She dismounts unsteadily and lets the stable-hands go about their work taking care of the horse, paying them the tip that she’d seen the others give, from the money they’d given her to make up for her lost coin purse. The rest of the five are at the stables as well, and had apparently started to get worried that she wasn’t back yet. Iris in particular had been saddling up her black mare to ride out and look for Leah, a worried yet stubborn look on her face.

“What, you don’t trust me?” Leah jokes, as Beeswax is led into her stall. “After all the trust I’ve shown you guys?”

Iris grumbles a bit, dismounting her large, comparatively dainty black horse – then again, Iris is fairly dainty-looking until she picks up that war-hammer; maybe I shouldn’t assume. “I do, I just…get worried, sometimes. Especially if you’re wandering around without your memories. I gotta look out for you, dummy.” Iris punches her shoulder gently. “Gotta earn that trust.”

At practice that afternoon, Leah sits on the bench honing everyone’s fighting weapons; the movement is soothing and reassures her, and she can do it well without thinking – which, of course, leaves her mind open for wandering. And wander it does, to two nights previous, and the feeling of being close to someone, in the dark, hiding behind closed doors, muffling moans.

She stops herself from squirming on the bench and focuses on not cutting herself while honing the larger of Meredith’s two swords.

When Vivitha comes to sit down next to her, to string her bow in preparation for target practice, Leah decides to get some more information. “Until my memories come back, I’m a little under-equipped.”

“We’ll cover for you,” Vivitha says without hesitation.

Surprised by how touched she feels, Leah presses on. “In the meantime, I was hoping to relearn some of the important stuff. Namely, about Seffon.”

Vivitha sets aside her bow and gives Leah her full attention. “What do you want to know?”

Leah gestures broadly. “Everything. Who is he? Why do we fight him? Why is he Valerin’s enemy? What are his skills, defences?”

Vivitha seems uncomfortable. “Have you remembered anything from your time captive that has upset you?”

“No, I just want to know.”

Vivitha returns to restringing her bow, then checking the fletching of her arrows. “Seffon has declared himself, by dint of his might and reputation, a Lord in the north-east part of the lost Jun province. He’s a magic-user, and therefore a threat to Valerin’s safety and position within Volst.”

Leah can’t follow what that means, but before Vivitha can explain, a horn sounds far away; gradually, more and more start up, getting closer.

“What’s happening?” she asks, but the five have already moved away and started gearing up, trading their practice arms for their newly sharpened real ones.

Meredith takes her sword from Leah, sheathing it, then grabs her helmet. “The alarm means that Seffon’s forces have been spotted approaching the city.”

“Damn, speak of the Devil and he shall appear.”

“Whats a Devil?” Vivitha asks.

Leah flails a moment, then shrugs. “I don’t know, it’s just something I heard somewhere, on the ride back from Wellen’s place.” Vivitha does not even stay to hear Leah’s explanation; she is slipping on her bracers and tugging the straps, flexing her hands.

The stable-hands are already bringing out the horses, including Beeswax. Leah tries to talk her way out, stammering that she must stay to protect Jeno, but the others sweep her along with them, Kain helping her into her armour then turning around so Leah can tighten the buckles of her mail shirt. Leah mounts Beeswax and takes her short-spear and shield as they are thrust into her hands. The five charge out the south entrance and down, then curve onto the bridge heading west, where the first call came from.

Leah thinks as they ride hard to the edge of the city. I have to keep up appearances, or the people with power will find out something is really wrong. I can’t fight, but I have to pretend, or else I put myself, and my team, in a bad light. If I fight and I do a shitty job – likely – I put the team in danger. She shakes the thoughts out. If auto-pilot has worked so far, I see no reason not to rely on it now.

In the end the city’s garrison responded a hair’s breadth earlier than the five did. The five arrive in the farmland surrounding the city to see a battle already in swing, between about twenty city guards and about fifteen foreigners in red uniforms.

