1.5.2

Charge of a Deathborn

Astrid stilled while the others gathered their things. Tenya mouthed, “it’s okay”, but shadowed the rest to the lower deck, until only the Channeler and the captain remained.

With the others gone, Captain London leveled his attention to her alone.

“I need to ask if you’ve ever killed anyone.”

Astrid felt her skin grow cold. In such contrast to the heat her talent produced, her spine shivered.

“Not with intent, sir.”

“Could you?”

“I’ve never tried. But if being what I am did not make me capable of it, there would be no need of Sanctuaries.”

The captain fell pensive, and Astrid grew uncomfortable with his line of questioning.

“Captain, among my people, showing a willingness to kill is all it takes to be deemed ‘too’ dangerous. My kind have been executed in the past for the inclination. We are interred in the Sanctuaries because the Keepers, and the Guardians, are both intensely aware that our powers have never truly been tested. The galaxy fears our potential capabilities. And they should.

“We do not know our limits. If we pressed ourselves, we might find ourselves unstoppable. Unchecked we would be uncontainable.

“The truth is,” Astrid confessed, “I do not know myself what I am capable of.”

“That notion is one any human born to greatness must face one day. Everyone on this ship has, at one time, performed a feat they once believed impossible of themselves. And it can be horrifying to discover yourself capable of taking life from another.”

The captain drew closer to her, as if to soften the severity of his words with kinsmanship.

“On the edges of civilized society —and make no mistake, a military is— a person of convictions, especially with a predisposition for leadership, will inevitably find themselves driven to violence. It is a struggle we all face. It is our nature.”

Astrid reminded him, “I have spent every day of my short lifetime learning how to not kill people. It is all I’ve ever known.”

London lowered his voice in earnest. “But it’s not all that you are. Not anymore.

“I mentioned before we left, Hale. And I must stress again, that this arrangement comes with the guarantee that you will, someday soon, find yourself in a position where people will try to kill you. I need you to fight back. I would not have you die by apathy. We need you, and I did not recruit you to have you throw yourself away so easily.

“I urge you to take your sessions with Agent Romo very seriously. It will save your life. And if you are as strong a student as I’ve been led to believe, it may yet enable you to save others of this team. You don’t know them well yet, but they deserve the same protection from you that they themselves provide. Understood?”

Astrid knew his question to be rhetorical, but she answered anyway. “Yes, sir.”

