lonely nights laying on park benches or sleeping under bridges, she regretted her choice to leave. She felt guilty for what she had done, and in the dark knew her choice to run away was the worst thing she had ever done. This time there was no turning back, it was the final sin she couldn’t confess. There was no saving her soul now, the only place left to go was down.

Not to mention her urges, her attractions weren’t lining up with what she had been taught to believe was proper. The regret lay on her shoulders like a massive weight, she was an atlas carrying a world of guilt on her back. She thought about going back to her mother and begging for her forgiveness, but it was too late now. She knew she had made her choice and now she had to live with it, no matter how miserable her existence was. But then something changed.

Jess had come into her life at just the right time. Christian, who had decided to shorten her name to Chris, was working at a diner when she had spilt an entire glass of tea all over Jess’s lap. Chris was so embarrassed and asked if she could do anything to make up for her blunder. Jess had replied, “Sure, take me out to dinner and we’re even.” Chris, not understanding the implications, agreed immediately.

What ensued was a couple of very awkward first dates. Jess would describe the experiences as quote: ‘like dating a depressed nun.’ Chris on the other hand felt like she was committing sacrilege, with each meal or movie she shared with this woman she was smearing everything she was ever taught. But if her actions were so bad, why did she feel the need to continue to do them, and why did it feel so good to be around Jess? This thing she knew was wrong was bringing her nothing but joy, for the first time in a long time she felt like she wanted to get out of bed. Could something that harmed no one and brought her the most amount of happiness she had ever experienced in her life truly be a sin?

A year passed before they had moved in together. They were both young and on their own, so sharing the rent of an apartment was a good idea. By that time all the delusions that her mother had left in her head were gone, she had decided to leave them behind like the last few letters of her old name. For the first time in her life, Chris was truly happy.

But now the feelings were back, those old, demented thoughts lingered in the distance like an oncoming storm. She knew that who she was wasn’t wrong, no religious prophecies could undo that anymore, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that what her mother had told her might be true. Her dream was lucid, it felt real. Even now she could remember the way her flesh felt as it boiled, but it wasn’t just that. For some reason, she felt lower, not in height but strangely in spirit. It was like her consciousness was being dragged down into a pit, it wasn’t the most pleasant thought.

As soon as she stepped off the bus, she had another cigarette in her hand. It was the only thing she knew would calm her nerves, even if it left an unfortunate lingering odor on her neon uniform. Walking into work she looked around for Jake, she needed to know if she was working register again. She found him bending over a shipment of canned food. “Hey, Jake, did Dale show up today?”

There was no response.

“Jake? Hello? Are you going to answer me?” No response. She decided that screaming would be her next best option. “JAKE? JAKE? HELLO?”

Jake casually began to open a can of oranges; he made a small opening in the side and put the can to his lips. Nasty and rude. She thought as she walked over and shoved him indignantly.

If humans were physically capable of jumping out of their skins, Jake would have done so. Orange juice went flying as Jake spun around in a feeble attempt at a karate pose, all the while making a sad hissing noise that could only be described as ‘sad and defensive.’ “What the hell, Chris?” He said, out of breath and shaking. “You can’t just sneak up on people like that, it isn’t right! I could have a heart condition or something!”

“Sneak up?” Chris said angrily, all of her patience being spent with the bus driver. “You’ve been doing that to me for forever, and I didn’t even sneak up on you- I practically shouted your ear off but you didn’t even flinch.”

“No, you didn’t, I didn’t hear a damned thing.” Jake tried to sound authoritative, but his pride was too damaged to muster it.

“You must be going deaf then.” Chris put her hands on her hips and shook her head.

Jake wanted to deny this, but he really couldn’t. After the divorce papers arrived in his mailbox along with his bills for child support, Jake didn’t put it past the universe to also add ‘going deaf’ to his long list of problems. “Eh, you’re probably right… anyway, I need you on the register.”

“Did Dale die again?” Chris asked with a roll of her eyes.

For a second Jake thought about saying yes and pulling another prank, but he couldn’t find the energy. “No, he’s on register too. Busy day today, got at least five cars in the parking lot.”

Chris wondered if Jake was being sarcastic as she headed towards her post. As she approached, she saw Dale was already at the other line across from her, she tried to keep her contempt for him a secret. “Hey Dale, how’s it going?” A nice friendly gesture to start the day was always a good idea, even if you hated the person you were giving it to.

Dale looked up at her and gave her a slight nod. “Good.” He said plainly.

Chris gritted her teeth. “Good.”

