Jungkook had been tossing and turning for hours. After he left V to work on his lyrics more, his mind became plagued with memories of the past. He tried to repress everything for so long, but the song writing process was a catalyst. It was as if a dam was breaking, the flood waters determined to drown him.

It was so difficult for him to think back to six years ago and what he had lost. Who he had lost.

His best friend.

If Jungkook hadn't been pressured by blinding fear, maybe they would have become more.

His friend told him - so truthfully and from the heart - how he felt about Jungkook. To hear the person he loved was in love with him . . .

It was the happiest moment of his life.

Then, even though his body and mind screamed at him not to do so, he took his friend's heart and destroyed it. He thought he was protecting his friend and doing the right thing. But it turned out to be the worst decision of his entire life.

Now, years later, he had trouble seeing his friend's face clearly in his mind. Whenever he tried to think of him, his mind only showed him the urn containing his friend's ashes. He couldn't hear his voice or his laugh - he could only hear the choir as they sung their haunting tunes as he said goodbye to his friend, his first love.

It was his mind's not so subtle way of saying he did this. He was the cause of his friend's death.

Or as Kim Taehyung's parents told him, with hatred blazing in their eyes, he was the reason their son took his own life.

The pain was unbearable for that first year after Taehyung was gone. As were the constant thoughts of blame and guilt that held his mind captive all day and night. He was slipping away, fading, and he was afraid he'd end up just like Taehyung.

So he did what he had to do to protect himself.

He moved on from Kim Taehyung.

It was so difficult at first. Everything reminded him of Taehyung. But in order to move forward, he couldn't dwell on what happened. He accepted the situation for what it was. He accepted that he was at fault and that there were so many ways he could have prevented this outcome.

It took time, but eventually he accepted the fact that he needed to forgive himself.

And he did. Slowly.

Soon, he was able to look back on the past with hazy thoughts. He was able to recall the fun moments and the moments that gave him butterflies. Jungkook was convinced he had thoroughly moved on and healed from that trauma.

But this mentorship with V brought back the memories he swore were gone for good.

This song writing process, for one, didn't help. While V's coaching on how to pull out honest lyrics was helpful, it sent Jungkook to a place he hoped never to return to. The pain there was so vivid. The feelings he convinced himself were dead and gone had come back full force.

And even worse, Jungkook found himself noting how much V reminded him of Taehyung. V's looks were reminiscent of his old friend's, though more matured and defined. But it was more than that. It was the way V made him feel.

Those thoughts made Jungkook very guilty. He feared his attraction to V was only rooted in his past feelings for Taehyung. It wasn't fair to the artist if that was the case.

Jungkook hoisted himself out of bed, not wanting to dwell on all of this right now. There was so much baggage to unpack, but he didn't have the mental strength or capacity to undertake that at this moment. He went to the kitchen to get some water, hoping he'd be able to shut off his mind afterwards.

But when he got there, he found it already occupied.

"V?" Jungkook asked, spotting the elder sitting on the counter. "Couldn't sleep?"

Taehyung turned his head towards Jungkook's voice. "Sleep and I aren't on the best terms. Everytime I close my eyes, I have the same nightmare over and over."

Experiencing the worst day of one's life - once and full on - was one thing. It was terrible and painful, though with time and healing, it was possible to move on.

But Taehyung could never move on. For each night in his dreams, he relived that day over and over. He'd hear the words both Jungkook and his parents had spoken in exact detail and clarity.

Taehyung could not escape the past, no matter how much he longed or tried to.

The younger joined him where he was sitting, naturally placing a hand on his thigh. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yes," Taehyung muttered, lowering his head. "But I can't."

Jungkook squeezed his leg in comfort. "That's okay."

The two sat there for a while, soaking in each other's presence. It was such a foreign feeling to Taehyung. He hadn't had anyone in his life who was able to offer silent support, not in a long time.

Not since Jungkook years past.

"Why are you awake?" Taehyung asked him, noting the time was a few hours before dawn.

Jungkook exhaled deeply. "I had a lot of things on my mind tonight. But that's okay, sitting here with you is helping."

"Oh, yeah?" Taehyung asked, nudging the younger's shoulder with his own.

"Don't get cocky now," Jungkook teased. After a moment, his eyes lit up. "You know, whenever I had trouble sleeping, my mother would sing to me. I'd fall right asleep after."

Taehyung studied him. "That sounds nice."

Jungkook hopped off the counter, a soft smile on his face as he held out his hand. "Come with me."

The elder tentatively placed his hand in Jungkook's, who pulled them from the kitchen and into Taehyung's bedroom. Once there, Jungkook pointed to the bed and made Taehyung slip under the covers. The younger moved to sit on top.

"It's cold up there," Taehyung said, peeping up at Jungkook from under the blankets.

"Is that your subtle way of saying you want to cuddle?"

"Maybe," the elder pouted. He yearned to be touched, to be comforted.

Jungkook grinned at his expression and carefully pulled back the comforter, gliding into place beside Taehyung. The two boys faced each other, eyes meeting for a moment until Jungkook patted his chest. Taehyung cautiously scooted closer to the younger, placing his head on his chest and wrapping an arm around Jungkook's lean waist. Jungkook, in return, snaked his arms around Taehyung, holding him to his body.

Taehyung exhaled contentedly. He didn't know the last time he'd been held like this.

"There," Jungkook said, his breath tickling Taehyung's forehead. "Now, close your eyes."

The elder obeyed, already feeling his body relax and melt into Jungkook's.

"I want to sing you one of my favorite songs. It . . . it's one of yours."

"Ah, I know what this is," Taehyung mumbled into his chest. "You're just trying to butter me up."

Jungkook chuckled. "Believe what you want, but really. This song means a lot to me. It's the one I thought of earlier, when you were helping me write."

The younger started singing and Taehyung's breath hitched. He scrunched his eyes to prevent them from watering, but ultimately failed.

Jungkook's voice was soft yet clear:

"Imagine your face

Say hello to me

'Til all the bad days

They're nothing to me

With you

Winter bear."

A tear slipped from Taehyung's eyes as the words poured from Jungkook, who was drawing random patterns on Taehyung's back. The younger was lost in himself, transported somewhere far away, as he held Taehyung.

And Jungkook was completely unaware that the lyrics he sang - the lyrics he connected so deeply with - were written for him.

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》 V A L E N W R I T I N G 《