[ZERO SPACE]

Golden sunlight fled from serrated leaves, chased away by cerulean moonlight. Luminescent flowers sprouted up from vacant soil. Distant goblin screeches transitioned from tenor to baritone, as if patched through a demonic filter.

DangerFace869 listened closely. With those janky Demonoid ears, he had to listen extra hard.

“The dark goblins are here,” said DangerFace869.

“We only have four people,” said Shae. “They won’t come after us.”

“Oh oh oh,” said Lanzer. “I was kinda wondering why you brought only us four. You’re a genius Shae!”

“They’ll also come out if we’re too loud, idiots,” said Bander. “You should have brought Asira for this.”

“I’m mentoring Dane,” said Shae. “And Lanzer still knows enough to be useful.”

Shae projected his map, gesturing towards four glowing spots.

“The Dragon Sword is in one of these four locations,” said Shae. “Bander, we’ll take Goblin Mansion. Lanzer and Dane will hit the Field of Spies.”

“Ooh ooh ooh,” said Lanzer. “Field of Spies sounds intriguing!”

“Hold on idiot,” said Bander. “Why are we splitting up? We should stay together.”

“We’re just scouting,” said Shae. “We’ll meet back here.”

“It’s faster if we all split up,” said DangerFace869. “Four locations. Four of us.”

“No,” Shae quickly interjected. “We should stay in groups of two. Because, uh, it’s safer that way.”

His companions gave him a funny look.

“Anyway, I’m the Raid Captain,” said Shae. “Do as I say.”

***

A winding dirt road paved the way to Goblin Mansion, lined with wooden signs that contained crude handwriting and cruder goblin warnings: “Turn bark.” “We’re not oaking!” “Leaf or else!” Again - goblins couldn’t write. It made even less sense that they’d write tree puns. Some narrative designer up there wasn’t trying very hard.

“Bander,” said Shae softly. “What did you learn about the Infinities?”

Bander smacked Shae with his staff.

“I knew there was some stupid reason you wanted to split up like this,” said Bander. “We could have done a safer or faster approach, but no!”

“Bander, this is important!”

“Our mission is important, idiot,” said Bander. “Chief will kill you if something goes wrong.”

“The Infinities took my brother,” Shae blurted out.

Bander gawked. He didn’t know much about Shae’s personal life, and he preferred to keep it that way.

“I, I did something really dumb yesterday,” said Shae. “Those Infinity guys are after me now. And they’re torturing my brother.”

Bander stared at Shae.

“Look, I --” Shae began. “I really need your help. I’m out of options. I don’t know what to do.”

A teardrop crept down from beneath Shae’s sunglasses.

“I’m not as smart as you,” said Shae. “I keep messing up. There’s no one else I can ask. Please, I’ll owe you --”

“Alright, I get it!” said Bander. “But that shit’s hard to track down, you know. The Haven’s firewall keeps toasting my rig.”

Shae paused. “So you can’t do anything?”

“I didn’t say that,” said Bander. “I can run a search process in the background, but you’ll have to carry me until it's set up.”

Shae nodded.

“It will take a few days too,” said Bander.

“That’s fine,” said Shae. “I owe you.”

“You don’t owe me anything, idiot,” said Bander. “Just promise me you won’t cry in front of me again. I like you better when I hate you.”

***

Curving vines of black brambles snaked across Lanzer and DangerFace869’s route. They were no match for Lanzer’s claws, but DangerFace869 began regretting his weapon choice, or lack thereof.

“Lanzer,” said DangerFace869, pulling a spine out of his finger. “You’re a developer, right?”

Lanzer looked puzzled.

“Ex-developer,” said Lanzer. “And I kinda wasn’t expecting you to talk much.”

“What do you know about the glitches?”

Lanzer froze up. He wasn’t expecting that either.

“Um um um,” said Lanzer. “That’s quite a question, erm, Danger Face Eight, Six --”

“Call me Dane.”

