Chapter 12

PDD Diagnosis

“So, let me get this straight. You claim to be on your thirteenth time through this life. Each lifetime you go through you experience a lot of different but nominally similar events. Events that all ultimately lead you to your death. Some your death is at the hands of enemies we are currently or will be at war with shortly. While the last few visions you had all related to a wholly unknown enemy known as the scourge who are space traveling insectoids who spawn by the billions, inside the bodies of enemies they slain. Enemies that are then consumed and used as incubation pods to hatch billions of their future progeny. You have seen and fought with these scourges so many times now that you feel you cannot win. That is why this time, you tried to take a lifetime off to relax. Only to find yourself granted an exceptional boost to your powers from the Awakening Trials, a bonus that you yourself don’t fully know the boundaries of. Am I correct in my summarization of what you have told me thus far?” The shrink asks.

Hearing the summarization of my past twelve lives summed up so succinctly is impressive. I have been rambling to this person for the better part of two hours. As this was a military initiated psychiatric counseling session, we had on the truth telling crystal. This was as much to validate my claims, as to force me to give a more concise answer of what was truly happening or what I felt like I experienced during my Awakening Trials.

I nod, feeling somewhat relieved that my words are at least being true.

“The benefit of doing this with the truth stone present is that it gives me indisputable proof that you believe what you are telling me is wholly accurate. As such, I can simply tell you that what you are experiencing is not unheard of. In fact, it is quite natural for those who awaken with Precognition powers as exceptional as yours to experience instances like this. Instances where your mind has a hard time separating out whether you are a self-aware reincarnation or were just given thirteen different lives where you saw different paths of the future. I must say that I pity you.”

“Pity me?”

“Yes, you are so powerful that you likely don’t even accept the fact that what you witnessed in the Awakening Trials was just visions of possible futures. Futures that you changed by completing the Trials on the maximum difficulty imaginable from the start. Now you likely feel that this life is inconsequential, that if you caused enough mayhem, then so what? Am I right?” The doctor asks. It is clear that this doctor has a lot of empathic abilities but is keeping them at just the observation level. Making sure not to be intrusive with their scans at all.

I want to deny the claim, but a quick glance at the truth crystal on the ground shows me that such an effort would be futile at best. Eventually I just nod, “yes.”

Green.

“You aren’t the first to have awakened from the Trials in such a way. I will warn you, there is a clinical name for what you are suffering from.”

“Suffering?” I ask, I feel great.

The therapist just nods his head. “Yes, suffering. The Trials may have done one such as yourself a grave injustice. You get visions of grandeur, that you can change the universe and the path of society. If what I am given to understand about your power levels are true, then you likely could. The problem is that this level of power comes with a god’s mentality. One where you feel immortal due to your power being so much more than the regular individual around you. Know this, there have been thirteen people, including yourself, who have all been awakened to such extensive Precognitive abilities, such as the one you possess. Each one swore they had lived previous lives multiple times. Each one, except for you, died. Do you know something they all claimed to be the same?”

I shake my head.

“They all claimed that they too were on their thirteenth trip through life. They, much like you claimed to have unawakened Precognitive powers while in their previous lives. Each knowing that they had such a power, but that it was just as yours stated, 0.01%. Do you know why that is?”

Ping.

I receive a case file of twelve other people who all suffered from exceptionally high levels of Precognitive abilities.

I am distracted by the case files, in almost all the files, the people described were powerful. Exceptionally powerful, with more than enough potential to turn entire battles and regions of space to their command. This causes me to shake my head.

“The truth is no one rightly knows. The only theory that has been posed that makes sense is that for the Precognition to be effective, the idea of Precognition needs to be constantly there, but unusable. See as they are in a vision, having a vision while in the first vision would likely break the dreamscape. Thus, the mind protects itself, forcing the potential, the true potential to be locked away, while the visions play through.”

I stop staring at the files that are on my wrist communicator and look up at the doctor. Seeing my eyes lock with his, he continues.

“Each of these twelve others who took the trials all came out with fully mastered levels of proficiencies for their various powers. Each also showed aptitudes and skills that were well beyond those of the Master level, giving credence to the fact that they might have been reincarnated. Though, I will warn you to not go down that logic path. That is a dead end. For do you know what each of those twelve had in common once they met death in this life?”

I shake my head.

“It should be clearly obvious, but I will spell it out as you are likely looking too big right now. The commonality between all of them was that the universe kept on going. Despite their obvious advantages they were given from the trials, they were unable to overcome the totality that is mortality. Realize that when you go, the universe too will continue without you. This is not some way of me saying that you are not wanted, far from it. But rather let this be a cautionary tale for what you are experiencing. The Clinical term for what you are experiencing, it is called Precognitive Dissociative Disorder.”

“Precognitive Dissociative Disorder?” I Parrot back.

“Indeed.” He says as he nods in agreement. “We didn’t have the research or ability to help the first few of your kind who came to our attention. That is why search nets have been put into place. That is why you were marked by Mave when you first met her. Though she has long since distanced herself from her military service, she has always been an exceptional help in looking out for the next PDD candidate.” He states.