“Now get along to supper with the others. I suggest you turn in early. I imagine it has been a long day. But from here on out, it gets no easier.”

~~~

Thanks to Tenya’s informal orientation, Astrid found her way to the mess with little trouble. When she entered, only one table ceased conversation entirely. As Ricks, Shaely, and Hammond maintained the least exposure to her, they traded their talk for furtive glances.

Anders and Tenya, at the table next, also dropped dialogue when the lieutenant looked up from his meal.

Sugar kindly pulled a tray for Astrid and plated her up with zest. He proffered the dish with a broad smile.

“Thank you, Carl.”

She tentatively took the platter in her hands and bowed her head in appreciation.

When she turned to the dining area Tenya slid over to create a space between her and Karth. Astrid wordlessly tucked herself, as small as possible, into place.

At the end of the table, Rue ignored her altogether. But Romo and Dell never skipped a beat as they continued their discussion as though a foreign entity hadn’t just wandered into their hall.

Astrid felt most grateful for them.

“You did well today,” Karth offered from her side.

“Um… thanks.” Astrid felt suddenly bashful as the others clearly listened for how she’d respond. “And for earlier. When we left.”

Karth waved her off and swigged a drink of his water. A silver wedding band glinted in the light. His two-week beard and greying temples distinguished him from the younger recruits.

“Don’t mention it.”

“Well, thank you, anyway.”

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Anders pried over his plate, “what you did with your crystal earlier, how often do you do that sort of thing?”

“The crystal is just a vessel,” Astrid explained. “I can’t just take energy and diffuse it or make it disappear, I need to send it somewhere. I can control the rate of flow and direct it, but I can’t bottle it up or store it.”

“Like a human transformer,” Dell probed with fascination. The discussion finally drew him from his private talk with Romo.

Astrid realized at once that while the table nearby returned to their meal, she held the undivided attention of her immediate dinner mates.

She felt heat rise to her cheeks but nodded.

“I imagine so. The crystal is fitted with what is essentially an empty battery chamber. When I find myself in possession of excess energy, either from something I’m channeling, or too much emotion, the crystal gives me a place to put it. It can receive quite a bit, and light is the most harmless manifestation. It gives us a safe way to spend that which we need to dispose.”

“And it’s blue?” Tenya queried next.

“Mostly.” Astrid shrugged. “It’s the most energy efficient color for light to reflect and dissipate. We don’t really choose it.”

Astrid absently rearranged her grip on her fork, as she discovered herself the center of a question forum. But then she remembered Doctor Ishioka’s words to her.

“Inquiry provides better education than assumptions.”

With reconsideration, she invited more. “You can ask questions, it’s okay. I don’t want you guys to have to be afraid of me…”

“Are you afraid of us?” Anders immediately poised. His fern gaze met her teal directly, and this time, she did not tear herself away.

She set her fork down, rested her elbow on the table, and extended her palm to him. “May I have your hand?”

Tenya’s eyes slid to the lieutenant as the man paused for only a moment at the proposition, then placed his hand in hers.

The demonstration of trust helped Astrid past his careful manner with her, and with the gentlest of pushes, she closed her eyes and tried to listen beyond his white noise to the emotion within.

If others thought their exchange ungainly, no one said so. Her forehead scrunched as she tried to reach behind the chaos of his Static nature. But she felt neither tension, nor fear. No animosity, nor doubt. His caution around her did not seem based in suspicion. Then what? she wondered.

His fingers enclosed, softly, around hers, and her eyes fluttered open in surprise.

Feeling the attention of others upon them, she retreated her hold and pleaded with her blood to stay clear of her ears.

“No,” she finally answered. “No, I’m not afraid of you.”

Astrid used her meal as a convenient diversion.

“Do you have to touch whatever you’re channeling?” Dell posed.

“It helps me focus. It’s more precise. I haven’t tried to channel anything at a distance, but it can happen involuntarily if a Channeler loses control. In theory, it’s something I could do on purpose.”

“We should test it,” Romo declared between chews. “Practice.”

“If it would help, I will.”

“When we were in the Sanctuary, and you were helping that girl…” Karth spoke next.

“Maya.”

“Yes,” he continued, “you said ‘you are light’. What did you mean? Is that what it feels like?”

Astrid finally relinquished a bemused half-smile.

“Um… no. Like with the crystal, energy and light are so closely related. All the energy that we are as humans, the soul, is the same. ‘I am light’ is a mantra used to center ourselves. It helps us find where we begin and end as individuals, when outside energies threaten to overwhelm our senses.

“We are light. Not just Channelers, all of us. Being a Channeler just means I can sense it as something more tangible. Not only a physical glow, but the vitality we bring by connecting with others.”

Anders and Tenya both retained contemplative smiles. Karth listened, calm, as he took in her words. But Romo, Dell, and Rue, all stared, nonplussed.

“Look, I know it sounds weird,” Astrid defended, “but it’s really quite natural. How you sense anger or sadness from one another, it’s the exact same thing. We’re not freaks or inhuman. Some could argue we’re more human. A concentrated form of what we all are. Energy.”

“I hear your abilities are a curse,” Rue interjected abruptly from the end of the table. Her pale brows remained in perfect place, not pinched together like the rest at her sudden interruption. Instead of inquisitive, her tone rang flat and cold. “That you suck life from others. ‘Deathborn’... right? That’s what they call you?”

“Hey, Rue—” Tenya started, but the blonde immediately rebuffed.

“What?” the woman glowered. “She said we could ask questions.”

“Don’t be an ass,” Anders scowled.

But Astrid quickly interfered.

“Yes.”

The others hushed at her admission.

“That’s what some call us. Childbirth is traumatic and Channeler infants have no hope of controlling what’s happening to them. To come into the world, they end up draining their mothers of their life energy in the process.”

“So, you killed your own mother?” Rue pressed.

Astrid peered down to the soldier’s confrontation while something unpleasant stirred inside her gut. Thankfully, her education helped her bury her growing distaste before it breached her manners.

“Yes,” she boldly met the affront. “I did.”

Utensils slowed in the wake of such a profession. Tenya glared at Rue, Romo and Dell exchanged a look, and Anders offered an apologetic grimace.

“I’d say that concludes the question-and-answer portion of tonight’s interlude,” Karth announced.