“Right right right, Dane,” said Lanzer. “Do you know what Quality Assurance does?”

“They assure quality,” said DangerFace869.

“Sure sure sure,” said Lanzer. “But we also test everything in the game. When a developer screws up, we’re the first responders!”

DangerFace869 nodded.

“These glitches are weird though,” said Lanzer. “No one can fix them, because no one made them. They just kinda appeared one day.”

Lanzer began to tremble.

“I had QA friends that went into the glitches,” said Lanzer. “Some of them lost their characters. Some of them lost their minds.”

Lanzer’s sharp teeth dug into his lower lip.

“Zero Space is huge huge huge,” said Lanzer. “There’s tons of developers, across lots of Havens.”

Lanzer whispered his next words:

“Some of us think another Haven hacked in and made those glitches,” said Lanzer. “But if you ask me, it wasn’t another developer. That would kinda leave a traceable changelog. There’s just, nothing.”

DangerFace869 gave him a blank expression.

“Zero Space is kinda creepy,” said Lanzer. “No matter how many developers are out there, I don’t think anyone could really make a game like this.”

Lanzer wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead.

“Do you believe in Gods, Dane?” asked Lanzer. “Like Ledgess? Or Triya?”

DangerFace869 shrugged.

“You think Gods made Zero Space?” asked DangerFace869.

“Dunno dunno dunno,” said Lanzer. “But if Gods made this game, those glitches were made by something else.”

***

Shae stood before a large mansion, made of grass, rock, and a bit of rope. This was Goblin Mansion, though it was clearly a villager mansion overrun with goblins. Or at least it used to be. It was now overrun with goblin gore, a river of red streaming from its doorstep all the way to Shae’s feet.

Bander rode upon Shae’s shoulders; he was AFK. The magicoid’s weight brought back memories of dragging an overstuffed backpack to Jay’s education unit. Twenty pounds of droll textbooks, back and forth everyday, until Jay came down with his sickness. Then it was up to Anton’s home-schooling.

Anton taught Jay more than his teachers ever could. It wasn’t just because Anton was a better teacher - Jay’s normal teachers didn’t whack him with a shoe if he failed.

“Thanks for the ride, dummy,” said Bander.

Shae glanced up.

“Hold up,” said Shae. “How long have you been back?”

“Ten minutes,” said Bander. “Your thing was easy to set up. I just have to let it run now.”

Shae leaned backwards, causing Bander to plummet exactly five feet and seven inches.

“Ow, watch it, idiot,” said Bander. “Don’t make me waste my heals!”

The two of them stumbled forward, treading on more goblin guts than solid ground.

“This is a bad idea,” said Bander. “There might still be fighting in there.”

Shae spun his pistols. “We’ll just take a peek.”

The two of them kicked open large doors made of grass, stone, and a bit of rope. The mansion’s inside was covered in insides - namely, goblin insides, and a few players thrown in for good measure.

“We missed the fun,” said Shae.

“This doesn’t look like fun, doofus,” said Bander.

There was an eclectic assortment of corpses here. Some wore grinning moon masks. Others wore almost nothing at all. And one player was --

“Shae, look!” said Bander.

Auron of the Deadly Skulls lay dead in a pile of Goblins. His sailor outfit was in tatters. His long ponytail was in one goblin’s mouth, and his rainbow lollipop in another.

Bander took position above the humanoid’s head.

“Get a replay,” said Bander. “I’m gonna to teabag him!”

A loud groan from the other end of the hall halted Bander’s descent.

“We’ll get him on the way out,” said Shae. “Let’s move.”

Bander reluctantly agreed.

The hallway expanded into a massive room, filled with lavish furniture made from grass, stone, and a bit of rope. A long balcony drooped like a starved tongue over two curving sets of stairs, surrounded by over a dozen doors. These doors were purely decorative; they were impossible to open. Player exploration ended here - the mansion’s size was a ruse.

