Taehyung had barely managed to swallow when Jungkook moaned out above him.

"Tae."

Taehyung pulled off of Jungkook and froze. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to think.

The seconds ticked by as Taehyung remained kneeling on the ground, afraid to look up.

"Fuck," Jungkook said at last. "Fuck, V. I am so sorry." He hastily pulled his pants up before scouring the floor for his shirt.

Taehyung handed it to him, still unmoving. Still shocked.

Jungkook moaned his name.

Jungkook, the boy who tore his heart into pieces and said his love was vile, moaned his name.

"I'm confused," Taehyung said honestly, standing to his full height. "I'm really fucking confused, Jungkook."

The younger flitted his eyes to Taehyung's before landing on the door.

"You're not going anywhere," Taehyung said, understanding Jungkook's desire to flee.

Hands knotted into Jungkook's hair. "I'm not a good person, V. I try really hard to be. But I'm not."

Taehyung moved on shaky legs to sit on his bed. "What makes you say that?"

"I . . . I can't . . . " Jungkook paced back and forth, his knuckles turning white in his hair. "You're going to hate me, V. Oh, god, it's all coming back."

The boy squeezed his eyes shut and gripped his head tighter.

Taehyung spoke softly. "You owe me an explanation, Kook."

He didn't say that as V. Jungkook didn't owe V anything.

He said that as Taehyung. The boy he abandoned years ago.

Jungkook looked at him finally, deep pain evident in his eyes. It hurt Taehyung to see him like this, but he didn't reach out to comfort him. He needed to hear Jungkook's confession before he decided his next step.

"I'm a bad person, V," Jungkook repeated again. "I am weak, easily persuaded, and cowardly. I thought I could lock away that part of myself, could lock away what I did. But it's all resurfacing now and fuck, it hurts so much."

He sat down next to Taehyung. "I once had this friend. Best friend."

Taehyung's heart started racing. "Oh?"

"He was my everything. We had been friends for years, growing up and learning about life with each other. And as I got older, I started to care more and more for him."

Jungkook took a deep breath. "He was the first guy I ever liked. I knew I was bi because of him."

Taehyung's mouth went dry. Even if he wanted to say something, he didn't have any words.

"I wasn't sure at first, but I thought he liked me, too. But we never really talked about what or who we were attracted to, so I was afraid to tell him how I felt. Apparently, though, his parents knew how we both felt."

Jungkook paused as he heard Taehyung's breath hitch.

"His parents weren't good people, V," Jungkook continued. "They were drunk most of the time and they were always angry. They liked to take their anger out on my friend, emotionally abusing him all the time. I think I was the only thing that helped him hold on for as long as he did."

Taehyung nodded in agreement, but to Jungkook it just looked like a nod of understanding.

Jungkook continued, "I don't know how they found out about either of our feelings, considering their lack of interest in my friend. Maybe they saw the way we looked at each other. But somehow they knew. And god, V, these were some of the most homophobic people I've ever met. Combine that with how drunk they got . . . it wasn't good. So one day, when I went to see him, they cornered me."

Taehyung looked to Jungkook as his voice quieted, seeing tears forming in the younger's eyes. He was afraid of what he was going to hear next. His stomach grew queasy in anticipation.

"They were drunk, maybe even drugged out, but they told me they knew. And that if I didn't end things, if I didn't fix him . . . they would gladly rid the earth of their son so they'd no longer have to live with his sins on their consciences."

Taehyung inhaled sharply. He always suspected his parents hated him, but to threaten to kill him?

"I believed them, V. I was so scared that they would do as they said. I was too terrified to tell anyone in case they found out. So . . . so I did what they demanded."

His hands wrung themselves together as he prepared to speak once more.

"That day, my friend confessed his feelings for me. He said he was in love with me. And more than anything, I wanted to tell him I felt the same way. But instead, I told him he was disgusting. I said that I was repulsed to have him feel that way for me. I threw his own parents' words back at him and I broke him. I saw it in his eyes that I completely destroyed him."

Tears were streaming down Jungkook's face, but he didn't bother wiping them away. "I instantly regretted lying to him, but I was young and stupid and so terrified of his parents. I left him all alone thinking I hated him and was sickened by his love."

Taehyung's throat was burning with unshed tears, his breath was ragged.

"When I finally came to my senses, when I finally had the courage to face his parents and go to see him . . . I found out . . . I found out he took his own life."

It was if time froze as Taehyung's eyes bore into Jungkook's. "What?" He asked hoarsely.

"It was all my fault, V," Jungkook said through his tears. "His parents said whatever I did, whatever I said, caused him to end his life. He was gone and it was all my fault."

Taehyung was shaking his head in disbelief, despair sinking into his core, but Jungkook didn't notice through his blurry eyes.

"And the worst part is that you remind me so much of him. If he had the chance to grow up, I think he would have looked a lot like you. But I took that from him. And it's not fair to you, V, but I think I'm drawn to you because of him. And . . . and I can't even picture him anymore because all I can see are his ashes, scattering in the wind at his funeral."

Taehyung broke down completely. Powerful sobs shook his shoulders as he cradled his head in his hands. All his pain and suffering, every scar he had, was because of his parents. They must have hated him more than he ever knew to tell Jungkook he was dead. They must have despised him all of his life to hold a fake funeral.

Because they knew he left on his own free will. They knew he was alive when he slammed the door in their faces, vowing to live a better life far away from them.

He felt a tentative hand rub his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, V," Jungkook whispered. "I never wanted to hurt you. Fuck, I'm so, so sorry."

Taehyung met Jungkook's eyes, tears glistening in both sets. He grabbed a tissue from his nightstand, rubbing the moisture dry. He then moved the now damp tissue to wipe at his nose, his lips.

Flesh colored make up smeared off easily.

Jungkook looked down in question, before looking back up at him. His eyes narrowed on Taehyung's nose, on the freckle there. Taehyung could see the realization dawning in the younger as Jungkook studied every inch of the elder's face.

"I don't want to wear a mask anymore, Kook. I don't want to hide from you," Taehyung said fervently.

"No . . . " Jungkook responded in disbelief, his voice barely audible.

"Say his name, Kook," Taehyung breathed, hand shaking as he clasped Jungkook's hand on his shoulder.

Jungkook shook his head, fresh tears leaking from his eyes, as he whispered, "Kim Taehyung."

A beat passed, both boys looking desperately at each other.

"Say my name, Kook."

Another beat.

"Taehyung."

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》 V A L E N W R I T I N G 《