, I sat scrolling through tweets about Korin. I'd made an account yesterday just to see what was being said because her name had been a trending topic. I lacked the care to sift through them at first but today I wanted to see. The only words that mattered were those of her loved ones and it was still the only ones I cared about, but I overheard her publicist brainstorming ways of clearing it all up if she woke up. It made me curious.

I hadn't been on long but so far all I saw were well wishes, picture threads and her quotes. It wasn't until I scrolled down a little more that I saw the bullshit. She was being called a hypocrite, selfish and ungrateful. There was one tweet that did numbers and pissed me off.

I went through the replies since the tweet did numbers only to grow more upset. There were people in her defense but a majority of the replies were in agreement with the tweet. It had even gotten to the point where people began to disrespect what she stood for.

I left the thread and decided to send out a few tweets of my own.

A knock on my hood made me look up from my phone. It was Noelle. I grabbed the bag of food I'd left to get and climbed out.

"Goodmorning." she raised her shades.

"Morning. You hungry? I picked breakfast." I showed the bag with four plates in it.

"What is it?"

"My mom made shrimp, cheese grits and eggs."

"Ooh yes. I only ate avocado toast. Has she improved any— Is this paparazzi?" her eyes adverted to the hospital entrance.

I looked over and sure enough two men stood with oversized cameras and a few other held regulars. They were talking amongst one another until one of them pointed in our direction. I groaned and threw my hood over my head. Noelle put her shades back on and we continued our walk in silence.

I knew once we got closer they would try and bombard us either physically, with questions or both. So I moved Noelle to the other side of me to be further away from them incase they did get too close.

"Giovanni we know you and Korin are friends. How do you feel about her overdose? Is it a surprise to you?"

I clenched my jaws and kept moving.

"Ma'am are you a friend as well or are you two together? Do you have any thoughts on Korin's condition?"

Noelle turned her head to say something but I gently pushed her inside the doors. The last thing anyone needed was the media misconstruing words. They were good for it.

"Welcome back Gio." the receptionist smiled. "Your birthdate?"

I called out my birthdate and received my new visitor sticker. Noelle did the same thing before we made our way up to Korin's floor. Only thing was, Korin's room was empty when we arrived. I quickly turned around to find an employee that could explain where she was. No one told me anything about moving her to a different room before I left this morning.

"Excuse me." I stopped a woman. "Korin Alexander's room is empty. Where is she?"

"Oh." she smiled. "She's been taken for testing. She woke up about forty minutes ago."

"What?"

"Yeah, she should be done soon. Sit down over there and we'll give you an update when she's all done."

"Um, okay." I nodded, still in shock.

Noelle looked at me then broke out in laughter, "She's awake! Thank you God so much."

"Let me call Justice." I reached for my phone.

We walked over to the seats the nurse instructed us to sit in and made phone calls. Within thirty minutes everyone was waiting with us. Hands were being rubbed together and legs were bouncing as we all waited for an update.

Every time a nurse walked in our direction, we expected them to have news but they'd keep walking. That was until I saw the nurse we'd spoken with. I stood up and she waved us over to follow her onto the elevator. Rather than be in ICU we went up to the general floor.

As we walked Khloe said, "I'm nervous."

"We all are." Brit responded.

"The doctor is finishing up and then he'll let you all inside." said the nurse.

The doctor looked at us all standing outside the door which made Korin do the same thing. She quickly looked away. The doctor said a few things to her in a hushed tone, causing her to shake her head. She then turned over and pulled the cover over her head. The doctor walked out and closed the door behind her.

"I'm sorry but the patient doesn't want any visitors today. She did say I could give you guys an update on her. And from all of the test we've taken she's pretty much okay but she did have a seizure so we're keeping her overnight. We want to be sure it wasn't anything more than a reaction to the toxins of the drugs. She isn't on suicide watch. She passed her eval with our psychiatrist but we will be cautious just in case."

"So it wasn't on purpose?" Noelle asked.

"I have no knowledge of what was said between her and the psychiatrist due to patient-confidentiality. All I can tell you is that she's alive, seemingly well and isn't thinking of another attempt."

"Thank you, Doc." Justice dismissed her.

After the doctor told us that Korin didn't want any visitors, I left the hospital and went down to the ballpark. I worked on my batting technique and did a leg workout to clear my head. I was trying my best not to feel a way about Korin not wanting to see me. I understood it could've been because she was embarrassed and thought she'd be judged, but I still felt a way. She knew I wasn't that kind of person. But to keep me from creating my own scenarios or feelings, I focused on me.

