~ 16 ~

The Stronger the Reason, The Stronger the Being

I rose despite the swirling of the world around me. I stood on my legs and held my claws like they were fists. As'gar narrowed his gaze with a laugh, seeing the human inside of me once again. With a shake of his head, he beckoned me forward.

And I charged with a cocked fist.

"No, no... that simply will not do." My fist flew toward his face, but his golden claw caught it, forcing me to stumble in place. "You're fighting too much like a human. With form and composure. How do you expect to compete in this world?"

I growled. With my free arm, I hurled it to the wrist restraining me. His eyes flicked over, and his other claw caught me. I leaned forward, with all my weight, pushing my feet through the ground to gain another step.

"Dragons do not throw punches," As'gar said before smashing his skull down into mine, his claws keeping me standing. "We fight like beasts." His head flew back as his sharp maw opened, snapping down into the side of my neck, colour fading from my vision. "Like this!"

I gasped as my claws wiggled inside of his, fighting to knock him off me, but his fangs tore through my scales, sinking to my flesh, slicing a clump of all of the above. I yelled in agony as my head wiggled into his, trying to minimize the pain.

"Fool!" With a final jerk, his mouth tore a chunk from the side of my neck, a spurt of blood splashing across him. He released me, and I stumbled back, a pounding that shrunk my sight, my heartbeat loud in my hearing. "You've learned nothing! Where is the beast!? The monster underneath? Where is being without words, a core burning within a frenzy? Where is the dragon inside of you?"

Our bodies loomed over the forest, but I stumbled, destroying patches of trees. My claw held at the wound, which leaked red thickness, barely suppressing the blood flow. Was this it? Was I really just this weak? I couldn't even hear the princess anymore.

"Are you aware of the weakness of your existence? Have you already ascertained the myth behind our colours?" The golden dragon spat out my flesh, splashing red across the green of the treetops. "A dragon's power is defined by its colour. It means one is a descendant of one of the original breeds. Do you know what emerald was considered?"

As'gar smirked. "The weakest, of course."

I stumbled forward as life faded from me. I wasn't about to let this asshole fucking give me some exposition before I died. It seemed as of late... that everything was a suggestion for how weak I was. How worthless I was. That I barely did anything to help the princess escape.

"Perhaps that is the cause for the dragon lacking in you." I charged toward him with a punch, one that he caught again. He seemed disappointed as he held me. "Live unlike a dragon, and you won't have to face being the weakest of your kind. Because guess what now? Your princess will die because you lack strength."

With his arm held out, I lunged forward with my muzzle, opening my mouth and bearing it down on his wrist. Grossness splashed down the back of my throat, and I nearly gagged at the splash of blood. His eyes widened from the attack, as though attacked by nothing more than a dog.

His claw released mine.

Inside of that freedom, I swooped for a low jab, striking his stomach with a fist, feeling my shoulder wobbled from the contact. Rising my left arm high, I inched myself upward, aiming my fist for his face. As'gar saw it coming the second it was an inch away.

I threw everything into that attack as it knocked him stumbling, recoiling to catch himself. He chuckled with a couple of deep breathes, not expecting any of that. "Not... bad. Your moves still reeked of a human." He chuckled. "But! You've shown me enough to decide that you're worth another day of fun."

I stumbled forward, but grabbed at my neck, feeling squeezed from all that movement. I panted and struggled. Ahead, the dragon curved his tail forward, raising it, revealing the princess again. I growled, walking toward him.

"So it is the princess then... how fascinating! Is she your reason for life? No... it's too soon for that." As'gar rested a claw against his chest. "I live to watch creatures burn to life before I consume their fire. I never get bored of it. It always... enthrals me. Always entertains."

His smile grew wicked. "It's the reason why I hunt. Why I kill. Why I endure existence itself—so I can partake in the delight of taking it from others. It's all that I've needed." His tongue searched his lips. "Even since the rodents I squeezed in every possible way back in my youth. That's why I'm still here now. Seeing how creatures writhe the second before they go... pop!"

His claws exploded from each other.

"Your princess will be safe—for now." His golden wings spread from behind his back, throwing trees outward from their unfurling. He lifted into the air with a few wing flaps, and I stumbled a couple feet from him. "There's so much I need to hear from her first. To discover what it is that she has done to spur some life from a husk."

My wings unfurled as well, but they fell at my sides, sagging across the ground.

"Don't try to fly now," As'gar said. "You'll meet death sooner if you do. Rest. Find that which sparks a fire inside your chest and your mind. Let it burn you from the inside out. Like a dying, rabid dog, that thrashes it all before it perishes. May you learn how to rampage—and destroy all."

As'gar ascended and turned in the air, entering flight as he took to the skies. I leapt after him, but my wings weakly flapped. I fell forward, laying on the ground. I was defeated. Running on empty. Not sure if I had it in me to take another breath—much less go on to a fight that I could not win.

Is that it? The result of your resolve? A bite out of your neck, and suddenly, that you, down for the count?

What the fuck else was I supposed to do?! I've never been in a fucking fight! Never go against a beast! It doesn't matter if I'm a dragon—I've never fought like one, and I've never fought against one! I would have had to battle a bear in the previous world to come anywhere close to knowing how to fight an animal!

And where do you expect to learn all of this? Where, suddenly, you are gifted with the experience and knowledge of how dragons fight? Would you read about it? Watch two battle from a distance?

Better than going in and getting my ass kicked!