The five turn the already turned tides even further, with Vivitha hanging back and firing at those trying to flee, Iris and Meredith fighting mounted, and Kain going in on foot to look for anyone trying to sneak unnoticed past the skirmish and into the city. Leah hangs back, watching the dance of carnage, fascinated and horrified and not wanting to take part in the slightest. Vivitha spares a disapproving glance at her inaction, but makes no comment.

Then, one man in red rushes her on his mount. Vivitha dodges quickly back on her steed, and Beeswax reacts before Leah can, going into a charge; Leah lifts her shield without realizing it and as they approach she bashes the edge against his helmet, knocking him off his horse.

Her shoddy balance makes her fall as well, and she hits her ribs on the landing. The enemy stands up first, dazed, and Leah scrambles to get up, leaning on her spear as a cane, ribs aching. The enemy draws a bastard sword and Leah reacts in fear, swinging her spear at his head and knocking him dizzy again, then catching the spear and thrusting it forward, mainly with the hope of scaring him away.

He hasn’t yet gotten his balance when she lunges, though, so instead of dodging the spear he stands as it slashes straight through the gap between abdomen plate and leg plates, up into his gut. Blood dribbles thickly like a weak garden hose, and from his throat comes a similar sound. Leah nearly passes out, but doesn’t.

Beeswax has come back around and is nudging at her back; Leah tears her eyes away from the dying man to the rest of the fight. The rest of the invading force is already dead, and the city guards are all mounted or mounting back up, with Meredith and the leader of the guards taking a survey of the dead; removing helmets, checking weapons and pockets for clues to this small force’s purpose in coming here.

Leah leans over to retrieve her spear, and finds a scroll case at the man’s hip. She takes it and uncaps it at arm’s length, in case of a trap. Kain comes over to see what she’s found, and they both read the letter contained inside; it is written in a language neither understands, but Leah thinks some of the words look familiar, like English but old-fashioned. The bottom is signed King Seffon, with a symbol of a red and black shield bookended by cattails.

Kain rerolls the scroll and puts it back in the case. “I’m going to give this to Meredith; check for any others.” Leah does so, but finds nothing.

The five ride back, the city guard splitting off early on to go to their outpost near the bank of the river. Leah watches them go, then advances until she is even with Meredith.

“Why did we have to ride out, if the city has so many guards?”

“We were hired to defeat Seffon on his land, but we must still make a show of defending Valerin,” Meredith explains. She then continues, a bit more sourly, “Also, I don’t trust that the city guards would tell me all they’d learned about Seffon from what they find on his men, unless I’m there myself during and after the battle.”

Leah raises an eyebrow, but does not press.

The five lead the horses back to the stable; the stable-hands gossip about what might have happened while they lead the horses away, and one very young boy looks admiringly at the blood dripping down Leah’s spear.

“May I have the honour of cleaning it, Miss?” he asks, looking up at her. Leah notices the others giving their weapons to young workers to clean, and decides to allow the boy to take her spear and shield; the shield, she realises, has a tooth imbedded in the wood. “Oh!” he exclaims, noticing it. “Can I keep it?” Grossed out, Leah says yes. The boy runs off triumphantly, waving his prize.

The five go down to the baths immediately, stripping off armour and clothing, and all soak together in the hot sulphur waters. Each of them sports a variety of scars, though Vivitha and Meredith seem to have the fewest. I suppose because Vivitha’s always back from the fighting, and Meredith is armoured like a fucking tank – except for her face, which I suppose explains that scar.

Leah sits awkwardly, enjoying the soak but not the smell, and especially not the closeness of her nude comrades in arms. I think it’s just a prudish thing, not a gay thing, she tells herself. I’d be uncomfortable no matter the genders. Why can’t we be wearing the boxer-underwear thingies, at least? She then imagines the smell of clothing soaked in sulphur, and decides nudity is an acceptable price.

The others talk lightly about what just happened, trading jokes and insults about certain key moments, either fumbled or aced by the parties involved. Leah listens, intrigued – not just by the content, but by the tone.