At the balcony’s peak was a glorious fencing saber, encased within a glass display case - Shae identified this as a material.

And in the center of the room was a pile of goblin bodies. Atop that pile was Parper - puppoid rogue of the Deadly Skulls.

“Oh, hello Shae,” said Parper. “I guess I should have expected to see you here. I see my map data came in handy.”

Parper’s tiny armoroid friend Kezzle stood with him, flapping her beetle wings.

Shae and Bander raised their weapons.

“There’s no need to fight,” said Parper.

Parper glanced down towards what remained of his tentacloid friend Tambien. Tambien’s noble armor and lance were covered in goblin guts - the flesh below was covered in goblin bites.

“Poor Tambien,” said Parper. “Always sacrificing himself on my behalf. Such a loyal friend.”

Kezzle flapped her wings.

“If you’re looking for the Dragon Sword, it’s not here,” said Parper. “Hopefully our other team had better luck.”

“There’s more than one group of you idiots?” asked Bander.

“I’m afraid so,” said Parper. “Master Valdi has been putting lots of pressure on us lately. Maybe too much pressure.”

Shae holstered his guns.

“We’re done here,” said Shae. “Let’s go teabag that guy.”

“Wait, Shae,” said Parper. “The Dragon Sword’s not here, but there’s still a Level One material up there.”

Parper motioned towards the fencing foil on the balcony.

“Keep it,” said Shae. “We don’t have time to fight you for it.”

“I’m done fighting,” said Parper. “Please, take it!”

Kezzle flapped her wings.

Bander eyed them.

“What’s the catch, creeps?” asked Bander.

“No catch,” said Parper. “I’m tired of warring with the Feather Birds. I just want this petty feud to end.”

Parper let his curved dagger fall to the ground.

“We’re all players in the same game,” said Parper. “We should be a community!”

Kezzle flapped her wings.

“Yes, I know only some of us can win, but it’s just a game,” said Parper. “This is our reprieve from reality. Why must we make ourselves miserable?”

Parper shook blood from his fur.

“Shae, I want you to know that I’m not your enemy,” said Parper. “We’re competing, but that doesn’t mean we have to hate each other.”

Kezzle flapped her wings.

“Please Shae,” said Parper. “Take that material. In an act of good faith and friendship.”

“We can’t be friends,” said Shae. “Not when our guilds are at war.”

Parper’s puppoid ears drooped.

“But fine,” Shae said. “We don’t have to be enemies.”

Parper’s puppoid tongue lowered in a happy pant.

***

Lanzer and DangerFace869 navigated a dense jungle of black brambles. Tangled player corpses sent a clear warning to anyone who tried going over or around it. There was only one way through:

“SUBTLE SLASH!”

“FURY STRIKES!”

Clumps of thick brambles scattered into the wind. It felt too early to be using SP, but SP loss was preferable to blood loss.

“Um um um,” said Lanzer. “I kinda think Field of Spies might have been a typo.”

“Field of Spines,” said DangerFace869.

“Yeah yeah yeah,” said Lanzer. “That’s a bummer.”

Every meter of progress was purchased with SP. And at the very center was the pay-off --

Nothing! Lanzer and DangerFace869 groaned in unison.

“Nope nope nope,” said Lanzer. “That kinda wasn’t worth it.”

“Maybe the sword was here,” said DangerFace869. “Maybe someone else grabbed it first.”

“Nope nope nope, again,” said Lanzer. “Each Dragon item can be grabbed by multiple guilds.”

Lanzer ripped out clinging thorns.

“This quest would kinda be easier if all guilds worked together,” said Lanzer. “Maybe that’s why they implemented dark goblins.”

DangerFace869 shrugged.

“Oh well well well,” said Lanzer. “Let’s head back.”

Crazed green magicoid eyes watched them from a tunnel of thorns, lighting up two sticks of TNT.

“Time to die, Feather Birds!” howled the magicoid.

