Maria was woken up by the sound of a loud bang followed by shattering, she knew immediately that it was coming from her daughter’s room. Quickly she threw on her robe and rushed over to the door. She fumbled in her pocket for the key before undoing the latch that was meant to keep her daughter safe, but now she feared was doing the opposite. The lock clicked and she swung open the door and was surprised to see her daughter sitting alone in the darkness. Maria was confused, that is until she nearly pierced herself on what remained of the lamp in the doorway.

“What did you do?” Maria asked calmly, though it was clear to Christian that she was upset.

“I broke the lamp.” Chris retorted. “Isn’t that obvious?”

Christian had never used that tone with her before, it was disrespectful and brash- Maria didn’t like it. “Why did you do it?” Christian didn’t reply, instead, she just stared at her mother waiting for a response. “Do you remember that it is a sin to not respect your parents?”

Christian seemed to take a moment to build up the nerve to respond. “I-I know.” She said hesitantly before raising her arms and wildly gesturing to her room. “But what are going to do about it? Lock me in my room? I’m already here.”

Maria didn’t know what to say, she thought that her daughter had been taught better than to behave like this. She felt the need to yell at her, tell her how truly rotten she was but she couldn’t. She never raised her voice to her daughter; she barely would change her tone. “You could have been harmed.” She said, looking down at the sharp remains. “What if I never heard a sound?”

“Maybe you should unlock the door so that if I needed you, I could come get you- like how a normal door works,” Christian said, surprised by her own bitterness.

“That door is to keep you safe. It is to keep you from making any more mistakes that could cost you your eternal life. It is there to make sure that you never…” Christian didn’t notice but for a small glimmer of an instant, it looked like Maria wanted to cry. “The door is there so that you cannot harm yourself.”

Christian buried her head in her arms, concealing a sob. “I’m not going to hurt myself, mom.”

“Your adventure on the balcony tells me otherwise.” Maria countered sternly. “I distinctly tell you not to go somewhere for your own good, and yet you do it anyway just to disobey me. You know that the fall would kill you and that is why you are in here even now.”

Christian felt the urge to yell boil in her chest, she wanted to tell her mother all the ugly things she had ever thought about her. But instead, she just replied, “I’m sorry."

“Good, you may confess this at our next service.” Maria crossed her arms. “Now, I must clean up this mess.”

Christian got up from where she was sitting. “No, I can do it.” But as she took a step forward, she forgot herself and suddenly felt a ringing pain shoot through her leg. “Ah!”

Christian fell backwards onto the floor raising her foot to find a remnant of the lamp embedded in the heel of her foot. Tears instantly began to fall from her eyes and a sliver of blood began to trickle to the floor. Maria acted quickly, in a second, she was at the medicine cabinet grabbing ointment and bandages and in the next, she was at her daughter’s side. “Hold still.” She said, raising the injured foot in one hand.

With a quick motion Maria pulled the shard out of her daughter’s foot, Christian nearly fainted as she let out a little cry. “Mom, it hurts!”

Maria used a cloth to dry up some of the blood from the wound before coating the bandages in the ointment. Slowly she wrapped the bandages around the foot and tied a knot at the top, she inspected her work before standing back up. “You should be fine, the pain will not last.”

Christian looked up at her mother and saw her looking down at her. For the first time in a very long time, she felt like her mother actually cared for her. Though nothing in the way she talked or acted showed it, Christian couldn’t help but feel that her mother was truly worried for her. “Thank you, mom.” She spoke. “I’m… sorry I said all those things. I love you.”

Maria didn’t say a word, instead, she just nodded and went to retrieve the broom.

...

Maria had just had a troubling day, after four years of searching she had finally found her daughter- but she feared that it would be too late. When she had first discovered her absence, Maria had gone on a long search by herself to locate her lost lamb. Christian was a disobedient child who enjoyed getting into trouble, but that alone wouldn’t mean that a fifteen-year-old girl would be safe in the wild world outside. Maria feared that if she couldn’t find her soon, she would never find her at all. But no matter where she looked or who she asked, she simply couldn’t find her little Christian.