You still have learned NOTHING! Do you think these dragons had harmless little fights when they were young, which taught them how to handle the pain and channel their rage? Dragons fight because they must! Because they were challenged in one way or another. That is how you become more.

I winced as I lay defeated on the ground of the forest, feeling myself fading, knowing that I didn't have much willpower to live. Was that it? Was it that I didn't have much to live for? I knew I had to rescue the princess. That was an obligation.

That is mere existence you speak of! Of doing what is required and requested! Dragons are beyond that! They roar in the sky to make themselves known. They battle each other to test the other's might. They hunt, kill, interfere with humans, and mess shit up on a whim! They go with what they feel. They don't suppress or repress themselves. They unleash all that's inside.

I blinked as I wondered if this would be my fate. Dead on the ground of the forest, recovered by humans in search of the princess, my body to be stripped of my scales, my flesh roasted to feed them, my head, mounted and mocked on some castle wall.

What was this... apathy? Why couldn't I bring myself to care? My princess had been taken and I had been beaten... and I was okay to take it. She was about to leave me, this person that stoked life into my existence... and I was about to let her go.

What is it that you want? Throw away assumptions and expectations. What is it that you crave from this life? What is the reason that you are here? Is it to only do what is permitted to you? To never do wrong to disprove others' expectations of dragons?

I had acted abnormally as a dragon because I wasn't a dragon. But something inside of me pained at being labelled like the rest of them, seen like the rest of them, hated and disliked, negativity viewed and talked about. I was convinced that if I could be different, above it all, somehow, acting so much not like a dragon—that people would view me differently.

And what did that get you? All that effort and strife to deny what was inside? Because the truth is there. I'm a part of it. Your desire to tear through the skies and to destroy the forest around you. To tear out the throat of that dragon and feast upon his corpse.

My mind became quiet—save for that voice, both mine and not.

You denied the dragon and demon within.

But I wasn't a monster.

There's a monster within you, suppressed and repressed, flooding through all that you do. You've felt it. The need to squeeze your claw when the princess was on it. How you wish to squish that gathering at the wedding. You held it back. But it bleeds through, regardless.

That's not me. I don't want to hurt the princess. I'd never—

Denying that monster, letting it build and swirl, it'll break through the moment you'll fear the most. It'll cause you to hurt and kill and tear apart all that you care about. But you care. Something dragons rarely do. You are more than that monster. What you are on the surface isn't totally a facade.

I coughed. My claws planted against the ground, weakly lifting my core weight, my knees sliding forward to assist. I saw on the back of my legs, towering over the woods. I breathed slowly, controlling the panic, soothing my pain.

You are a mix between monster and man. You've allowed one to overpower the other. Submerge yourself into being a beast, and you'll cry from the castle you've cast in fire. Repress the monster inside, and you'll crush the next human that winds up inside your claw.

I breathed and listened to the voice, knowing now that I was listening to myself, a different aspect of myself. It was a deeper, darker voice. I thought at first that it was temptation, that it was greed. I had labelled it as evil and wrong and, until now, had paid the price for it.

Avoiding the dragon within to appease the humans still ended with you being hated. That girl, Astria. You did not have to win her approval. To have pretended to be something, even if it won her friendship, still wouldn't be the acceptance you crave for yourself.

You cannot allow your desire for acceptance to morph you into something you're not—to make you play pretend. Even if you were to get it that way, it wouldn't be the approval you crave. You want to be taken as you are. And now, you've found the one person who did.

But your fear of becoming a dragon caused you to be weak, caused you to lose her, the one thing vital to you—that really, actually mattered. Now, what will you do? Go on to live a life where you let her die? Where you're killed and carved? Is that the type of existence you crave?

No... fuck no...

Then let your greed empower you. Let it fuel you. Be so blinded by rage that you forget your own wounds. May it let you live even without blood in your veins. Say it. Growl it. Roar it to yourself. State it loud—the names of your desires. What is it that you want from this life, Emerald Dragon?

One foot pounded into the ground, then came the next, uncaring of what it crushed beneath. I had weakened myself, running on the minimal. I stood on failed muscles, operated on an empty stomach, which had been starved—until not eating led to death.

And what had that done for me?

I looked at my claws, panting smoke from my mouth, seeing the blood splashed across green talons. They were sharp and unused. Never tearing anything apart for sport—or because it had to be done. Blood was faintly on my fangs. The spurts from biting into that wrist.

I should have done more—I shook and nabbed it like a wild dog. Biting and tearing, savagely, until the flesh was pulled from the bone. I should have lunged onto him next, devouring him. Ripping and tearing, feasting, until the last of his life had faded.

My claws curled and, with a heavy weight, lowered to my sides, my head tilted back as this burning energy coursed through my veins, fuzzing the inside of my head. I roared without break or end. Feeling the quaking force, billowing out, cutting my lungs with the pressure. But I didn't mind the pain—I embraced it. Indulged in it.

Let it morph me into the dragon that I would become.

You learn to be a beast by becoming a beast. Kill that dragon. Recover your treasure. Man or monster, it doesn't matter. The fundamentals are forever. Become your own dragon and cast down your own rules. Live in a way that your heart does not punish you for.

My roar came to a close as my head fell forward, my eyes, though closed, reopening again. I felt my claws open, my talons, flexing, in need to slice and dig into something. I looked to my right, to the highest mountain on the island.

And I licked the blood from my teeth.