《Safe as Houses》The Earth is Not a Spaceship...

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Hoarsely, Raymond said, “I’m still here, I’m coming to get you, to take you home.”

How like a man. He’d never done anything brave before.

The earth is not a spaceship, his mother had said after those words "how like a man." What is it then? What?

He pulled back into traffic. “Turn right onto Joaquin Statler Pkwy,” the GPS said brightly, pronouncing it “Joke Win State Ler Puh Kwee.”

“I’ve already had a look under the hood,” Cindy said. “Whatever it is, it’s nothing I can handle. I hope she doesn’t get stolen; I can’t afford to replace her.”

“We can leave my house right when the sun peeks over the edge of the world,” he said grandly. “I’ll get you back to your car before she’s been up a half hour. It’ll be fine.”

The car probably would be safer with her in it, he realized. If it was a temporary home, the vampires couldn’t touch it. If it was empty, they might destroy it.

Oh Jesus, nothing was ever pure and simple. He needed to be her hero, but if her car was a smoking heap in the morning, she didn’t have the money to replace it and insurance companies were awfully canny about covering vampire damage.

“I’m on the freeway now,” he announced. Would she think he was chickening out if he said she should stay with her car?

“Thanks, baby, thank you.”

7:25. Twelve more minutes and he’d be there; still he said nothing. He was doing the bravest thing he’d ever done in his life and he felt like shit. What would his therapist say if he was still seeing her?

And locked in his brain was an idea which could save the world. How like a man. The earth is not a spaceship, the earth is… Oh God, he almost had it. What was it?

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And why did it suddenly seem to have something to do with Heckle and Jeckle? He played back his memories of those crazy cartoon magpies but came up with nothing.

7:35 pm. Sunset at 8:05.

“I’m a minute away, according to the map. Is there any trick to finding you? Are you clearly – I see you!”

He braked too hard and nervous drivers around him blared their horns. The roads were emptying. Anyone still driving was terrified, racing the clock. What was he thinking? But he pulled in behind her little Honda Civic, turned off the motor and stepped carefully out.

And then she was out of her car and in his arms and they were kissing like they’d never kissed before. It was worth everything to be here.

“Listen, sweetie,” he said, pushing her reluctantly away.

She sobered instantly. “We gotta get going, I know.”

“Baby,” he said firmly. Where did this sudden confidence come from? He liked it. “I realized on the way over that if we just leave your car here, the vampires might destroy it.”

Her eyes went wide and she said, “Oh shit!” She got it instantly. She was smart, he’d always liked that about her.

“Right. So, this is what I want us to do.”

“You should turn around right now, leave me here, shit I don’t want that, but –”

“I’m going to stay right here. I’ve got to stay in my own car, the vampires might destroy it if there’s nobody inside it, but I’ll be right behind you all night, we’ll stay on the phone with each other, we’ll talk all night.”

The sun, growing red as it sank, widened like an amazed eye.

She was silent. Thinking she was disappointed that he wouldn’t stay with her in her own car, he pleaded, “Baby, I can’t afford to replace –”

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“Hush. Of course you can’t. I wouldn’t ask, my god, you’re here, I never expected you to be here. But could you, like, pull your car in front of me, maybe even turn it around, I think there’s room on the shoulder, turn it so you’re facing me, pull up real close, bumper to bumper. So I can see you?”

“Of course, I’ll do it right now.”

He felt like a giant again as he got back in his car. He’d told all the truth and a beautiful woman was gazing at him with adoration.

The freeway was empty enough that he could simply make a wide turn and pull in facing her. He inched forward until his front bumper touched hers with a slight clunk. It felt more sexual than any of their actual lovemaking ever had.

The sun was almost at the horizon. Daring, he got out of his car again. She saw him coming and stepped boldly out too, and into his arms. He felt her passion surge against him. “I wish I could hold you all night,” he said huskily. How like a man.

Suddenly reckless, he said, “I will, I want to, to hell with my car, I want to be with you.”

She wanted him to do it, he could see, but her decency won. “No baby, I couldn’t feel good about that. You need to get to work, you don’t have any more dough than I do. Please, just keep the phone, oh shit, without a charger, without my battery, I won’t be able to talk to you once my battery dies, oh, oh I hate this.”

Smoke streaked the face of the spreading sun as it touched the industrial buildings on the horizon.

“I’m staying with you.” He knew it was right. “I’m a different man and I have an idea that might save the world if I can just access it and I’m staying with you.” He turned to run and grab his laptop, his books, the few valuables and the emergency food and water in the trunk.

“Baby, I can’t let you.” She pulled him to a stop. “I love you.”

She’d said I love you!

“Just be there facing me. I’ll ration out the phone battery. Get in your car, now! I love that you came, get in now, talk to me from inside.”

She ran to her car, jumped in, closed and locked the door. Raymond hesitated, but she shook her head and pointed to his car. Fast, her voice came faintly.

The red light faded around him. He turned and sprinted around the rear of his car for the driver’s door. Shit, he should have gotten into the passenger door!

The last fleecy puff of sun sank into the hazy waver.

Terror seized him like he’d never known. The driver’s door seemed a million miles away. He could feel them coming up from the sewers, from a thousand underground places.

The door handle slipped from his hands. All around him was a scrabbling, a rush of cold wind.

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