Next, Maria contacted the authorities, but they were no help. They seemed to be taken off guard by her calm demeanor, if she wasn’t that worried about it why should they be? But in truth, Maria was deeply concerned about what could befall her daughter, and so took the next steps to finding her. Missing person posters, newspaper ads, prayer circles, and then finally she turned to private investigators. She went through quite a few of them over the years, most turned up dead ends while others offered scraps of hope that all eventually lead to nothing but disappointment. Maria feared that she would not be able to find her before it was too late, the time was approaching and there was no way to tell if Christian had done what she needed to do. But one day, she got a lead.

Her private investigator, who was turning out to be like all the rest who had failed, surprised Maria one day with the news that he had found a lead. A girl named Chris was reported to have been seen working in a supermarket in the city, and she fit the description of what a grown-up Christian may look like. Maria headed there right away.

Maria was normally a very unflinching person, so much so that people often wondered if she felt anything at all inside. But seeing her daughter so different from the way she was when she had left her all those years ago, stirred something deep within her. Christian had changed so much from how she was a kid and yet somehow seemed to be exactly the same. Her posture was different, much less proper, and more relaxed. She had altered the way she did her hair; it was much more rugged and untidy than the way that Maria had done it for her. But still, Maria could see it in her eyes, she was still her little Christian. But now was not the time for outward appearances, now was the time to inform her daughter of the situation.

Naturally, she didn’t listen to her warnings, didn’t listen to her pleas. Maria was quite aware that Christian tended to do things to harm herself just so that she could disobey her, but this wasn’t about a swing set or a balcony- this was about her soul. She pleaded with her daughter to do what she needed to do, to marry and conceive a child was the only way- but she would have none of it. Maria just wanted her daughter to listen, and suddenly for the first time in her life, Maria raised her voice.

It caught herself off guard, she had never used that tone before. It felt wrong like she had done something that was never meant to be done. Perhaps it was because of how serious the situation was, her daughter being only days away from the eternal flame. But that was it was it, there was something else that was happening to her.

The drive was long, so she arrived in the early hours of the morning at her home, to her cold lonely house that she had maintained all by herself for all those years. Maria had never felt safe in her home, she knew that sin and the devil were prevalent everywhere and that no place was exempt from this rule. But as she walked through the doorway, she felt different, it seemed to her that the inside of her house had somehow changed. She did not like the feeling.

Everything was in its proper place, pictures hung where they ought to be, doors lead where they were supposed to go, the crosses were still placed over every door- nothing was wrong, but everything wasn’t right. She looked around her house and it seemed to her like she was seeing it for the first time. She felt like a stranger in her own house which sent shivers down her spine.

She came to her room, a vacant empty space that kept only the essentials of her bed and her dresser. She thought about how lonely it was to sleep by herself on such a large bed, she missed the warmth of her husband. Her husband? Now that was something she hadn’t thought of for quite some time. She wondered why she never thought of him, why she never went looking for him on the day he didn’t show up. Suddenly Maria wished to be rid of this room and she left it in a hurry.

Exiting her room, she could help but catch a glimpse of Christian’s old room, she felt compelled to look. It was exactly like the day she ran away, the only things that were missing were a bag and a couple of her clothes. Christian’s old dolls and stuffed animals still sat at the foot of the bed, as if they were guarding it for her eventual return. Maria felt empty in this room like something was missing. Of course, her daughter was gone, but there was something missing inside of herself- like a piece of a puzzle that had been misplaced.

She remembered the day she had given birth to her child. The sun had just barely risen above the skyline and the nurse had placed Christian in her arms. Maria knew that now should be a happy time and she knew that she should be overjoyed, but deep down she felt nothing. Was this normal? She had wondered, but she never received an answer.

She turned to leave but stopped in her tracks when she noticed the lock on the outside of the door. She ran her fingers over the cold metal, remembering all the times she had used it to keep her daughter away from harm. But that wasn’t why she really used it, was it? She knew that very well, though she only admitted that to herself now.

Standing there she didn’t know what to do, where did she go from here? But as she thought, something came over her. It was like being hit by a bus, it came swiftly and without warning. Maria fell to her knees and clutched her chest; she had no idea what was happening, but she did know that it hurt. For the first time in many years, Maria screamed at the top of her lungs, but no one was around to hear her.