Despite the company, the work was greatly appreciated, and Chris could focus on checking out customers rather than think about whether or not she was doomed to eternal fire. Despite the small number of cars reported in the lot, there were actually a good number of shoppers. Most came in to get the usual groceries, though Chris did raise an eyebrow when she saw Dale check out a familiar-looking man with a giant box of margarita mix.

Near the end of the day and during a lull in business Chris decided to make another attempt at small talk. “So, Dale, seen any good movies lately?”

Dale shrugged. “No.”

Chris dug her nails in her fist. “Have you read any good books?”

Dale paused for a moment before coming back with, “not really.”

Though she was smiling Chris was screaming on the inside. “Have you done… literately anything at all?”

Before this delightful exchange could conclude a customer graciously interposed themselves in Chris’s line. “Hello, how did you find everything today miss?” Said Customer Support Chris.

“Fine, fine.” The customer placed all their items on the belt, mostly baking needs with a brief cameo from some Tylenol.

“That will be 29.36,” Chris said.

The lady didn’t respond, in fact, they seemed particularly different. It looked like a strong breeze had rushed in and had knocked her off their balance. She looked around confused as if waiting for some unknown cue.

“Ma’am?”

“Oh, sorry.” The woman said, seemingly broken from her trance. “How much?”

“29.36?” Chris repeated. The lady got her wallet from her purse and scanned a card through the scanner. Chris printed the receipt and handed it over to her, “Thanks, have a good day.”

The lady took the receipt in her hand and stared at it. It was like Chris had placed some rare gem in her hand and she felt the need to study it. With one last distant look around the woman took her things and left, leaving Chris alone and very confused. What was that about?

When Chris turned back around, she was caught off guard to find Dale standing an inch away from her face. “Ah!” She screamed. “Dale what are you…”

“Where did you go?” Dale interrupted.

“What?”

“You went somewhere, where did you go?”

“What are you even talking about, Dale?” Chris took a step back; things were getting too weird for her liking.

Dale reached his hand out and touched Chris’s face, she responded by slapping the hand away. “For a second… you weren’t here, Chris.”

Chris’s heart began pounding, she couldn’t tell if she was scared of Dale or if she was afraid of what he was talking about. “You’re scaring me.”

“It was like… it was like you were an outline in a sketch- just a shape where a person should be. ” Dale said in a tone Chris had never heard him use- a tone that cared about something. “One second, you’re there and the next you’re not… Then I blink and you’re back again where you should be.”

“Dale you’re being really strange right now.” Chris held her hands up and backed even further away. “I don’t know what you saw but believe me I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Dale seemed to remember himself, he took a step back himself. “Right. Sorry, I… I don’t know what got into me. I’ve just never seen anything like that before.”

“Yeah…” Chris didn’t know what to say, so she decided to make a tactful retreat. “Hey, my shift is almost up, mind covering for me?”

Dale shrugged, “Sure.”

In the parking lot, Chris’s head was spinning like a roulette wheel at the world’s crummiest casino. Everyone had been acting strangely today and she felt she knew the reason. I’m going to hell. The thought echoed in her head. Just slower than I thought I would.

But this was absurd, it was nonsense. None of this could possibly be happening because none of this could happen; it was all just some mumbo-jumbo her religious nut of a mom had gotten inside her head. But she couldn’t shake the evidence from her brain. The mirror, the dream, and now the way all these people had been acting didn’t make any sense.

Chris reached for her cigarettes but stopped when she felt her phone going off. Probably Jess calling to check on me. She picked up the phone and put it to her ear. “Hey, Jess? Thank God you called; I need to talk to you about something- everything is going crazy right now!”

“Oh, I thought it might be.” Said a voice that was distinctly not Jess’s.

“Wait, hello? Who is this?”

“I’m a friend.” Said the smooth voice on the other end. “I’m sure you have a lot of questions right now, and understandably so. That mother of yours did a very poor job at explaining if I do say so myself.”

“How did you know about that?” Chris demanded. “Did my mother tell you?”

“Oh, I’ve known about this from the very start, Chris.” The voice responded kindly. “I never forget a deal.”

Chris clutched the phone tightly in her hand, what was going on? “I…” She stammered.

“I can tell you’re just brimming with questions but doing this over the phone would be a hassle. Why don’t we meet up tomorrow? Occam’s Bar on 4th street, your bus route takes you by there, yes?”

“I…”

“Splendid!” The voice beamed. “I’ll be waiting.”

“Wait!” Chris cried into the phone. “I don’t even know your name.”

“My name? Well, I’ve got quite a few. Some names are more flattering than others, but that’s beside the point.” Said the voice on the other end, with a sort of cheery delight. “But you can call me, the Devil. Nice to meet you Chris… see you soon.”