Two of Syadd’s brutoid hands extinguished the burning sticks. Her other two hands smacked the magicoid in both sides of the head.

“No Wagger,” said Syadd. “We’re going to follow them.”

“For an interview?” asked Bez, holding his microphone steady.

Syadd smacked him too.

“You’re all idiots,” said Syadd. “We need to see what other sites they’ve hit.”

The pteranoid Bowman crouched nearby, notching an arrow.

“There’s only two of them,” said Bowman. “Are they stupid or something?”

“Of course they are,” said Syadd. “They’re Feather Birds!”

***

Shae stood by the designated meeting spot, his eyes glued to a trio of dark goblins. The goblins huddled together behind the leafy curtain of a sagging branch, long claws lit by glowing red eyes.

“Go ahead,” said one of the dark goblins. “Shoot us, premium.”

“Yeah, aggro us,” said another dark goblin. “Don’t be a sissy.”

“We’re gonna kill you slow!” said the last goblin.

“Shae,” said Bander. “The others are back.”

Lanzer and DangerFace869 returned, covered in sticky black thorns. Shae glanced back at the dark goblins - they were gone.

“Anything?” asked Bander.

“Nope nope nope,” said Lanzer, pinching thorns from his clown make-up. “How about your end?”

“Nah,” said Shae. “Just some dead Deadly Skulls. And this --”

Shae held up the mansion’s fencing foil - a new Level 1 material.

Syadd’s chains rattled as she peeked out behind a tree.

“Your chains are going to give us away,” said Bowman.

“They didn’t hear us on the way here,” said Syadd. “They’re not going to hear us now.”

Wagger lit two sticks of TNT.

“Let’s get this party started,” said Wagger.

Bez unlit Wagger’s TNT.

“Wagger, stop it!” said Bez. “Not until Syadd says so!”

“Lay off Bez!” said Wagger. She leaned in close to whisper: “Unless you want me to tell Syadd you helped Shae during the Battle Royale.”

Bez shut his mouth.

Shae reviewed his map data.

“Two more places to check out,” said Shae. “And there’s another group of Deadly Skulls out there somewhere too.”

All four Deadly Skulls tensed up.

“Those morons got themselves massacred in the mansion,” said Bander.

“Yeah, they’re probably out there somewhere getting slaughtered again,” said Shae.

Syadd gripped her flail chain, hard enough to snap it.

“We teabagged one of them too,” laughed Bander.

“Too bad he was already dead,” said Shae. “But we can still send the replay data to Syadd.”

Syadd shook with rage.

“Well well well,” said Lanzer, unamused. “At least you two had fun.”

“There’s always time to piss off some Deadly Skulls,” said Shae.

Syadd snapped. But fortunately, her armor chains didn’t - Bowman gripped them tightly, reining her in.

“Syadd, no,” whispered Bowman. “Not yet!”

Syadd calmed herself. Bowman was on the shortlist of people she respected.

Shae pointed at two glowing spots on his map.

“Two locations left,” said Shae. “The Ticking Ruins, and the Ancient Crater. We’ll stay together and hit each one as a group --”

“BOOOOOOOORING,” yelled Wagger.

Two sticks of lit TNT rolled between DangerFace869 and Lanzer.

BOOM-BOOM

Demonoid and Pirahanoid pieces rained down like autumn leaves.

“Shit,” yelled Bander. “Deadly Skulls!”

“You absolute idiot!” shouted Syadd, backhanding Wagger across the face. The crazed green magicoid tumbled through the soil, still laughing.

“Wagger,” growled Bowman. “You blew it!”

“Correction,” said Wagger. “I blew it up!”

Bez stood nearby, pale-scaled.

“I could have stopped Wagger,” Bez whimpered to himself. “I should have stopped her.”

“PIERCING SHOT!”

Bowman glided sideways as a Level 1 bullet cleaved past him. He took aim --

“HOMING ARROW!”