“Has this often happened since we came to Valerin? Seffon’s forces getting this close, I mean,” she asks the group, during a lull in the ribbing.

“Sometimes, but not often. This is the third attempt,” Meredith says, stretching her arms up out of the water and sliding down on the lip of the stone seat. “After the second was when we made our first foray into Seffon’s territory, and lost you.”

Leah listens some more; the conversation drifts across topics; techniques observed among the invaders, possible paths of approach, mistakes made by either side, the quality of gear the invaders used. After a few minutes, Leah speaks again.

“Who do we think these people were?”

“Seffon’s men?” Iris says laughingly, as though this is a joke.

“No, I mean…why were they fighting for him? Who is Seffon to command so many men, and how can we five defeat all of them? Why isn’t Valerin assembling an army?”

Iris and Kain shrug this off; Meredith and Vivitha seem unnerved.

Leah sways her arms through the water, causing ripples. “What does Seffon stand for?”

Meredith answers. “Chaos.”

“What sort of answer is that?”

“It’s not our place to question his motives; he threatens Valerin.” Iris says this casually, but Leah just shakes her head.

“Threatens it how? We need to know his motives. When I first met you, you said we fight whoever we’re paid to fight, if the fight is right. Is this fight right, if we don’t know why we’re fighting?”

“What do you mean when you first met me?” Iris turns to her, looking mainly confused but also a little hurt.

“I meant when you rescued me from Seffon; where my memories begin.”

“We rescued you from him, and you have to ask why we are fighting him?” Vivitha asks.

“But who is he?”

Kain splashes Vivitha. “Leave her alone; she still doesn’t remember.” The others fall silent, seemingly ashamed yet still insulted at Leah’s impertinence.

Leah simmers down, and tries another tactic. “Can’t you help me to remember by reminding me?”

The group is quiet. Meredith sighs. “It hasn’t worked before now. I think…we’ve all decided that your memories are probably gone for good. Seffon stole so much from you. He will hurt others the same way. He is very skilled in enchantments.”

Leah frowns. “What does that even mean?”

“It means that those who serve him are under his spell. There are ghost stories from the south, where I grew up,” Vivitha says. “People being enchanted into doing horrible things, and waking up with no memory of it. I’m not saying that’s what happened to you!” She rushes to add this, at Leah’s startled expression, “Just that, likely, he intended the same fate for you.”

Leah falls silent, and the others drop the topic. But it’s not that I woke up with no memories. I have memories! But I also apparently was there for three days, and a lot can happen in that time.

*

After supper they must do a debriefing. Leah listens carefully to the talk, checking for nuance, word choices, anything that might give her a clue as to who Seffon is and what he’s doing.

“Our last group of scouts returned with a map of the area around the keep; they confirmed your observations, Miss Havren,” the Lord is saying to Meredith, “About the unoccupied southern wing, but they could not get closer to confirm cause or purpose.”

“The last ship to pass their way reported no activity on the coast,” the Lady says. “The captain reported untouched forests and no campsites, tracks, or refuse to indicate activity.”

“Did they try the western gate, sir?” Kain asks the Lord.

“Barred and locked. They have reinforced it since your last pass.”

“And the northern?” Iris asks.

“Barred and unlocked, but they believed there was a garrison within a stone’s throw of the door. Any attempt to enter that way and you would be caught within seconds.”

“Will the guards be on such high alert for another attempt?” Kain asks.

“They’d be fools if they weren’t.” The Lord shuffles the papers before him. “And Seffon is far from foolish.”

The conversation drags on, and Leah grows more and more frustrated. Everyone treats Seffon like an obvious enemy, without ever stating why. She gets suspicious, and decides to do some research.

Back in her rooms, Leah finds Jeno waiting for her in her bed, sitting against the headboard with the pillow hugged to her chest.

“I’m not here because of…” Jeno trails off, hugging the pillow a little closer.

Right. Uh-huh. “Then what?” Leah asks softly, lying her gear on the desk and sitting down beside her.