I wound up having a workout way better than the one before it. I was swinging like I used to but with even more speed. I was in there impressing myself with improvement. My knee still wasn't at it's best again — it never will be, but I could see myself being an even better player than before.

Brand new Mac90 with the drum attached, 21 Savage blared from my headphones as I did walking squats. I was on my last set so my legs felt every step as the resistance band tried to hold them together. I pushed through the last three then stood up straight, blowing out a breath of air. I pulled the band off and threw it over to the rest of my things while I went to get some water.

My music came to a stop and I could hear my phone ringing from across the room. I wiped my mouth and jogged over to it to see that Chad was calling me.

"Hey wassup?" I put it on speaker.

"Mama Manuela cooking tonight?"

"Mama Grace cooking tonight?"

"Chill out man. Mama Grace in Florida but Manuela a couple minutes out. I'm hungry man and Brit gonna be gone all night."

"She probably is. But she ain't gonna start for another two hours. Where you at? I'll come get you and we can go get something on me."

"Look at God. I'm getting free lunch and dinner. I'm at the crib so come and get the kid."

"Bye bro." I ended the call.

I took a seat on the bench for a minute of rest while going to my socials. I intended to delete my Twitter account now that my posts had sat for a couple of hours, but I stopped when I saw how thick my mentions were. People were arguing under the tweets, retweeting and liking. I was receiving tons of follows but what halted my thumb was ignorance from a familiar face. One of my teammates had quoted me and responded: Can't give advice that you don't take for yourself. No disrespect to you bro but this ain't it. She knew this would be the backlash.

It made me scoff. I wasn't surprised that it came from him because he kept ignorance going in the locker room all the time. He liked to play devil's advocate more than anything. But I wasn't going to feed into it. As bad as I wanted to and call him up to chew him another asshole, I simply locked my phone and tucked it away. I didn't necessary have the energy to bother with him. He was thick headed.

After using the locker room showers, I went by Chad's and picked him up for our lunch. We chose a small spot on Broadway that served healthier options than our normal grease filled meals. It was recommended by our in-house trainer.

"None of those choices made me slob a lil bit." Chad said after the waiter walked away with our orders.

"I don't know, the roasted Brussel sprouts in honey-chili oil sound good to me." I folded my arms on the table.

"Eh." he shrugged. "Did you get to speak to Korin yet?"

"Nope. I called and she didn't answer so I guess she still doesn't want any visitors."

"Oh." he made a weird face.

"What's the face?"

"Nothing. I just thought she'd want to see you." he ran his hand over his hair.

"You lying. Why'd you make that face? You saw her today?"

"I didn't see her but she called the girls to come up there."

"Hm." I rolled my shoulder back.

"Maybe she just needs time before she faces you bro. I mean you did say y'all broke up before it happened. I don't know just don't put too much thought into it. She'll ask for you."

That was easy for him to say when he wasn't aware of everything that was said that day. He didn't know that she had dodged me for nearly two weeks before making that decision. All of it felt like I was the leading cause and her not wanting to see or speak to me, made me want to vanish in the shadows. I didn't want to make anything worse for her. But I also wanted to be there for her.

All around, it was a complicated situation that needed immediate fixing. Only problem was I didn't know how. There wasn't a manual to guide me through the process or a person I felt could completely understand my stand point. I needed advice from someone who knew what they were talking about and not just offering words of comfort. They were appreciated but it wasn't quite what I wanted to hear right now. I wanted to know how I could repair Korin and I's relationship after nearly losing her.

I wound up getting so caught up in my thoughts that the energy around us shifted. The food wasn't even out yet and I was on another planet overthinking everything. I could feel it pulling me into a deeper hole of emotions and Chazmon tried his best to lift my spirit. Any other time it was a task he could complete within minutes, but right now wasn't one of those times. I'd fallen deep and was the only one who could pull me up.

"Here you guys go." the waiter's voice broke my gaze from out the window. I looked over to see him placing lids to our bowls on the table.

"We're leaving?" I asked Chad.

"Yeah, you took one bite and zoned out."

"Do you have the check?" I looked at the waiter, reaching into my backpocket for my wallet.

"I already paid the bill."

"This was on me."

Chad shook his head, "It's cool. Next time's on you."

"I'm sorry bro." I gathered my things so we could leave.

"No need to apologize, man. You got a lot going on so I get it."

, I watched as we rode past pedestrians going about their business. It was weird when all things felt like they were at a stand still for the two days I was out. But life never stopped moving. Not for anything or anyone.

Now I was conscious again and unsure of how I felt about it all. To overdose was not my plan at all. When the doctor informed me of how many pills I'd consumed, I nearly called him a liar. There was no way that I took that many and wasn't aware of it. But then I remembered that I'd been taking them throughout the day, and after Gio left I took two handfuls.

