would you like for us to provide you an estimate price?" Dr. Cole asked while typing on his computer.

Unfortunately, Maria was right about my ACL being completely torn. Now I was being set up for surgery to create another one out of a healthy tendon. From my doctor's estimate, I would be in recovery for a few months which I was not prepared for but I didn't have much of a choice. It was either get well or let my leg fall to pieces and live in pain.

"Yes please." I sat on the table with my hands clasped, ready to be on my way back home.

"Okay, we'll give you a call a week before your scheduled surgery date and let you know whether it's been approved or denied. You be easy out there on that leg okay? I don't want you doing any further damage."

"I'll be at home resting. Not much I can do with a bum leg, Doc."

"You'll be surprised how mobile some people are with a completely torn ligament, Giovanni. I'll see you in a few weeks okay?"

"Alright, Doc."

I slipped off the table and headed out of the door bypassing all of the other employees. He followed right behind me but stopped at the receptionist desk while I continued for the door. I climbed inside of my car, making my way home for the day. It was the only place I actually had to go since Chad and Pete were still out of town for games. It's not where I wanted to be but I had nothing else to do or anyone I could see.

Upon stepping inside of my condo, I was greeted by Ice Cube blasting from my surround sound. I pushed the door closed and walked further inside to my dad cleaning the kitchen. His head bobbed violently to the beat as he rapped the lyrics word for word. He'd even gone as far as rearranging the furniture and opening up the curtains to invite sunlight.

I tossed my keys on the table, catching his attention. He turned the volume to the music down. "What they say? You need surgery?"

"Yep. You was busy this morning. Got bored?"

"Nah I'm just in good spirits, son. I woke up thinking about old times and how much fun we used to have."

"Yeah? We did use to have fun. Especially out on the court where I would bust your ass."

He looked at me. "Bust my ass? You must be out yo mind. I let you beat me in them one on ones. Ya momma know."

The room fell silent at the mention of my mother. I hadn't seen or heard anything from her since I was fifteen. My father's arrest took a lot from her and made her fall off of the bandwagon. Before his arrest, she was a recovering alcoholic and had been doing exceptionally well. However, the lost of her husband made her relapse and hold tightly onto the liquor's affect.

Over the year, her consumption grew. She started to ignore me and hide from me saying I looked too much like the love of her life that she no longer had. Then the night of my last basketball game, she showed up drunk out of her mind. She'd even looked to be high off of something. It was the worst I'd ever seen her, and the mere sight made me want to cry right there in the gym. But it was too many eyes on us because of her stumbling.

That night, she told me that she was unable to take care of me due to her state of mind. I begged her to stay and let me take care of her because I needed her there for me physically. She insisted on leaving and told me that her sister would watch over me and take 'good' care of me. What a joke that was, and as if I did not stand there with tears in my eyes, she walked out of the school's gym and I had yet to see her again.

The few times that I searched her up, I discovered that she had been arrested once for prostitution and another for disturbing the peace. In each mugshot she looked hella intoxicated and it made me sick to see her that way. The sweet woman I knew as my mother had turned into someone I'd never imagined her as.

"You know I blamed you for her falling off the wagon?" I admitted toying with my fingers. "I blamed you for a lot. I even hated you for a few years."

My dad turned the surround sound off and walked into the living room. He took the seat across from mine. The look on his face told met that he wanted me to continue my confession. I slightly sat up ready to spill all of my feelings onto him.

"I felt like if you never went out and killed that man then you would have still been there for me, Ma wouldn't have left and I wouldn't have had to deal with my aunt and her mistreatment."

"You know I didn't plan to go out and kill him right?"

"Now I do but at that time I didn't. Even if I did, I probably would've felt the same way. You left me and Ma and it was too much for her so she left me. Left me to fend for myself and the shit sucked. I really didn't have anybody but Korin. A fourteen year old is who had my back and cared for me. Don't that sound crazy to you?"

"I'm sorry, Giovanni. I'm sorry that my actions made you suffer like that. Trust me when I say, I hated myself for putting my family in that predicament. Both of y'all needed me and I left y'all cause I wanted to play alpha dog when I could've just walked away from the situation."

"I just wish I knew where she was. The last time I looked her up and actually found her, she was in West Palm. There's no telling how she got there or how she's doing...."

"I know your mama better than anybody. Manuela is perfectly fine. I can assure you that."

I shook my head. "Nah, I can't believe that until I see it for myself. You didn't see how bad she looked when she left."

"I've seen your mama in all of her elements and like I said, your mama is fine, Gio." I only sighed so he changed the subject. "How is that Kori? Y'all still friends?"

"We weren't for a while. When I moved with Uncle Langston we lost touch until last week. And from what I know she's doing real well. She models, she's an activist, gotta few books out too."

He smiled. "I can't see nothing less. That was my girl right there. Y'all two was like Frick and Frack though. I'm surprised y'all never got together with how close y'all was."