Jeno looks down at the mattress, tracing the stitching with a finger. “I was so scared, when I heard the horns blow. Knowing that you would be riding out to fight.”

“I had the five with me, and a swarm of the city guard,” Leah says, stroking Jeno’s shoulder reassuringly.

“But you were fighting Seffon’s men.”

“So?”

Jeno does not respond. Leah exhales and shuffles closer, tilting Jeno’s chin in her hand. She gives the girl a quick kiss, and Jeno relaxes a bit.

“Why does Seffon scare you so much?” Leah asks.

Jeno shrugs and looks back down to the mattress. “Everyone is afraid of what he brings. What he stands for.”

“Which is?”

Jeno seems confused that Leah needs to ask. “He’s a pretender-lord. I don’t know how he got his position, but no-body gets called a pretender-lord if they didn’t do something dark to get the title.”

Leah scoffs at that logic, but Jeno seems to take it very seriously.

“I’ve heard rumours…”

“About Seffon?” Leah asks hopefully.

“About you. Your being under Seffon’s spell. Saying that something happened to you while you were captured.” Jeno won’t meet her eyes, and Leah notices that she is staring fearfully at the knife on the desk.

Leah decides to take a leap. “The rumours are only partially true. Something did happen while I was captured; Seffon tried to do something, and before he could finish, the five rescued me. Because of that half-done spell, whatever it was – ” Leah breathes deeply. “ – I lost all my memories.”

“All?”

“All.”

As with Kimry, Jeno asks what Leah does and doesn’t remember. Jeno grows more and more despondent, realising how much Leah has been lying about their relationship.

“Nothing at all, not even flashes?” she asks, putting down the pillow to look at Leah directly. “Dreams, hints, nothing?”

“Not the slightest trace,” Leah says. “And I’ve been having to relearn everything from scratch. Even who my friends are.” She realises then that this is the perfect chance to wean Jeno off her. “Jeno, this is our chance to start over as friends. I’m sorry you’ll have to bear the weight of the memories one-sided, but it’s the easiest way to move forward.”

Jeno shakes her head. “No. We can work together, we can bring your memories back, if I have to retell you every second of time we spent together.”

“You don’t need to – ”

“I want to. You built up a relationship where one wasn’t supposed to be; you talked to me about my fears, asked me about my homeland, even offered to cook for me when I got homesick for Cheden food. You cared so much, and you saw that I was sad, when all everyone else saw was a perfect political match. I was a person to you, not a title. I don’t think you ever called me ‘Lady’ in private, except to tease. You teased me! You didn’t care about propriety.” Jeno leans her head on Leah’s shoulder. “Everything you did, over the weeks…it allowed me to see myself as a loveable, passionate person, not as a bargaining chip.”

“Weeks? How long have you been here?”

“Just over three weeks. We arrived forty days before the equinox, as traditional. You met us right off the ship, so shy, yet so imposing.” Jeno grins a bit and traces her fingers along the back of Leah’s hand. “My parents immediately approved of you. Even the guard they had brought along for me was willing to step aside for you – and I was so much happier to have you as protector.”

Leah tries to visualise it; the person whose diary she read, the person whose teammates love her and tease her and risked death to save her. She can’t quite figure out who the old Leah was, or how she could have made it to where she was in life.

“Who was Leah, to you?”

“Huh?” Jeno leans away and gives her a funny smile.

“I mean…before I was captured. Did I…were you and I…”

Jeno leans in and holds Leah’s face, brushing her thumbs over Leah’s cheeks. “I knew we were just pretending,” Jeno says, a little sadly, but still with a small smile. “We could tease, and say that we were going to run away on the new moon. It was a game…finding hidden spots where we could kiss, just for a moment, before continuing on our way. Talking about what we would do if I weren’t a Lady, or if you were a knight.” She lets go of Leah’s face. “That kept me going. But I’m not just a potential bride anymore; I’m a future Lady, and the game is over.”

Leah shifts down to lie on the bed, and pulls Jeno down with her. They lie there for a moment, facing each other, then Leah leans in for a kiss.