Shae dove to the side, but as the ability name implied, dodging didn’t help much. The arrow curved, then pierced through Shae’s neck, pinning him to a tree.

“Damn it,” yelled Bander. “SELFLESS SAVIOR!!”

A Level 2 choir of angels revived the Feather Bird crew.

Shae rolled forward --

“PIERCING SHOT!!”

“STORM SHIELD!!”

Shae’s Level 2 bullet met Syadd’s Level 2 shield. A wave of clouds rippled across Syadd’s hurricane barrier before dissipating in a stormy puff. The purple bullet’s momentum subsided, dropping it like a harmless speck of hail.

“Holy snap, stop fighting!” yelled Bez. “There’s dark goblins! You all have to stop fighting!”

Wagger didn’t get the memo. She chucked another two sticks of TNT.

DangerFace869 avoided one with an acrobatic dive. Bander however stood in place, oblivious to the TNT by his feet.

“Bander!” yelled Lanzer. “Move move move!”

Bander stayed put.

“SUBTLE SLASH!”

In the blink of an eye, Lanzer stood with Bander curled in his arms, an explosion splintering trees behind them.

“Bander, are you dumb?” asked Lanzer. “Why didn’t you move move move?”

Bander said nothing, staring up with AFK eyes. Lanzer shook the magicoid in horror, attempting to resuscitate him.

“Bander?” shouted Lanzer. “No no no --”

[THE HAVEN]

Bander juggled a sizzling component in her hands.

“Shit, shit, shit!” yelled Bander. “Not now!”

Her roommate Samuel watched in great amusement.

“Oh the joys of hacking,” said Samual.

“Shove it, idiot,” said Bander. “It was just a stupid background process. Stupid ass computer!”

Amber’s Techno music nearly drowned out a knock on the door - she wasn’t in her seat to address it.

“Amber,” yelled Samuel. “Did you order food?”

“No,” answered a voice from the bathroom door.

Samuel slipped out of his chair, hurrying towards their unit’s door.

Bander ripped off the wall panel beneath her desk, shuffling through its contents for a replacement part.

BANG

Samuel flew backwards, skidding across the crusty carpet. The top half of his head was gone. Bits of brain and skull spilled out across the floor.

Bander squeaked, then sealed herself within the wall panel, peeking out through three small slits in the panel’s peak.

A pair of bare feet plopped through spreading blood, attached to two tattooed legs. The tattoos were of terrible things: a long leech covered in popping red sores. An eyeless fetus incubating in a turtle’s transparent shell. And a group of trees made from black worms.

Bander covered her mouth, silencing a horrified sob. This was no doubt the Healer Killer. But Bander was the only healer in her group. That meant the Healer Killer wasn’t here for her roommates --

He was here for her.

A weapon that looked like a shotgun-bazooka hybrid aimed down at Samuel’s computer.

BANG

In an instant, Samuel’s character was gone.

The Healer Killer’s weapon leaned towards Bander’s computer. Bander released a silent cry - that was her Magicoid on there. A lifetime of work was about to disappear. It was a fate almost worse than death.

Amber’s scream diverted the Healer Killer’s aggro. The bathroom door slammed shut as two tattooed feet pursued.

“Go away!” yelled Amber, from the bathroom door. “Go away!”

The Healer Killer slammed his body against the wooden bathroom door.

Bander’s computer stood just inches from her wall panel hide-out. She couldn’t do anything for Amber, but her magicoid -- no, that was a stupid risky idea. However, she couldn’t imagine starting over. Not after all this time. Magicoid Bander was everything human Bander wanted to be.

Magicoid Bander was her real self.

Bander nudged open the wall panel, removing the backplate of her computer one screw at a time.

SMASH

The Healer Killer’s body rammed into the bathroom door. Amber’s still-blaring techno overshadowed her screams.

One screw fell to the soft carpet. Bander cuffed it in her hand as she went for the remaining three.

SMASH

“Go away!” yelled Amber again.