"No lie, I used to think about it but I left it alone. I was in no position to be with her."

"I wanna see her. Ask her if she wanna come over for dinner or something. I'll cook."

"You haven't even cooked for me yet and you'll cook for Korin?"

"What I just tell you? That's my girl. But go ahead and ask her."

I reached in my pocket for my phone while shaking my head. My phone lit up showcasing my lock screen which I needed to change because it was a picture of Brielle and I. I unlocked it, then went to Korin's contact pressing call. It rung out a few times before I was sent to voicemail.

"She didn't answer." I told him. I wasn't going to blow her phone up because we weren't in a space where I could do that.

"Damn. Well message her and see what she say. I'm going to the bathroom." he stood up from the couch.

Rather than do as he said, I left it alone. If she wanted to know what I was calling for she would return the call. Until then, I went through my photo gallery and deleted everything of Brielle and I.

I was still fairly upset with her. She'd ruined what I thought was a good thing and I was still unsure as to why. Never did I expect for her to cheat on me, let alone with her bestfriend. Someone that was directly under my nose. I shouldn't dwell on it any longer but I saw myself being with her. Shit, I was in love with her — still was, but she hurt me. Once you cross me, there was no coming back and though I loved her, it still applied.

. I hadn't been home in close to a year and I was afraid of the feeling that I would get stepping into my childhood home. It wasn't a place of rainbows and flowers for me. It was more like gloomy skies and tsunamis. Though it wasn't that way at first, that was the feeling that stuck with me the most.

Therefore, I took a deep breath before raising my fist to knock on the cherry wood door. A few seconds of me standing there, it opened to my mother in all of her beauty. Her jet black pixie cut was done up in its usual style, her almond skin was glowing ever so effortlessly and she wore a big, bright smile. She instantly pulled me into a hug rocking me from side to side.

"I almost forgot you were coming today. Come in." she grabbed one of my suitcases while I grabbed the other. "You had a good flight?"

"Yeah, I got a little bit of rest. Are you cooking something?"

"I was making Justice some soup for his lunch break. He's sick right now so you know he begged me to make it because he swears it has some type of superpowers."

"That means he'll be over here soon." I attempted to mumble to myself but she heard me.

"Yes he will and y'all need to talk. I'm tired of y'all coming around and walking past each other like y'all invisible."

I pushed my old bedroom door open and sat my suitcase down near the door. "He's the one with the grudge not me. I've apologized for everything I've said out of the way yet he doesn't care. I can't make him accept my apology and I'm not going to beg him to neither."

"You just got here, don't stress me out." she threw her hands up.

"You brought it up, Mama. I'll be down in a minute. I just need a minute to myself really quickly."

She stepped out of the room and closed the door behind herself. I glanced around taking in the turquoise walls plastered with 2000s posters. The list of people on my wall ranged from Nelly, Ciara, and Jessica Alba to Paramore and Evanescence. In the crease of my mirror were photos of me with my dad, Courtland, and Eliana. Everyone else's pictures had been tossed away somewhere in my closet. At the time, no one else in my life really mattered. My mom and I were in a rocky place and Justice had banished me from his mind.

I walked over to the mirror and took down my favorite photo of Courtland and I. We were both ten (we're the same age for four days) and he had me tucked under his arm. Both of us wore the largest smiles on our face showcasing our braces. We looked so happy together and I remembered being happy that day because he'd dedicated the entire day to hanging out with me.

I tucked the picture back into the mirror then opened the top drawer of the vanity. There sat my old journal from my freshman year of high school. I grabbed it and popped it open, it creaked open to a page with a polaroid used as a bookmark. In the photo was Giovanni and I — we sat on my back porch, my legs were across his lap and I was smushing his cheeks together. He looked annoyed whereas I wore a big smile on my face.

"Wow, I don't remember this." I chuckled flipping it over for a written date. 08/05/08.

I then decided to read the words transcribed on the page of the journal: August 5, today was a fairly good day! I mean besides the fact Eliana tried to set me up with chubby Caleb when she knows that I don't like him. She thinks she's funny but really she's not. I still love her though! On another note, Giovanni touched my bare thigh today and I got the craziest tingles. I don't know if it means he turned me on or what but I wouldn't mind feeling it again. I'm fast aren't I? Maybe not, maybe so. Oh well, call me what you want but I love Giovanni. Hopefully when he stops being an airhead who dates ditzy girls, we can finally be together. Korin Hoffman doesn't sound too bad. It almost sounds like I sell furniture lmao but I would if it means I can be with him :) He's just everything to me and it's kind of sad because I should be focused on other things. Okay now I'm sad because I'ma girl who's boy crazy. Bye.

"What the hell." I laughed at myself closing the journal and tossing it back in the drawer.

I sat the picture atop of the vanity just as the front door opened and closed. A baritone voice sounded which let me know that Justice was here. I walked out of the room and descended the stairs just to see his reaction to me being here.