Jeno returns, shyly, and when it seems like she’s about to pull away Leah reaches out to hold the back of her head. Her fingers run through Jeno’s thick brown hair, sliding down to the base of her neck. Jeno moans a bit, and Leah pulls her closer, her arm pinned between them and the bed, hand holding Jeno’s face, keeping them joined and yet preventing them from being any closer.

Her free hand she runs over Jeno’s ribs, slithering over the fabric of the nightclothes. Leah slides her hand to the front, undoing the laces at the neckline. The edges fall open, and Leah traces her fingertips between Jeno’s breasts; Jeno’s whole body shivers, and her mouth opens in a very soft gasp, breaking the kiss.

Leah pulls back just far enough to look at Jeno’s face – blurry and faint in the dark, but the wide eyes are closed, her lower lip pouting out. She breathes deeply and opens her eyes to look at Leah.

“One night?” Leah says, trying to capture every possible question in the words.

Jeno nods, shifting her head so Leah’s arm can stretch out and wrap around her shoulders. “Just one night.”

Leah kisses her again, pulling slightly at the pouty lower lip, relishing Jeno’s tiny squirms, and the slight hiccups in her throat as she tries not to whimper. Leah’s free hand is still resting in the dip between Jeno’s small breasts, and she moves it over to cup one – barely a handful, with a wide nipple sticking up into Leah’s palm. Leah gives a few gentle squeezes, alternating with rubbing around the edge where the breast meets the ribs, then flicks the nipple a few times, just to gauge her reaction.

Jeno’s breathing catches every time she does it, her shoulders twitching. Leah pauses, and Jeno leans her body against Leah’s hand, asking wordlessly for more.

Leah gives one last gentle, lingering nibble at Jeno’s lower lip, then shifts down, leaving a few soft kisses along her neck, a few along the length of her collarbone, pulling the nightshirt off Jeno’s shoulder and kissing the freckles there. Her hand continues to gently squeeze Jeno’s breast, breaking off from time to time to run along her ribs and back up.

Leah rolls Jeno onto her back, freeing her pinned arm. She takes the sleeves of Jeno’s shirt and tugs; Jeno sits up and wiggles out of it while Leah pulls. Leah puts the shirt on the desk, on top of her vest and dagger, while Jeno’s hands reach up through the slit of Leah’s skirt to undo the laces of her briefs.

Leah inhales sharply as Jeno’s fingers tug down the fabric, then trail along the opening of her sex, barely tickling the skin. She leans back down to resume her kisses, down Jeno’s chest, her cheeks just brushing against the warmth of Jeno’s breasts. She takes the nipple of one in her fingers, massaging it gently, and kisses around the other, very gently sucking at the skin, not enough to leave hickeys but enough to make Jeno’s back arch marginally at every release.

Jeno’s fingers slide up and into Leah’s lips, tracing just along the edge of the wetness, feather-light, teasing touches. Leah lets go of the stiff pink nipple in her fingers and moves her hand down to Jeno’s boxers, pulling the laces loose and sliding a hand under the fabric.

Bracing herself with one arm, Leah holds herself over Jeno, shifting up to reach her face; she leans down just enough to kiss her lips, and Jeno lifts her head up, sliding her tongue into Leah’s mouth, flicking the tip against Leah’s tongue. Leah trembles a bit in pleased surprise, and gets back at her by sinking two fingers into Jeno’s wetness, dragging them back up to rub over Jeno’s clit with firm pressure.

Jeno moans and copies the move; Leah can feel her thin fingers pulling away the folds to expose the nub of sensitive flesh, then passing over it gently. Leah’s hips writhe, pressing into Jeno’s hand, trying to find the pressure points.

Leah picks up the speed of her own movements, sliding her fingers in a walking motion from opening to clit, sometimes circling around to the top, sometimes pinching very gently, sometimes pressing down directly over it.

