《The Arrangement》19
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Three days later, Jungkook and V returned to the apartment after a long day at Big Hit. The artist prepared for an upcoming performance, learning new choreography taught by J-Hope. Jungkook was allowed to watch part of the rehearsal, which made him feel immensely lucky.
Not only was it surreal to see his favorite performer do what he did best, but he had a little too much fun watching V . . . and trying to distract him. When he caught V's gaze, which was quite often, he'd make a funny face or imitate his dance movements. The artist would reward him with a smile, one that seemed to come much more easily now.
J-Hope would scold the two every single time, threatening to throw the younger out. Or worse, punishing him with extra hours of practice.
V attended some of Jungkook's lessons, giving feedback and pointers when necessary. During those times, Jungkook saw how astonished V's producers looked. RM and Suga stood back, watching V curiously, as he took an apt interest in helping the younger. From their expressions, it was evident how shocked they were to see this side of V.
It made Jungkook so happy that he brought about this change. Or at least he thought he did.
There had been no additional intimacy between V and him over the last few days. Nothing since V initiated their last kiss. Did Jungkook feel like jumping the artist each time he did a hip thrust or sang a sultry note? Hell yeah. But he also liked how they were getting to know each other.
It was a slow and timid process, but it was something.
Once in V's apartment, the artist headed into the living room, tucking his legs up under him on the couch. "We need to work on your song," V told the younger.
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Jungkook groaned. Ever since RM announced they needed to write an original, stress overtook him. His mind locked down whenever he tried to write something, and whatever he did manage was terrible.
"It's okay," he said to V, mock confidence coating his voice. "I think I'm onto something."
V rolled his eyes. "Is that why you have a hundred crumpled papers in your room?"
Jungkook joined him on the couch, leaning his head back onto the pillows. "Fine. The process sucks and I can't write anything anyone would want to hear."
"You don't need to write for anyone but yourself. The best songs are ones that come from the heart. If you can draw inspiration from something that you connect to, others naturally will be moved by it."
"Easy for you to say," Jungkook grumbled. "You're songs are so deep and heartfelt."
A sad smile pulled V's lips into a thin line. "I've had a lot to draw from."
Jungkook observed him for a few moments, wanting to ask more about the artist's history. But he refrained. V would come to him when he was ready.
"Let's start top level," V said, handing Jungkook a pen and notepad. "First, think of a song that you personally connect with. Don't tell me. Just write it down."
The younger thought about that for a while. There were many songs he connected with, many that made him feel a variety of emotions. But as he looked at V, who was staring off into space, a song came to mind.
He wrote it down on the paper and sheepishly made sure the artist couldn't see. After all, he wrote down one of V's songs.
"Now, write down a few words that describe how that song makes you feel," V told him softly.
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Longing. Sadness. Pain.
Jungkook wrote down those three words, knowing the song made him feel much more than that.
V's song created a lot of emotions within Jungkook. It made him long to see one specific person again, someone who V reminded him of. More than anything, Jungkook just wanted to be with this person so that all the bad moments he experienced could be but distant memories.
But that would never happen. Until he ventured beyond this life and into the next, he'd never see that person again.
"Okay," Jungkook whispered, staring down at the paper. He felt a subtle burning in his throat. He knew whatever he wrote was going to be about the past.
He was afraid to open himself up to that sort of pain again.
"Okay," V repeated. "Now that you have those feelings, think of a moment in your life where you felt similar things."
That was too easy for Jungkook. "I got it."
Taehyung turned to look at Jungkook, the sadness in the younger's voice surprising him. What was Jungkook thinking about? Could he possibly be thinking about him?
He shook his head to clear those thoughts. It was silly to hope for something like that.
"Do you want to tell me what you're thinking of? Sometimes it's easier to talk about things before trying to write lyrics," he said, moving a little closer to the younger.
Jungkook pressed the notepad to his chest. "I don't know how to talk about it. It still really hurts and reminds me of how being cowardly can ruin people's lives."
It felt like Taehyung's heart stopped beating. Maybe it was all in his head, but it sounded like Jungkook was referencing what happened between them. He wanted to ask more questions. He wanted to push Jungkook to open up.
Taehyung wanted to tell Jungkook who he was.
"Jungkook," he started, his voice low with fear. He didn't know if he could handle being rejected a second time. "I need to tell you something . . . I'm . . . "
"I think I got it," Jungkook said suddenly. He started scribbling hurriedly onto a new piece of paper, rushing to get his ideas out.
Taehyung watched, his palms clammy as ran them over his cheeks. He was about to do it. He was about to tell Jungkook who he was.
But the moment had passed.
It was better to wait, anyway, he rationalized. Once they got to know each other more, once Taehyung learned more about the man Jungkook had become, it would be safer to reveal his identity. There would be less risk of his heart being crushed yet again.
"Thank you, V," Jungkook said. "It's not much, but it's a start."
Jungkook shyly handed over his notepad to Taehyung, who gripped it with shaking hands.
How long do I have to wait
And how many sleepless nights do I have to spend
To see you
To meet you
"I'm going to work on this more," Jungkook said, taking the paper back from a wide eyed Taehyung. "Goodnight, V."
Taehyung watched him go. Maybe it wasn't so foolish to hope.
Because those lyrics certainly sounded like they were written for him.
For Taehyung.
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》 V A L E N W R I T I N G 《
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