I knew they were in the kitchen so I made my way in and eased onto one of the bar stools. He was in his police uniform standing over the stove. My mom looked over at me and when he looked up at her, he followed her eyes to me. He gave me a blank expression before releasing a stiff laughter.

"Oh so you do know where your Mama live huh?"

"Justice don't you start. Be nice to your sister. Y'all haven't seen each other in forever. Catch up with each other." my Mama pointed.

"I'm cool on that. I just came for the soup then I'm headed back to work."

"You've always been one to hide from real conversation so I'm not even the slightest bit surprised. How long do you plan on not talking to me?" I rested my chin on my clasped hands.

"I'll see you later, Ma." he ignored me.

"Wow, so big of you. And to say you're the big brother. You really should grow up, Justice."

"Why are you even here? We're nothing but negative energy in your dark ass world remember? You'd rather be dead than to keep living with us in your life, you remember that? Keep that same energy Korin."

"Yes, that's what I said Justice. I said it! And I can't take it back. I've apologized a thousand times for it and you seem to be the only one still upset about it."

"So was Courtland."

"No! No—" my mother tried to intervene.

"And I have to live with that everyday! You don't think knowing that my brother died mad at me, hating me doesn't eat away at my soul every night!? You're sadly mistaken. But if you want to keep blocking me from your life then do so. I'm over it because obviously the love is one sided so do your thang big bro. I don't care anymore."

"I never said I ain't love you, I just don't care to be around you or speak to you. I'm at a distance with you. Bye Mama." he walked out.

"You see what I'm talking about, mama? I lost both of my brothers to depression. And as much as I speak on mental health you would think I could listen to my own advice, but it's definitely my fault. If it wasn't for me, Courtland wouldn't have went for a walk and Justice wouldn't think I was some self-centered, evil spirited person when I'm not! I wish I could just go back in time and go thru with killing myself." I cried.

"And that's exactly why you're self-centered." Justice stepped back into the room. "You think committing suicide would have made anything better for our family? No. You would be the only one not suffering but we would be here feeling your lost just like we feel Courtland's."

"Well I don't know what to do! Imagine living in a house where your presence isn't welcomed and you seem to care for everyone more than they care about you. Yeah I said some fucked up things back then but I've put in my work to show my remorse. No one still to this day has apologized to me for minimizing my depression and how I felt! I used to come to all of y'all with my thoughts and y'all would laugh or say I was doing too much about nothing. But when it got worse and I started to blow up, all of a sudden I was the bad guy and got pushed to the side even more.

"I allowed y'all to feel the way y'all felt for years. I grieved Courtland's death by myself! You threw the blame on me, Mama couldn't look at me and Khloe just played along. It was plenty of times where I wanted to end my life because of the lack of love I felt but Eliana kept me afloat. Eliana! It took Khloe's graduation just to get Mama and her talking to me again, yet here you are still mad. If you want to keep your distance, do that. It's whatever but it shows that you're just as self-centered as me."

Without anything to say, he walked back out of the room. My mom tried to reach out for me but I stormed past her out into the backyard. I took a seat on the porch steps and cried.

I didn't think I would be in tears within the first thirty minutes of being home, but there I was. The resurfacing of the past and all of the negativity it held was why I always stayed away from home. I never wanted to be in the space that I was when I was younger, but somehow, someway they always pushed me back to that place. A place where I was suffering and drowning within myself.

When my father was alive, our house was constantly filled with genuine smiles and loving energy. But when he passed away on the job as a police officer it killed the home's spirit. From then on out, the bar of loving energy slowly diminished until there was no more. Maybe if he was still here our family would still be close knit and maybe Courtland would still be alive.

I removed my vibrating phone from my pocket to see that Eliana was FaceTiming me. "Hey." I answered wiping my face.

"See, what did I tell you? I get a certain feeling when something is wrong with her."

Noelle pouted. "What's wrong, babe?"

"I kind of just exploded on Justice. I'm ready to leave here already because I refuse to be around this bad energy."

"Leave. You're only there because you wanted to see your mom in person. You seen her now leave." said Eliana.

"I know but...I don't know. She deserves a little more time than this. Just because he and I argued doesn't mean I punish her."

"I mean your mom is the reason he treats you the way he do. She let it happen for years and sometimes jumped in with her two cent. Until she make him grow up and move on, she's just as wrong in my eyes."

"I can't do her like that. We just got back on good terms and—"

"Kori come back to New York. I'll be damned if they make you hit rock bottom again. You shouldn't be there until everyone has forgiven you because you know they baby Justice. You have too much going for you to allow them to hurt you, babe."

"Yeah, I agree. You've done your part. Now it's everyone else's turn and they'll have to be on your time just as you had to wait on them. Don't allow yourself to fall into another depressive state when you're in a good place right now." added Noelle.

"I love you guys."