With that, my head swims. “So, you are saying that it likely wasn’t by chance that I happened to that diner at that time, with my winning lottery ticket?” I asked.

He smirks, “yes, that is a good topic and one I failed to question you about before. In fact, I was going to use it as an example. You claimed that you remembered the numbers from the night of your Awakening trial. That after your first few lifetimes you remembered the numbers clearly, writing them down even going so far as to tattoo them onto your skin in one life. Then immediately upon awakening, even after being assaulted in the park. Rather than reporting to authorities you immediately head to a convenience store where you purchase a ticket before your Precognitive rating was done blooming from the protective shell it had placed itself in.”

“Protective Shell?” I ask.

“Yes, you must be aware more than anyone that Affinity scores are permanent, unless they were mentally sealed away for some reason. In such cases the delayed awakening of the Affinity is called blooming, you were always a flower you just needed time to become the flower. In this case you always had high proficiency with Precognition, but your mind for its own safety sealed it away from you while you were in the time loops.” The doctor says, still driving home this idea that this might be my one and only life. That if I died this time, I might not get reincarnated.

“I can see you are still struggling with this, so I will focus on one last detail before we end this session and I let you out of our initial session.” He says, dangling the carrot right before my eyes. This has been a three-hour marathon. He had me sweating from my retelling of my past failed exploits so much that I can feel my uniform clinging to my skin like a sliding piece of slime.

“The last question I have for you is, how did relationships go? Did you date or marry anyone that you know from here? People you just recently met?”

I nod. “Yes, there is a girl here Jess, or rather Jessica Childers. In my past lives I remember marrying her three different times.”

He sees something on my face, likely the look of betrayal that I still harbor towards her and my brother.

“How did it go?”

“It was wonderful at first, but then she would eventually leave me for my better looking and more confident older brother.” I answered.

“All three times?” He asked.

I nod disparagingly. “Yes, all three times. Even with prior knowledge of what happened. Even with me doing everything I could to avoid that future, she inevitably left me.”

“All three times?” He asks incredulously.

“Yes, all three times. I don’t know what you want from me?” I answer back.

“Don’t you find that a bit odd? That you fell in love with the same woman three times, and each time regardless of what you did she left you in the same exact way?”

He asks, and suddenly I feel something like glass shattering within my mind.

“This is likely your mind telling you the way the scenario would have played out, likely a way your subconscious powers or your brain are telling you that on some level you are incompatible with this woman. This is good, as you clearly know to stay away from her.” He continues.

I pause, trying to take to heart everything he is telling me.

“Also, one last observation, before I give you my final words of warning.” He says, drawing me in likely for the killing blow. “While I do believe you think you have seen combat, you do not seem like someone who has truly experienced one hundred and fifty-three years of life as you claim. Rather you appear to be someone who had the equivalent of one hundred- and fifty-three-years’ worth of life experiences crammed into you. Thus, you are trying to sort out what is real versus fiction immediately.”

“But how would I know about the certification programs, and ways to best take advantage of my abilities?” I ask.

He holds up a hand. “You are a smart kid, one who is far smarter than their eighteen years of life should have. I will give you that. But I will warn you, this was the case for all the previous PDD candidates. Each had an immediate plan for how to succeed. You appear to be no different. This is typical of such elaborate dream sequences. The human mind gets a perceived glimpse of the future and tries to adjust accordingly. In most people this comes down to noticing that it will soon be winter, so you get an extra thick coat. Or an inspection is coming up, so you begin to polish and align your uniform properly. But a Seer of your caliber,” he pauses as he shakes his head. “I can only imagine what you must be experiencing right now. In fact, I bet the very act of being forced to sit in here for the past,” he looks at his watch “three hours and twenty-two minutes has been nerve wracking for one such as yourself. Even though you effectively gained two years of Academy time by already being proficient with your abilities.”

He says, and suddenly I feel a little guilty at constantly looking over to the clock for time. They said this session was an evaluation consultation and would go on for as long as the good doctor said it would.

“Yes, sorry about that.” I manage.

“No need to worry. I must say I am intrigued by your case and circumstance. Thus, I am happy to take on this case. I take great pride in hoping that you will be the first PDD member that we manage to save.”

“Save?”

“Yes, PDD members all died within the first five years of the blooming of their powers.”

“Five years?” I mutter to myself.

“Yes, quite the abrupt change of pace, especially considering most of the lives you noted lived for decades if not longer. That is why I will wrap this up with my final words of advice.”

I pause waiting for something to be groundbreaking, or earth shattering.

“The evidence of what you are experiencing is right before you in those case files. Read them and realize one thing. That while you might think you will reincarnate in the event of your demise. Know that this universe and time stream will continue just as it had before your awakening. Again, not to say you are unneeded, but that your life does not directly impact this reality. Let that sink in. Now maybe there are multiple time paradoxes going around, ones where you also died, and those universes might be going on just fine without you as well. But realize there is no way to know for certain. The only thing that is known, is that you are here in this universe and are very much appreciated.”