It was stupid and irresponsible of me to be so careless. During my episode I said I didn't care if I hurt anyone, but to see the look and hear the pain in my siblings and friends' voice almost broke me. I was at fault for their pain. Even if they were glad that I was still here, the fact that I almost ended my life was still with them.

"Where are you going? I thought you were taking me to yours." I turned to Noelle.

"You don't want to go home?"

I shook my head. "I don't want to be alone right now. And I kinda trashed it. I don't have the energy to clean all of that up."

"Actually, Gio cleaned it from top to bottom. That's where Justice them were staying."

Of course he did, I thought to myself. "But I can't stay there for a while. I just need to get clothes. I mean if you don't mind."

"Korin please." she shot me a look.

She turned into my condo's lot and quickly found an empty guest spot. I deeply exhaled as I climbed out in a pair of gym shorts and a tee that Noelle provided me with. She gently rubbed my arm. I gave her a small smile.

I almost tumbled over when I rounded the corner into paparazzi in the front of the building. I wish I'd known they'd be there because I would have definitely gone through the side door.

"Korin! Korin!" they came behind me after I swiftly moved around them.

"Leave her alone." Noelle said from behind me. "Please act like your mothers taught you decency."

"We just want a statement on how you feel about your fans calling you a hypocrite." I stopped. "One even asked how you could stop them from ending their pain but try to end yours."

I turned around.

"Korin no." Noelle shook her head.

"I did not intentionally overdose, okay. I was just being careless because I was stressed and took too many pills — which I took throughout the day not all at once. I say what I mean and mean what I say when I say suicide is not the way. I feel just as stupid as you may feel thinking I betrayed you, but I am no hypocrite."

"How do you feel about the many celebrities who spoke out on your behalf?"

"I haven't been on any social sites since I've been conscious but to anyone that sent a prayer up for me, wished me well or tried to reach anyone in my circle for an update, thank you. It means everything to me."

"Thank you, Korin. Get rest hun." the only woman reporter called from the back.

"Thank you."

I turned back around and went inside of the building. As we waited on the elevator to reach the lobby floor, I pulled my phone from my pocket. Noelle grabbed it from me just as quick as I took it out. Without a word, she stuffed it in her pocket.

"Thank you." I whispered. The last thing I needed was to get on social media when I still wasn't in the best state of mind.

The elevator opened and we went up to my floor. I unlocked the door and stepped inside to a spotless apartment. There wasn't any glass on the floor, no picture frames, papers or anything. It looked just as it had before my meltdown.

I sat my keys on the breakfast bar on my way to my bedroom. I pushed the door open and was greeted by a powder blue bear with an envelope in its lap. Automatically, I assumed it was from Gio. I was stood correct when I opened the card to his handwriting.

Just wanted to let you know that I heard everything that you said to me. I'm sorry for leaving you when you needed me. I let my hurt get the best of me but I'm grateful to still have you on this planet. I won't lie and say you not wanting to see me didn't pain me but this is your process not mine. I'll be around somewhere whenever you want me. Get all the rest and healing you need.

P.S. the bear is a gift to keep you company at night or whenever you need something for comfort. I LOVE YOU.

- Giovanni

I read it once more before placing it on the nightstand. I went inside of my closet, grabbed a duffle bag, and began to fill it with clothes. They were mostly lounge clothes because I had no plans of stepping out into public after today. I just wanted to be with my friends until I was ready to begin therapy or face social media.

Once I had everything packed, I stepped back into the living room where Noelle sat patiently. "I'm ready."

"Girl where did you get that big ass bear?" she rose up.

"It's a comfort gift."

She only smiled and walked toward the front door. By time we made to her place across town my phone was ringing off the hook. I assumed it was because the paparazzi had posted the clip of me from half an hour ago. I placed it on do not disturb. Only people with emergencies could reach me until further notice.

"It's me whores!" Brit's voice hollered, followed by the front door closing. "I brung chop cheeses with some chips and fresh apple juice. Am I not the best?"

"You definitely are." I replied once she entered Noelle's bedroom.

"Um, did y'all try to replace me with this big ass care bear?"

I chuckled. "We would never."

"Whose bear is it anyway?" she sat the deli bag in the center of the bed.

"Korin's. A comfort gift." answered Noelle.

"From who? Gio?"

"Yep."

I turned my neck, "I didn't even tell you who gifted it to me. You just assuming it was him."

"Who else? Justice or Khloe would have brung it to the hospital. He's the only one who didn't come up there, so I used my brain."

"Anyway, Gio did give it to me." I confirmed.