“Oh Gods,” Jeno pants faintly, mouth open, head tilting back. The circles her fingers draw over Leah’s clit grow firmer, and Leah flinches from the intensity. Jeno’s free hand grabs the back of Leah’s thigh and squeezes, nails digging in even through the fabric.

Focusing on her movements is getting more difficult as Leah feels herself mounting to a peak; she simplifies her touch into a tight, circular pressure, and leans down to kiss Jeno’s exposed neck, hearing her moans and feeling the hum in Jeno’s throat through her lips.

Jeno’s breathing catches, the pressure of her hands growing stronger and more erratic, and Leah looks up to see her biting her lips, shoulders and head pressed back against the mattress. Leah keeps going for as long as she can keep focus, but eventually even she gives in to the sensations. She presses down over Jeno’s body, panting into her neck, trying to keep as quiet as she can as the orgasm chases up her spine. Her fingers clutch and pull at the bed sheets, and she withdraws her hand from Jeno’s slit, rubbing it over her hip and butt, soft and warm and rising slightly to meet her touch.

Leah’s heart is still pounding, even after the feeling subsides. She rolls off of Jeno and onto her side, pulling her by the hip to face her.

“More?” Jeno asks, two fingers still lightly tracing zigzags down to her opening and back.

Leah hums happily and kisses Jeno, meeting her tongue and circling hers around the tip and on the soft skin underneath. “We shouldn’t,” she says finally, after pulling away from the kiss – with more difficulty than she’d expected. “We’re lucky no-one heard us the first time.”

“Kiss me more and I won’t be able to make so much noise,” Jeno says, taking Leah’s face in her hands, and Leah has to physically restrain herself from doing exactly that. God she’s good. Not just at sex, but at making you want it. How the hell did old Leah ever hold out?

Leah instead kisses her very gently, and then pulls her into a sleepy hug. Jeno returns it, then rolls over and presses herself up against Leah as a little spoon. Leah drapes an arm over her, hand resting on a breast, gently rubbing.

They remain like that for a while, as the air in the room cools down. Once her head has cleared, Leah speaks.

“This was dangerous. I’m worried that you’ll be in trouble if we’re found out.”

Jeno shrugs. “Well, obviously.”

Leah sighs and strokes Jeno’s arm. “My dear, you’ve been an admirable actress so far, in showing happiness with your lot, but you can’t let up now. You’ll have to keep it up even when you think no-one can see, in your every gesture – and that includes things like the dagger.”

“Why the dagger?” Jeno asks, turning her head to look at Leah.

“My team has compared it to a favour given by a Lady to a knight-paramour. That was a harmless joke back when I was just your guard, but now that there’s some truth to it, it has become dangerous.”

Jeno seems to treat this statement a bit more seriously. She chews her lip, in thought. “It’s an apt comparison, but it’s far from the first assumption that people will make.” Jeno then smiles and adds, jokingly, “Then again, you sort of are my knight-paramour. Maybe I could convince Samson to change the laws around knighting warriors born outside of Volst, so that once he and I are wed you can be made a knight for your service to the Valerid family.”

Leah kisses her cheek. “I appreciate the thought, but no. We have to be careful. Actually, you shouldn’t even be here now; what if someone checks your rooms and finds you missing?”

“They won’t, not at this hour. I want to stay here…just a little bit longer.”

Leah pulls Jeno in a little closer and they continue their whispered conversation. “I’m going to have to leave eventually, with my team,” she says, “But I’ll try to remain in contact.”

“I’ll miss your messy handwriting if you ever stop writing, for even a week.” Jeno pulls Leah’s arm closer around her. “I’ll keep a section of the estate always ready for you and the five, if ever you are needed. Doubtless you will be, the capital being so close to the border of the Contested Lands.”

“Oh? How do you mean?”

Jeno tugs the blankets up. “Seffon isn’t the first, and won’t be the last.” She offers nothing more.

Leah eventually sends Jeno to her own bed, kissing her goodnight, then lying awake in the dark wondering how much more is going on in this conflict than people are letting on.