He says, and suddenly I feel a massive weight leave my chest.

“With that I hereby end this session and bid you a good day. After this we will be allotted an hour time slot, but for this first evaluation I felt it was important to get to the core of who you are. I can see that you are a great man, though you try to hide it with sarcasm and apathy. Still, I commend your work so far and look forward to hearing from you soon.”

“Yeah, same.” I speak.

Green.

I was about to say I meant it, but the stone did the work for me. “Oh doc., one quick question?”

“Hmm?”

“I wasn’t the only one to play the lotto when they awoke with PDD?”

Hearing my question, a smile crests his face. “No, all try to play the lottery. Of the thirteen known PDD candidates a total of eight succeeded in buying the ticket. You are the first to successfully transfer your ticket before checking your Precognition Affinity status, an effect that would have voided the ticket right there. That or others didn’t check but found out their Precognition had fully awoken when they went to turn in their ticket and were asked to reverify their statues.”

As he speaks, I nod. “Also, one thing doesn’t quite make sense. Why can’t military members buy lottery tickets?”

“Hmm?” He asks with a questioning sound. “Wherever did you hear such a preposterous statement? Many soldiers buy tickets all the time.”

“What? I thought that we couldn’t? That was part of my dreams of why I needed to avoid being in the military if I wanted to win the lottery?”

Green.

He paused for a moment, then a smile crests his face. “I think I have it. It was likely your blooming Precognition at work, warning you that if you went directly to the military, you would forfeit the rite to the winning numbers as your abilities would have bloomed too much by then. Oh, speaking of which, have you looked at your Status recently?” He asks.

I shake my head.

“Could you do that for me, I am curious what you see?” He asks.

With that I pull up my Status page and am floored by what I see.

Name: Kyle Goldman Age: 18 Race: Half-Human* Mage Class Type: Support Mental Class Type Psionic

Physical Attributes:

Strength 12 Dexterity 15 Agility 15 Endurance 12

Mental Attributes:

Perception 20 Intelligence 20 Willpower 20 Power 33

Magic Aptitudes:

Name Percentage and Certificates Spirit 99+% (Spell Breaking, Unweaving, Negation, Dampening, Rendering) Healing 57% (Mend, Cleanse, Purge) Air 25% (Cleanse, Create) Water 25% (Cleanse, Create)

Psionic Aptitudes:

Name Percentage Mind Rend 99+% Telekinesis 99+% Pyrokinesis 42% Precognition 0.01% -> 99+%

Blessings

Blessings Received [Energy Sight], [Increased Psionic Potency]

My jaw drops open as I see the new status of my Precognition. 99+%? How is that even possible?

Seeing my expression, the doctor just nods understandingly. “So, I take it you were not aware of the drastic spike?” He asks.

“NO!” I nearly shout.

He nods understandingly. “The only reason why I knew was that when you used your thumb to enter our session it noted the change. I was wondering if you had time to process that. But now that you have witnessed it, know that this is also a symptom of PDD. Each awoke with a reading that couldn’t be measured at first. Then as time went on, they began to see more and more. Tell me, did you really know what the judge was doing before the courtroom? Or did it slowly come to you while you were there?”

As he speaks, I remember the waves of memories. “Each life I knew he was corrupt and vile, but I never realized just how vile until I got there. Then when I got there, I felt like I should have known all along that he was a monster. One that I should have killed repeatedly, but then I didn’t. It didn’t matter in those other lives, only this one.”

I say as first one, then multiple tears start pouring down my face. I remember the kids, their looks of pain.

“Sit down. Let’s talk about this. It is clearly important. But before we begin, know that this just gives more credence to two things I have been saying all along. The first is that you are a good person, who will do the rational thing when pressed. The second is that you were powerless to truly change those other lives, not because you were weak or lacked conviction, but that you were seeing a projected future. One where you never interacted with those judges. Think of your lack of action not as an indictment on you, on what you should have done better, but an indictment on the society that lets such people work in positions of power. That case alone is why we need you. Their crimes would have gone unnoticed and unpunished for who knows how long. Now, if you want to, I am willing to listen to your feelings on that trial. You surely must feel some type of way about this?”

With that I spent the next half hour explaining my visions and how I felt throughout the entire process. In all it was a cathartic, even if it was a waste of a much-needed afternoon break. Though as the doctor noted, I should consider this free time as I had already passed all my practical exams for both Magic and Psionics. The only exception being an ongoing study session for me to learn to harness my, now, astronomical level of Precognition. While also learning to control my heightened levels of Psionic power. Powers that are beyond what I was conditioned to wield while in my past lives. Or maybe just past future projections?

I don’t know, but one thing I do take to heart from this meeting is that I will take this life seriously. Regardless of whether there is another life or not after this one, I will try to take full advantage of this one. Also, what’s the worse that happens? I live this life to the fullest and then I get my wish of not being subjected to more deaths, and betrayals?