Two screws left.

SMASH

One of the bathroom door hinges splintered free from its supports.

A single computer screw remained.

SMASH

“Please,” sobbed Amber. “Go away!”

The last screw fell, followed by the backplate of Bander’s computer. Bander pressed a thin button, forcing the computer to release her hard drive with a soft pop.

SMASH

The bathroom door toppled, inviting in the Healer Killer.

“No, God, please,” Amber screeched. “Please!”

BANG

Bander slipped back into the wall, sealing the panel in place.

Two bare feet emerged from the bathroom, leaving a trail of bloody footprints. Bander held her breath as the Healer Killer’s weapon lowered towards Amber’s PC.

BANG

Amber’s character was gone.

The weapon pivoted towards Bander’s PC.

BANG

Bander’s computer was gone - but only her computer. She clenched her hard drive, tears and snot streaming down her face.

The tattooed feet remained stationary. Three computers, two corpses - the math was off.

A thin head leaned down, humanoid in nature, but with an inhuman expression - a too-wide smile, bent between dry black lips. Bander was positive those black beady eyes were staring into her, right through the wall.

He studied the wall panel for an eternity, waiting for Bander to break her silence. Bander’s breaths were slow and heavy, petrified in place, driven by an intense will to survive.

The Healer Killer relented. A long thick knife descended, plunging into his own calf. It sawed back and forth, extracting a deli-meat slice of flesh. Bander forced herself to watch, holding back both breath and vomit.

FInally, the strip of skin was loose enough for the Healer Killer to yank free. The papery flesh fluttered from his hand, settling on the carpet.

With several lumbering stomps, the Healer Killer departed Bander’s unit, allowing the door to slam shut behind him. Bander sat in silence until she verified the Healer Killer’s absence.

It was time to seek help. An enforcer maybe? That seemed risky - a snooping enforcer could end her hacking career. Regardless, communication required a computer, and no remaining rig would accommodate her.

Bander sat in a literal treasure trove of spare parts. Between her wall stash and whatever survived in their PCs, there was enough here to at least put something basic together.

Her computer skills were self-taught. Growing up, her dad was never around to teach her. He spent more time in Zero Space than with her - typical Haven parenting. There wasn’t much time to raise a kid between dopamine rushes.

A lack of social skills and motivation spared Bander needless distractions, like friends and education. Reality was never enough for her. But fantasy wasn’t enough either. She had to know what made fantasy tick.

Her first computer arrived at age seven - it was her first victim. She was too young to enter Zero Space, but not too young to tear her computer apart. Unlike her computer, the look on her Dad’s face was priceless. “Idiot” he had called her. Destroying a computer was a criminal offense, but no one would convict a seven year old. Especially not after she put it all back together.

Disassembling her Dad’s computer however came with greater consequences. His computer failed to boot, so she got the boot - all the way down to floor seven. But then Bander turned eighteen, and became a healer. She surpassed her father by eleven floors. If only dear old dad could see her now.

She didn’t need her useless father; she didn’t need anyone. All she needed now was herself, her impeccable memory, and over a hundred illegal computer parts.

It was impossible not to look at the Healer Killer’s flesh. If only she could dump that in a wastebasket, and then toss the wastebasket into a trash chute. This would involve touching it however. Even removed, the skin still looked alive. It fluttered beneath her ceiling fan, flaunting a tattoo of trees made from black worms.

In record time, Bander’s computer was assembled. Sort of. It would at least last long enough for her to get the word out. Bander’s finger depressed the power button. A small chime, and then -- light. Victory! She felt the urge to celebrate, but Samuel’s corpse killed the mood.

A sizzling sound. It wasn’t from her computer. No, it was from the Healer Killer’s flesh. Her eyes gravitated towards it.

The flesh trembled. Wiggling. Shaking. The tattoo of black worms bled. And then, something emerged --

Bander’s scream penetrated her unit door, travelling down the halls of floor twenty-five.